I’m going to have to ask you to exit the donut

And I said no. You know, like a liar.

I’ll just keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die

Instead they see a 28-year-old man trying his best.

You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

What were bullets free back then?

I yelled FUCK DA POLICE and everyone else joined in, a hundred drunk white children yelling FUCK DA. POLICE.

And I had that thought. That only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have.

I’m going to stick part of my hand up your ass.

take this meal voucher that doesn’t work, go fetch!

No, midget is as bad as the N word.

One feels like a duck.

We took off while you were in the bathroom because we hate you

Uh, I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.

EVERYONE, GET OUT OF THE WAY. I JUST WANNA SIT HERE AND FEED MY BIRDS

Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you. Okay. See you at improv practice.

I had a run in with a two year old

You want me to do whaaa-

MMMM Gross! Mop it up!

AND IF ANYONE ASKS IT WAS GOLDEN JOE AND THE SUGGENS GANG

You’re a little fat girl aren’t you?

NO THAT’S THE THING I’M SENSITIVE ABOUT.

TAKE YOUR EPI PEN, TAKE YOUR GODDAMN EPI PEN AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

i am a proud asian-american woman, and you will treat me with respect!

okay, let’s go over and DESTROY the place

Let’s put in one ‘It’s not unusual’

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays!

And that was the best meal I ever had.

Get the paddy wagon.

dovahvvitch‌:

orriculum‌:

Eat your gods

eat out your gods