butterfly tears

do any of you regularly think “FUCKKK i started talking about myself again im so conceited” while having a normal conversation with someone 

I’M JUST TRYING TO BE RELATABLE TO HELP EASE YOUR PAIN: a novel

Eating fruit is okay

source?

That banana is holding her hostage

I cut the cake on my baby gender reveal party and the m&m’s are black. “It’s a goth!” we shout in unison. My family is sobbing. Morticia Addams is there,

I hate when someone with the same zodiac as me doesnt click or get along with me. It’s like what a traitor… what’s your moon and rising sign bitch

declaring “this is the bad place” every time you are even slightly inconvenienced is peak humor

my cat is licking himself loudly and wetly, somewhere in this pitch-black room, and it sounds like there’s an old man eating a bowl of chili in the dark with me

people are always calling me “cute’ and its like yea im cute but do u wanna do me

*looks at own dick* amazing

DO NOT KISS A GIRL  WHEN SHES MAD i am so tired of media portraying this as a good way to end an argument okie when ur partner is mad and yelling at u do not just kiss them to shut them up and make up okie how about u just fucking listen to your partner when theyre trying to tell u somethign

britney spears is the reason we’re here today