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so of course he records a tiktok thinking it’s gonna be fun and silly and maybe a bit serious and he can give a little PSA on the issue gay people face blah blah blah good bro stuff.

end of the video and this man is sobbing. eyes bloodshot. snot everywhere. hyperventilating. ilya stitches the video laughing red in the face

like. hayden doesn't know ilya. hayden knows rozanov.

and what he knows of rozanov is stuff like shane saying he offered his condolences after his father's death, hayden saying "oh, i should do that," and then being told that rozanov was offered this kindness and told shane to fuck off. and i get why shane was so protective about not wanting to let anyone know there's anything but rivalry between them but still!! hayden isn't getting ilya ever! he's getting rozanov.

like as a friend, if my friend (who is funny and snarky in private but tends to be pretty quiet and reserved in larger settings and doesn't assume that he has a space in places socially and has to be directly invited) said he's suddenly dating someone with a reputation for sleeping around, starting fights, and being cocky and smug all the time...yeah. i'd have concerns. i'd be on edge about it and very ready to be critical of the guy because this is my FRIEND. i care about them. i want them to be happy and with someone who treats them right, and EVERYTHING i know about this guy is that he's an asshole who responds even to nice gestures with being prickly.

and yeah, there is a chance for hayden to observe what's actually going on between the two of them in private...but ilya also pokes back. and i get why! guy is coming at him with all of this energy and clear doubt about him being worthy of shane! who WOULDN'T get snarky back. but if i already have doubts about this guy and then everything i see even in private is that he's the same asshole i already thought he was...not exactly encouraging me to jump on board with the whole thing.

And maybe there's a part of him that wonders whether it will all be over once he eventually gives it up. Maybe there's a persistent nagging at the back of his brain, telling him that Ilya is only in it for the chase and that once he's actually had Shane he will become just another notch on his bedpost.

Something like Breaking Bad, for example, has low squiggability (that’s what I’m calling this quality). It’s tightly written, the characters are consistent, there’s little left to interpolate or extrapolate. Obviously, people DO write fanfic of Breaking Bad, but it still has a low squiggability score. Whereas something like Supernatural has a high squiggability score. Fantasy and science fiction often have high squiggability scores. This suggests squiggability could also be related to worldbuilding and potential for people to borrow a premise or setting.

He lives with them for a few weeks while setting up his own housing, with much help from Mister Real Estate, of course. He's in absolute awe of Rozanov and is a little bit afraid of Hollander, and is on his politest behavior the entire time.

He's a great fucking goalie (á la Dobeš irl) so Hayes ends up with him mostly during practice and Shane or Ilya is always on call to translate as needed, but he's picking up the language quickly, even if his vocabulary is mostly hockey terms and simple questions to start.

During a roadie, his roomie pulls a girl so he knocks on the Captain's door and it's very late; he's hoping to wait out the requested hour somewhere other than the hotel lobby, bar, gym, or hallway. He isnt really expecting an answer; he knows from staying with them that they are probably already asleep (since he can't hear the noises he otherwise came to expect).

Shane answers and lets him in. Tells him in hushed Russian that Ilya is asleep, but does he want to watch Property Brothers? And the kid doesnt know what that is but he sits in the little side chair by the table and watches anyway. Shane always has subtitles on because they help him sometimes, and he knows Ilya prefers them on. The rookie likes them too; his english is already lightyears ahead of where he was when he signed, in no small part due to being assigned to the Hollander-Rozanovs.

Shane sits back in the bed up against the headboard and Ilya curls around him with a sleepy, questioning hum, slipping an arm across his lap.

"The rook's here," Hollander tells him, petting his frizzy head.

Rozanov's head pops up from the pillows by Shane's hip and he squints at the kid. He grunts and slurs something at Shane as he nestles back down and almost immediately starts snoring again, earning a soft smile and a snort from Hollander. The rookie watches out of his periphery as Hollander pets Rozanov's curls and watches the TV, their evening calm and quiet and achingly domestic even in a hotel room.

The next morning, Hollander scores a hat trick in the second period and the rook blocks all but 1 shots on goal, and Rozanov knocks someone's teeth out for plowing into him at the net, even though it was technically a clean hit.

"How many cups do you have? And how many cups do I have?"

SILENCE

"Yeah that's what I thought. Save your advice for somebody who fucking needs it."