✨

OK but if I saw Robert Pattinson and yelled "Edward Cullen" at him, and he then proceeded to kill me in a single blow, then I think everyone would agree that I deserved it.

i really hate the modern wording of stuff labelled as like... idk "tricks" and "hacks" and stuff like that. people will make their little tiktoks and be like "here's a hack to make people think you're good at (thing)" and it's just a technique used in that thing and you're just learning it. no wonder everyone ever born has imposter syndrome at this point bro

Um, waiter? I’m bisexual today. Get me something bisexuals would eat.

oh fuck yum the FN P90

Cracks open this bad boy and sucks out the meat like a snow crab

Hold on, I gotta look something up.

Yeah, this is funny.

sorry did you have to google crabs

brb changing url to pillows cuz yall sleepin on me

me when i see me: thats not me

Our blessed tumblr

A holy site

I defeat you in a wizard duel and you watch in horror as the twitter verified checkmark fades from your profile and appears in burning light on my forehead.

nobody bitch about the tumblr checkmark this is the funniest shit staff has pulled in months and its absolutely contributing to the landlord-firing-gunshots-at-passing-cars vibe of the past week