California to Illinois and all points in between

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

till deactivation do us part

im so sad this is from a deactivated blog i feel like i just found a heartfelt message in an old locket at a garage sale

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

Cannot stress enough how much you need to get on this stir fry shit. Newly living alone and don't know how to cook? Stir fry. Saturday morning after a rough night and need to whip up something tasty and hearty in a hurry? Stir fry. Approaching your thirties and deciding you need to eat healthier, balanced meals? Stir fry. Pick yourself out a protein, a starch, and like three veggies. More if you want. Then, simply stir and fry

I'm going to fix everything in the next three hours everyone wish me luck. if i dont then probably ill dig a hole and lie down in it for a bit in the rain/sun/whatever outside looks like these days

the hole isnt even that bad