The Worst Couple Of The Moment!

translation:

“Emperor you look so hansdome.i’m shudderinb”

“Don’t say that”

Before we start, I want to give a shout out to @mrmillipede for getting me into this pair and giving me so many ideas—it’s not very fresh so I can’t properly credit who said what, but THANK YOU!!

I think if Conquest just wasn’t hostile or even was somehow, someway talked into joining earth’s side he would start trauma dumping so much on Mark. Like genuinely out of the blue. Because Mark changed that pattern of being seen as nothing but a weapon, and for once he wasn’t seen with fear but (in the first meeting) with anger and then with something maybe like contempt. Hell, Mark could even come to enjoy the old man’s company more than he thought possible. It’s like the first time Conquest ever gets to be vulnerable and not just confessing his deepest feelings to dying men. I imagine their chats would be a lot like this:

M: “Oh man, I love the direction the science dog comics are taking!”

C: “After the great purge, the regent did a cleansing of history. We were always this ruthless, this bloodthirsty, this angry, this lonely, even if I remembered a different past. There was no way to prove we weren’t monsters—not always, at least. Most if not all of the elders died. An entire new generation who didn’t know of a different past. I think there was a word that meant something similar to ‘love’ in ancient Viltrumite. I could’ve uttered it maybe a couple of times in my youth. But we don’t have a word for love anymore. They sent me planet to planet committing atrocities in their name and you can’t even say why it makes you feel…’bad’, because there’s no name for it. It’s ‘Conquest’. It should make me prideful, but it doesn’t.”

M: “…o…kay…?”

Also I think Conquest would be like SO confused by human shows of affection. He would misinterpret them and make them when it’s not appropriate and do them wrong like all the time. Imagine him choking ts out of Mark and Mark struggling and Conquest is like “This is me being ‘affectionate’ and it means that I enjoy your presence why are you upset” after Mark finally sets himself free he has to explain that ‘a hug is when you wrap yourself around someone’ means it has to be your arms and that you HAVE to be gentle. Which then leads to the next problem of not knowing which appreciation gesture is appropriate and with who. And that ends with hugging Mark weird (as in oddly tender for a friend) and maybe kissing him on national television bc he just likes the guy a lot.

Another thing!! He has a room in the GDA but it’s too similar to his ‘house’ (block of concrete) on viltrum so he is always trying to get into Mark’s room and sleep there because his bed is soft and warm and so is Mark. I love to imagine him sleeping beside Mark and the bed nearly breaks and he’s sleeping on the edge since Conquest’s big ass nearly takes up the whole mattress.

I have also thought of him lying down on top of Conquest and it feels so nice bc conquest is so big and his breathing feels like being gently rocked…….All goes to shit when he turns around on the bed and Mark falls off and the frame breaks and it’s 4 in the morning. Mark gets a sommier shortly after.

They have a weird, not precisely romantic but not precisely platonic relationship and if you’re wondering, Yes, Eve knows about this but doesn’t even know how to adress it and every time there’s a weird thing w conquest she’s at the cuck window. ykno like w/ Amber on s1. Or being cucked on national television.

Ahhh just thought of Mark letting him read his comics and he’s so remarkably gentle in not tearing the pages….bc they’re fragile…….and it kind of reminds him of the boy beside him and he just has to be nice bc this is a part of him too, in a way…..GOD……..

Imagine conquest is convinced for a really long time earth just has an overwhelmingly large female population but assumes bc of that people balance it out by referring to ‘females’ as ‘males’ which leads to the worst misunderstanding in the history of the universe. Mark having to explain men don’t necessarily have moustaches and that he is not a girl nor his friends nor most of the people he thinks are female are

‘Not all, uh, males have facial hair…’

‘Ahh, so they have been forcefully made into women for breeding purposes?’

This dude fucked up bruh 😭😭😭

when Mark said “are you going to tell me all your deepest feelings again?” Conquest felt genuinely betrayed and sad because he developed a little crush on the feisty little thing.

okay. Last young markquest thing. Nsfw warning tho ☝️ I though of them fucking in public w their first fight ngl. Like I imagine after so many centuries of fighting each other to reproduce they have a tendency to get aroused while fighting (that while bad it just kind of got engrained in their genes) and they fight so well so violent but they’re both rock hard so they lowk just gotta take a break and fuck before coming back to the fight. Hell even fucking while fighting I don’t see why not

Old Mark x Conquest.

Heavy spoilers if you haven’t read the comic!

First of all and before we begin the next section I’d like to thank my bright mutual @smallandmiserly bc a LOT of what I think about them in their old age comes from them. On top of that some of the stuff here is copied and pasted bc it’s was just too peak I needed to share

Anyway, back on topic and starting a little melancholic, Mark seriously regrets becoming an emperor at 20. He should’ve been at the club, he should’ve been taking care of his daughter, he should’ve been working or studying or something instead of having the weight of the entire universe placed on his shoulders. He eventually divorces Eve because well. 500 years with someone. And on top of that Mark is probably never around when needed and they were both well aware the relationship had been deteriorating over the past 200 or maybe more years. Anyway Conquest comes into this whole business when mark is at his lowest and Conquest’s loyalty is sickeningly sweet to him. It’s new. It feels fresh and he feels almost like a teenager with his first crush. He likes the attention, he likes how much Conquest’s willing to sacrifice, he likes the strength and he likes the scars and rugged looks and unstable personality. He’s like “I sure hope his unwavering loyalty, mindless devotion, and tendency to kneel before me to kiss the palm of my hand before he commits acts of unspeakable violence and power in my name doesn't awaken anything in me.” And Guess What.

Directly quoting the bright mutual, “Emperor!Mark au where Conquest is his weird guard dog/the remnants of a more violent Viltrum. He's named ‘the Executioner’ & is called out when big threats that can't be reasoned with are on scene. He comes back injured and Mark spends most of his visiting time fussing over him. Like this weird balance of Mark's ‘you're someone i care abt deeply and want you to know i only do this because its necessary and i know you're ok with it but it still feels wrong because you're more than a killing machine’ & Con's ‘the pretty emperor still likes me and talks to me, oh life is a dream🥰’” omg they piss me OFF. 10/10 when someone makes a fic about this do tell me.

They flirt in like a really weird fashion. They have very corny nicknames for each other. but the worst of all is that they joke about it really violent n gross stuff over dinner. “Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday when I gutted you like a fish. I still remember your bowels twitching away from my touch.” “*chuckles warmly* and I also remember it like it was yesterday when I almost choked you to death.” “Can't say, I minded that part too much *wink*” “Oh, Con, you old perv ☺️” (credit of most of the dialogue to my awesome mutual) or alternatively imagine they’re in a meeting with a lot of people who remember the days before Mark ruled and are like “Well, the emperor of Viltrum is pretty much Invincible, right?” [everyone laughs ☝️ sensibly] and conquest’s like “Almost. I’ll get him next time” which of course is funny but vaguely worrying to people who do remember but Mark is just like “I bet you won’t! 😁☺️” [people laugh sensibly again] “Ahahaha..but we did nearly kill each other.” “It did get pretty violent ^_^;” Making people worry about each other at the coalitionnnnnn (or something of the sort not precisely the coalition bc ykno mark dismantled it just like maybe a new entity so politicians and planet leaders can communicate. it’s like the Interstellar Union or something like that.)

Also mark is still ass at navigation at his big 527 years. He’s like “I’m heavily educated on a lot of cultures across the galaxy and never seen before elements and chemicals as well as knowing the stars personally. I also can’t find my way from Nu-Viltrum to Thraxa.”

Btw despite being the emperor, most if not all Viltrumites who met him before it still see him like a kid. Like they would tell him “you’ll understand when you’re older” and he was a senior citizen in at least 7 different planets. 90 and being told he knows nothing about life 😭😭😭

One final addition from the mutual!!

On one hand: I want them to destroy eachother in ways no one can understand. See eachother how others can't/won't but their completely opposing worlds and views need them to either one dies, or both die

They fuck and its insane, bloody, and desperate. They are haunted by a need inconcievable, desperate and hungry for something neither Viltrum or Earth want to provide.

On the OTHER Hand: I think it would be cute if they were an actual couple and made the weirdness work, primarily for comedic shenanigans

Like of Conquest almost crushing Mark to death in a hug because its been so long since someone's offered him physical affection.

Or watching him sleep at night and memorizing the strange movements he makes, fighting between choking his life out and wanting to skin himself to be the blanket Mark sleeps under, just to be his constant warmth

Also!! My idea of Conquest after being rehabilitated (somehow?) is that he changes his name to Viktor, and S.A.M’s idea of him is that he’s called Conrade :3 if I hear someone else call him Carl when he looks like he should have a much powerful name I’m actually gonna. Idk turn into a trout.