Marissa Explains It All

Dear _____, 

My first instinct was to hate you. I hated you for a lot of things, mainly because my defense mechanism is to get pissed off. The best way to hide my pain is by thinking the worst of you. I reminded myself of all your worst qualities, habits and woes. The only way I can keep myself content in day to day life if by making myself feel like I am better off without you. 

This hate didn’t last long, however. I really don’t hate you, I am upset with you. I am upset that I wasn’t important to you the way that you were to me. I am upset that I trusted you with me. I am an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeves and you took advantage of that. But we are both fools here. Me for falling for you and you for letting a woman like me go. 

(Now’s the time I get to brag about myself. Hey, you know how much I love me!) I’m sorry you lost me. I am probably one of the best things that could have come into your life. I’m sorry that you now have to live the rest of your life without me. I won’t go on a make a list of all my great qualities that you will now miss out on, I’m sure you already have a list of your own, You probably have a list in your head of all the things that you miss about me. The one good thing about me that I will say is that I was ALWAYS SINCERE. 

With all of that being said, I want to thank you. On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for you. Thank you for helping me grow up. Because of you, I am no longer angry about loss. Thank you for teaching me how to accept when things are out of my control. You taught me how to let go. What I am most thankful for is that you let me go. If you hadn’t decided to give up on me, I wouldn’t have tried to make things work with myself. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have myself again. So thank you, ex, for giving me back to myself. 

Subconsciously, you knew that you were hindering my potential and needed to get out of my way. Although it was a hard and painful time, I will always be grateful to have had you, loved you, lost you and grew. You were apart of me for so long that when I lost you, I thought a large part of me had died. Something was missing but through tears, struggles and triumph I found that the only thing that missing was me.

I will never forget your impact on my life and when I’m being recognized for something amazing in the future, I will think of your self sacrifice. 

I started this half tattoo sleeve at exactly this time last year. The break up with my long term boyfriend happened the day before my 22nd birthday and I went a little crazy after moving back into my mother’s house. I have always wanted a piece done to eternalize my paternal grandpa who passed away when I was in the 6th grade. I’ve always looked at tattoos as a way to mark different times in your life in only a way that you understand. That’s why people always ask those who have tattoos what the meaning is, because a cross tattoo for one person is going to mean something completely different to a cross tattoo on another. I’ve always been so interested in the art and culture of tattooing. It’s a way to literally wear your emotions and your life on your sleeves. 

This sleeve is always going to represent my grandpa, someone who lived his life on his own terms and was very successful in many different ways. It always represent the changes I’ve gone through, the times where I was unsure about my future and the fact that my grandpa is with me through it all. I started this sleeve after one break up and I’m finishing it, a year later after another. It seems to be part of my “break up cleanse” to get tattooed. Shedding skin of the old me in preparation for my new life! 

What are some ways that you cleanse after a break up??? 

Part of rebirth is having a new look! 

I know that for me, personally, I like to have a new look as a way to move on from an old life. Most women joke about how they always change their hair during an emotional crisis but changing your look is always a great way to make yourself feel better. 

Whether you look up some tutorials for a new make up look, buy that one dress that you’ve been eyeing at H&M that your body looks bangin’ in or have a complete hair transformation, part of moving on is changing something about yourself for the better. 

I have always admired the women who can pull off an undercut! Instead of coloring my hair or chopping it all off, I decided to give myself a little bit of a secret. 

If you’re like me, you have good days and bad days when dealing with a break up. On my good days, I am unstoppable and the world is my oyster. But on my bad days, I need to try harder to get myself motivated. Here are some small tips that always help me turn a rough night/morning into a great day. 

When you’re feeling sad and lonely, it is difficult to want to get out of bed and make the best of your day. However, being the STRONG woman that you are, you will force yourself to wake up and get out of bed 1 hour earlier than you normally do. I have proven to myself that if I have a productive morning, I will have a great rest of my day and I would like you to try it too! 

Step 1: Make yourself a bumpin’ playlist that you know you will feel great getting ready to. I have a very eclectic taste in music. I listen to everything from Pop to R&B, heavy metal & screamo to hip hop and bay area gangster rap. Above is a playlist that I titled, “FEEL GOODS” that I am sharing with you for a little inspiration if you need it on the music front. Make sure your playlist is long so that you can listen to it the moment you get out of bed until the second you walk into work. But whatever it is that you listen to, make sure you feel good listening to it, not sad. 

Now that you have your playlist ready to kick off your amazing day, take 10-15 minutes to clean up your room if needed and make your bed. There have been studies done about how people who take the time to make their bed in the morning have a happier and more productive day. So in order for us to get through a rough day, it’s safe to say we need to make our beds. 

My mom always told me that when you are feeling your worst, it’s the most important time to look your best. So on your hard day, take a little extra time on your hair and make up, throw on that one outfit that you always feel amazing in! Take a little extra time in the shower and use that body gel that smells amazing and make you feel so fresh and clean. Once you are decked out head to toe, the confidence will radiate from within you and you will automatically feel 100% better! 

Keep listening to your playlist as you commute to work or to school. Lip sync along to all the songs even if people are looking at you crazy. Get yourself pumped up for the amazing day you are about to have. It always makes me feel so much better when I leave my house 15 minutes earlier than I need to so I can stop at the cafe by my work and grab myself a delicious coffee or tea. The more time you make for yourself in the morning the better. I have a good friend who always feels her best when she wakes up early and goes for a walk with her roommate. She always comes into work so happy and energetic. The key is to make time for yourself and do something that you know will get you in the right attitude. 

Break ups are hard, with some days harder than others. What you need to remember is that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. If you keep your mind positive as possible and force yourself to have better days, your days will eventually just be better and you won’t have to force yourself anymore. The sun rises everyday for you. Think about YOU and what YOU need to get from one day to the next. 

Reincarnation - the belief that upon death of the body, the soul comes back to earth in another body or form. Can also be called “rebirth”. 

Everyone has their own beliefs of what happens when our souls pass on but there is always a little bit of fear of the unknown. If you house the belief of reincarnation or rebirth, you believe that our souls travel from lifetime to lifetime learning lessons that get you closer and closer to a divine power. Some learn faster than others and are able to reach their divine destiny quicker. 

As I stated in my last post, I have been dealing with break ups all throughout 2016. The pain of being alone and being trapped with memories of your lost loves could certainly cripple you, you start to shrink a little inside and the fear of future rejection and pain begin to build thick walls that not even the strongest army could penetrate. It is so easy to get to that place, especially when approaching the Holiday season where being in a relationship is an idealistic way to spend the magical times. But why live life in a barrier that you single handedly created? 

Break ups are not the end, rather the beginning. This year, I chose to look at my break ups as an opportunity for rebirth and that is what I am encouraging all of you who are single or going through a break up to do! There are so many positive things about being single during the Holidays (i.e. saving money on a gift for your SO and their families). Take this time in your life to spoil yourself with gifts and love. Surround yourself with people worthy of your time, love and attention. Use this opportunity to focus on what you really want in life and then put it into action! Holiday’s of 2016 are not cuddle season, they are SINGLE SEASON! 

The Holiday Season is upon us, Ladies! Most people call this “cuddle” season because the Holiday’s are supposed to be such a magical time to have someone special in your life… as a significant other at least. Well, I have just recently gone through a break up and that seems to be my 2016 wrapped up in a nut shell. At the end of 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, who I lived with for 3 years. This was a total life-altering experience for me but I was able to come out victourious just after a few months of focusing on myself and finding out what type of person I wanted to become. About 9 months later I entered a long distance relationship which just ended this past Halloween weekend. After a couple days of thinking, and binge watching Bones on Netflix, I’ve realized that break ups aren’t always a tragic thing. Break ups are more like a re-birth, a reincarnation and a chance to start your life over on your terms. 

After my first break up, a good friend of mine recommended a book to me that helped me think about things a little differently. It helped me move on from the past and look toward the future. The book is called Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss. A great way to distract yourself during a break up or if you’re feeling lonely is by reading an awesome book! Especially one that can change your perspective on your current situation. 

“People don’t belong to people. We don’t belong to anybody and nobody belongs to us.”

“Always leave something to the imagination.” -Tempest Storm 

Day number 11 goes to a self made woman who, with only a 7th grade education moved to LA at the age of 17 to live out her dream of being a star! Becoming a “strip tease dancer” or what we now call a Burlesque dancer wasn’t exactly what she had in mind but she turned it into a 60 year long career. Women in the 50′s and 60′s where not pushed to be independent or follow their dreams. They were shamed if they showed any sexual desire or showed too much skin to men they weren’t married to. Tempest Storm brought these barriers down for herself and became one of the most famous burlesque/exotic dancers of her generation. 

Damian’s costume was literally FREE for me but was totally repaid with laughter! This costume is sure to crack up your co-workers and fellow partiers. All you need is a blue, or in my case, light grey hoodie, a pair of sunglasses and a little homemade sign reading “She doesn’t even go here.” That’s it. That’s all you need for the perfect Damian costume. So simple yet so funny. Even those who aren’t huge mean girls fans know this scene and will be sure to appreciate a girl who’s dressing up as a funny costume instead of sticking to the female norm of “sluty” costumes, which I am all for but sometimes you need to stand out a little and be able to laugh at yourself! 

“That’s why her hair is so big, it’s full of secrets!” - Damian 

To become David Bowie, it’s all about the make up, hair and the ATTITUDE! Go on google and find your favorite David Bowie make up look and do your best to re-create it using costume make up that you can find at any local costume store. I am a crazy make up addict so I already have a bunch of costume make up on hand. The one thing that I will spend a lot of money on is good make up. Some of my favorite theatrical make up is Krylon or Make Up Forever. Krylon you can get online or at their store here in San Francisco but Make Up Forever you can find at your local Sephora! 

Bowie has a mullet style hair cut in the look I wanted to recreate so i just back-combed the top of my hair and pulled the rest back into a low ponytail. I used some gel to piece out little sections of my bangs to give me more of a mullet style. You can also go to the Spirit store and find yourself a Bowie style wig!!

For my outfit, I wanted to wear all black spandex with tall boots but also needed some sequence style top which I did not have. I was at the GoodWill on Haight with a list of items to get and I ran into a sequence bomber jacket from H&M for only $9.99! The great thing about this jacket is that it’s really cute so I can wear it again!! 

Becoming Wednesday Addams was a pretty easy costume for me because most of my closet consists of black. The only pieces I had to buy was my wig which was $15.99 from the Goodwill on Haight and a white button up blouse that I got for $6.99 at the same Goodwill. All together this costume cost me about $25. 

I decided to do a more “grown up” Wednesday Addams look. For this, i pulled out of my closet a Rebecca Minkoff black suede Rockin mini skirt, a black sweater, my black Rebecca Minkoff Audrey booties and some Forever 21 knee high socks. You could even just wear a black long-sleeved dress with a white collared shirt under and black boots! 

The key to this look is the black wig with braided pig tails, super pale face make up,  dark smokey eye and a black lip! 

My wig came as a long black hair wig but I styled it once I was wearing it just to my liking. 

If you don’t have a black lipstick, all you need is some black liquid eyeliner and you’re all set! 

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” -Wednesday Addams 

This look is such an easy look to do because when Ronda dresses up for anything she has a very distinct and simple style. The only additions piece to my costume that I didn’t have in my closet was a UFC belt so I just made one of my own! I already had a sexy body con dress, the one I’m wearing for this look is from Rebecca Minkoff but you can easily find something like this at Forever 21 or H&M. Then just some simple black pumps, mine are also from Rebecca Minkoff and are the same heels I’ve been using in most of these looks.

Ronda’s hair is usually always in a braid. I decided to do a Mohawk braid to give a sort of glam look to a hairstyle she uses for an athletic purpose.  Here is a tutorial that will show you how it’s done! You could also curl your hair and with a side part braid on side of your hair.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v82FfC-PACs

A smoky eye always seems to be Ronda’s choice when wanting to feel Glam so that’s what I did. Here is a good tutorial for an easy and classic smoky eye that will go great with this look! Now, don’t forget to add a little mole under you left eye!! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKEfoDaGiG0