Marie's Dumping Ground

It's been a long couple of days

As I lay on this bed

The pain in my head is going away

And I don't always want to be dead

On the bed next to me is a girl

She's not very feminine, sure

But at the moment she's the cutest girl in the world

And I'm failing for her

Maybe that's what I needed

A distraction from my life

To get away from the hatred

And all of the strife

And one day she might leave

And I'll never see her again

But for now I'll be

Soft velvet voices wrap my mind in warmth

As though their muscular arms were wrapped around my torso

They lull me to sleep so

I won't have to think about the harm

I've felt from the world

A girl's voice just doesn't do the trick

She can't hold me close

And tell me it'll be ok, so

It's not what I listen to when my mind is sick

So leave me to my music please

I'll be ok

As long as you let

These feelings get

A deep dark depression seeps into the unoccupied cracks of my mind

A song has come on the radio, and I find

It reminds me of you

I plug in my headphones

And drown it out so

I won't go crazy... Well crazier if I'm being true

Just as the song is about to end

That's when a memory comes into my head, and

It's funny how

All it took to forget you now

Is a crush that may never work out.

Who knows if I'll see her again

But it doesn't even matter because then

Was when I finally got over you, and

I don't even care if we talk anymore.

You'll be a person I ignore,

It's not like I'm someone you care for.

You didn't care when I poured out my soul

And you tore it apart, but now it's whole.

I'm stronger now and I'm full

Of love to give to all of my friends.

It's a shame that this is where our friendship went but when

Here's a pro tip;

Don't drive with your head in a cloud

Because if you let your thoughts slip

You might drive into a curb. I dunno how

But you might.

When I think about you

A smile is plastered on my face.

I wonder if people wonder who

Has left me lost in my own headspace.

And my days would be really bright

If I could see you again.

You're a dorky girl,

And it seems that then

Was when you made my tightly bound heart unfurl.

You can be a manly girl if you want to

But some men are trapped in a woman's body too

You can be a girly boy if that's what you want

But some women are trapped in a man's body, so what

Is the deal here?

The messages I'm getting aren't very clear

And some say there's even more options, but I dread

To say that this doesn't make any sense and it's hurting my head

Girl with body issues

Or a guy without a dick?

Should I completely reject the labels

Or pick one and hope it'll stick?

I want to figure this out right away

But that's not a good idea, they say

So I guess I will just have to try to survive

I'm sure you've noticed I keep fucking up in all of the possible ways

But in case

You've forgotten, I'm still a human

I'll make mistakes and

I know what I've done today was terrible

I've realized that in full

But I don't deserve the hate you freely dish

I'm not that big of a bitch

I've got respect for the dead, just not for myself

Barely any sanity left, I pity my mental health

Please forgive my idiocity

I'm trying to be a better me

For now I'm just an idiot under repair

It seems like every time I try

I end up worse than the previous night

And lately I've been so bad

And regretted all the things I did that I shouldn't have

That all I want to be is somebody else than who I am

A different person who is better and

Kinder

Sweeter

Nicer than me

I guess that's who I wanna be

So I guess I look back at that bitch

And that's why my skin starts to itch

And when I look back I notice I

Never really liked who I was outside or inside

My tits were too small

Now I don't want them at all

I hated that with bigger thighs came stretch marks

Now I wish they hadn't stretched so far

It's not that I want a dick

I just don't entirely feel like a chick

And I'm not saying you made me this way

Because at the end of the day

You didn't

That's why on you, I won't try to pin it

But I need to learn to let you go

I need to learn that you and I don't want each other, so

I'm sorry, I really am