Agent Hill

It was happening again, it was the same thing that had happened with Aunt May but it was somehow worse. He never saw May in this state, made sure he left before he could even risk that happening. But then, these flashes played a cruel trick on him by including other people in it, especially someone who had grown really close to over the past few months. Someone who was trying to help Peter and he was so reluctant and resistant because he just knew this would happen, someone they would be involved in these flashes. He just wanted to protect them from this, from whatever was happening because it all felt so real, like it could happen.

When he was being crushed by the fallen pillars, Peter was able to feel that pain, the desperation and the fear of not being able to get back out from it. When he had been knocked out in the park, he felt it. And when he was turning to dust right before his own eyes, he felt the pain, he felt his body struggling to come back from it, trying to fix itself. It didn’t work though, and he just began to disappear completely. He was begging, but there was nothing that could be done. There seemed to be no way of undoing it, and that thought terrified him. What was happening?

However, he was able to downplay any of the flashes he’d have. The bad ones tended to happen when he was by himself, and any other time they happened around people he could play it off as daydreaming. But it seemed like Maria wasn’t falling for any of his excuses, not this time at least. It was even more difficult to try and come back from it after the scene he’d caused, and the fear he was sure was very prevalent in his eyes. He was terrified, he thought he was doing so well. How did this happen? He needed to distance himself from her, that was going to help her. He didn’t want her to end up like she was in that other world, she could’ve died. For all Peter knew, she could’ve died. There was no telling what was on the other side, and he was left with more questions than answers, like he was every time they got even more detailed. Each extensive one more detailed than the last. 

His eyes were still teary as he tried to form a proper thought, his hands shaking and his breathing uneven. “Please.” he whispered, his voice breaking a bit. “I’m so scared, Officer Hill. I can’t… I can’t lose you too. I don’t want that to happen, I can’t have it hurt you too. I’m not.. I can’t let that happen. I know it happens and I can prevent it. It’s going to be for the better, I’m trying to help you.” he whispered, looking around the room for a moment. “I need.. I need to get out of here. I don’t want them looking at me, I don’t want them to know.” 

Watching Peter slowly collapse in front of her was ripping Maria up inside more than she thought was possible.  She'd done everything in her life to keep most people at an arms length, for her own protection.  She grew up knowing just how deeply people could cut you if you let them.  Maria would never forget the feeling, how her father had been able to rip her apart, little by little, day by day, and how she'd still found it in herself to love him nearly as much as she hated him.  When he died, Maria had vowed she'd never let anyone get that close again.

But maybe it was starting to happen without her consent, because watching Peter Parker blink up at her with tears in his eyes, hearing his voice quiver, and almost feeling the fear that he must be carrying around with him all the time...it was breaking a part of Maria's heart that she had steeled over long, long ago.  

The worst part about caring about someone wasn't just the way they could hurt you, no, what got to Maria most was the fact that there was absolutely nothing she could do to help. Not one thing.  The hopelessness was almost worse than the pain, making Maria feel something that was getting closer and closer to anger.   But who could she fight?  Peter's demons weren't anything she could fight herself.  

At a loss to do anything else, Maria found herself grabbing Peter's arm, gently but firmly and dragged him out of the deli, not wanting to make more of a scene than was necessary.  She pulled him out back, a small little patch of grass under a tree, hidden largely from the road.  A few eyes still followed them, but it was more private at least.  She put her hands lightly on Peter's shoulders and looked him over, hating the tears in his eyes.  She wasn't equipped to deal with this, she never had been.  "Peter," she said softly and sighed.  "I don't know what you're seeing, what you're going through, but you don't have to worry about me.  I don't know if You guessed, but I take care of myself pretty well," she said and gave him a sideways kind of smile, before sighing again and squeezing Peter's shoulders.  "What do you think is going to happen, Peter?  You really want to help me, you have to tell me what's going on.  Tell someone what's going on.  I look at you and I see this weight you're carrying on your shoulders.  You don't want to talk to me, fine, but you have to talk to someone.  Please.  Before whatever it is you're carrying around with you kills you," Maria said, soft and serious, reaching one hand up to try and brush Peter's tears away.  "Please," she said again, softer and almost begging.

“It is smart, that’s why I chose to do it. We mob bosses are smarter than we look.” She chuckled, giving Maria a toothy grin. Neena sighed, glancing out the window again, quiet enough that tumbleweed blowing down the street wouldn’t look at all out of place. At times, leaving was appealing, she’d be further away from her parents, but living out their worst nightmare right in front of their eyes was a better way to get back at them. Plus, the rent was cheaper here than it would be in one of the big cities.

“Maybe it is.” Neena shrugged, “But maybe it’s not. I don’t think I believe in places dictating happiness. If you’re miserable somewhere, moving’s not gonna do much to change that, maybe it’ll just mean you’re miserable in a warmer climate.” She explained, still gazing out of the window. She’d had friends who’d left school and travelled the world to ‘find themselves’, she didn’t believe in that kind of stuff, not really.

"You're smarter than you look," Maria said and lifted an amused eyebrow.  "Most people discount the intelligence of beautiful women, but I'm not like that," she said, the grin on her face not quite reaching her eyes.  It was sad in a way, and maybe a commentary on her own issues that she couldn't imagine anyone actually wanting a life here.  She couldn't help but think that Neena was capable of more.  That maybe they all were.  Held back this kind of invisible force.  Whatever was keeping all of them here.

She pursed her lips and then nodded.  "No, you're right," Maria said softly.   "I guess we all make our own destinies to a degree.  And if you're not happy with it, you really only have yourself to blame." There was a bit of a sigh on her breath and she had to go up and grab a second beer, feeling a kind of weight settled into her chest.  "Or maybe some of us are just chronically unlucky."

A few of the usuals had began to scatter themselves, only leaving a handful of people along with her and Maria left in the bar. Last call was still another hour or so away, and it seemed like the group at the end of the bar were pretty satisfied for the time being. As dull as weekdays were, they were quite the easy night to deal with, especially if it meant she could talk to her favorite cop in Deerfield for a few hours, that just made the whole thing even better. “Can I be honest with you, Maria?” she asked, the hint of a grin on her lips. “Out of all the people I’ve ever encountered at the bar, you’re one of the very few people I would let take me to their home. It’s probably because you are quite the gentlemen.” she said teasingly. Given, most of the people she dealt with were drunk assholes, so they were the last on her list for potential people to sleep with, that was for sure. The only other person recently was the cute pizza delivery guy she’d come into contact days prior. “I suppose I could say the same, my parents really did a number on me. But everything I’m doing here, with the shelter, trying to help out those in need are trying to counteract that. To make amends for how shitty they were, the least I can do is try right?”

Maria knew she should quit while she was ahead.  There was nothing to be gained from continuing to drink at this point, except getting drunker and probably making a few more poor decisions than her usual few.  But then again, who was she without her poor decisions?  She wouldn't really be herself if she didn't make one now and again.  Like right now, sitting up in her stool a little more and leaning over the bar, the smirk on her face growing.  "You know you just say that because you don't know me well enough yet.  I'm not really that much of a gentleman, not where it counts," she said and licked her lips playfully.  "You're perfectly welcome to come over and find out anytime you want." She  winked and leaned back, swirling what was left in her glass and  kicking it back.  "But for now, I think I should switch to beer, before I do something I might regret."  She sighed and shook her head lightly.  "At least you're doing something to help.  I'm just...cops don't really help people anymore.  It's such a fucking waste really.  What I do here.  Parking tickets and misdemeanors.  Mostly for people just doing their best to keep themselves from drowning."

It was only supposed to be the once.  That was the way Maria kept everything in their boxes, it was how she escaped without getting hurt.  Carol had been the most intoxicating person she'd ever been with, and that first night had seemed to drag on into forever, over and over again, pulling whatever pleasures they could from each other, and then doing it all over again.  Maria had made her coffee in the morning, but they hadn't really...talked.  Maria didn't know how much talking you were supposed to do with someone you weren't planning on seeing again and had stayed mostly silent, the fact that she was supposed to be in work in an hour the only thing keeping her from trying to fuck Carol again.

And that was supposed to be it.  That was all of it.  But Maria spent so much of her time thinking about her, a maddening amount that had her giving in finally and texting her.  The second meeting went much like the first, and again Maria intended it to be just that.  Once or twice she could write off, but three was a habit, and Maria didn't need that.  She couldn't deal with the fact that she liked seeing Carol in her kitchen, wearing one of her uniform shirts in the early morning, grabbing a snack before a second round.  

And yet.  And yet Maria had started drinking, again, always, and the first person she ran to was Carol.  So here they were again, crowded into Maria's bed, candle on the bed stand burning low as they bathed in the afterglow, Maria swirling whiskey in her glass and letting that feeling of intense pleasure fade into something almost content, her free arm wrapped around Carol's shoulders, pulling her into her side, their legs still tangled together.  Maria took a sip of her drink and set it aside, dropping her fingers to trail lightly over the flat of Carol's stomach teasingly.  "I don't think we really got the concept of a one night stand down," she mused softly, an amused smile crossing her face.  "I think it's time to admit this is something a little different," she said and found herself pressing her lips to Carol's temple.  "Because I can say I won't, but I'll be calling you again."

- what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone

Her

- what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone

- what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone

Stop the World I Wanna Get Off With You - Arctic Monkeys

Well, I know that getting you alone isn't easy to doWith the exception of you, I dislike everyone in the roomAnd I don't wanna lie, but I don't wanna tell you the truthGet the sense that you're on the moveAnd you'll probably be leaving soon, so I'm telling you

- my muse’s last text to your muse

My life has been a never ending roller coaster. Thank you for your service. My brother sure runs with an interesting crowd.

Do not let him talk to Thor for a few hours. My money is his money. I do not feel like giving to this charity. Good luck, Hill.

@mariaxhill​

“You… got this handled? Let me know if you need help. The moron is my brother’s friend.”

Only the stupid ones. 

mariaxhill‌:

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