I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.

anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such: 

sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.

“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.

one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.

let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.

when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.

getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.) 

“what was I trying to do?” 

“was I trying to decide between two things?” 

(the answer’s usually yes.) 

“what were they?” 

“okay, let’s decide. 

“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”

and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.

so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”-  then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”-  and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.

and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” :P

Just 1 day.

No big march or loud protests that seem to be getting ignored lately.

Instead you stay home and don’t go to work.

Take it a step further and don’t buy anything either.

Can you imagine the chaos??

The 1% and ‘upper middle class’ wakes up for their morning Starbucks/drive through/ gas station/ breakfast run only to find the doors have not been opened yet?

People rushing from business to business, completely confused and upset because there is no one there to serve them?

PR reps for corporations panicking because they can’t just say “they didn’t show up because we refuse to pay them enough to live” that would tank the company. And what are they going to do? Fire everyone? There would be no one to replace that many people because it’s not like the upper classes would condescend to work a “low skill, entry level, job meant for teenagers”

CEOs and shareholders losing shares and billions of dollars because their greed singlehandedly ruined the company.

Capitalism depends upon your participation.

“I know no one cares, but this is illegal.”

are openly tr*mp supporters with a MAGA hat that they let the fab 5 find

their idea of a prank is pulling over a gay black man for no reason and scaring him into thinking he’s about to be brutalized by the police or even killed with his friends clearly expressing their concern for him to even get out of the car when the cop asked

when Karamo tries to tell them that it wasn’t funny to try that kind of joke in the current political climate the cop tries to switch it to a “but not all cops are bad cops and we get discriminated against too” conversation 

firefighters on Queer Eye:

try to raise money with a community fundraiser to properly train other firefighters 

let the fab 5 hose them down in wet t-shirt contest

let Jonathan give them a little spa day with foot soaking and face masks

take dance classes for said fundraiser and even willingly learn a couple Magic Mike dance moves

their idea of a prank is to startle Tan with an exploding pen