marito burrito

I fully understand that it's considered rude to sanitize your hands after shaking hands with a group of people, and I just want everyone to know: I'm not doing it because I think you're disgusting and I want to get your internet stank off of me; I'm doing it because I know the statistics about cis men washing their hands.

I'm a strong, capable adult. If I wanted to touch fifty dicks in a single afternoon, I'd do it myself. I don't need your hand outs.

holy shit does this one land differently in the 2020 coronavirus pandemic hellscape

I'm showing my software engineer flatmate tumblr code and glitches and he just keeps getting more and more agitated

"and people use this site??" bad news chief its my primary social media

I'm having to reblog this manually because guess what social media's mobile app decided to remove fast reblogs

I use tumblr exclusively on mobile and it sucks that they removed fast reblogs

IM SORRY THEY WHAT

I want the soft touches and tender kisses. The words of reassurance whenever I feel down and the unexpected gifts just because I’m worth it, I want to experience the ear touching smile, openly display affection of our love and a genuine happiness that hums from the pit of my stomach up towards the center of my soul. That’s the type of love I want and deserve.

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

okay… i can still see the folds on your wizard robe… iron it.

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

no cause it’s really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn’t being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

one of my favorite things about fanfiction is how many writers don't necessarily consider themselves fans of the original work. lots of writers just saw the movie or read the book and were like "that was unsatisfying but now I have yet another canon to fuck around with"