marauders and more

Based on a true story.

“I feel like it kind of looks badass as it is,” Barty said smugly as he looked in the mirror.

Evan, who was standing behind him, rolled his eyes. “Frosted tips? Absolutely not. I’m not dating someone who looks like they could be in a boy band.”

The evening had started out like any other. They’d been lounging in their flat, sharing a ___, trying to decide what to order for dinner, when Barty’d said it: “Suppose my hair was green?”

And then the idea had taken hold. A trip to the local drugstore later, and they were standing in their shitty bathroom, Barty’s hair already bleached blonde at the tips, Evan mixing the green color in one of their kitchen bowls they’d stolen from Barty’s dad’s house. 

“You don’t love me?” Barty pouted, his eyes narrowing evilly.

“No. Not when you looks so…gay,” Evan chuckled, unceremoniously slathering green onto the shorter man’s head.

“Rosie, you had your prick up my arse not two hours ago. A bit of the pot and the kettle, yeah?” Barty retorted, chuckling. 

“Shut it and let me focus.”

It was hard to decide whether or not more of the concoction made it onto Barty’s head or the bathroom floor, but they made do. After about ten minutes, Barty was covered, and the globs were cleaned, leaving multiple rather dubious stains that Evan decided gave ‘character’ to the place.

“Alright. Now we just let it sit for thirty mi–” Evan began to say, reading from the green bottle.

But suddenly, a loud POP! Made both of them jump, ducking for cover as something exploded.

“Wh–what was that?” Barty gaped, looking around the tiny bathroom. 

White, foaming bleach covered the walls, the bottle they’d mixed the stuff in earlier laying open, ominous, and nearly-empty on the floor. It was clear that it’d exploded.

“The bleach! Fuck, did you put the cover on it?” Evan demanded, turning to him.

“I…yeah, we were done with it!” Barty argued, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Bleach expands when it’s mixed! You’re not supposed to put the cover back on, it says on the directions!” the taller man sighed, looking around their white-spattered bathroom.

James: I did not drag Sirius into this

[Loud knocking at the door]

Regulus: who's that??

James:

Pandora: It was Barty

Evan: It was Barty

Dorcas: It was Barty

Regulus: It was Barty

“Switch partners with me,” Sirius whispered urgently, leaning across the aisle between tables to make eye contact with James.

“What? Are you bloody crazy? I’ve just gotten Evans to agree to work with me!” James hissed back, throwing him a glare. “Why the fuck–?”

“Prongs, we’re doing Amortentia! You know I can’t do that with Moony!” Sirius whined, stealing a glance back at Remus, who was busy conversing with Peter, thank Merlin.

“You berk, he won’t know what you smell! You just have to act casual! It’ll be fine!” James replied, shaking his head.

“Prongs, when have I ever acted casual?” Sirius demanded.

–

“Switch partners with me,” Remus said, leaning towards Peter, who gave him a startled look. 

“Erm…why?” the shorter boy asked, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes. “You lot are the ones who left me alone, why–?”

“I…wanted to work with McKinnon,” Remus muttered, gesturing to Peter’s partner.

But Peter just shook his head. “Nah, Mate. Marlene knows what she’s doing and I need a good grade on this. Love Pads to death, but the two of us would make a disaster potion.”

Groaning, Remus leaned back into his seat resignedly, turning towards Sirius, who was just turning away from James towards him.

Sirius, who looked just as anxious as he felt.

“Erm…I–I’ll get the ingredients?” Sirius stuttered, cheeks turning red.

“Yeah, alright,” Remus nodded, watching his best friend nearly-run off to the supply closet.

“Reg.”

“Reg.”

“Reggie.”

“Reg!”

Regulus awoke to his boyfriend about twenty centimeters from his face, the room still pitch-black. Spluttering and blinking furiously, he jolted backwards, nearly falling out of the twin-sized bed they were currently sharing, grabbing James’s arm at the last second to stay balanced. “Potter!” he gasped, narrowly avoiding yelling and waking his roommates. “What?” He nearly-screamed the question, his frustration peaking.

James’s grin was both adoring and contrite. “Nothing, I just…sorry. I just…I love you. It’s so cool that we can say that now.”

They’d said ‘I love you’ for the first time just the night before. And now, apparently, James had woken him up at–Regulus checked his watch–four in the morning to say it again.

“Jamie,” he said sweetly, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek.

James melted into the touch, eyes wide. “Yeah, baby?”

“I love you so much. But if you wake me up in the middle of the night again just to tell me that, I will kill you,” Regulus hissed, staring daggers.

James’s expression turned sheepish. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s…fair.”

Regulus pecked him on the lips. “I love you. Goodnight.”

Sirius: Oh, come off it, Prongs- you’re being dramatic.

James: Sirius- my boggart turned into YOUR DEAD BODY! And remind me what shape yours took?

Sirius: James, mate, please...

James: Was my dead body too much to ask for?! WAS IT?!

Sirius: Prongs...

James: There I was, standing there sooo sure that my best mate’s biggest fear was losing me. But no. What did I see?

Sirius: ...

James: IT WAS YOU! YOU WITH BAD HAIR!

-jess is bi, and far more secure in his sexuality than dean is. he's probably the one to initiate things

-dean is gay but sooo repressed its crazy (probably will take a lot of like secret kissing and hatefucking and divorcing of wives until he comes to terms with it in his 30s or smth)

-their rivalry is obviously just unresolved sexual tension

-if/when they make out while arguing, it would be when jess and rory are already together. dean would say smth like "does she know about you" (being bi) and jess would be like "yea she doesn't care, obviously you seem to though"

Regulus: *loosens his tie and undoes his collar after an extra long day at classes*