maple

huge fan of when characters love each other and are closely bonded in an explicitly nonromantic way. however ☝️ i am very much not a huge fan of what happens when characters like this are introduced to fandom

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

A free-range group therapy called "get herded, idiot", where you and everyone in your group is set loose to run around on an open field while a highly trained shepherd dog tries to keep you all in one group. I am not sure what benefit this would have for anyone involved.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

sometimes the nut doesn't bring any clarity at all no matter how hard you bust it. the delirium only deepens.

Confession time; while I may have started making my girlfriend lunches purely because I love her there’s now a little bit of gay spite involved as well. I want the straight girls she works with to see what they’re missing and hold their men to higher standards.

Operation Gay Spite has claimed its first straight relationship! I’m not sure I’ve ever been prouder of anything in my life!

If making lunch broke them up it was never a good one in the first place

He gets it.

I’m genuinely curious how the lunches caused the breakup to happen, and I fully support the Gay Spite lunches

“A church”?? That’s Old North Church! That’s THE church where the lanterns were lit.

Official Post of Massachusetts

there's this weird thing people fall into online a lot, where people assume that if the [perceived-to-be-inferior] version of [activity] is discouraged then people will, naturally, do [perceived-to-be-superior] version of [activity] instead. When really it's just as (or more) likely that if [perceived-to-be-inferior] version of [activity] is discouraged people just won't do it at all.

audiobook listeners are not necessarily people who would otherwise do a lot of traditional reading if audiobooks did not exist, many are people who simply would experience zero books. Booktok romance readers would not necessarily be reading the classics if booktok did not exist, many of them would simply not read. Fanfiction writers would not necessarily be novelists if fanfic wasn't an option, many would just be people who didn't write. You know?