I hate it. I hate these emotions. I hate these feeling.

It’s close to home, it’s close to everything that I literally swore I would never do to myself.

I’m back to being 17 at 24.

I’m suppose to be a wife but how does one be a wife when there’s a slut who doesn’t have any self control or respect for you as a female.

Can’t really speak about either cause I already said it was okay, which it is, I’ve been manipulated into thinking toxic things are okay. Goes back to home life..

it hurts, god it hurts. It’s making sick, I can’t even take care of myself cause I’m so consumed with all the “ what if’s” we use to be a what if too, and things like this never get explained right.

My heart is broken and I’m the only left to pick up the pieces.

Just thinking about someone else calling em names makes me sick, so how doesn’t it affect you that way? That what doesn’t make sense.

I feel like I’m just being dotted along till you realize that I’m no longer it..

tell me did 5 years just poof in front of your eyes?

Is all this worth me being destroyed inside?

I have so many questions that’ll I’ll never get an answer too..

I use it go through your phone till all it did was hurt me.. and you just don’t care.. why? What did I do to deserve that..

I want to turn off my emotions I want to go numb, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to care, I don’t want to feel this anymore, how do I shut it off?

How do I shut my issue off.

I just want things to be how they were 3 weeks ago but that’s gone, and I give up.

I’ve got to be better, I’ve got to let go off all this hurt and built up hatred in my bones towards other as well as me.

I’ve got to be kinder to not only me but others, I’ve got to learn what it means to actually do the self care.

I’ve got to be better.

I won’t stop still I do, and I won’t let anything hold me back.

I’ve learn who I am, I’m not disposable I’m not someone that you can just decide when or when I’m not worth it.

This go for friendships or sexualships. I’ve got to better, I will be better.