.unspoken thoughts. @mangoloves - Tumblr Blog

Lyyn

I sat at my desk looking over the details of my clients project for our meeting in two hours. I shuffled back and forth between pages but just could not focus.

I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes before I let out a deep breath. I stayed this way for a few minutes before picking up my phone to call my client to cancel which I hated to do especially on such short notice.

Once things were settled with my client I started to gather my stuff up to leave for today. I phoned my assistant to let her know I was leaving and for her to let my staff know as well.

Once I got in my car I called NaNa and waited for her to answer.

Hey boo!

Hey! Are you going anywhere soon or leaving?

No, why? You’re not coming to visit me?

She said a little sadly. We hadn’t seen each other since the night she left Nazar. For over a week I had no idea of where she was, she wouldn’t answer any of my calls or texts. I was going to give it two weeks before I had called her momma.

No I’m coming. I just wanted to know because I was going to come now but I know I told you later on today.

Ohh okay, well I’ll be here boo.

Okay, I should be there in about 40 minuets.

Okay, see you when you get here.

Alright.

I ended the call and turned up the music hoping it would help to clear my mind.

**40 minuets later**

I pulled up to NaNa’s grandmother’s house and parked. The last time I had been here was almost 4 years ago when she was staying with her grandmother. I grabbed my bag and headed to the front door to ring the doorbell.

A few seconds later I heard the door being unlocked.

Bee!

Hey boo!

I gave her a kiss on the cheek before she grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug.

I couldn’t help but to admire how pretty she looked. She had cut her hair off and I loved it. She seemed to be healing and that made me beyond happy.

I am loving this hair! It’s so damn cute on you Na!

Aww thanks boo! I really like it, I had to move on from the bob.

I followed her to her bedroom and we both took a seat on her bed.

Where’s your Gma and Momma Italy?

Girl Gma is where she always is, playing bingo. She gonna be mad she missed you, I told her you were coming by later on.

Aww, if I don’t see her today I’ll make sure to come by one day next week.

I’m sure she’ll love that. My Momma went to check up on the winery process but I’m sure she’ll be back soon. Between her and Gma I don’t know who’s worse, neither one likes to leave me alone.

She and I both laughed a little.

You lucky I don’t live around the corner because you would get tired of seeing my face.

She started laughing.I removed my heels and got more comfortable.

So how are you feeling?

You know for the first time Lyyn since everything happened I can actually say I feel okay. I no longer cry everyday or feel I just want to sink and die. It’s still hard for me but I’m healing every day. I still think about Bear every day though, I wish I could just hold him.

We sat in silence for a few minutes both caught up in our own thoughts.

Lyyn I’m so sorry.

Sorry for what Na?

I’m so sorry because before I didn’t understand. I thought I did but I didn’t. Whenever I would bring up you and Jay trying for a baby again you would shut down. I thought it was because you just didn’t want to talk about it but now I understand. Talking about it is not just words. When you talk about it there also comes all the emotions and physical pain you felt that night. It’s like you are reliving that exact same moment and for that I am so sorry. I am so sorry for every time I have ever brought it up. I feel like such a shitty ass bestfriend and sister. I just want to see you happy all around.

I pulled her into a hug.

Natalia please don’t feel shitty. You’re the most amazing bestfriend/sister I could ever ask for. I knew you never meant any harm. Deep down I knew you just didn’t understand. All you knew was you just wanted me to be happy.

Thank you……thank you for everything. Although I was blocking you out you still came everyday to see me. You never missed a day no matter what. We would just sit in my bedroom in complete silence the whole time and you never minded. You happily accepted to help with my salon although you have three businesses of your own. No matter what it is you have always been here for me and for that I’m forever grateful. I seriously wouldn’t have gotten this far through this without you so seriously thank you. You don’t know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.

You’re absolutely welcome boo but you don’t have to thank me Natalia. We’ve been bestfriends for almost 8 years, this is what I’m here for. You’ve done the same for me not once but twice. You never left my side after that horrible night and you never left my side when I got shot. You practically lived at my house you were there so much. You kept things together with my businesses while still managing and running your own. No matter when i’ve needed you you’ve always been there with no questions asked.

We hugged each other again.

Girl it’s Friday evening and we’re sitting here on the verge of tears and shit.

We both started laughing as we now heard the sounds of heavy rain outside.

Well I would say let’s go restaurant hopping like we use to do in college but as you can hear it’s raining like hell outside.

That would have been hella fun, I didn’t know they called for rain this evening.

Me either.

Whelp looks like we’re ordering delivery.

That’s fine by me.

We looked online at different places and decided on tacos. 30 minuets later we heard the doorbell.

We paid and tipped the deliver guy before we headed to the kitchen.

This looks really good.

It really does, I’m starving I haven’t ate all day.

Your ass always skipping breakfast and lunch. You’ll eat one meal all day and that’s dinner at 11 o’clock at night. You better stop that shit Lyyn I’m serious.

I know I’m trying to get better. It’s just really hard because my ass be so busy during the day I don’t have time to eat.

Well you better make time, even if it’s 15-30 minuets. Set a dedicated time and have your assistant grab you lunch. Don’t make me have to start popping up at your office everyday to make sure your ass ate lunch.

I laughed a little.

Your ass is crazy.

I’m so serious.

Oh trust me I know.

You’ve gained some weight though, it looks cute on you boo.

Yeah but I’ve been struggling to fit in my jeans so these extra pounds gotta go.

She started laughing.

Your ass is simple.

I started laughing.

I’m serious NaNa. Stress eating has not been my friend when I do get the time to eat.

I grabbed my tray and headed back to her room before she could start to grill my ass. I totally let the stress eating part slip.

Lyyn your ass is not slick!

She called behind me.

When she made it to her room I knew she was getting ready to hit me with questions. Before she could we heard someone coming through the front door. A few seconds later we heard a knock on the door.

Come in.

In the doorway stood Momma Italy.

Well hello to you too stranger.

We started laughing.

Don’t do me like that Momma Italy.

I got up to hug her.

I haven’t seen you in over two months Daughter.

I know, I’ve been out of town for work a lot. You look cute! Let me find out you had a secret date or something.

Girl bye!

NaNa and I started laughing.

She need a damn date. Momma you the only person I knew who’s been proposed to 3 times and turned each one down. What is it? What’s the matter?

Excuse you how the hell…….Momma. She been in here telling my business.

We laughed harder.

You two are something else. The only date I need is with a glass of wine and a bathtub which I’m getting ready to go on now. These builders have worked my last nerve for today.

There’s some tacos and stuff in the kitchen if you want any Momma.

Thanks Honeybun, I’ll catch up with you girls a little later.

Okay.

We both said before she headed upstairs.

Lyyn don’t think you’re off the hook. What did you mean by stress eating? What’s going on boo?

It’s nothing NaNa.

It’s definitely something. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you don’t have your ring on. I know we haven’t really talked in awhile but is this over what you told me with Jay at my shop that night?

I sighed.

I think I want a divorce.

What?

She said with a surprised look on her face.

I just………I don’t know NaNa. I know Jayhirad lied to me about Kimani’s ass yet again. I know I saw her a block down from his studio that night I left. When she saw me she took off like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction. I gave him two fucking chances to come clean about shit Natalia. Why else would he lie to me about this bitch again unless they are fucking around. They got to be doing something, why else would she have been at his studio.

She sighed.

You know I love you two together and look at Jay as a brother so deep down I’m hoping shits not what it seems but you have a solid ass point. This is the second time he’s lied to you about her ass and under no circumstances should her ass have been at his studio.

I can still smell her stank ass perfume. For it to have been in his clothes lets me know she was hella close to him.

Damn boo I forgot all about that shit.

Before anything else could be said my phone started ringing. I grabbed it out of my bag.

When I saw the number was blocked I knew it was nobody but Kimani’s ass playing on my shit again. She had been doing this shit for a few days now. When it started ringing again NaNa gave me a questionable look.

Lyyn who is that?

I let out a breath of annoyance.

It’s nobody but Kimani’s dumb ass. She calls me from block so of course I cannot block her. No matter how many times I curse her ass out she still continues to play games on my line.

The fuck? If she calls again you don’t have to answer but trust and believe I will.

Before I could say anything my phone dinged letting me know I had a new text message. Before I clicked to open it I looked to see if I recognized the number but I didn’t. Once I did nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see. It was pictures of Jayhirad and Kimani from what looked like a video.

One she was sitting on his lap. The other she had his dick in her mouth through his pants and looked at any moment she would pull it out. I knew from the clothes Jayhirad had on in the pictures that they were from that night I went pass his studio. I jumped up and took off for the bathroom as I could now feel my food rising up my throat.

The images made me sick to my stomach. I made it to the bathroom just in time before I started to hurl up everything I had just ate.

NaNa came behind me and held my hair back. Once my stomach subsided I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out.

I firmly placed my hands on the counter and closed my eyes as two tears ran down my face. NaNa came beside me and started rubbing my back.

What’s wrong boo? Did something happen?

I didn’t answer, we stood there in silence for a couple of seconds before I took off to put on my shoes. NaNa came behind me and cleaned up the food we had before she headed to the kitchen.

A minute later she returned.

Lyyn are you going to tell me what’s up? I’m not letting you leave until you do.

I didn’t say anything as I passed her the phone before I got up and grabbed my bag.

What the fuck!

Her mouth was now hanging open. She put the phone down and grabbed me in a tight hug.

I am so sorry you’re going through this Lyyn. I know you’re steaming on the inside because you’re really quiet. Whenever you get this quiet it means you’re getting ready to set shit on fire. I’m not letting you drive like this. Wherever you want to go I’ll take you but I’m not letting you drive with your mind like this. I already know you’re headed to Jayhirad’s studio so I’ll take you.

She let go and went to put on her shoes. I didn’t say anything as I waited for her.

She was right, I was so livid I couldn’t speak. I wanted to snap Jayhirad’s head off his shoulders. I stuck my phone in my bag as NaNa went to tell Momma Italy we were leaving. A few seconds later we were leaving out the door and on the way to Jayhirad’s studio. It was still pouring so I knew the usual 30 minuet drive would turn into a 50 minuet drive.

**50 minuets later**

Before NaNa could pull into the parking lot and completely park I was hopping out of her car.

Lyyn!

She called out behind me. I continued on and all that could be heard besides the rain was my heels clicking fast across the ground. Once inside I profusely clicked on the elevator button waiting for the doors to open.

Once they did I quickly got on and pressed the second level button. Before the doors could completely open I could hear the loud music which meant he was in a session. I got off and placed my bag along with the envelope I was carrying on the table.

There were two guys there, one of which was playing pool. Jayhirad was busy away with recording the other in the booth. When I reached him I hit his ass so hard that his head flew forward forcefully hitting his computer screen.

He jumped up like he was on fire ready to swing until he noticed it was me.

Yooo Bee what the fuck is wrong with you?!

I didn’t say anything as I hit his ass two more times busting his lip.

He grabbed my arms and backed me into the wall.

Bee you better calm your fucking ass down. I got fucking clients in here, the fuck wrong with you.

He said through clenched teeth.

I don’t give a fuck what you got, get the fuck off me!

A few seconds later he slowly released my arms.

You must have forgotten who the fuck you married. Jayhirad you have me completely to the heavens of the lord fucked up. I will leave you quicker than my fucking heart can beat before I let you fuck around on me. I agreed to move back here for YOU! I uprooted my whole fucking business for YOU! So YOU could expand your fucking dreams because I was good where the fuck I was at. When you lied to me about that bitch at that dinner table I knew deep down some shit was going to happen. Now I know why your ass lied yet again and couldn’t tell me the truth about what the fuck you were really doing in your office. You were too busy getting lap dances and your dick sucked. I hope you truly love the way that bitch bounce her ass, suck your dick, and fuck you because I am completely fucking done. I been thinking about a divorce heavy for the past two months now and even got the papers a few weeks ago but my big hearted ass couldn’t bring myself to go through with the shit. Now I feel no fucks and know I’m making the right decision. You want to fuck around like you’re a free man, well baby now you are. You’re a free man to do whatever you want to do and fuck whoever you want to fuck.

I went to walk off and he grabbed me.

Brooklyyn I swear on my fucking life this shit is not what it seems.

Jayhirad let fucking go of me I don’t want to hear shit you got to say.

Please I’m begging you, just listen to me for one second.

He said lightly shaking me.

Jayhirad I’m not going to tell you again to let go of me.

Bee please.

He still wouldn’t let go so I pushed back hard as I could making him stumble and let go. I went to grab the envelope. When I tried to hand it to him he wouldn’t take it so I placed it back on the table.

The only thing left that I ask of you is that you give me a peaceful divorce. That’s it.

Now that shit is over can we get back to work bruh? I’m paying for this shit by the hour to work, not to deal with all this shit here.

I heard the guy in the booth call out when I went to walk off.

I stopped and turned around. Before I knew it I took Jayhirad’s computer and threw it through the booth’s glass window shattering it. I placed my hands on the table and leaned forward towards the window.

I couldn’t fucking hear you. You want to repeat the shit again?

He stood there on mute with a crazy shocked look on his face.

That’s exactly what the fuck I thought.

I headed to grab my bag.

Jayhirad you lucky I’m still a little sane or I’d burn this place down with your ass in it. Tell your bitch if she call playing on my fucking phone one more time I will definitely find out where she lives and put her in a fucking coffin. Whatever shit you still got at the house I will be putting outside. You have until Monday to pick it up or it will be going with the trash.

You ready boo?

Yup.

NaNa and I headed for the elevator. Jayhirad came rushing behind us. NaNa gave him a look of disappointment and disgust.