ARTBLERG TIME

1. It makes no fucking sense to sketch out a bouquet before you make it.  Every individual flower is different in a way that cannot really be adjusted the way other building materials can be adjusted, and each individual bouquet is unique.  Just put the fucking flowers together.

2. No one — in months and months of working at the flower shop — has ever cared what the flower/color of the flower means.  No one’s ever asked.  It’s just not something people tend to care about outside of fiction and it’s certainly not something most florists know.  You know what florists know?  What looks good and is thematically appropriate.

Here’s an actual list of the symbology of flowers, as professionals use it:

Yellow – for friends, hospitals Pink – girls, girlfriends, babies, bridesmaids Red – love Purple – queens White – marriage and death (DO NOT SEND TO HOSPITALS) Pink and purple – ur mum Red, orange, and yellow – ur mum if she’s stylish Red, yellow, blue – dudes and small children Blue and white – rare, probably a wedding Red and white – love for fancy bitches

Here are what the flowers actually mean to a florist:

The Fill It Out flowers:

Carnations – fuck u these are meaningless filler-flowers, not even your administrative assistant likes them, show some creativity Alstroemeria – by and large very similar to carnations but I like them better Tea roses – cute and lil and come several to a stalk, a classy filler flower Moluccella laevis – filler flower but CHOICE Delphinium – not as interesting as moluccella but purple so okay I guess Blue thistle – FUCK YEAH, some fucking textural variety at last!  you’re getting this for a dude, aren’t you? Chrysanthemums – barely better than carnations but better is still better Gladiolus – ooh, risky business, someone understands the use of the Y-axis, very good

Focal points:

Long-stem roses – yeah whatever Lilies – LBD, looks good with everything, get used as often as possible Hydrangeas – thirsty fuckers, divas of the flower world and rightly so, treat them right and they make you look good Gerbera daisies – the rose’s hippie cousin, hotter but no one admits it Peonies – CHA-CHING, everybody’s absolute favorite but you need guap Orchids – if this isn’t for a wedding you’re probably trying too hard but they’re expensive so keep ordering them

You know what matters?  THE CUSTOMER’S BUDGET.  THAT’S TELLING.

-$20 – if you’re not under 12, fuck off, get your sugar something else $30 – good for bouquets but an arrangement will be lame $40 – getting there, there’s something that can be done with that.  you can get some gerbs or roses with that and not have them look stupidly solo. $50 to $70 – tolerable $80 – FINALLY.  It sounds elitist but this really is the basic amount of money you should expect to spend on an arrangement that matters.  That’s your Mother’s Day arrangement.  You’re probably not going to spend $80 on a bouquet. $90 to $130 – THE GOOD SHIT, you’re likely to get some orchids $130+  – Weddings and death.  This amount of money gets you a memorial arrangement or a handmade bridal bouquet.  Don’t spend this on a Mother’s Day or a Babe I Love You arrangement, buy whosits a massage or something.

Miscellaneous:

Everything needs greening and if you don’t think that you’re an idiot. 

As a new employee, when you start making arrangements, you can’t see the mistakes you’re making because you’re brand new and you’re learning an art form from the ground up.

With a few exceptions customers don’t have a clear plan in mind.  They want you to develop the bouquet for them.  They want something that will delight their little sweetbread but you’re lucky if they know that person’s favorite color, let alone flower.

Flower shops don’t typically have every kind of flower in every kind of color.  Customers generally aren’t assed about that.  Most people don’t care about the precise shade of the rose or having daffodils in July, because they’re not boning up on flower language before they buy.  That would imply that they’ve got a clear bouquet in mind and, again, they don’t.

Being a florist is essentially a lot like what I imagine being a mortician is about.  You’re basically keeping dead things looking good for as long as possible.  You keep the product in the fridge so it doesn’t rot and look horrible by the time the family gets a whack at it, and in the meanwhile you put it in a nice container.

practice anatomy without having to work too hard

populations and peoples don’t just suddenly change at a border marker. cultures interact and blend.

there are usually a multitude of cultures in one place, and religions often have different factions within them

what are the differences between the upper and lower classes? is there a lower class? what system is used? fuedalism? capitalism? communism?

how does your society view and deal with poverty?

think about the diaspora. invent a large population of immigrants. why are they there? how long have they lived there? how does their culture now differentiate from their homeland?

languages. is there a global lingua franca (a language that people use to speak internationally. historically this has been latin and french, and right now, english)? if so, why That One? are there smaller lingua francas within different nations?

a large country will almost always have smaller languages within it. put some in. you don’t even have to name them, just have someone mention that they often have to translate for their parents

the lingua franca will usually be the language of the majority, but not always. if a particular ethnic group has control of the government, and therefor education, then that language will probably become more widespread. although sometimes there are “official languages” and “daily languages”

i could write a whole other post about languages honestly

what things do different cultures see as beautiful? is it eyes? hair? what parts of the body are considered scandalous. are the bodies of men and women seen differently? how do people feel about breasts?

how is makeup used? is it daily? is it ceremonial? do different colours and patterns have meanings or is purely for aesthetic? is it seen as gendered?

basically just don’t take everything in your culture as the “norm.” there is no norm. the world is weird.

a lot of people ask me about writing autistic characters and specifically nonverbal ones so heres some tips

avoid functioning labels. high/low functioning are harmful labels and are used to silence autistics. high functioning is used to say that “you arent autistic enough to have a say” and low functioning is used to say that “you cant think for yourself”

aspergers is the same as autism. it is usually used as another way to say “high functioning” but autism is autism. some people do identify with the asperger/aspie label more then autism and thats ok as long as they arent using it for aspie supremacy stuff (thinking aspies are better then the “other” autistics or using that label to not be associated with autistic people)

being nonverbal and stimming are not the only traits. there is a massive range of traits autistic people can have. look at atypical traits for good long lists that arent just the stereotypical traits

not everyone is a savant or is really good at maths. i honestly dont know any autistic savants and i only know a few people who are exremely good at maths. there are a lot of autistic people who were considered “gifted” at school and if you want to look into that research twice exceptional. but i also know a lot of autistic people who arent good at school at all

we do not “suffer” from autism. yes there are some autistic traits that suck but that doesnt mean we suffer from it. “autistic person” is most commonly prefered but some do prefer “person with autism” or not have a preference

autistic people are born autistic. we do not “develop” autism at any age. we are born that way but might not show it obviously until later on. diagnosis doesnt change who we are either. were still the same person just with a label for things now

not understanding anything. this is one that is commonly applied to nonverbal people but we really do understand what your saying even if we dont always show it. 

lack of feelings/emotions. another one commonly applied to nonverbal people but can also be used for verbal ones. we all have feelings but it can be hard to show them. it can also be hard to identify which emotion you are feeling (alexithymia)

autism is not a illness. autism is a developmental disability or neurodevelopmental disorder

avoid mental ages. this is one that almost every noverbal person has had as a label. it is extremely ableist and not good. someone does not have the mind of an “x” year old. they are the age they are but with a developmental disorder or intellectual disability (or both) or whatever else

avoid aba unless it is specifically said that its a bad thing. aba  is abuse and torture and causes massive amounts of trauma. it is not a good thing

stimming and infodumping is a good thing. stimming is our way to regulate our emotions and help our sensory issues (but it can have no reason and thats fine) and without it we can have destructive behaviours. infodumping is a good part of having special interests (another good thing) and treating it as a bad thing is not good

being nonverbal isnt a bad thing. it took me a long time to accept that i am nonverbal so you can have internal badness or whatever but other people should not see being nonverbal as a bad thing (whether temporarily or not)

young white nonverbal people are not the only autistics. literally anyone can be autistic. that means people from every culture from every race from every gender from every sexuality from every age

nonverbal people dont communicate. even if people dont use aac they still communicate with their behaviours. and there are so many forms of aac as well that a lot of nonverbal people do end up communicating with one but if they dont then thats fine to

Sijia Kang photographed by Yelena Yemchuk for Vogue China March 2018

When I’m talking or writing in my own voice, I use a couple of words excessively: well, just, pretty. 

Everything is, “well, that’s just pretty great, isn’t it?” 

You probably have similar “crutch” words–words that you unconsciously favor. You can also call them “filler” words. Go-to words. They’re a big part of your voice. (That is, not the sounds you’re making, but the personality of your verbal and written communication, as well as your internal monologue.) 

Your crutch words probably won’t be the same as mine, but it’s not hard to figure out what they are. When you’re writing dialog, it’s pretty easy to let these words slip in, even if you’re aware of them. So that all of your characters will be repeatedly starting sentences with “well” and preferring “pretty” over “very” or “really.” 

Did two characters use “just” in their dialog multiple times on a single page, with no real purpose other than that it sounded more natural that way? Then that’s probably one of your words. 

Now, here’s where I may lose you for a moment. It’s okay if right now you’re thinking “so you want me to make my characters speak unnaturally?“

To you. Sure.

That use of your crutch word sounded most natural to you because that’s your natural voice, but it’s not you who’s speaking. It’s your character. Having all of your characters speak in your natural voice will make them all sound like you, which will make them all sound the same. 

It’s your job, as an author, to find these words and ask yourself: “is this the character speaking, or is this me?” 

If the answer is “oh no, this is me,” then delete the word. Sometimes it’ll be just that easy. “Well” can be deleted from the front of a sentence, and “just” can usually be removed without changing the meaning of the sentence, too. 

Other times, you may need to replace words, or even whole phrases. Think of who this person is, where they’re from, and what they know. If they don’t say “pretty good” do they say “decent?” Do they leave it at “good?” Do they say “groovy, man?” If they’re begrudgingly admitting it, they may say, “it was fine, I guess.”  

None of these choices changes how “good” the thing being described is, but they’ll have a subtle effect on the voice of your character. And when one character says “the show was fine, I guess” and the other character says “the show was groovy, man” your dialog won’t just convey what your characters thinks about the show, but who they are as people. 

And that’s what good dialogue does. 

Is it okay to give one character your crutch words? Of course. Unless you have a strong idea for their unique voice, your protagonist will probably be the one you’ll be lending most of your own voice to, as you’ll get the closest to not only their written and verbal communication, but their interior monologue as well. 

Give other characters their own crutch words and phrases. They’re a natural part of voice and language. If you’re struggling with coming up with another voice on your own, pay attention to the people you talk to. Steal them from your friends and family. Does your aunt begin every story with “oh, [your name], you don’t even know.” Have your protagonists’ aunt/neighbor/mom/whomever do that, too.