no but i'm still thinking about how much boromir would fucking LOVE the shire
it is beautiful rolling hills just stuffed to the GILLS with hobbits
including BABY HOBBITS
HOBBITS BUT SOMEHOW IMPOSSIBLY EVEN SMALLER
and yeah the adults might be fairly wary, but we see in the first movie that the kids come running immediately to see gandalf in hopes of seeing something magic
and now??? here is LARGE PERSON??? who can play swords and toSS THEM REAL HIGH UP IN THE AIR AND CATCH THEM???
boromir deserved to retire as the grandpa of endless waves of hobbits, and i will cry forever that he never got to live his destiny
weeping on the floor about
the idea of a hobbit mama scolding her faunts not to get too rough with "nice mr. boromir" as this man is exactly where he wants to be being dogpiled by giggly bb hobbits who absolutely "defeated" him in "combat"
warrior hands that have seen so much violence SO gently holding a TEENY TINY baby hobbit he was handed to let a papa hobbit track down his wayward toddler
(boromir fighting back tears because THEY COME THIS SMALL??? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???? THE BABY FITS IN ONE OF HIS HANDS???) (baby yawns and snuggles their lil cheek against his thumb and this man is nearly brought to his knees)
Official Manager Of Lifting Big Things
boromir accidentally joining a hobbit stitch and bitch club because someone's gammer asked him to carry her yarn for her to the meeting and he didn't know how to leave after he was greeted and handed food and tea
the club is actually fun, and the hobbit grannies respond to his tales of politics and battle with the same sympathetic clucking that they do to rivals stealing recipes, including his hand being patted sympathetically
boromir gets his own special big cup that moves from house to house for meetings so he can get an acceptable amount of tea for gossip time
there is So Much Lap for bb hobbits to claim
the concept of bb hobbits making him a flower crown for the spring festival so he can match everyone but having to adjust it twice because it's the first one they've made so big before
the idea of bb hobbits who heard stories (mostly from pippin and merry) who now yell out "GONDOR >:D" when charging into a playfight (they don't know what a gondor is) (they're not interested in learning)
(five of them are holding up boromir's shield and can't see past it) (they will charge headfirst into a tree) (they will learn nothing from this experience)
boromir having to learn how to do the cat owner shuffle because there are always faunts underfoot (usually trying to catch a lift on his feet because he can step SO high :D)
gandalf being lowkey salty because HE still gets side glances??? but boromir??? is basically seen as everyone's relative who just happens to be very large??? yes he is Big Folk, but above and beyond that, he is hobbit ✊😔
@milady-bugg oh my god great pyrenees boromir
@little---furnace
oh my god cultural misunderstanding of
in gondor: constantly at war, awareness of supply use, the polite thing to do is to ask for more if you want it but to always have finished what's on your plate when you're done.
in the shire: with hobbit appetites, a fully empty plate means a guest needs more. no one wastes a bunch (leavings will be fed to the pigs), but good manners to show you've had enough involves leaving just a bit to show you were well-satisfied and completely full. an empty plate means you need more to fill up the corners.
so boromir is trying to be done, but the hobbits just keep putting more on his plate, and it turns into a feedback loop of politeness that ends with boromir eating more than he ever has and still being stuck at this tea party two hours past when he first tried to leave.
the comedy of this poor man trying SO hard to eat fast enough that he can put his plate down and escape versus hobbit granny watching him like a hawk with serving tongs in one hand and a tray of mini quiche in another.
@emilybeemartin this seems like your vibe
Obligatory self-reblog of my Boromir in the Shire fic (it's a few years old now but it's a favorite of mine)
But my favorite Boromir in the Shire concept is all the gossipy old hobbit ladies suddenly fighting to invite Boromir over to do yard work for them, because they’ve realized he’s tall enough to spy on the neighbors over the garden fence. Someday I'll write this fic
