malconvoker

with the casted spell, r'ildryn practically leaps to his feet, leaving vespin a reassuring smile before taking off with bow and quiver of arrows. ( it takes a few hours, but the dark form is successful in his hunt; a brace of rabbits is slung over his shoulder, and a small deer sits on his shoulders. he returns to camp to place the bounty ... )

he wonders, now, if r'ildryn ever worries for him around fire the way he starts to worry when the drow hasn't returned from the woods for what feels like too long. he is about to start looking when he catches glimpse of r'ildryn's silhouette emerging out of the treeline, carrying the success of his hunt.

Jane Hirshfield, from The Beauty: Poems; “Three Mornings”

> who, then? > do you know? > did you ever?

oh, how precious it is to hear vespin's voice as entirely his own. it's a raw crawl up his throat, but it offered a security ellis wanted desperately to surrender to. sweeter yet, that voice begged forgiveness. there was a selfish sort of satisfaction in that but it was bittersweet. it pains him to hear that voice catch & break with the weight on vespin's shoulders.

" how do i know that's not a lie too? " ellis demands, memories bleeding from the fresh wound of whoever vespin had become. he's holding vespin's hand now, white-knuckled & tight. despite it all, it still grounds him & he despises it. he knows neither of them can have an answer. not one that could satisfy ellis, not one that could satisfy either of them. there had been many nights ellis had spent devoting those grief-written lines to memory, tracing & kissing them until he could see them with his eyes closed. ellis screws his eyes shut to escape the despair in vespin's gaze, but he can still see him in his mind's eye. begging for salvation ellis could not provide.

ellis is tired, angry & above all, terrified. instinct dictates that this is just another attempt at getting him to let his guard down. so he opens his eyes, though his vision is blurry with the tears that fall freely now. ( he is sure that if vespin could, he would be crying too. ellis see's it in the way his shoulders shake, unable to bear the weight of it all. he chokes on a sob for both of them. ) ellis isn't sure why but the notion renews the fire in him & he wants to shove vespin away as much as he wants to melt into him.

“ i will try... ” he promises weakly. his hand loosens but reluctant to let go, allowing ellis to pull away but hoping that he won't. “ i don't... remember everything yet, and i do not know that i ever would. but i know... ” he swallows at the weight of that word. “ i will tell you everything that i know. ”

he leads ellis to sit in a more sheltered place. the night feels cold for all the red hot blood they have spilled. vespin is quietly grateful for the excuse for some privacy, though he wonders if it put ellis ill at ease to be alone with him now. and if it did, could he blame ellis? the memory at the bhaalist temple comes back to him in flashes. he remembers the blood, the pain, and the flames... fire burning with infernal heat on his fingertips, pouring out of his veins like it's always lived inside (he understands so well karlach's pain, cooking from within with all that biting heat...)

“ i wasn't... in control of myself. at the temple. when orin... ” he starts haltingly. “ i don't mean that i lost my head, or some such metaphor. i- my body moved, and i could... i was occasionally aware of myself, yet- it was as though i was locked inside myself and... ” he shudders. “ and someone... something else took over. ”