When people tell stories about how their parents beat them, itās always interesting to see their face change because they expected me to say āme too lolā but I instead say āIām really sorry. You didnāt deserve thatā
Last time a co worker who also has West Indian parents was telling me in a joking way how he remembers being beaten with a belt because lied about his report card. As he was laughing it off and saying he deserved it, I just said āwow thatās awful hun. You didnāt deserve that.ā And his whole face changed. Like it hadnāt occurred to him that itās messed up that a part of remembering his childhood is remembering how badly it hurt to be beaten so badly at such a young age.
Another time I had a friend, non West Indian parents, who talked about how she made a mess on a dress that her parents got her. It was really expensive apparently and she spilled red juice on it. She talked about how she was ordered to take the dress of and was beaten with a belt too without any clothes on. And she was laughing and said āI was a bad ass kid lolā and I said āno hun you were just a kidā. And she looked at me and immediately stopped laughing and just sat there like āyeaā¦I was just a kid. I donāt know why they did that to meā
My mom was raised in a household where she was beaten so badlyā¦.I just donāt understand how she is so loving now growing up in a home where she got so little love. They called it discipline, but once she became a social worker she began to see that it was abuse. That she grew up terrified of her parents, although they thought it was respect that my mom felt. It was fear.
We have to get comfortable challenging what is often seen as cultural norms. We have to be a generation of people who are not ashamed to say āI would never beat my childā.
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