those birds are gay

6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

this doesn't apply to jobs like childcare

If i worked in childcare and my 6 hours were up i would start putting babies in ziploc bags and shipping them to Turkmenistan listed as endangered fruits and vegetables

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

it's because you're always in that damn coffin

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

sometimes older people get annoyed when i say "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" but the truth is it's literally not a problem

and sometimes you're not welcome

fuuuck I could use a mysterious benefactor right now