Still, the cocky shithead part of him is slightly pleased to finally have a claim on Henry.
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@malkinspenguins
Still, the cocky shithead part of him is slightly pleased to finally have a claim on Henry.
Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

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which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?
y- you were putting it in cold water?????
Radish. Answer the question radish.
yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason
You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???
[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]
why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it
Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove
Its takes less than a minute
Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun
How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove
Like seven minutes
Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…
Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted
Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic
Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief
(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)
RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell
Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act
Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?
MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!
FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.
RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?
Without the guide of others I assumed
That heat was merely added for the sake
Of expediting this solution’s brewing!
Half a decade I have spent, or more,
Not questioning this worldview I had made.
In fact, I am myself a bit surprised
That you might think that I, your dearest friend,
Might have a patience of sufficient stock
To wait until a pot of water boils.
FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?
The microwave will beep when it is done!
CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!
Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!
FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know
That I have not the patience, like our Root,
To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?
CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!
FROG: On what plate?
Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?
CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task
Of boiling but a single cup alone?
FROG: In minutes?
CATS'N: Yes!
FROG: I counted seven, once.
CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!
If on a middle heat you place the cup
You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.
Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate
Or even less, if you should have a pot.
FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?
You place upon the iron stove a mug?
A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?
How do these flames, though medium in height,
Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?
Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched
With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!
(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)
KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.
I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—
The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.
And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.
But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???
Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.
The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.
This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.
Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?
im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much
Something that's so funny to as a concept is that Jack, Chowder, Dex, and Whiskey all going to the NHL and reaching NHL stardom but and so they do a joint little interview segment, and Chowder is going on and on about how much Jack was a great captain, and so the moderator asks "I guess Jack was your best cattain in college, huh?"
And Chowder just immediately goes "Oh no Bitty was much better" and the moderator does a spit take
Dex is like "Bitty had a certain air about him when he was captain. He was commanding, but understanding and really lived up to the whole 'Got your back.' ...also, not gonna lie, it was kinda hot"
Whiskey just stares for a minute and goes "Jack was a great captain and did really good by the team." [A pause] "But Bitty didn't make us wake up for practice at 5am even for optional skate"
Jack is just looking at them all with a giant smile on his face and trying not to laugh as the other three chirp him
(Via @zimboniiiiii )
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT
Also the way that this would respark the whole Jack and Bitty stuff in the hockey world? Imagine ZimmerStans (thanks Abby /@zimms ) on Twitter seeing this interview and then just reblogging with gifs of the Center Ice Kiss and being like "Y'all surprised he loves his man?? smh"
And also Dex and Chowder just find old videos of Bitty as Captain and its literally so chaotic:
[Beyonce blaring in the background]
Bitty: IF YOU CANT FINISH DRILLS BEFORE THE SONGS OVER, YOURE DOING THEM AGAIN
Louis: You're killing us-
Hops: I'm trying!
Bitty: TRY HARDER! IF BEYONCE CAN SING WHILE RUNNING ON A WHOLE TRACK YOU CAN DO ONE DRILL
It goes viral and other SMH players are posting videos of Bitty as captain/during his senior year
Half of them show his ruthlessness as captain the other half have Beyonce involved somehow. There's a pie in every video.
When Bitty finally catches wind of it, he posts a video of a blog segment he never posted:
[On screen is a younger Bitty, around freshman year, in full hockey pads. In the background you can see is Faber, and Bitty is on the benches, seemingly finished up tying his skates]
Bitty: Hey y'all! I'm here at Faber, or thr ice rink! At 5 am!! You know why?
[The camera violently turns and points at Jack, younger and decidedly looking more closed off than now, lacing up his skates, but out of his pads]
Bitty: You're right folks! One Jack Zimmermann has graciously decided to wake me up at 5 AM WHEN I WAS PEACEFULLY SLEEPING to practice CHECKING!!! ...FUN
Jack, looking amused into the camera: Bittle, you know you have to get better right?
Bitty: I know I know...do you have to check me into the boards today, because I can make you pie-
Jack: Up, let's get on the ice
Bitty: Or are you a cake guy? I can do cookies! Tarts?
Jack, laughing: Just get on the ice Bittle
Bitty: Fine, fine
[Video cuts off]
It has the caption "You learn from the best, eh?" and a kissy face
Jack retweets it with 🥧❤🏒
sick pass by that one guy tho
when you just have to place a gentle guiding hand on your captain’s back… and let it trail down

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Still can’t believe I got to meet so many of the Pens at the Night of Assists! All such sweet men!
there's something kind of you-can't-go-home-again about being a hockey fan in terms of, like, your "first" roster is always going to be "your" roster, no matter how long ago it was or how many people have been swapped around, how many trades, how many retirements, how many free agencies you live through. it'll never be exactly like that again. it probably wasn't even exactly like that for a full season. i know there's a lot of jokes about "how do athletes deal with trades. what about their friends?" but it's also, like, what about us? what about our friends? to me, the penguins are always going to be, like, brian boyle and jason zucker and brian dumoulin and evan rodrigues and john marino, but for other people, the penguins go back even further than that. hags and horny and nealer and flower. you don't have to go too far down on reddit to find people who think about mario and jagr. i was a fairweather bandwagon fan for the avs when they won the cup and that exact lineup holds its shape in my mind perfectly, but talk to someone who follows the team for real and they have a tyson jost-shaped hole in their picture of the cup team that's still not healed over. i just love that. the inherent melancholia of being a sports fan is not knowing you're in the good ol' days when you're in them and then trade deadline comes. and the trade deadline comes every year.
First walkout shot of the season
Oct 14 vs. Flames
sidgeno cellies…
bonus ricky: “thanks, mom”

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Celly in slow-mo
Oct 13 vs. Caps
his and his goals but also sid on his knees in front of geno?
this is too much
Pride and Prejudice (2005) | Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)
he’s the perfect man. i need to study him.
update: there’s MORE
The founding fathers of modern Penguins hockey!

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happy ‘who tf is even on this team’ day to all who celebrate
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🎉 Happy 10 Year Anniversary to Episode 1.01!