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I could write an essay on Ameâs witchiness and gender⊠the way she was abandoned for causing too much chaos and should âknow betterâ at age five, how her natural self is something she should be afraid of and keep in check, the difference in personality between a seven year old Ame who doesnât have to perform gender for anyone vs. an adult Ame who is trying to fill a role in the community and as a result is much more subdued and maternal when talking to the people of Toma, making an effort to âbe kindâ because any expression of rage was seen as dangerous, âsheâs not a girl; sheâs a witch!â, her knowing that she is different from her maternal mentor and feeling like she is failing at her responsibilities, her instincts and ways of thinking constantly being put into question by those around her, particularly Suvi who had never felt uncomfortable in the role she was born to fill.
(deep breath)
her veiled explanation of the coven of elders to Keen being âa council of women who recently decided whether I should remain a part of itâ (even as sheâs obfuscating she emphasizes being an outsider in a group of women), her feeling like an outsider in the binary world of humans vs. spirits (which Eioghorain this episode says is not as clear a binary as humans make it out to be), how often she is accused of being too brash, too impulsive, too much, too foolish, and you should not be this way.
anyway. I have a lot of feelings on this aspect of Ameâs character. for reasons.
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[Image description: A digital drawing of Penny Luckstone and Riz Gukgak from Fantasy High set against a sky blue background. Penny, on the left, is a young, pale halfling girl with chin length brown hair, a pink flower adorning it. She is wearing a light blue grey varsity jacket over a black tshirt with a pink smiley face on it, as well as a shin length pink skirt, and black and white tennis shoes. She has one hand in her jacketâs pocket, the other balled into a fist at her side. She is looking at Riz with a goofy look on her face, sticking her tongue out at him. A small pink star is beside her head.
Riz, on the right, is a young, green skinned goblin boy with short dark green hair and a curled tail with a small tuft of dark green hair at the tip. He is wearing a brown sweater, green slacks, black and white wingtip shoes, fingerless black gloves and gold thin rimmed circular glasses. He has hand on Pennyâs shoulder and is looking over at her, sticking his tongue out as well. A small yellow star is beside his head. End description.]
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Murdina has to admit that sheâs been a little preoccupied by the entire fight for the cosmos thing and also by Sestia and Nikhil who are very distracting. That doesnât mean that Murdina doesnât care for anything else. Or anyone else, for that matter. She didnât even realize that she did something wrong until Sestia made some meaningful eye-contact with her after Kyshaar left a stack of towels for them without looking at Murdina even once.
âDâyou think sheâs mad at me?â, Murdina asks Sestia whoâs sitting on the couch with Nikhilâs head in her lap and a cup of tea in her hand. Her other hand is playing with Nikhilâs hair who makes sounds that suspiciously sound like a cat purring. Itâs entirely adorable.
âWell, I would say that she usually smiles more. And talks more. So⊠yeah. I think she might be a little madâ, Sestia says.
âI didnât even do anything!â, Murdina protests and stares at the stack of towels as if they can tell her what sheâs done to upset Kyshaar. Sestia takes a sip of her tea and tilts her head. She looks as if sheâs taking pity on Murdinaâsomething that Murdina also doesnât understand.
âI think that might be the problemâ, Sestia offers. Murdina blinks.
âHow dâyou mean?â
Sestia sets her cup down.
âWell, you know. You flirted a lot with her and I think she genuinely likes you. But you⊠uh. Have been a little⊠distractedâ, Sestia says. She looks a little flustered and Murdina can only assume that she recalls Murdinaâs last two hours of distraction which were spent almost entirely between Sestiaâs legs.
Murdina feels a little betrayed about that being held against her. Other people would be delighted to have Murdina between their legs for two hours. But maybe thatâs the whole point Sestia was trying to make. And itâs not like Murdina doesnât want to maybe also spend an hour or two between Kyshaarâs legs or anything. She just⊠hasnât gotten around to it.
âI see where youâre coming fromâ, she says glumly and sinks into one of the armchairs. âI should ask her out properly. Sheâs really amazing.â
Sestia smiles.
âShe is. And you should.â
Then her smile grows into a grin.
âShe looked really pretty.â
Murdina groans.
âI didnât even look, did I?â
âYou didnât.â
âIâm such an asshole.â
âI donât think thatâs true.â
Nikhil mumbles something about Kyshaar being way too complicated and Sestia gives him a stern look and stops playing with his hair. While Nikhil protests and whines about the hair-patting stopping, Murdina decides to rectify her mistake and follow Kyshaar.
Itâs not easy to locate her in all the winding corridors, the multiple bathhouses and the training areas, all of which Kyshaar attends to over the course of her day. Murdina asks a total of five people to find out where Kyshaar is working right now until she finally tracks her down in one of the lounges.
Sestia was right. Kyshaar is wearing a beautiful, bright pink Saree with a yellow choli, her eye-shadow matches the Saree and her hair is braided beautifully over one shoulder. Murdina takes a few moments just to take her in. When Kyshaar notices she blushes a beautiful pink that matches her outfit.
Murdina walks over to her and canât help a pang of guilt when she sees Kyshaar quickly occupying herself with some cutlery.
âHeyâ, she says. âDo you have a moment?â
It seems as if Kyshaar is debating with herself on whether or not Murdina deserves a moment of her timeâwhich seems fair considering how Murdina hasnât given her a moment of her own time in way too long.
âJust a momentâ, she finally says and looks up. Murdina is used to being the tall one, but Kyshaar beats her by quite a bit. âI have much work to do.â
âI wanted to apologizeâ, Murdina says, deciding that itâs only fair not to beat around the bush. Kyshaar blinks, her eyes widening in surprise. âI have been too distracted by everything else thatâs been going on and didnât make any time for you. So⊠Would you allow me to make it up to you?â
Kyshaarâs cheeks grow an even darker color and she starts fiddling with her fingers. Murdina canât help a wave of fondness overcoming her, spreading into every corner of her body with gentle warmth.
âMake it up to me?â, she echoes.
Murdina takes her hand and raises it to her mouth to kiss the back of Kyshaarâs hand.
âLet me take you on a dateâ, Murdina says. Kyshaar stares down at her hand as if she can see physical evidence of the kiss Murdina pressed onto it.
âYou mean a romantic date?â, she checks. It makes Murdina laugh.
âYes. A romantic date. Iâll bring you flowers and everythingâ, she promises and revels in the flush on Kyshaarâs cheeks that reaches down her throat and into her cleavage. She really does look beautiful today. Murdina should have seen it earlier.
âI will be happy to date youâ, Kyshaar says. âI mean. To go on a date with you. Iâm sorry. The languageââ
âI will be happy to date you, tooâ, Murdina says. To her endless delight it makes Kyshaar giggle. Then she bows her head a little.
âI made a⊠a bad job. Of telling you about my feelings. I felt⊠abandoned? No. Discarded?â She searches for the right word, but Murdina gets her meaning either way. âI just wanted you to see me.â
Murdina gives her a small smile before taking a step back and admiring Kyshaar openly. Some might say shamelessly.
âI see you. I see you a lot. And youâre beautiful.â
That gets her another giggle.
âI really should work more, or else I will beâum. Chewed out?â
Murdina nods.
âI donât want to get you into trouble. Well⊠I suppose I do, butââ
Kyshaar quickly leans forward and presses a kiss to Murdinaâs cheek.
âYou get me in trouble tomorrowâ, she whispers and then she grabs the cutlery and hurries away.
Murdina watches her until she canât see Kyshaar anymore.
Please excuse me as I descend into incoherent zeblue ramblings for a moment.
i drew this in response to @vaguely-concerned post about the lesbians doing each others makeup meme and it will go down in history as one of the best things i've ever drawn.
i will probably always be slightly insane about these two and i felt like this drawing needed its own post. so to those who have already seen it, thank you for putting up with me.