secretum secretorum.

War is the whetstone that grinds down all sense, all humanity.

But where would Camelot stand in that new complicated Britain? Arthur had always seen through illusions, that was his great gift, and now he found that he could see through the last illusion, and that was Camelot itself. Camelot was great and glorious, and it seemed like it would go on forever, but that was only because it couldn't change. Britain was changing, though, a new age was beginning, and one day the ground would shift under Camelot, and when it did Camelot would not shift with it. It would not stand. When that day came it would break and fall to ruin.

arthur wasn’t wrong. there was a terrible truth at the heart of his life that colored everything he did and everything he was. maybe all men had such secrets ; certainly he, bedivere, had one. arthur’s secret was that when he was hardly more than a child they had handed him the whole world, and the world had a flaw in it, and the flaw was him. he was conceived in sin and deception and murder, and no matter how great a king he became, how passionately he pursued perfection and devoted himself to god, he could never change that. that was the catch, that was the cost, and he would never make it right. it was like one of those cursed wounds from the stories, that would never heal.

Will you forgive me? Or if you are unable to forgive me, will you at least remember that I seek it from you?

I couldn't sleep for longing to see the you that was not you. I yearned like madness only for the you who was not you.

                         οὐ γἀρ ἢσυχος κόρη ἔλυσε χρησμῶν ὼς πρὶν αἰόλον στόμα ἀλλ᾽ ἄσπετον χέασα παμμιγῆ βοὴν δαφνηφάγων φοίβαζεν ἐκ λαιμῶν ὄπα Σφιγγὸς κελαινῆς γῆρυν ἐκμιμουμένη.