the last time i saw genesis we had gone to the museum together. i remember seeing people from high school while there. i didn’t like them very much. i didn’t talk to them. i remember us two walking after. it was brisk summer night. we sat down on a bench somewhere. we talked. she told me what she thought and felt. it hurt to hear. it wasn’t that she said anything inflammatory. her words made me realize the importance of sharing how i think and feel. i thought i was open and honest but this woman who i considered a serious girlfriend didn’t seem to understand how much i rated her.
and i saw it for what it was.
what does it mean about me if im with someone for years and i haven’t expressed how much i care about them? i was a scoundrel without realizing it. she did so many things that were absolutely wrong but she did them because she didn’t understand what i thought and felt — and it’s my job to open and honestly share that.
i failed her. i think about that failure often. it informs who i am.
curiously enough, i also recognize — from having spoken with many people — how odd it is that i reflect on these things in a way that allows me to see how i could and should do better. by any rational person’s metrics, she was dead wrong. i could’ve easily chosen to label her a “bitch” and a horrible woman and moved on.
it is the choice en vogue but it’s just not… me.
how can we grow if we’re unwilling to recognize that when two people who care part ways it’s a failing on both of their parts?
