under pressure !

“  got a whole lotta reasons to be mad,  ”  okay so maybe she’s exaggerating a little bit, there’s one very particular reason she’s mad.  “  let’s not pick one,  ”

@magicaepoena   ›   s.c. src.  ain’t no man by the avett brothers

      this feels like a trick , one that the man is smart enough not to fall into.    still , something is wrong with margo.    his mind scavenges for an answer , digging through to find anything that will explain why she’s upset.    hands raise slowly , the universal sign of caution.    tread lightly , josh.

@magicaepoena said :  “  just tell me that your feelings towards me were genuine.  ” 

“  i’m sorry james,  ”  alice says quietly, unable to meet his pained gaze. she groans and turns away, pacing the room like a caged animal.  “  i wasn’t trying to…to i don’t know, lead you on if that’s what you think.  ”  she insists.

“  i just…needed your help. i didn’t see any other way.  ”  she twists her hands together, knowing how bad this all sounds, but it was the truth. she needed his help, and he hadn’t seemed willing to help her the first time she’d come knocking.  

      THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME THAT SOMEONE HAS USED HIM , nor will it be the last.    for a moment , a single second , he thought maybe she actually had an ounce of caring for him.    that this wasn’t what’d happened with the others.    he was wrong.    clear hues watch as she moves & speaks.    & with a forced smile , he nods.

@magicaepoena said :  ❝  stop living in a dream world and start living in the regular nightmare world all of the rest of us live in  ❞

“  yeah um…  ”  q pauses, running a hand back through his hair as he paced around the cottage front room.  “  yeah that dream world is the one thing that kept me from killing myself, on more than a few occasions so…  ”  

he knew exactly how fucking awful the real world could be. but fillory was always there to distract him. he’d never told any of his friends at brakebills that, sure he’d told alice about being hospitalized but that was different. this time had just slipped out         there was no taking it back now.

“  so i think i’ll keep it just how it is. but thanks.  ”

      ❛    –    shit , man.    ❜    it’s the only reaction that emerges , poised lips barely moving to create the commentary.    the subject isn’t foreign to her.    all the times she spent high , many of which near death    –    those experiences were what made her a great magician.    one that wouldn’t take anyone’s shit.    one that fought far too often with anyone that would lend an ear.    the aggressive behavior does little to actually make friends , but she doesn’t exactly have the time for that.    marina would just take them away.

@magicaepoena said :  ❝  how to predict the future: think of the worst possible thing that could happen  ❞

“  you’re fucking ridiculous, you know that hoberman  ?  ”  margo replies as she passes through the castle’s kitchen. snagging one of the muffin’s josh had just baked, off its place on the tray. 

she takes a bite and considers the taste for a moment before nodding to herself.

“  maybe if you weren’t so negative all the time, things would be better.  ”  

oh fuck.  it must be the opium in the air getting to her, giving this sunshine and rainbows outlook on life. that, or josh had put a huge dose of uppers in the muffins this time.

“  what the fuck did you put in this delicious muffin  ?  ”

      STRESS IS SOMETHING THE COOK IS FAR TOO FAMILIAR WITH.    & when the man feel stress , he bakes ; usually his delicacies have a few strands of a few particular weeds , anything to help him relax a little.    that’s exactly what he’s put in.    granted , they hit hard at the end of the trip , which is never a pleasant feeling.

      these specific muffins were made in an effort to make the enemy feeling more appeasing.    the worst possible outcome that he can think of : loria murders them all after the treaty falls apart , or they torture the children of earth ; either way , they’re both horrible options !    panic catches his breath , waving at the desserts with a mittened hand.

      one is stolen    –    panic heightening , as they were not made for the other to have.    ❛    w - wait !    n – n – n – no !    ❜    & it’s too late.    she’s already taken a bite.

@magicaepoena said :  ❝  only the good die young  ?  phew good thing that i am so incredibly awful  ❞ 

quentin had no response to that, it felt like a test. if he tried to claim mayakovsky wasn’t awful – which would be a bold faced lie, he’d probably get laughed at by the man and fail the semester. if he agreed with him, there was also a good chance of failure.

 it all depended on what mood mayakovsky happened to be in. and q really didn’t want his career at brakebills to be over just because the old russian bastard was in a mood.

instead, he turns back to his work           picking what he hopes is the least confrontational option. 

ignoring him.

      the unsuspecting grin draws to the man’s lips.    silence.    smart.    in fact , this ‘ c student ’ may yet learn.    a bottle of vodka sits in the man’s grasp , leaning in just enough for the two of them to hear.    breath reeks of liquor.    but then , when does it not now - a - days.

      ❛    between you & me    –    ❜    he starts with a whisper , as if this is some huge secret.    ❛    i can be much , much worse.    ❜    he’s not expecting a response.    it’s simply a statement.

@magicaepoena said :  ❝  the best way to solve problems is to create more problems until you are dead  ❞

“  that…does not sound like a good life choice,  ”  quentin sighs, but he’s smiling. he might barely spare a glance up from his book, but that’s nothing new. they were both waiting outside the library for julia, who, for all q knew had forgotten they’d agreed to meet up.

“  but really,  ”  he adds after a moment, folding down the well-worn corner of the page in the wandering dune.  “  it does sound very much like a decision you would make.  ”

      GRIN WIDENS TO CLEAN FEATURES , arm wrapping around his best friend’s shoulders.    this is the perfect time for them to bond.    ❛    think about it this way , q    –    it’s an excellent choice !    ❜

@magicaepoena said :   “  why me  ?  of all people, why me  ?  ”

marina heaves a sigh and turns to face kady, who had of course, come barging into the safe house like she owned the place.  “  you know why, kady. because mommy dearest made a promise. now, did you get everything i need  ?  ”

with kady as her in into brakebills, each day, marina was one step closer to getting all of her memories back. and once that happened  ?  she’d be virtually unstoppable.

“  because, if the answer is no         then you’re wasting my time.  ”

      corner of lips twitch with aggravation.    the mention of her mother only works to bring her anger to the surface , mixed with a profound sadness hidden deep within the confines of her brain.    painted nails itch at the bag slung over her shoulder , reminding her of the one job she truly has.

“Well, I’ll let you poison yourself first. I’m not eating something without knowing if i’ll survive it,” she warned. She liked good food but she was mostly picky right now because it was Todd who offered the cooking. “I can do other languages better than arabic but you can help with Thai.”

@magicaepoena said :  “  i wanted so badly to think you were different.  ”

the comment stings, and the way jane had said it with such finality, quentin knew that she was done talking        but he wasn’t about to let her just walk away. not at least without giving him some answers.

“  well if you’d like to…i don’t know impart some special wisdom on how i can be different while also trying to save the world from your brother and making sure none of my friends get hurt, that’d be great         i’m…i’m all ears jane  !  ”  he calls after her, scuffing the toe of his shoe into the gravel path and tugging his hands back through his hair in frustration.

“  oh wait, sorry          i must’ve been thinking of some other jane chatwin who doesn’t only ever talk in fucking insults or riddles  !  ”

      this isn’t the first time she’s heard those words.    over thirty - nine timelines , he’s called her out on her bullshit more times than she can count.    it’s disappointing to everyone    –    just how little she can actually get involved in their adventures.    the only thing that jane can actually help with is quickening the pace to their little adventures.

      his little outburst works to stop her in her tracks.    with fluid movement , heels turn & once again they’re looking at each other.    she wants to help.    truly she does.    but there’s so little she can say that won’t affect the timeline.    one that , thus far , seems to be working.    only    –    quentin is going back to his old ways.    things need to be different this time.

Fillorian oranges was definitely easier. To be honest, Margo didn’t much care what food was precisely called. Easier to remember was for the best. She didn’t want to know how much different they were. Except if they had psychedelic effect. Then she wanted to know. “You can go for the salad but I’m curious on what you’d come up with.” She smiled at him, not loosing sight of him as he went to the kitchen. He was a sight for sore eyes.

@magicaepoena said :   “  i did something terrible.  ”

it wasn’t that quentin wasn’t listening          well, okay that’s exactly what had happened. james’ phone calls to him at brakebills had certainly dropped off in their frequency, which q knew was probably because he hardly ever found the time to call his friend back.

and of course, when he tried to return the calls, using the one payphone on campus  (  he’d found out early on that all the wards protecting the campus majorly fucked with cell service.  )  it meant that he was right in the center of the quad, falling victim to all of the potential distractions. 

this time, it was eliot and margo yelling his name.

“  james         what the hell are you talking about  ?  ”  the last thing quentin wanted to worry about was james or julia being in trouble, despite what julia had done…they were still his friends. and if one of them was in trouble, he felt obligated to help.

      –    WHO WAS HE SUPPOSED TO CALL ?    there’s something wrong with his mind , something is missing , but he’s not sure what it is.    the only friend he can think of is quentin & perhaps j    –    j    –    someone with a j.    it hurts when he tries to think of the other , forcing himself to focus on anything else.    he feels like he’s going insane , & none of his other friends would understand.    after all , most people at harvard probably hadn’t been in a mental institution.

      frown deepens , digits scratching at the scraggly hairs on his chin that have grown in some time.    fuck , what is wrong with him ?    hand moves to the back of his neck & silence fills the phone call for a time.    he can hear unfamiliar voices in the background & he contemplates hanging up.    quentin doesn’t need him anymore.

Quentin, Julia and James met in AP classes, the both of them highly intelligent. Part of why they got along. But magic sure was something complicated that separated people. Muggles didn’t need to know about it. Quentin had been as shocked as Harry Potter when finding out magic was real, not just a childhood dream.

“From the day i had my interview for Princeton and the guy died. I’ve been going to Brakebills - that’s the magic school - ever since. We’re not separated by personality, don’t worry. Just by what kind of magic we make. I’m a physical kid.”

      a mixture of surprise & content settles on the man’s features.    it’s the first time in a long time that he’s seen something different in quentin.    something along the lines of happiness.    the way he describes the school , even if it’s curt , is different.    he’s different from the boy he saw the last time they’d been together , & james can’t help but be happy for him.

@magicaepoena said :   “   all of the things i sacrificed for you didn’t mean a thing  ?  ”

“  what the fuck gave you that kind of stupid idea  ?  ”  margo snaps back, not in the mood for his emotional guilt tripping today. there was too much going on, and she could only handle so much real life bullshit. 

she’d been avoiding him as much as possible for the last two days, wanting to gloss over it all rather than actually let it come to a head. reaching up she massages her temples before turning to face him again, if they were going to do this         she was going to need a stiff drink later, and a damn strong one. 

“  josh. we’ve talked about this. i don’t know what else you want me to say.  ”

      MARGO IS SO VERY    . . .    COMPLEX.    it’s a trait that can be both : completely infuriating & command total adoration.    she’s beautiful , smart , &    –    on those rare occasions that she lets it show    –    kind.    in such a short time he’s become entirely enamored.    in his entire lifetime , josh has fallen for a total of two women ; & honestly , the first he could barely count as love , she was probably just using him for her little full moon problem.

      & for a moment , for a split second , josh thinks that maybe he has a chance with this one.    that maybe his admiration wasn’t so one sided , just like all the others.    clearly , he was wrong.    exasperation falls from him , sighing in resignation.    she’s right    –    the last thing he wants to do is hurt her in any way , including forcing anything that runs along the same lines of relationships.

Magic came from pain but he did feel infinite happiness when he was with Kady. What had started as just a fling had became serioiusly quickly. Catching feelings for the girl he considered his. “Definitely. Without question.” She was gorgeous and interesting. Smart and energic. Falling for her had been easy like breathing. “I’m going to take you there. I promise. I’m even going to take you to the Mona Lisa museum and buy you a stupid beret.”

@magicaepoena said :   ❝   it’s all fun and games until it’s not that anymore   ❞

teddy hears the voice and turns, quick like a whip          hand going for the knife he kept at his side.  “  it’s you,  ”  he says, trying and failing to keep the astonishment out of his voice. he still kept his father’s worn copy of the world in the walls on him at all times, and there was no mistaking her.  “  the watcherwoman.  ”  

he knows he should probably be afraid, the watcherwoman was the villain who overarched the plotline of all the fillory books, and while ted knew that the books weren’t just fiction, that fillory was a lot more complicated than the books made it out to be, he knew this woman for who she really was. jane chatwin. 

thanks dads. he thinks, hand settling on the ornate knife handle, but not drawing it to defend himself.

“  what is that supposed to mean anyway  ?  ”

      hands raise carefully to shed the hood that conceals her identity.    aquamarine hues land on the young man , the spawn of the past savior ; the one she believed would help fillory & earth alike.    the one who succeeded in his mission , only to die shortly after.    she’s not entirely sure if it’s happened yet    –    time magic is funny like that.    she has knowledge of the past , or rather , the variety of timelines that unfold before her.    the future ?    well , that’s always a little foreign , isn’t it ?

      ❛    i suspect ,    ❜    the woman speaks slowly , approaching the familiar face with care.    she remembers watching the little family , long ago    –    before her former self decided to appear , taking the key with her.    ❛    your fathers know me by another name.    the one that quentin found in all his books.    ❜

Her fingers interwined with his felt totally natural. A softness he had appreciated in the past. But any relationship he had felt like nothing when he was with Kady. The love he felt for her was so powerful, he didn’t know how to express it sometimes. But then she straddled him and kissed him and he was definitely getting hard by her touch, her body next to his. He slipped his hands under her shirt, unsnapping her bra to free her breast. “Something I know you like.”