Voluntad fuerte

So I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to respond to this ask (just because I tend to stay away from fandom discourse), but when it comes to my girl Katara, I can’t help myself so I wrote this anyways. There are a ton of really amazing analyses of the comics and how the Kataang relationship plays out within them so this will be a sort of personal meta based on my own life experiences.

Again, I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m no expert, and this is based purely off my OWN experiences (and my own research and my own interactions). That being said, let’s get on with the meta.

One of the things that stood out to me from within the original ask is Katara’s age (14 in ATLA and 15 in the comics), and in preparation for writing this take, I spent a lot of time reflecting on the time when I was a 14/15 year old girl. During that time of my life, I went through one of the worst relationships of my life – I won’t go into much detail, but it was toxic and manipulative, and it was with a boy who was actually a bit younger than me.

On a fairly regular basis, I work with both preteens (10-12 year olds) and younger teens (13-15 year olds) as a mentor. Though a lot of them deal with relationship drama, I can honestly say that most of them are not ready to be in a relationship. The same can be said for both Katara and Aang (or just Aang, at the very least). 

If I’m being completely honest, I can see Katara potentially being in a relationship. She’s often portrayed as the most mature member of the Gaang (alongside Zuko toward the end of ATLA season three), and she’s had romantic encounters in the past (those inklings of a thing with both Haru and Jet). Despite all that, though, I’d honestly have loved to see Katara explore herself as a person outside of relationships in the comics (because she’s literally 14/15 and she’s been through war and she’s had her childhood snatched from her). Even still, I wouldn’t have been vehemently opposed to the idea of her being in a relationship because again, she’s 14/15, and that’s when girls “typically” have a greater interest in having one.

Aang, though… Aang is a different story entirely. The fact that boys tend to mature slower than girls is no secret, and there are several studies you can Google right now that discuss the nuance of it. From my own experience working with both girls and boys around Aang’s age (12-13), the boys tend to act at least a year or two younger than the girls of the same age, particularly when it comes to things like dealing with emotions or romantic interest. I’ve had a few discussions on this with my own mentor who’s taught within that age range for over twenty years now, and she’s confirmed my observations. This is not a hard rule, of course, but preteen/teenage boys tend to act roughly a year or two younger than their numerical age. Contextualizing this for Aang, that means that he acts ~10 years old, and this is definitely portrayed/shown throughout the course of ATLA (and the comics).

Not only does Katara have two physical years on Aang (no, we are not counting the 100 years that Aang was in the damn iceberg), she also has several years on him maturity-wise.

Obviously just because a couple has an age gap doesn’t mean that their relationship cannot work. There are tons of girls who date younger guys and have healthy relationships. This, though, usually occurs once both parties’ maturities have levelled so that they’re on equal footing.

This is not the case for Katara and Aang.

They’re both very, very young. They both don’t know who they are as people. Generally, getting into a relationship at such young ages is a very bad idea, particularly when it stems from teenhood into adulthood. There are always exceptions to this, but it’s very easy to lose yourself in another person, especially when your own identity as a person is still not fully formed yet.

That toxic relationship I referred to that I was in when I was 14/15? I ended up in a very similar role to Katara. I would constantly take care of the boy I was with and clean up his messes. If he owed people money, they would come to me and ask for it. If he offended someone, I’d have to apologize on his behalf. If he did something stupid, I’d correct it. When other girls would flirt with him, I’d tolerate it and let it happen because I didn’t know how to express how awful it made me feel. I’d placate him and reassure him and defer to him because that’s how our relationship was. 

This is dynamic of the Kataang relationship. 

The girl allows the boy to make decisions for her rather than coming to one together. 

The girl tolerates the boy flirting with other girls because she doesn’t know how to say how much she hates it.

The girl has to hold the boy together because he’ll lose it if she doesn’t.

The girl doesn’t believe that she deserves better treatment because she’s grown so used to the way the boy treats her and disregards her feelings.

It’s unfortunate, but throughout the comics and LOK, it’s apparent that Aang became Katara’s reason. Her purpose.

And I honestly think that that’s horrifying. I don’t care if she’s “just” a cartoon/comic character. Countless little girls look up to her and adore her and see themselves in her. It’s incredibly problematic to have this sort of toxic relationship play out to such a large audience and be seen as “adorable” and “cute” and “wholesome.”

It only perpetuates this idea that girls need a boy to be their reason. It leads to these little thoughts being planted in their minds. It leads to them justifying a boy’s mistreatment of them because “Aang did it to Katara, and their relationship is GOALS so maybe my relationship is too!”

I’m endlessly grateful that I escaped the relationship I was in. I didn’t make it out unscathed, and I will always carry the scars I received from it to this day. But I didn’t end up married to him, and I didn’t have kids with him, and I’ve been able to establish who I am as a person without him. I’ve been able to leave him and the insecurities/hurts of our relationship behind me, and as I keep moving forward, I heal more and more every day.

Katara doesn’t receive this reprieve. She’s in a toxic relationship from the time that she’s 14, and it affects her deeply until the end of her life. She doesn’t get to discover who she is without Aang. She caters to her partner and constantly has to corral him. She’s left constantly with her two non-airbending children. I have nothing against healing, but the whole warrior aspect of her character is reduced to essentially nothing. It’s horrifying.

I think it’s really, really sad that Katara becomes simply known as “the Avatar’s girlfriend/wife.” It’s not right. More people should be upset by this. More people should recognize the toxicity of the Kataang relationship. More people should realize that the very traits they occasionally condemn in real men are also in Aang.

Bryke did a disservice to both Katara AND Aang through their relationship. Katara’s character shouldn’t have had to revolve around someone else, and Aang’s character shouldn’t have been allowed to stagnate so sharply.

I desperately hope that girls don’t end up in situations like mine or Katara’s. I desperately hope that boys will understand that there needs to be an equality in a relationship. I desperately hope that, if you’re in this sort of unhealthy situation currently, this post can give you the hope and courage to at least begin thinking about what’s best for – not only your partner – but also for you, as a person.

All that being said, Kataang is NOT a good representation of a healthy relationship. At all. Period. Stop romantacizing it, for the love of all women (and others! [because women aren’t the only ones who end up being trapped in toxic relationships – but that’s a discussion for another time]) who are caught up in ones like it.

For those who may have missed it, I’ll say it again.

Kataang is NOT a good representation of a healthy relationship. 

Look at it for what it is, beyond all the nostalgia and misogyny.