celestial circuits

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@prototype-ibrahim, @quantumseraph

Neil wished he could say he hadn’t expected the punch. But given all that had happened and the manner that both he and his brother handled emotion – which was, admittedly, not always healthy and or productive – he really felt he should have expected to get clocked. He just didn’t really expect it when he was in the middle of an emotional moment with Tieria.

At the very least Lyle had made sure that Tieria didn’t get caught in the fisticuffs. For that much he was grateful, the extra care taken for his lover’s safety.

Neil was sent reeling, nearly knocked off balance by the sudden fist to the jaw. Yet where anger would have normally boiled to the surface and resulted in an equivalent exchange of blows, Neil could only ruefully rub his cheek and give his brother a furtive look.

“Okay, you got your one, Lyle.” He mumbled, opening and closing his mouth, tasting the blood but feeling nothing broken. A plus. He glanced to the door, noting Regene standing there in shock at the sight. Eyes wide, skin pale, the lead of a white fluffy dog in hand. They’d both made it safe.

Tieria yelped when Neil was pulled away from him, already starting to protest the lack of contact. But he went utterly silent when he heard the sound of fist hitting face. He watched Neil reel back, but merely accept the blow like he deserved it. Somehow...seeing that defeated resignation there hurt Tieria, it made his heart ache. 

even if mistakes had been made...Neil didn’t deserve to be hurting

Granted, it wasn’t like Tieria could really lecture on that. It wasn’t like he’d been a shining example of ‘good choices’ in the four years alone. But now wasn’t the time to think about what had happened during those four years - Tieria needed to focus on what was going on in the present. He was with Neil. Lyle and Regene and Fish had arrived safely. And now...now he wasn’t certain what happened.

He glanced over at his twin, eyes wide. He wasn’t sure how to diffuse this, or if he even should. Because Neil and Lyle needed to work things out...and they had always had the tendency to speak with their fists...

Tieria glanced down at the ground and fidgeted with the fabric of his trousers. The fluffy white dog (Fish), seemed to notice the anxiety that Tieria was in, and was pulling on the lead to go over and comfort him. 

Hands lingered against Tieria’s face, the leather of his gloves ghosting against tear-streaked cheeks. Feeling the heat of Tieria’s skin was as close to heaven as he had been in so long that he never wanted to move again. He only wanted to remain close to his love, once lost, now found again.

“They’ll be here soon, won’t they?” Neil whispered, fingers tracing small patterns into the delicate skin beneath Tieria’s eyes. “Lyle and Regene…”

Soon he would have to explain everything to all of them. He imagined that Lyle would be angry with him, and probably Regene too. But he couldn’t blame them for that. After all, he had been missing for four years, presumed dead. Lyle was going to be absolutely livid and Neil had no alcohol up there to speak of. In hindsight he thought he should have bought a bottle of whiskey to share with his brother once he arrived, but he was rightfully focused on getting his family out safely.

Neil had focused on their safety for so long without thinking of his own, but right now it was the best option for all of them, Neil included.

“Did he follow the code phrase okay?”

Tieria wanted to stay like that forever, in Neil’s arms and only focusing on the moment. But like always, reality had to come crashing back around him. At least this time, Neil was still here...Tieria wasn’t alone. That fact alone made facing reality that much easier. 

His eyes closed at the feel of leather, the delicate patterns. Yes, he’d missed this, this closeness. Neil’s warmth, the feeling off being home. But there was a question he had to answer. “Y...yes, they’ll be here soon.”

Regene and Lyle (and Fish, Tieria’s mind helpfully added) would be arriving shortly. And the sweet reunion would be temporarily on hold while the Dylandy brothers inevitably fought. Because Tieria had an inkling that Lyle was going to be somewhere around ‘furious’ and ‘fight me’.

He sighed and considered it. “He didn’t really say much. Just ‘roger that’.” Tieria’s eyes opened slowly and he exhaled. “It seemed to convince him?”

Or it convinced Lyle that someone was impersonating his brother and he was to come and fix that.

There was only so many times that Neil could say “I know” before the statement lost any meaning. But even then he felt the need to reiterate that he was aware of his mistakes, how he could have done so much differently to avoid the pain they had endured for so many years. He had seen Tieria fall to the deepest depths of depression, watched him cry countless times as he pleaded to whatever deity was out there to return his love to his arms. Their brothers had suffered, their family ties strained by the ragged emotions held in their hearts.

He could continue to explain away each point that Tieria brought to the table, but what good would it do them now?

There was no turning back the clock to reverse the decisions made and no amount of pretty words could make any of what he did okay. He had hurt them all so deeply with his mistakes.

But..none of them could change the past–

“Tieria…”

–but they could change how it affected them now.

Neil drew Tieria close, arms wrapped around his shoulders in an embrace that encompassed all the heartbreak they had felt during their separation. Countless nights wishing to be held by the other, craving the warmth that they had shared, the security of skin against skin. Neil had missed it all so terribly that he felt he could never be whole until he could hold Tieria in his arms again.

Now he could, and Neil only pulled away from the embrace long enough to press lips against Tieria’s own. Proof that this was real, that Tieria was there, that he was home.

Tieria gasped lightly as he was pulled into a tight embrace. Warmth, comfort, and most important, Neil felt like home. It took him a second to process through everything - that this embrace made everything real. That all of this was real.

This wasn’t a dream

This was real.

Neil was back, Neil was alive, Neil had been alive this whole time. The thoughts that they could have had these four years together in some capacity flitted out of his mind as he melted into the touch. He was shaking as he returned it, arms slowly wrapping around Neil before holding on desperately tight, like Neil would disappear if he held any looser.

He inhaled softly when Neil’s lips met his. And in that moment, it was like no time had passed at all. Four years of loneliness and suffering hadn’t happened. They were together again and that was what mattered at the moment. They would work through the issues that the four years had spawned later, for now...Tieria’s focus was on the present.

Neil swallowed hard, trying to steady himself from the flurry of emotions that threatened to break his composure. He had been “dead” for years and yet Tieria hadn’t gotten rid of the ring. But why? Was he clinging to the hope that Neil was still alive, or was he simply unable to fathom removing such a symbol of their love?

“No, you didn’t…you didn’t have to…” Neil’s words caught in his throat in spite of his best efforts to keep himself level. Tieria kept the ring. Tieria had never let him go. Clinging to a dead man’s love and allowing himself the continued suffering of holding onto a memory. Neil had hoped in time that Tieria would recover from his absence and move on with his life. He wanted him to be happy, safe, and whole again. But now…he could see that would have never happened because he had watched half of himself die.

Just like Neil had never let go of Tieria, Tieria had never let go of him. His absence had hurt him more than Neil could ever imagine. He had never given up on him, and deep down Neil had wanted that. It was a wretched feeling – wanting someone you love so deeply to never leave you, even in death – but Neil tried to push the negative aspect of that emotion aside. He didn’t want to focus on that pain right now.

Slowly Neil reached to grasp Tieria’s hands in both of his, baying his love to look his way. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you, Tieria. I wanted…I wanted to be with you so badly…To hold you, cherish you…” He took a shaking breath, squeezing Tieria’s hands a little harder. He wanted to throw his arms around his love but he was honestly afraid he’d come apart completely if he did.

And yet…that wretched part of him wanted that as well.

“I didn’t want to let you go either.”

Tieria let out a slow breath as he listened to Neil, as he watched Neil visibly struggle with the emotions that were going through him. But...he didn’t need to get rid of the ring...then why was Neil surprised?

Tieria wasn’t just going to let go of something that meant so much to him...something that had symbolized their love, their bright future, his other half. Seeing Neil get...executed...on camera hadn’t changed how Tieria felt. It hadn’t killed the feelings. It had hurt, it had hurt more than anything he’d gone through, but it had only intensified how he felt about Neil, in a way. Because all he could do was hold onto those memories and hope that what he’d seen that night was false. That somehow Neil was alive...

And if he wasn’t...did he want to let go? No. He hadn’t wanted to let go of something that had meant so much to him...that just felt wrong. Maybe he could have moved on eventually - maybe. But because of how everything had played out, because of the reasons Neil had taken that mission...well...

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt hands on his, familiar, leather-clad hands. Tieria’s breath hitched slightly, the sensation almost overwhelming him with a combination of memories and almost tactile overload. When was the last time someone had held his hands? When was the last time he had held Neil’s hands? probably just before the mission that separated them...

It took him a moment to react, for his hands to grip onto Neil’s with such tightness that it was clear that Tieria was afraid that Neil was going to fade away again. That this was just some cruel dream that was taunting him with reuniting with his lover only to fade away and leave him alone when he woke up. Not that he’d had that dream often through the years. 

“I wanted to be with you...” Tieria’s voice was scarcely a whisper when he finally spoke. “I still want to be with you...” Again, so delicate sounding. While he was desperately trying to hold himself together, his voice betrayed him. His voice showed just how fragile he’d become over the four years. How easy it would be to shatter him again. “...I...dreamed that you were alive...I hoped...”

He’d hoped so hard that what he’d seen that night had been wrong.

And it had been.

That name…he had heard it before, not years ago like he had hoped, but more recently. It was only in passing with pain laced between the syllables, heard just barely through the scrap-made speakers of what was essentially a toy rolling around Tieria’s apartment. Ali…That name…Tieria’s fearful voice…images of Tieria curled and crying, nursing a blank eye as his brother and Neil’s own convinced him to get away.

An icy chill ran through his veins as the pieces began to fall together. Questions remained unanswered, hanging heavily in the air around them, but Neil hadn’t the focus nor the drive to ask them just yet. He didn’t want to know who Ali was – or if he was whom he was suspecting – or how he was involved. Not yet, for he knew the knowledge would only confirm the fears that had been bubbling in his chest, his reasons for coming out of hiding. He could address these later when their brothers arrived, so that they too could understand Neil’s motives.

Right now his focus was on Tieria and bringing him the much needed comfort he had been craving for the last four years.

His eye fell to the ring on Tieria’s fingers, a flicker of recognition. He knew the piece well, a claddagh, a family heirloom, positioned to show that the wearer’s heart was taken by another. It was the very same that he had given to Tieria that day all those years ago, after a lengthy scavenger hunt that took the entire kitchen staff to organize, and the proposal that followed.

Happier times, simpler times. He remembered that day well, and this fact was both a blessing and a curse with his years of isolation. Tieria smiling, crying from happiness, hugging him, promises upon promises of a home, a life, a new beginning…

It made Neil want to cry all over again.

He pushed the questions of Ali and that night from his mind for the moment and replaced them with thoughts of Tieria. His love, long lost, now in arms’ reach again.

“You kept it…” Neil said quietly, his voice denoting his disbelief. “All these years…you kept the ring…”

For a few moments after Tieria spoke, there was only silence...and that had anxiety rising in his chest, bubbling to the surface and threatening to spill over into everything. Because as much as Tieria didn’t feel he deserve forgiveness from Neil...he desired it all the same...

And the silence was...concerning. He bit his lower lip as the silence stretched on, his eyes closing tight and hiding behind his hands again. He didn’t want to cry anymore, this was supposed to be happy. He was seeing Neil for the first time in years and all he could do was cry about how he was sorry and how it was his fault. He should be rejoicing the fact that he was lucky enough to see Neil again...not dwelling on the facts he couldn’t change...

But Tieria’s gut twisted more and more from anxiety as the silence stretched on. He could feel tears burning at the corners of his eyes again until Neil finally spoke again.

Almost stunned, his hands fell away from his face again. Kept it? His brain was sluggish, only catching up to what Neil meant in time for him to mention the ring in general. 

Why wouldn’t he have kept it?

Tieria blinked, a tear slipping down his cheek, as he stared at Neil. His mouth was slightly slack, only closing when he swallowed dryly. “I...of course I kept it...”

He couldn’t comprehend not keeping it. Was he not supposed to keep it? Tieria supposed there was something sad about keeping an engagement ring so long after the death of your lover...but Neil wasn’t dead...