Mage's Muses

Hello! My name is Mage/Melly. If you are reading this, you have stumbled upon my blog where I roleplay as my favourite women but obese.

You may find the rules here...

...the kinks I will write, here...

...and my muse list, here.

As a practical joke, I think we should give the Shogun the ability to undergo heat. Just to see what happens.

It was... an extremely arduous walk for a wide variety of reasons. Ichiban tended to be flanked by his Fatui guards when he was still a Harbinger, so just walking on his own with Ei made him feel extremely exposed. He also didn't really understand just where exactly they were going, so his mind defaulted to the worst possibly scenario... and then there was the fact that there were still Fatui agents in Inazuma, based on the amount of Mirror Maidens he managed to avoid while he was hiding next to Ei. It was honestly really stressful. (He hoped that The Doctor was being truthful for once when he told Ei that the Tsaritsa would not order his recapture...)

For the most part, though, he had nothing to fear. Mostly because... well... Ei tended to get a bit heated whenever people tried messing with her son. You'll get to see why in just a second, actually.

"...What is this supposed to be?"

Ei said, crossing her arms as she saw a group of nobushi—that is, disgraced samurai and ronin who turned to banditry—surround them both.

"Are you vagrants still here after so many years? I must say, I'm quite disappointed..."

"Shut yer trap!" One of them shouted. "If it weren't fer you doin' absolutely nothin', maybe we coulda been somethin' by now! It's all yer fault!"

"...Is that what you think? Honestly, you sound like a whining, pathetic coward to me."

So Ichiban scoffs, looking at his hand in a dramatic gesture.

"I bet you believe that so wholeheartedly... It must make you sleep easier at night blaming everyone else but yourself for your own problems. What's it like, hitting absolute rock bottom?"

The irony of this was lost on Ichiban. Either way, that still pissed off the leader of the nobushi, rushing forward with his sword in an attempt to slice Ichiban to pieces.

"THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, YA VERMIN! I'LL SLICE YOU UP AND FEED YA TO THE FISHES—gwuh?"

And that is when the magic would start.

"As if I'd let you get the chance!"

When Ei was a younger, less wiser archon during her years with Makoto and her friends, she played the role of kagemusha, being well-versed in combat of all sorts. Really, her using a polearm and a sword was a requirement of needing to be just like Makoto in virtually all aspects, including combat style and what-have-you. Outside of that, however, she knew almost every martial art that she needed to know. Aikido, sumo, karate, judo, taijutsu—anything you could name, the chances are she's used it once or twice. Hence why, whenever necessary and when really upset, Ei could unleash her wild side, much like she had back in the confrontation against the Akademiya Guards back in Sumeru.

In the instant before the nobushi's leader had gone forth and attempted to cleave Ichiban with his sword, Ei had already disarmed them and was currently holding them by the throat. The leader was making rather undignified choking noises while everyone was watching in shock—and how couldn't they? The Raiden Shogun was a refined woman that fought with minimum waste and maximum grace! How could she fight like a street delinquent?!

"Wh—what're ya—?! Let go of me, ya—"

"MAKE ME!"

Reaching forward and grabbing him by the torso with her other hand, Ei had already thrown the leader at another one of the guards, and the remaining three were already advancing on her while Ichiban was standing away watching the carnage happen.

It was a thing of beauty, really. One tried swinging at her face, but Ei expertly deflected it and flipped him over onto the ground, subduing him with a single stomp to the face. From behind, the other guard attempted to cut her horizontally with her sword, but Ei backflipped with grace before launching three palm strikes—once at his elbow to make him drop his sword, once at his stomach to make him keel over, and then one directly up towards his chin, sending him flying. The final vagrant took one look at her and weighed his chances of survival, concluding that there was no way he could win—but chose to try anyway, rushing with his sword...

So, naturally, Ei gave him the most dignified dismissal that she possibly could.

She gracefully side-stepped, poked him in the eyes, and then roundhouse-kicked him in the head, knocking him out cold.

With that, Ei was surrounded by the downed guards, who were groaning in pain. No one would ever believe that they got their asses personally kicked by the Raiden Shogun, which was perhaps the greatest humiliation one could experience.

"...You know, I've got to hand it to you, I didn't realise you were such a good fighter."

Ichiban piped up, walking over and seeming genuinely quite proud of her.

"Well, obviously. The Raiden Shogun didn't get her reputation from just sitting around throwing lightning bolts all day."

"...So why didn't you use the Musou no Hitotachi to get rid of them?"

"Hm... I can think of a fair few reasons."

Ei crossed her arms.

"Firstly, they never explicitly challenged me to a duel, so I had no right to execute that technique... Secondly, I've no reason to hunt rabbits with a cannon when a dagger does the job just fine... Thirdly, the Musou no Hitotachi can—and usually does—kill people. If these fools have hit rock bottom, then I have at least learned from Lumine that everyone deserves another chance."

Ei sighs.

"All of these reasons are true in some way or another, but I do confess they're not the main reason..."

"Huh? What is the reason, then?"

"...Maybe I just wanted to show off in front of my son. Who can say for sure?"

Chuckling, Ei turns on her heel and begins walking off towards their destination.

"Let's be off. I'd like to get there at least before midday if possible, provided we don't get any further interventions."

"...Heh."

Ichiban shook his head, before following behind Ei dutifully.

Know for every Fallen Stars post that Noelle does not appear in, I am feeding her off screen.

Why? Obviously, because she's lovely, beautiful, a wonderful friend and deserves to be cherished. And I have a thing for maids and knights. Naturally.

It is a blessed day indeed for all Noelle fans, for if Ini's words are correct, this means that she will no doubt end up fatter than Ei by the end of the series because I keep giving her no screentime whatsoever. Sad, but true.

The party is currently travelling to the Kamisato Estate. While Lumine makes it well known that travelling is the worst thing known to man, it's made bearable by virtue of having lovely songs to sing as they walk. Case in point:

"Minami no shima wa~"

"Attakee~"

"Paina-purupuru,"

"Atama pokapoka,"

"AHO BAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

Their singing is cut short when Thoma points at an advancing Large Cryo Slime.

"Everyone, keep an eye out—!"

The poor son of a bitch doesn't even get the chance to regret crossing them before the Large Cryo Slime gets, well, slimed in about ten seconds by everyone on hand. It was a bit hard to tell just what was going on with how loudly they were shouting over each other and executing cool elemental moves and what-not.

"...Well!"

Thoma coughs awkwardly.

"That was... fast! You guys sure have gotten better since we last met!"

"Eh, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Guess I've got the Shogun to thank for that."

Lumine throws up a peace sign.

"SECOND VERSE!"

"Kita no shima wa~"

"Samui~"

"Hyakko i koi-koi,"

"Atama buruburu,"

"AHO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

Lumine might be ready to divert food from a pre-planned stuffing, but she can never stop Ei from literally shoving a 800k calorie nuke into her face. Mostly cause Ei doesn't notice she's literally shoving it into Lumine's maw when she's simply trying to get her to just check it out before offering it to her.

"...Now, as far as the public is aware, I do not have a son. That will change now that you are with me."

"Yeah, I know. What're you going to say when they ask who the father is?"

"...I was going to handwave it as either a fling from centuries ago or perhaps a form of mitosis?"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I'd almost prefer you just say I'm adopted or something!"

"No. We look far too alike for that. I suppose I can just always say that you were a gift from the heavens, and they'd likely accept that just as well as an explanation."

"...And it would be true, too, because you very much are."

"Ugh..."

You know, when Ichiban imagined confronting his mother a long time ago, he had thought that the end result would be an epic confrontation where he gets to assert that she made a giant mistake and then she could wallow in her despair for giving up on him or whatever. In comparison, what they've got going on now... is infinitely more embarrassing.

"Okay, listen, I'm glad that you're making up for lost time and all, but have you actually given any thought at all on how you're going to explain this? If anyone—anyone—finds out that your son is the Sixth Fatui Harbinger, there's going to be a lot of Hell to pay."

"..."

Ei's eyes soften, and she looks quite downtrodden as she looks to the ground.

"I... had not. Being honest, I was planning on taking a page from Lumine's book..."

"...and that means?"

Ei chuckles.

"I was hoping I could wing it like she does."

"...Great! So you have absolutely no plan at all!"

Ichiban throws his hands up in the air.

"I can't wait to get crucified by the people of Inazuma within the week!"

"...I understand your concern, but I don't believe that there's much of a reason to be worried."

Ei puts a hand on Ichiban's shoulder and smiles.

"You will be with me. That's all the assurance that you need, no?"

"I'm going to need a lot more than just that..."

"Then I can provide just that."

Ei turns and begins walking deeper into Ritou.

"Come along. I believe we have two people to meet before we can settle at home once more."

"..."

The cowprint collar and leash are ready, as well as her whole cookbook of extremely high calorie traditional Inazuman cuisine. She is ready for Lumine.

That's what they all say.

Thing is, the last time they had come to Inazuma, they required the help of a certain someone to even get past Ritou in the first place. Looking around, Lumine half-expects them to show up again, but finds no one. Sighing, she pivots on her heel, turns around—

—and bumps into said person by complete accident, who seems equally as surprised.

"Well, look at who it is! It's been a while, Traveller!"

"T-Thoma! I—I could say the same thing to you!"

Lumine yelps, jumping in surprise. A minute or so passes, however, and Lumine's expression shifts into something mildly more sultry.

"Still a sight for sore eyes, I see! I bet Ayaka's the same—"

BONK!

"OW!"

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN STEPPED FOOT ONTO INAZUMA YET! KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, LUMINE!"

"Hahahaha! Looks like you and your friends are still as lively as ever!"

Despite the verbal ripping into he got from Paimon so very long ago, he seems to have gotten over it...

"...besides, you should go for Kokomi instead, at least she actually cared what'd happen if you died..."

"...Ow."

Well, at least Thoma certainly got over it. Paimon, on the other hand, seems to still be nursing a small grudge over that, which is fair enough...

"Hey, I got better, didn't I? Gotta make the best of my second life, if you ask me~"

Lumine herself is hardly fazed at all, instead taking it in stride as she strides next to Thoma and puts the back of her hand to her forehead, pretending to swoon over him.

"If this is all a dying dream, at least I get to see a hot hunk before my world goes dark... Hold me, Paimon, I feel numb all over—"

"You know, Lumine, embarrassing yourself like this is really poor form considering we're here as not just tourists but guests."

Tighnari walks up to them, flanked by Noelle and Xiangling.

"...Hello, by the way, Thoma. I trust that Ayaka is doing well."

"Tighnari! Xiangling, Noelle! Now it's a real party, isn't it? To answer your question, milady is doing fine, though she obviously missed you all quite badly."

"Awwwww, we missed her too! I still wanna play the Hot Pot Game again—I promise you won't be able to beat me, Thoma!"

"...I'm pretty sure he lost despite 'winning' last time, anyway."

"It'll be quite interesting meeting Lady Ayaka again! I've only ever met her a handful of times, but she seemed to be quite a graceful, dignified woman... A bit like the Shogun, really."

"...Like the Shogun. Right."

Thoma's jovial disposition dims slightly as he looks up and sees the aforementioned woman standing a bit away from them.

Both Ei and Ichiban appear to be looking at the waves, with Ei applying some kind of—lipstick...? Varnish?—to his lips while he squirms in mild annoyance. It almost looks like a mother fussing over her son's attire before he goes out somewhere, which would be cute if Thoma wasn't aware of the fact that she was trying to take his Vision a while ago. (Mind you, Thoma isn't even aware that Ei and the Shogun are different people, and it's highly doubtful that Ei remembers him...)

"...Thoma? Buddy? You doing okay?"

"...Don't worry about me. It's fine."

Thoma clears his throat, instead looking to Lumine and friends with a smile.

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to take you guys to see Lady Ayaka. I'm sure that she can find some accommodations for you, unless you've got some already with the Raiden Shogun?"

"Ehhh..."

Lumine looks to the side at Ei and Ichiban and shakes her head.

"Nah, she'll probably want some alone time. I think she's earned some."

"Ayaka's place it is, then!"

"Aw, man."

"Paimon, don't be so rude to your hosts!"

SUNDAY MORNING - 7:00AM

There were seldom few sights in Teyvat that rivalled the sight of the mighty nation of Inazuma.

It had been quite some time since Lumine and company had last travelled to Inazuma, but the beauty of the country had certainly left a lasting impression on everyone present. With the sun's rays shimmering upon the waters and the striking architecture of Inazuma gracing everyone who visited, it was a fine day indeed to go exploring without the imminent threat of the Raiden Shogun lopping off Lumine's head.

...Honestly, looking back on it all now, it was strange to think that just a while ago, Lumine and the Shogun were fierce enemies. Those times seemed so far away now, and since getting to know her, Lumine could firmly consider her a good friend now—both her and Ei were key members of the party that she couldn't even imagine going on through Teyvat without them.

"Alright, Lumine."

Lumine's thoughts were shaken by Beidou crossing her arms.

"It's gonna be some time before the Alcor ends up leaving Inazuma, so if you end up needing a ride back for any reason... Well, just come give us a shout, and we can take you back to Liyue."

"...Huh?"

Lumine looked to Beidou in mild surprise.

"You mean you guys are staying here? How come?"

"We're going to be staying here for roughly a week-ish. It takes a bit of time for us to get back and forth from Inazuma to Liyue, and we've got to trade, rest up now that we can actually land here with time to spare, so on and so forth..."

Beidou crosses her arms.

"That, and Kazuha wants to visit Inazuma. I'm definitely not going to say no to a vacation."

"...Lumine."

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. Kazuha stood off to the side, looking at her with a myriad of different emotions on his face that Lumine couldn't quite place. In the end, he bowed his head ever-so-slightly.

"I never thanked you properly for all you have done in liberating Inazuma. If it hadn't been for you, then the Vision Hunt Decree—and, indeed, the Sakoku Decree—would still be enacted even now. Thank you."

"Well, uh, I mean... You really don't need to thank me... I do what I do because I want to do it, after all."

"I have heard that's your primary reason for doing things. I can admire that frank honesty."

Kazuha glances to the Raiden Shogun, currently standing with Ichiban as they begin stepping off of the ship and unto the docks of Ritou.

"...Even if I confess that I can't quite understand how your mind works, from time to time."

"...Yeah, I guess I never did say anything about that to you guys, did I...?"

Lumine clears her throat.

"Listen... I'm really sorry about what happened to your friend. What I heard was the reason I wanted to go to Inazuma in the first place. When someone hurts anyone I care for, I'd move mountains to make things right."

"Ah. I believe you may be misunderstanding me. My issue is not with you, though I must admit I was quite surprised when I learned you planned to topple Inazuma almost immediately after we met."

Kazuha looks back to his friend's Vision... the one that had briefly illuminated way back when during the final clash with the Raiden Shogun.

"...My issue is that the Raiden Shogun is appearing to simply move on as though nothing has happened in the first place. But that is neither here, nor there—I will no doubt see whether or not she's changed from when she joined your party."

"...Yeah, I guess so."

Lumine sighs. Being completely honest, it had slipped her mind that the Shogun engaged in the persecution of almost a hundred people. After seeing what happened to those who had their Visions confiscated by force, the thought of seeing it again was deeply angering.

It reminded her of that conversation she had with Noelle back in Sumeru. If she couldn't forgive the Shogun, she had no right to forgive Aether.

...But that's just Lumine. Is everyone else going to forgive the Shogun, too? Kazuha himself seems to be wary, which is fair, but...

"Alright! Run along now, Lumine. Kazuha, before you go, you're helping me unload some of the crates off the Alcor. Let's get moving!"

"Of course. I'll be right with you."

Alright.

...I had wanted to write some Fallen Stars content today, but I fucked up and realised I had to plan out an actual timeline for what I've got to write for the following Story Quests.

There are some people slandering Melly by saying he has a small dick. He takes issue with this for multiple reasons:

Firstly, mocking people for their dick size is both below the belt and juvenile. We do not body shame in this house.

Secondly, the possibility exists that it only looks small because it has not grown proportionally with the rest of him. Strictly speaking, it is almost certainly well above average.