destroyer of nations

sometimes people experiencing psychosis and/or mania will come up to you on the street and talk in confusing or upsetting ways. your job is to either have a regular human-to-human conversation with that person or politely leave. your job is not to call 911. do not call 911. you might kill that person if you call 911.

when 1D said does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes they were so fucking right

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

june is going to kiss you. Mwah

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

ive been thinking about how some trans spaces and media lack representation of bottom surgery and itd be nice if we could talk about and depict it more. but my attempts to formulate this into a coherent thought lead me to standing in front of the microwave idly thinking "we should normalize men with penises" as if thats a brave new frontier nobody has ever considered.

whenever I tell a story I feel like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls