Soft Flannels & a Leather Jacket

Oh so now it's "heresy" if I take pages from the Bible and lay them on the bellies of pregnant women to ease childbirth? Tell that to the healthy ploughman tilling your radish fields.

We're on a new platform with a totally different audience...we have to prove ourselves all over again...convince a totally new group of people to think we're funny and worth your attention....so allow me to drop some of my "A" material....the funniest thing I got.......here goes....... jeef berky

haunted house with the personality of a housecat. bleeding walls? scratching post. sudden drafts and strange noises at night? zoomies. human occupants trapped in an unending hallway? yeah the house is bored and swatting you around like a toy mouse

Yeah we're doing tours. What? No, we aren't selling, she needs to be socialized.

do you guys think jesus was hung

no i think he was crucified

maomao is my favorite "not like other girls" style protagonist bc for one shes a girls girl through and through. to the bone. and two she's just a weird little freak. absolute lunatic. they have the whole "omg she's actually beautiful and everyone falls for her when she's all made up" trope but the punchline is that she does not fucking want to look like that. she actively puts dirt on her face every day bc she does not want to be perceived as attractive (mostly out of fear of being used for sex work though at the same time she has the utmost respect for women who do sex work like she grew up in a brothel those are her sisters). she's Sherlock level smart and solves every mystery so fast but goes "well thats none of my business. anyway back to testing poisons on myself" she has the 2nd most powerful guy in the nation head over heels in love with her and is like "man this guy is weird around me what's his deal. I guess he's fine though because he gives me rare medicines and has no dick" fucking ICON i love her. also she once slapped someone so hard they fell on the floor. 10/10

If i dont [experience pathologically concerning sex act] within the next [arbitrary time period] im going to [federal agency watchphrase]

I really like how this reliably picks up notes around the summer solstice. That collective warm weather sex mania

We have underestimated the comedic genius of the elderly when presented with technology

grossly underestimated

I FUCKING LOST MY SHIT AT WORK

I laughed so hard at this I accidentally exited the Tumblr app and when I reopened, Tumblr had bolted back to the top of the feed, so I just rage scrolled through every single thing both posted in the last hour and that I scrolled past in the last hour to find to present this incredible tiktok to you, my dear followers. Esp @ritterssport