Madison

Introduction ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა

I often don’t know how to start introductions, it’s like my mind goes completely blank when I try to think of what to say, so, if you’d really like to get to know me (just as friends), don’t be scared to message! ( ^ω^ ) MDNI 💕 I’m 20 years old.

Unless you act creepy, I’m in a relationship and I’m not interested. I’m very nice, I promise, I love to talk to many interesting people. (^o^)/💕 I’m also here if you need to vent or talk about things that’s bothering you, I’m like a therapist friend. <3

What I’ll Be Posting <3

My personal poems, based on how I feel, about certain topics, or just random thoughts that came to my mind. I usually write poetry when I feel deeply, which I guess is most of the time. Haha

Short/Longer stories. I don’t write stories as much as I write poems, but when I do, I really enjoy writing about deep and emotional subjects. Things that really make you feel and see things from different perspectives. That’s what art is about after all.

My sketches and drawings, but I’m not very good and I don’t draw that often. Most of my art will usually be traditional, and I will most likely be sharing just to get tips and advice. Hehe Because I’m not necessarily new at drawing, but I always feel I want to improve. I’m still experimenting with my style and techniques, but I really enjoy it.

Outfits/Selfies. I also really enjoy fashion and dressing up sometimes, it makes me feel pretty. I suppose I do have a specific style, soft, girly, but honestly I just wear what makes me feel good and confident! Most of the time I’m dressed like Adam Sandler. :3 hahaha

Aesthetic Photos/Photography, or at least photos I find to be aesthetic and pretty. I guess this goes with the outfits and selfies as well, because I try to take good photos despite not being very photogenic. I enjoy thrifting, and sometimes you see very unique, vintage things there that I find very interesting. I have so many pictures! Haha

I feel very passionate about my stories, poetry, and things I share, so I hope I can find people who are also interested in it. 💕 I enjoy anything that’s deep and emotional, and I love things that make me feel emotions and give me new perspectives. I’m very open minded, and I love to see what other people’s minds and perspectives look like. ( ^ω^ )

The End, But Never The End of New Beginnings

I can always feel it in my chest first, the tight, heavy weight holding me down.

I feel chained to the ground, chained to one place, trapped inside a tight case with no escape.

When my eyes start to water, when I start to cry, I can never stop it.

It all pours out of me, like a fresh, gushing wound. It’s messy, and it fills the whole room.

When I try to hold my hands tightly against it to make it stop,

it leaks between my fingers and continues to drop.

So I finally just let go, I let it all release, I let it all pour out of me. Every drop.

Being so young, I longed to live in a better place.

I would visit my distant cousins and look at the way they lived, and wish I had the same things as they did.

To have clothes that didn’t have holes and stains, or shoes that were kept together with only glue and tape.

To live in a nice house with stable wood floors, and walls that were complete, so I wouldn’t have to worry what others might think.

Instead I had an old trailer with punched through walls and broken doors, where you had to watch your every step because you might’ve fallen through the rotten boards.

That is what I dreamt of, that is what I longed for.

But despite what I wished, the reality was what I called home, after all it was all I’d known. It still gave me comfort and made me feel safe.

When I look into the mirror,

I see two sunken eyes stare back.

I hear a voice whispering to me,

“You need to sleep.”

But my mind continues to think,

continues to wonder about every little thing.

Now it’s almost four in the morning,

I look at the pretty girls that caught your eyes,

and I try not to cry,

while wishing I looked like them for you.

I wonder what you may think of them,

and what you wish you could do.

I try not to notice your wandering eyes,

but when I do,

my heart breaks in two.

Maybe you feel that having only me,

restricts you from being free.

Still, you tell me that I’m pretty,

that I’m your only desire.

I hope, at least, that your heart is only mine,

despite the absence of your eyes.

But deep down, in the back of my mind, I know,

I walk alone at night, along the cracked sidewalk.

Just me, the flickering lamp posts, and the moonlight above me.

I look down at my shadow, mimicking my every move.

Sometimes I wonder if they have a name, even though we are the same.

They are mine and I am theirs, but it feels like night and day.

I raise my hand and wave, and they do the same.

They follow me every step of the way, and I know there is no escape.

Should I feel scared or grateful?

To know they’re always by my side, no matter where I align.

But when I look into the shadow, when I try to find their eyes, I see but a void.

Nothingness. And it makes me feel declined.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be nothing.

To have no eyes, to have no smile, to just exist, like a jellyfish.

Sometimes I wonder since they have no face to express,

no mouth to scream, what they feel, and if they feel seen.

Sometimes I wonder if they like being controlled, if they like being nothing,

Thrift Finds (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

The paintings and pictures I saw were absolutely breathtaking, and they were also vintage so it makes them even better. I really wish I could’ve gotten one of the paintings, specifically the picture with the beautiful fountain and the green scenery around it.

My Heart Locket

I always have you close to my heart, like the locket I wear around my neck. Wherever I go, it dangles close to my chest.

When I feel nervous, I hold it in my hands tightly, then I bring it up closer, pressing it against my lips, as if giving you a kiss.

It’s a comforting reminder that I really have you, that you’re really here, even when you are not near.

When I miss your face, when I miss your love, I open the locket up, and I see what my heart is made of.

Despite The Decay

I wish to bloom like a flower, freely and gracefully, without having that lingering fear of being ripped from my roots, or who might be plotting it from the distance.

I want to spread each of my petals out completely and show my true colors. I want to dance with the wind, feel its warm breeze blow me forward, only for it to gently catch me and bring me back up.

I want to look up at the sun and reach my leaves out to it, and feel the warm beams pull me its way, consuming its love and grace. I knew I’d never felt so alive and safe.

But still, that feeling lingered… the fear of being ripped from my roots, leaving behind important parts of me, the parts that aren’t that clean or pretty, but still who I am deep down.

I wondered, if eyes could admire my delicate petals, my soft colors, and the structure of my stem, if they could also admire my roots and my thorns.

Even if the thorns may poke them and draw blood, even if the soil may get their hands all dirty. I hope, if they can admire the pretty parts of me, then they can also admire my other parts deep down, that aren’t seen, that aren’t as appealing.

I hope, if I’m ever picked, that they’re as gentle with me as the sun and the wind, that they will dig up all my roots, leaving none behind. So then, they will know all my parts well, and I can continue to live longer and shine.

The Rest of My Life

I love the way you say my name, with your soft voice and gentle accent,

as if it was the only name you could speak of, the only one on your mind.

You handle me with such grace, sometimes I feel you think I’d break,

but when you get rough, you still show me and fill me up with so much of your love.

When I see your face, when I look into your eyes, I just know,

Ice Cream

It’s best to eat ice cream slowly, if you eat it too fast, your tongue will get so cold that you won’t even be able to taste how truly delicious it is.

It’s best to wait until it melts, just a little, just until the sides are smooth and slightly dripping. If it’s not, if it’s too frozen and tough, then it might bend your spoon.

You take a small bite, then you hold it in your mouth until it slowly melts on your tongue, then down your throat. You close your eyes, you smile, and you savor all the flavors. You savor it completely.

I Want… I Need…

I want to be seen,

I want to look like the girls on the screens.

I want to be desired,

desired by everyone who sees.

I want to be lovely,

lovely like the flowers in spring.

I want to be loved,

loved like the moon light and the cold breeze.

I want, I want, I want…

I need, I need, I need…

When I was eight years old, I remember whispering in my mothers ear that if she had ever passed away, I would kill myself, because I didn’t want to live without her.

I remember it so clearly. Her soft smile turning into a concerned expression, the harsh scolding she gave me after I whispered those words, but mainly, how strongly I had meant them.

Maybe, it was too much for me to say, but I thought it would’ve made her happy to know that I had loved her that much. So, after that day, I learned to hold back.

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt strongly about the things I care about, especially the love I have for people. It’s always been something that would consume me whole.

But, despite me feeling love so deeply, it was rare for me to find someone to give it all to, that would accept it all, without making me feel like I was doing something wrong, like I should hold certain parts back.

When I love someone, I do it with all my heart, all my soul, all my body. I feel for them so intensely, so passionately, until just the thought of them consumes me completely.

The Life I Live Is All in My Head

When I sit behind the screens, when I close my eyes, I have a life. The life I have, the life I live, is all in my head.

I can feel the pain in my heart, I can feel every drop of blood shed, hear every word said, yet it’s all just in my head.

Last Summer

The grass was green, smelling freshly cut, a reminder of when I was little and carefree.

The birds under the bridge were singing songs, I felt they were singing to me, a lullaby.

It was a reassuring reminder of safety, of peace, telling me to let go.

The sun shining directly above me felt like a warm hug, like a mother embracing her child.

The Feeling of Love

As I slowly ran my hand through the cats soft yet messy fur, I wondered if he had ever felt a gentle touch before, one with genuine warmth and admiration.

Before gaining his trust, the trust that now seems so special between him and me, he was very timid and skittish. I would carefully reach out my hand, only for him to flinch and run away.

Though, I couldn’t just give up on him, never. Even though he could not talk, his eyes told me everything he felt, they were like a mirror to his soul.

I knew that he wanted to trust, he wanted to feel admired, he wanted to feel loved… but the hands he was dealt with before, did not show him such things.

So in this moment, with my hand gently rubbing against his chin, I can see in his eyes, a sense of shock, a sense of uncertainty, as if he had never experienced it before.

Dread