what book is that?!

‘ could you shut up for five minutes? ’

‘ i have a better idea. why don’t you walk home? ’

‘ so what? ’

‘ i don’t give a shit. ’

‘ aw, did i hurt your wittle feelings? ’

‘ are you serious! ’

‘ how could you let this happen! ’

‘ kiss. my. ass. ’

‘ oh, did i do that? silly me. ’

‘ one more word and i’ll burn your breakfast. don’t test me. ’

‘ admit it. i was right. ’

‘ get out. ’

‘ you’re wrong and you know it. ’

‘ yeah? make me. ’

‘ better let an expert handle this one. ’

‘ i hope you get sunburn! ’ 

‘ i hope you get frostbite! ’

‘ have fun getting home. ’

‘ hope you’re happy, asshole. ’

‘ get your hands out of my face. ’

‘ sorry, what was that? i couldn’t hear you over the bullshit. ’

‘ un-fucking-believable. ’ 

‘ forget it. i’ll do it myself. ’

‘ hey, fuck you! ’

‘ jesus, it was a joke. get over yourself. ’

‘ i hope you step on a lego. ’

‘ you’re leaving. right now. ’

‘ eat my shorts. ’

‘ this blows! ’ 

“My husband is marrying your husband.”

“As germane as that question might be, I’d like to focus on this hideous font.”

“If you let your eyes relax, you can see a lion in there.”

“Here, pull my finger.”

“No, I’m not doing that again.”

“If people are shy about dancing, he’ll kick things off.”

“I still think it’s an abomination we’re not serving a red meat option.”

“He was a prince, except when he puked in my bed and then ate it.”

“He’s real thoughtful that way.”

“He also thoughtfully ate two bees, a wooden spoon, and my favorite spanx.”

“She just verbally molested me.”

“Do you know that 84% of postmenopausal women find sex painful?”

“Why are you saying those words?”

“Women are putting terrible chemicals in their body and the problem is nobody’s talking about it.”

“The problem is you’re talking about it.”

“We’re going to leave these filthy ladies be.”

“Personal lubricant is for everyone.”

“You don’t strike me as a golf guy.”

“What’s real, [name]? Who are you, seriously?”

“Can you remind me to remind him?”

“I’m going to take a picture of your dysfunction.”

“Maybe we’re a little too close, but at least I have a relationship with my ex.”

“So it’s okay for you to spend time with your ex, but not me?”

“You know I hated it, and shouldn’t be bringing it up right now, and yet here you are bringing it up again.”

“Nobody wants lotion socks.”

“She’s really good at coming up with new stuff.”

“She is not the only person in my family who has great ideas.”

“There are twice as many dry vaginas out there as there are wet ones.”

“If it wasn’t for your gorgeous penmanship, you would have been fired a long time ago.”

“I just think it’s wonderful that you’re helping him with his wedding.”

“I’m so happy for them, and just gay people in general.”

“Shouldn’t you be rappelling down a glacier somewhere?”

“It’s not magical, or life-affirming, or transformative.”

“To what do I owe this lovely surprise visit?”

“I’m here to tell you that this is the last time I remind you of your flu shot, because we need to set boundaries with each other going forward.”

“This is all a cover to find out why I’m not invited to your wedding.”

“Of course you’re invited to my wedding.”

“Threesomes are great for golf.”

“This is love, isn’t it? To fly towards a secret sky?”

“What if I ran off and had tons of fun with your identity?”

“Good luck having tons of fun with my identity.”

“I was an only child. I used to have fun with a roll of tape.”

“You’re funny for an accountant.”

“You’re a glass half-full person, aren’t you.”

“Did you tell everybody they had to go home and use lube?”

“The United States Postal Service have been known to make mistakes.”

“I’m not having this argument with you again.”

“I’m postulating that you passive-aggressively and accidentally-on-purpose forgot to send it.”

“All I know is that you wouldn’t be this mad if you didn’t feel guilty about something.”

“Who was inside of you last night?”

“Anyone who can do this is a powerful witch.”

“Since when did you become such an expert on men?”

“I’m afraid that if I don’t do the things that he loves to do, that he’ll find someone else who will.”

“I got so caught up in not being invited, I never thought about whether I actually wanted to go.”

“They felt so bad that I got stood up again, they gave me free cheesecake.”

“I just had a pretty intense realization with him, which led to an avalanche of ‘ah-ha’ moments.”

“I kind of got this thing about being stood up twice in one week.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a happy thing.”

“This wedding’s nothing but a pain in the ass.”

“I like this thing of us saying exactly what we mean.”

“I wonder if things would have been different if we’d done this a long time ago.”

“I read in a magazine that planning a wedding can be harder than the first year of marriage.”

feel free to change pronouns, titles, etc as necessary.

“ we’ve no quarrel with the ___.”

“ you’re welcome to share our breakfast.”

“ you’re going to need a lot of eggs.”

“ a few grains should help you sleep, but only a few, and not every night.”

“ all right, it’s your turn. not your first, but your best kisser.”

“ who? you must tell us.”

“ i’m not like you.”

“ my family is not titled.”

“ i can’t afford even little mistakes.”

“ it’s dangerous to get involved with a prince.”

“ i’m not a fool.”

“ i know a true royal would never look at me except to ruin me.”

“ i can take care of myself.”

“ your majesty, ___ is here, and wishes to see you at once.”

“ they’re out in number. they’re looking for weaknesses, and if they find any…”

“ we must respond with strength.”

“ not enough. we need more men.”

“ he’s been asked and he’s been slow to answer.”

“ what happened?”

“ right now, we have immediate problems.”

“ as queen, you must do something.”

“ you have my sympathy.”

“ i believe her majesty is here for more than just sympathy.”

“ supplies are useless without men. surely you can spare a few.”

“ you are supposed to be our ally.”

“ i hope you understand the position you’re putting us in.”

“ lives will be lost.”

“ complicated? people will be dying soon, isn’t that complicated enough?”

“ then we’re on the same side.”

“ now we have no real power. we have to wait.”

“ no. i’m tired of waiting.”

“ sometimes you just need to kick something.”

“ it’s stuck. maybe you should fetch someone with a ladder.”

“ do you often stroll in trees, your majesty?”

“ i’ll be fine. are you alright?”

“ just promise, no more attacks from the sky.”

“ i might not have made a very good first impression, but i see why you like him.”

“ your mind’s elsewhere.”

“ by all means, explain.”

“ so it’s a balance of risks either way.”

“ except i’ve decided the reasons against outweigh the reasons for.”

“ and guess what: i’m king.”

“ if you win, i shut up about this whole subject.”

“ but your word, your wager.”

“ well that’s what kings do. we make promises to everybody, and whatever works for the realm, we keep. otherwise, they never happened.”

“ i don’t need any more lessons right now.”

“ what kind of deal?”

“ may i know where you’re taking me, your majesty?”

“ i didn’t want to be overheard.”

“ may i have a hint?”

“ it’s not a small thing to anger a king in his own house.”

“ i’d never do that. never.”

“ i sense a refusal.”

“ i haven’t told him yet.”

“ tell me exactly what you saw.”

“ well i know you’ve done your best, thank you.”

“ why don’t you share your wisdom with all of us?”

“ i don’t control my visions, they come and go as they will.”

“ leave him alone.”

“ or is that the best you can do?”

“ you’ll never go home.”

“ that was all i was given. you know no more than i.”

“ enough of this foolishness.”

“ why would you say that to my friend?”

“ i can only see what i’ve seen.”

that sly come hither stare that strips my conscience bare ,  it’s witchcraft .

there’s no nicer witch than you .

in other words ,  hold my hand .

in other words ,  baby ,  kiss me .

you are all i long for .

please be true .

i love you .

i’ve got you under my skin .

i tried so ,  not to give in .

i’d sacrifice anything ,  come what might ,  for the sake of having you near .

you can never win .

use your mentality .

just the thought of you makes me stop before i begin .

i will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight .

you’re lovely ,  with your smile so warm .

with each word your tenderness grows .

lovely ,  never ,  never change .

keep that breathless charm .

i’ve got the world on a string .

what a world .

what a life .

lucky me .

life is a beautiful thing .

man ,  this is the life .

i get a kick out of you .

“Oh Leeevvvvyyyyyyy!” Lucy called as she skipped into the guild, holding a wrapped gift and a box of chocolate covered strawberries in her hands. “Levy! I have a Valentines Day present for you!” Seeing the little blue haired script mage sitting at her usual table with her nose buried in a book, she giggled and headed over to her, sitting down and placing the wrapped package on the book in front of her, obscuring her vision of it. “Open it open it open it!” She said excitedly, already knowing that she would love what she’d gotten her - an ancient, rare book of lost magics that she’d received as part of a reward for her last solo mission.

@madeofscript

Rereading one of her favorite books for the millionth time, Levy could usually ignore the noise in the guild hall pretty easily, but for some reason today was a bit harder than usual. Perhaps it was cause it was Valentine’s Day and everyone cared a little more extra today?

Regardless, she’d heard a familiar voice call out to her and then something was placed between her and her book she’d been reading. Giggling, the bluenette looked up towards the excited blonde before her, confusion written all over Levy’s face. “Lu-chan, what in the world?” Shutting her book and placing it aside and did as she was told.