Campfire Stories: The BDSM Edition
As part of the Cabin’s mission to support creators, we’ve decided to expand our “campfire stories” reviews to include themed lists of fics from any and all fandoms. Our first edition is going to deal with something that has received a lot of attention in the fanfiction world over the last few years: BDSM.
BDSM is so much more than one person telling the other what to do, and all too often, we read fic that oversimplifies the relationship between dom and sub. Even worse, there’s a lot of fic out there that involves mistrust or outright fear in the guise of power play, fic that doesn’t pay any attention to the deeper emotional impact of BDSM, fic that neglects aftercare and basic safety precautions… the list goes on. Cruelty is not the same as kink. Too many of the so-called Doms in fanfiction are nothing short of abusive.
There’s nothing wrong with exploring dark, dangerous, or unhealthy relationships through fic. However, there’s an extremely important difference between exploring dark subjects and romanticizing them. The writer should know the difference, and include trigger warnings accordingly. There’s also nothing wrong with writing about something you’ve never actually experienced firsthand, but if you’re considering writing a BDSM fic, we encourage you to get educated and do your research first. Given the complexity of the dynamic, the potential danger, and the amount of emotional and physical risk involved in a real BDSM partnership, misinformation and misrepresentation can be outright harmful.
So, yes, it’s easy to find fanfiction that doesn’t get it right, but there’s also a huge amount of fic out there that does. There are so many writers who approach the subject with accuracy, sensitivity, and realism, and we want to share their stories with you. Some of the stories we’ve rounded up depict BDSM done by the book, with attention to safety and formal terminology. Others are realistic examples of how badly wrong things can go, or illustrations of the potential emotional impact of engaging in this sort of play. We’ve tried to highlight all sorts of different experiences and relationships, but all these fics explore the subject with nuance, depth, and realism.
Before we get to that, there are a couple common bits of BDSM vocabulary that we wanted to explain, for anyone who might be exploring the subject for the first time through fic.
You’ll hear the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual” come up a lot; this is the core of ethical BDSM, and the most important guiding principles of any sort of play.
Safety refers to basic physical safety, which is incredibly important when dealing with things like bondage, asphyxiation, wax play, impact play, etc. Responsible BDSM requires education (which areas of the body aren’t safe to hit, for example) and precautions, such as having a backup plan if a partner needs to be quickly freed from restraints, or a signal to replace a safe word if a partner is gagged.
When we talk about sanity, we are referring to the emotional side of safety. Power exchange involves a huge amount of trust and vulnerability. Both partners should be aware of their own physical and mental limits, and should feel comfortable stopping at any time. “Sane” BDSM does not involve guilt, coercion, or a sense of obligation.
Consent. Consent is essential for sex, obviously, but even more so when some of the fantasies being acted out might involve a facsimile of violence, force, or struggle. Things like pain, humiliation, forced orgasms, or rape fantasies might be part of a couple’s dynamic, or a kink that they have agreed to explore together. However, unless those things are done with clear expectations, limits, and communication, they are not consensual.
Dom- and sub-drop are the terms for the aftereffects of a scene, which can feel like physical exhaustion or emotional instability in a wide range of forms. Some people don’t experience this, some experience it immediately and intensely, some feel it for days… everyone is different. The heightened state experienced during a scene (referred to as dom-space or sub-space) is partly the result of a flood of endorphins, adrenaline, and other chemicals, and when those chemicals and the associated high wear off, the result is very much like the comedown from other forms of high. It’s normal to feel anxious, insecure, or depressed in the aftermath of an intense scene, but it’s important to recognize that feeling for what it is, and to take care of yourself and/or your partner so that you can get through it.
Which brings us to the next point: aftercare! Aftercare is how we get back to normal after an intense scene, both physically and emotionally. From a physical standpoint, this can mean first aid (taking care of bruises or cuts), making sure a partner hydrates, or bringing their blood sugar up. From an emotional standpoint, it might involve cuddles, physical affection, reassurance, and touching base about what each partner felt about the scene. Again, this is something that both partners need to communicate about, so that the other knows how to take care of them. Aftercare is not an apology for something that went wrong, it’s not a “special occasion” thing, it’s not a couple words and a pat on the back… it’s essential, every time.
Last but not least, considering that this is an incredibly personal subject, we wanted to explain our personal backgrounds and experiences with BDSM to give some context for our reviews. We’ve done so very briefly before the fics we each chose to share. Even within our little group, there’s a wide variety of backgrounds and preferences; the world of BDSM is even more complicated and diverse. It’s definitely more diverse than mainstream, commercialized literature and film would have you believe, and there’s so much out there to explore. Our fic selections barely scratch the surface. Please reblog with recommendations of your own!
If you choose to experiment in real life, please do so with someone you trust. Meanwhile, happy reading!
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