Supernatural Love

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t want blood all over my clothes with more holes,” you chuckled. 

“This is stupid,” he grumbled. “It’s not going to do anything.”

“What’s your issue?” you sassed back. “We talked about this. This is the only way we can protect you from

stabbing anyone else, like Sam.” 

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes as he turned to move away. “I’m going back.”

You pushed forward and grabbed his shoulder, turning his attention to you. 

“What the hell Dean? I thought we agreed?”

“Leave it,” He tried to pull away but you put your hand on his cheek to stare into your eyes. 

“No. I can’t let you walk away,” you stayed firmly with your hand still resting on his cheek. “I won’t.”

“Y/N, stop-“

“No you stop being a bitch,” you spat at him. “How are you supposed to learn how to control it if you keep trying to ignore it? So get your head in the game and do it.”

“Stop,” he warned again, pulling his head away from your grasp. “I’m done.”

“You’re a goddamn pussy,” you snarled at him. “A bitch who is going to die AGAIN and become what you hate the most AGAIN.”

Your eyes turned black as you pushed him in the chest, taunting him. He needed to get pissed off. He had to.

“How many more Dean?” you kept pushing him. “How many more will become just like me?”

_____

Seeing Y/N at his door so early in the morning seemed like a blessing and a curse at the same time. He fought with himself the whole way to their destination on what he was supposed to do when he got there. The mark would need to be fed, but why her? Why did he have to hurt her? Didn’t he do that enough already? 

While he stared at the weapons she had brought he started to contemplate walking away. The mark was quiet right now. It could wait a day. When he looked over and saw her peeling her shirt off, he felt it calling him. The thought of her skin beneath his hands as he wrapped his fingers around her throat, her lips screaming his name, pleading. Her body moving just for him. He fought the craving. Fought the urge to take complete control over her. What if he did go too far? What if they missed something and she really could be killed? He’d never office himself.

As she fought with him to do it he was fighting his own internal battle. The moment her eyes met his he imagined the life draining from them. The moment they turned black, he felt the burn hit harder. 

“How many more Dean? How many more will become just like me?”

With that, he jolted up the demon blade he was grasping tightly in his hand and got her right below where her heart should be. He watched as the air got knocked out of her and blood came out of her mouth, choking her slightly on it. She looked surprised as her eyes changed from

black to normal. The mark was at peace again. What had he done?

He pulled it out and stepped back, dropping the blade down to his feet. Y/N was folded over catching her breath. He felt the wave of regret as she stood back up and he could see the blood around the spot he had hit. 

“Y/N, I-“

“So you will only do it if I piss you off? Noted,” she snarked as she moved to the water and washed the blood off her skin. “I guess it gives me an excuse to be a dick to you.”

“I don’t like this,” he replied softly.

“Well it’s not a joy for me either, but what else do we have? I need you focused. I need you strong if Cain shows up.”

“At this point, it might be better if he does just kill me. Put an end to this crap.”

“Stop it. Stop being a martyr,” she snapped at him. “I’m not letting that happen.”

“Why do you care so much? After everything? I have been nothing but toxic for you.”

He watched her face change softer, almost telling him what he already knew to be true, at least before she died. She loved him. 

“I guess because I’m being a martyr as well. I don’t care what happens to me. I don’t want anyone else hurt,” she replied as she grabbed her shirt to pull it back on. 

He wanted to say it. To tell her he knew. He knew how she felt because he felt it too. Even with everything he couldn’t deny it. He’d live a million lives of torture if that meant she was still by his side. 

“We need to get going,” she continued to speak as she grabbed the knife, cleaned it along the ground and put it in the bag. “Sammy will be up soon.”

“He’s going to notice eventually,” Dean informed her. “He’s not dumb.” 

“So don’t change how you act,” she stated with sass. “As long as we play the cards right, he will never know.”

_____

In the days that followed, Dean and you had continued with your full proof plan. Healthy living with a side of murder. You made him get up and go for a jog with you every morning before Sam would even think to be awake. He always complained at first but Dean was growing stronger everyday. 

You’d be lying if the mornings spent with him didn’t become your favorite part of the day. The rest of the time? He continued with his snarky remarks and yours as well. Sam constantly tried to keep the peace as you yelled at one another. You kept yourself from smirking each time he called you a crazy bitch. You knew what he really meant. The same as when you called him a prick. It was all working according to plan. Bait, line. sink.

Dean was less than thrilled with the diet portion you and Sam had set up for him. That was the real hell: he complained was starving for grease or something a rabbit wouldn’t eat. Sam seemed pleased with the progress. There was no outburst of rage, just arguments with you for show. So Dean continued well into the weeks that followed as you both  scowarded the books for something, anything for a way out. 

“I think Dean is finally getting a handle on things,” Sam whispered into your ear as you slid back on your shirt. 

You smirked. You knew why. Each morning was your daily ritual with Dean and each night, your own ritual with Sam. It was becoming like a well oiled machine. Right according to plan. 

“Something is working,” you turned to Sam with a smile as he lifted himself to make a divot the bed with his arm. 

“So maybe, just maybe, you were wrong? Maybe we were all wrong?” Sam suggested. 

“You think so?” The fact that Sam appeared to be letting his guard down about Dean made you nervous. No, that’s not the plan. Brother against brother was the only way this was supposed to end. 

“I don’t know. Besides the two of you arguing, everything seems calm. Almost normal,” Sam sighed as he laid his head back down. “It’s still too soon to tell.”

You sat quietly for a moment. The hesitation was enough, for now. But what would happen if Sam all of the sudden decided that everything was just fine? No, you needed to remind him of what Dean was and what he was capable of. Somehow. Time to change up the game. 

____

Dean awoke the next morning with a pounding in his head. He felt hungover, but hadn’t touched a drink in over a week. As he made his way down the hall, ready for his morning ritual he stopped suddenly at the sight of Y/N, coming out of Sam’s bedroom. He felt a tightness in his chest. What was she doing in there? 

“Hey,” she smiled. “Just give me a few and I’ll be ready.”

“What were you doing with Sam?” He found himself asking out loud, the mark making its presence known for the first time in weeks. 

“We were looking through some lore,” she simply replied. “Guess it got later than I realized. Be quiet. Sam’s asleep.”

Dean's eyes shifted back to his brother's room before looking at Y/N again. She was hiding something. What? 

“You know what,” Dean shook his head. “I think I’m good today.” 

“You sure?” She gave a concerned look. 

“Yeah, my head is hurting today.  I’m going to get some more sleep I think,” Dean replied before turning back, leaving her alone without any real reason why. 

______

*Click*.....

*Click*....

*Click*

Your tongue smacking off the roof of your mouth echoed through the room as you leaned back into the chair, your legs up on the table holding you steady.

*Click*

“Would you stop that!” Dean demanded with irritation, looking up to you from the pages of his 12th book of the night.

You stared at him with disdain, tilting your head slightly and clicking your tongue again. It had been 3 days since he had killed you or anything. He had to be feeling it by now, especially with your assistance. He had to realize how much he needed you and how much he wanted you only for himself. Hell, the fact that he had been ignoring you since he saw you walking out of Sam’s room was proof enough. 

“Seriously?” He threw up his arms. “You’re like a child.”

“I’m bored.”

“Well pick up a book. Watch tv. Eat something. Kill somebody, I don’t care. Just stop it!”

You giggle at his last suggestion went from mild to uncontrollable as it slowly dawned on him what he said.

“Don’t... Don’t kill anyone, just please. Please stop that noise,” he pleaded. 

“Fine. I’ll stop,” you rolled your eyes while swinging your legs off of the table. “The marks really getting to you there, huh?”

He glanced over at his arm briefly, before putting his attention back to the book in front of him.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” you stated firmly. “When was the last time you killed something?”

You heard his breathing switch over to a deeper exhale. You wondered exactly how long he could hold off for with you, his target, annoying him relentlessly while Sam was out meeting Jodie for the night. There was no excuse for him. 

“Come on Dean,” you stood up swiftly. “Let’s go out.”

“No,” his eyes still on the pages.

“We’re not going to kill anything,” you rolled your eyes. “Well maybe a bottle of Jack. Let’s get a drink. Get out of this dust filled coffin. You haven’t drank in weeks. Maybe it will help. Maybe it will help me not be so bored too.”

He slammed the book shut and glared at you hard, taking in another deep breath.

“If I agree, will that shut you up the rest of the night?”

“A few hours,” you smirked.

“Fine I’ll drive.”

“Drive? I can just snap us there. What is the point of having an awesome demon around that can do cool shit if you’re just gonna ‘drive’,” you poked fun while making air quotes.

“We do things the human way,” he firmly stated as he stood up.

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes. “Be boring. But you’re buying since I have to do things the ‘human way’. I haven’t had to use money in ages. Unless of course I find some poor sap willing to buy me a drink or two..a little flirting...a little something else…”

“I’m buying,” Dean snapped, making you stop.

A grin spread across your face as you watched him grab his keys and make his way to the garage. The fact that you flirting with another guy bothered him made whatever happened next, so much more fun.

After a quick change into one of your more sexier outfits, the two of you made your way to the impala. As he started it up, you immediately started tuning the dials on the radio to find a song.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You just glared at him hard until you found a good song. 

One way or another, I’m gonna find ya. I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha. One way or another…

His only response was an annoyed glare to your unblinking stare  before he drove off into the night. Lucky Louie’s was the spot he picked. A dive like any other that wasn’t too far from the bunker. The two of you made your way inside, him leading with no indication that he was waiting for you. 

“Ooo, Jukebox,” you commented while looking off into the corner. “What’d ya say Deano? Want to play some songs?”

He ignored you and made his way to the bar. Raising his hand for two drinks. He tapped on the bar as he sat down, waiting patiently. You took the seat next to him, shedding your jacket off to show off your little red halter top and jeans so tight that they pushed everything up. You could see Dean peering out the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. 

As the bartender sat down the drinks, Dean thanked him and chugged his down in a gulp. Almost slamming the glass down when he was finished. 

“There, ya had a drink. Time to go,” he said as he pulled out his wallet.

“No fucking way Winchester,” you scoffed. “I said drinks. As in plural. If you want to leave so bad then go. I don’t need you.”

“Yeah right,” you sneered.

You glared at him again, slamming your drink down as well after gulping it down. You raised your hand for two more from the bartender who was already reaching for the bottle. 

“Just leave it sweetheart,” you smiled at him. 

He nodded and walked away to the other group at the end.

“Just leave it sweetheart?” Dean chuckled. “You know being a demon sure didn’t change you that much. Still a big flirt.”

‘If only you knew,’ you giggled to yourself. 

You looked at the almost filled bottle before pouring out two more drinks.

“When the bottle is gone, then I’ll leave. You can stay and help or go back to your books,” you challenged. “If you think you can handle that.”

He rolled his eyes and took another sip, this one slower. You slid the other glass to him, making him look over to you confused. You gave him a hard look before raising the bottle up and chugging long sips. 

“Your funeral,” Dean cocked up his brow as he took another sip. 

“Yeah, didn’t get one of those,” you clicked your tongue.

“Me either,” Dean shrugged his shoulders and continued drinking. You raised the bottle up in a toast.

 “Maybe this should be my wake. To Y/N a bitch in life and a bigger one in death!”

“You’re not lying.”

You rolled your eyes again. Douche. He was making it really hard not to kill him. He was doing everything he could to ignore you. You couldn’t have that. You needed him to pay attention. You looked around at the small groups of people all engaged in their own worlds. There was a small group of college looking boys all hanging around the pool table. You looked back to Dean, still staring straight ahead and not to you. You rolled your eyes again and got up from your seat. Time to make him notice you. You had started to walk away when you felt Dean grasp your wrist in a blink.

“Where are you going?”

“To have fun Dean,” you pulled your arm away with force. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt them...much.”

You winked at him before continuing on your path. Hips swaying with confidence, bottle still gripped in your hand. You ran your hand across one of the guys' backs as you made your way into the center of them.

“Hey boys? Anyone up to play a game?”

Dean kept you in his sight, but was sly about it. A random townie tried to say hi to him, but he shooed her away. You were flirting with those guys, hard. Taking every chance you could to run your hand across their arms, backs, and faces. The one challenged you to a game of pool, which you gladly accepted. Leaning over, you made sure they got a clear shot of the goods. Dean too. You could feel his eyes on you. The game continued with random giggles about god only knew what. Half of the time you weren’t paying attention, but the giggles made them draw near you.

 Eventually the game had ended with you crushing the frat boy. You bounced yourself up on the side of the table and motioned him over with the flick of your finger. He followed and nestled himself between your legs, allowing you to pull him close. His lips met yours with hunger. He was an awful kisser but at least enthusiastic. His hands started to roam up and down you, eager for more. That’s when you felt him being pulled away, Dean grasping the guy by the collar of his shirt.

“Time to go douchebag,” Dean informed him.

“What’s your problem dude, we are just having fun?”

“Oh you don’t want her buddy,” Dean led him away. “She’ll eat you alive.”

You smiled while waving to the confused boy.

“Tah tah,” you giggled.

“We’re done here,” Dean firmly stated while tossing you your jacket.

“Buzz kill,” you rolled your eyes as you put on your jacket. “I have to pee.”

“Demons don’t pee.”

“You would know,” you spat back as you pushed your way past him to go outside. 

You had been just two steps away from the Impala when Dean grabbed you to spin you around towards him. He pushed you up against the car, hard.

“What?” You spat at him.

“Don’t,” he warned. “Don’t come around here and start that drama school girl bullshit. That, that was bullshit. You’re playing around with people. Making them do crazy things. Don’t you see how that’s wrong?”

“I didn’t make them do anything Dean,” you stood up straighter, your voice firm. “Unlike some people, I don’t need to play mind games to get what I want.”

“What you want,” he laughed. “That’s what you want huh. Drunk guys who won’t remember you in the morning?”

“Better than drunk assholes leaving me to die,” your voice dripping with acid. “You know what your problem is Dean? You don’t know what you want. You’re too fucked up in the head to even know.”

Your words had snapped something inside of him. Like a switch waiting to be turned on. In an instant his lips hit yours, deep with passion and lust. He pushed your back up further onto Baby, making you hop up and wrap your legs around his waist. His hands pulled at your hair, gripping tightly. You reacted by gripping at his hair, moans escaping your lips as your tongues danced in passion. His other hand was caressing your breast, pulling down the little material that was covering it. Pinching and kneading it relentlessly. His lips left your mouth and went straight for the jugular, the sweet spot. Sucking and licking his way down like a tiger enjoying his prey. 

Your insides felt like they were on fire as he continued, taking control of your high. The sudden urge to reciprocate took over you, making you drop your legs down to grab a hold of him to twist and knock him back against Baby instead. His eyes were dark as his chest heaved with each breath. You ripped open the buttons of his shirt, his T-shirt hiding underneath. You tore that open as well to reveal his naked chest, covered in all the scars of the past. Your lips crashed down on him, along his jawline, nibbling your way down while using a little bit of teeth. He winced in pain a few times, but that didn’t stop you. You unhooked his belt and glided it through the holes, snapping it when it was released. You dropped down to your knees, looking to him through your lashes with a grin while unzipping his jeans to fall down. He was steadily growing harder as you ran your tongue along his shaft, a groan escaping his lips. His hands wrapped themselves in your hair as you took him all in, allowing your throat to adjust. Starting out slowly didn’t last for long as he began pushing himself into you. Over and over again without hesitation or concern that it would hurt you. It didn’t really, surprisingly. As he pounded away you made sure to move your tongue as well, giving him every tingling sensation of your velvet mouth. 

“Guys where did I park my car?” Was heard in the distance. Dean immediately pushed you away and got his pants back done up.

You stood up with annoyance, whipping your lips of all the saliva. He stared off to the people making all the noise, a bunch of drunk townies. 

“Time to go,” he instructed, turning to open Baby’s door.

“I agree,” you stated as you stopped him from opening it, making him snap his head to you.

“What are you doing?”

“I think we should go somewhere...different. Continue this a bit more.”

“We’re going home,” he firmly stated. “Whatever this just was, is done.”

“No.”

“No?” He laughed that you would argue with him. “Who do you think you are?”

“I know who I am Winchester,” your eyes turning black. “I do what I want, when I want. I’m not some pushover for you to boss around.”

“No you're a spoiled princess that thinks she doesn’t have to answer to anyone,” he seethed. “You’re a bitch with a control issue.”

“And you're a dickhead with a stick up his ass afraid to admit that you still want me because you think that would make you just like you were before. A demon,” you snapped back. “You think that you have control over that mark? Your desire for blood ? Well you’re crazier than I thought. Because you don’t. The more you fight the high of letting go, the harder it will be when it finally wins. And it will. The mark always wins.”

You saw his jaw clenching as he stared down to the ground. Your words hitting him hard. That’s what was happening, he was fighting the animal inside of him because he was scared, scared of becoming the monster again. 

“You know what? Fuck this,” you stated as you lifted your hand to snap out.

He grabbed a hold of your wrist, his eyes red with fighting the pain. He stared into your eyes, before crashing his lips down to you again, grabbing your neck with his hand to pull you closer to him. 

You snapped the two of you to a vacant apartment, just down the road from the Hollywood sign. Miles away from everyone. He stopped for a minute to notice that you were no longer outside the bar parking lot before he went back to your lips biting and sucking on them like he was starving. He helped you to push your jacket off, just moments before he ripped your top in shreds, exposing yourself to him. He stepped back, eyes focused on just you, like he was still trying to fight his urges. You shook your head as you ripped off the remnants of his shirts, giving him a wink. He pulled you closer by the loop of your pants, pushing them off of your hips with your underwear in a quick motion. Your backside was leaning against a couch as you got your legs completely free from the jeans. He grabbed at the hair on the back of your head again as he gave you a deep forced kiss once more, before spinning you around to lean over the couch. It was only a brief moment before you felt  him push up against your already wet entrance. A relentless thrust and you felt him inside of you, making a sound of pleasure leave you. His speed was quick and angry. His hand gripped around your throat, choking you tightly. With each snap of his hips his grip grew tighter as you attempted to call out in ecstasy. 

“Fucking Bitch,” he groaned out as his climax became apparent. He was close to falling off that ledge he had tried to hold back from. You let out a long whimper to coax him to it. Message received as you felt him release inside of you with a powerful thrust that almost knocked you over. You felt his whole body now on your back as he regained his breath, the sweat rolling from his body now sticking to you. After a couple moments he lifted himself up as his hand let go of your throat. To your surprise he pushed your hair from your face for you to look back at him clearly. He had a solemn look on him, like he was at peace as he leaned in and gave you a gentle kiss on your lips. As he pulled away you gave him a reassuring smile, that everything was okay. 

“Y/N-,” he breathed out deeply.

“I’m yours Dean,” you cut him off. “Always.”

“Forever.”

_____

“What are you going to do Sam?”

Sam exhaled deeply at the question as he had just finished over 2 hours of catching Jodie up to speed with everything. He had to talk to someone about what was happening to get their point of view. He could no longer tell if it was him or the blood that hated the situation more. 

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I have to say, that girl sounds crazy,” Jodie blurted. “But not anymore than the rest of you.”

“What-“

“Oh come on Sam,” she gave him a knowing glare. “You two have gone off the edge more than a couple of times, only you have each other to bring yourselves back. Who does she have?” 

“She has me,” Sam replied without hesitation. There was a pregnant pause before he spoke again. “And Dean.”

“So be there for her. Who knows if she really is trustworthy, but the only way you will know for sure is to just let her be and watch out for danger,” she spoke softly. “And danger is lingering with Dean. If she is as strong as you say, maybe she can help control him, at least for now.”

“They hate each other.”

“Sure they do,” Jodie smirked. 

“They’re toxic for one another,” Sam snapped. “The things he did to her…”

“Ohh. I get it now,” she flashed a knowing smile. 

“What?”

“How long have you been in love with her?” She asked as she crossed her arms.

“I’m not in love with her,” He said defensively. 

“Sure you’re not,” She chuckled. “I just have this to say. They have history. Good and bad. They know things about one another that no one else will ever know and if that helps keep Dean from turning into a monster again, you have to let it play out.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and do nothing?”

Sam scoffed.

“Honestly, what can you do when you have two of the most dangerous and powerful people on earth knowing they can’t be stopped?” 

Sam sighed deeply. What could he do? He needed more blood, that’s what he needed. He needed to grow his powers, push himself further than he ever had gone. He had to prepare in case of fire, before it was too late.

__________

You gripped your legs around his waist as he held you up against the window. The cool glass sent shivers down your spine as he pushed himself deeper and deeper inside of you. Sweat was pouring off of both of you, causing your skin to stick to his as he leaned in more to bite on your neck. 

“Fuck,” you groaned. “Right there.”

“You like that? His voice rasped as he continued on with his rhythm . “You're my dirty girl.” 

“Mmm,” you moaned out as you felt your next orgasam rise. You honestly had lost count by now and this was Dean’s fourth wind of the night. It was like some animal woke up inside of him that had insatiable hunger.  You didn’t want it to end.

Eventually you felt Dean shudder with his own while you felt the hot stickiness run down your legs. He leaned his forehead up against yours as he focused to catch his breath. After a long moment, he eased your legs to slowly drop to stand on your own. As your feet hit the ground he leaned in for a sweet kiss. Nothing intense, but yet made you melt all over again. 

“We need to get in the shower and get going,” he broke you out of your bliss. 

“Do we have to go back?” You whined. “It’s safe here.”

“You know I have to,” He said as he looked for his boxers on the floor. “Sam would worry too much.” 

“Oh he’s just going to love this,” you sarcastically stated with a giggle as you moved to him, resting your arms on his shoulders. “You and me, like before only this time, I’m the demon.”

“He can’t know,” he stated as he grabbed your hands and moved them off his shoulders. “He will think I’ve gone insane. Hell, I’m not even sure I haven’t by this point.” 

“So what then? This was just what? A fling?” you felt your anger rise. You hadn’t intended on the events of the evening. Not exactly. You figured that he would likely stab you out of anger again and you could have your nightly ritual of giving him naughty dreams that would dampen his shorts for the morning. That kiss? His touch? You had lost yourself completely in the moment just as you had time and time before. You glared at him hard, preparing for his next words to be the last. Immortality does not require a tongue.

“This was definitely not a fling,” there was sincerity on his face as his eyes stared into yours. “For once, in a long time I feel… free again. Free from the mark.”

“Okay? So why not tell Sam? I bet he would be relieved that we aren’t trying to kill one another,” you asked knowing damn well the knowledge would push Sam over the edge where he needed to be. Forsaking anyone in his way, including his brother to regain some sort of illusion of control over the situation. 

“He has enough to worry about,” Dean replied. “I’ll tell him I no longer want to kill you and that you’re helping me. That’s a good place to start that shouldn’t worry him too much. It seems to be what he was hoping for anyways.”

“So what happens between you and me then?” you asked with a raise of your brow. 

After he slid on his boxers he reached over and hooked his arm around your waist, pulling you into him. 

“You’re mine,” he growled. 

“And you’re mine,” you smirked. “To do whatever…”

“Wherever.”

“Whenever I want,” your smile grew as you allowed him to give you another gentle kiss on your lips as you considered how everything played out so nicely, although not your original plan. He was right where you wanted him. He was so fucked. 

_____

“Sammy!” Dean yelled as he descended down the stairs, you trailing behind. There was no response as be hit the bottom of the stairs. Dean glanced back at Y/N over his shoulder, a smirk forming. “Looks like we’re alone.” 

“Hey,” Sam stated as he entered. “Where have you two been?”

“She wanted a drink,” Dean replied while not looking directly at his brother; . “And I didn’t want her killing anyone.”

“You took Y/N for a drink?” Sam asked skeptically. “Willingly?”

“Yeah well she was annoying me. I had to get her out of here. Didn’t stay out though,” Dean gruffed as he thought about the fact that just a moment ago he was excited to take her on the staircase, only to have his brother cockblock him. 

“I’m going to go get changed,” Y/N stated as she moved from behind Dean. Dean watched her as she went past him, smiling softly at Sam before she went into the library to disappear to her own room. 

“Since when do you take Y/N and it for drinks?” Sam snarked. “What, like you trust her now?”

“I trust her less than you do,” Dean replied with his snarl. “I figured that if she’s going to be around, I should play nice. See if there is anything more she can give us.”

“So you’re playing her?” Sam sounded annoyed. 

“Whatever you want to call it Sammy,” Dean replied with a yawn. “I’m beat. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Dean didn’t bother talking to Sam more. He couldn’t let him know what had happened and definitely couldn’t let him know how he started to feel about Y/N again. He couldn’t even believe it himself. But whatever this was, he knew he wanted more.

_____

You were a little surprised that the knock on the door was Sam. He looked angry. Great.

“Hey there,” you smiled. “Find what you need?”

“What are you doing with Dean,” he snapped at you as he entered the room after he closed the door behind him.

“Trying to be on his good side,” you replied as you moved to put your hair up into a messy bun on top of your head. 

“And that required you to go out with him? What would you have done if Cain showed up?”

“Fight  like hell,” you replied with snark. “What else could I do? At least with Dean by my side I’d have a fighting chance.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam’s jaw was clenching. 

“You seem too wrapped up in what I am doing to pay attention. Dean has been on edge. Now I don’t know where you have been or with who, but I’ve been here, working, making sure that he doesn’t snap out.”

“I’m trying to figure out a way to stop him,” Sam snapped.

“And how’s that going?” you sassed back. “Dead ends?”

He charged at you in a swift motion, now holding your neck in his grasp. His eyes looked murderous. Good.

“Don’t you forget what I can do. I’m the only reason you’re still here, hiding. You’re mine. Got that?” 

“ Yes,” you managed to get out as his grasp tightened. 

“Good,” he let go. “Now bleed for me.”

_______

Dean had a hard time sleeping. All he could think about was the fact that Y/N was right down the hall. Eventually he decided to get up and scavage the fridge to take his mind off of it. 

As he was trying to find a clean fork to finish off the leftover apple pie, he felt a sharpness in his arm before a wave of tingles, like goosebumps. He looked over to the doorway to see Y/N walking in, doting those little shorts with a tank. Her hair was a mess on top of her head. 

“Hey you,” Dean smiled. “Couldn’t sleep either?”

“I don’t actually need to sleep Dean,” she smirked as she came in. “What did you find good?”

“Pie,” he smiled as he celebrated with a small fist pump that he found a fork. 

She laughed as she moved over towards him, jumping herself up on the counter. Dean slid the pie closer to her, offering the fork. 

“I’m good,” she smiled. “Enjoy it. You deserve it.”

He didn’t hesitate to start digging in. It was hitting that sweet spot. He took the fork and got a bite on it, offering it to Y/N. She leaned over with a smile and ate it, licking her lips as she chewed.

“Yum.”

“So what have you been doing since we got back? I didn’t  want to bug you.”

“Just hanging out. Arguing with Sam,” her eyes remained downcast.

“Sam? Why?” he asked as he took another bite.

“He doesn’t like the fact that we went out together. He’s worried about Cain finding us and us… you know.”

“I know what?” he asked with pie still in his mouth.

“That we will get too close and friendly. He’s worried we will have a summer repeat.”

“And what did you say?”

“I told him not to worry,” she smiled. “That I was just a way to make peace.” 

“I think we made peace and then some,” Dean smirked.  

“True,” she chuckled. “And if Cain did show up, at least you were there. That part I think hurt him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sam is the only one here that’s normal, well… normal to us,” she stated. “I think that is weighing on him. If something happens, there is not much he can do. I think that is why he wants to find a cure so much.”

“He couldn’t handle it,” Dean replied, looking off to the side. Thinking about all the mark has done, or rather caused him to do. Half of the time he didn’t even know if he could blame the mark or if it was really him that wanted it. That was the part that scared him the most. “He wouldn’t be able to survive the guilt.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I can,” she replied softly, looking downward. Dean could swear he saw a tear fall down her face.

“Hey,” Dean moved closer to her and lifted her face up to his with the hook of his finger. “You did what you had to.”

“I had to hurt you? Did I really?” she stated as she wiped her eyes. 

Dean didn’t have the words to comfort her. Did she have to? No. But was it understandable? Yes. As he let out a deep breath he contemplated what to even say.

“Anyways,” she softly spoke, turning her head away from his finger. “I should just go back to my room.”

“No,” Dean blurted. 

“No?” 

“I don't want to think about the past, I want to focus on the future. Everything led us to being together. That has to be some sort of sign right? I can barely think whenever you're near and the mark… the mark wants you. I want you. Can’t we just be happy with that?”

“So you’re really just going to forget how awful I was to you? The things I did?”

“I’d rather focus on the things I want to do, to you,” Dean growled seductively. 

“Is that all you care about?” she laughed with a playful push to Dean's shoulder. 

“No,” he smirked. “But it’s all I can think of right now.”

“You’re relentless.”

“And you,” he moved her legs to be on either side of him as he leaned in, his bulge at the perfect height of her entrance where she sat. “Are wearing entirely too many clothes for what is about to happen.”

“What about if Sam walks in?” 

“I don’t care,” his eyes darkened as he felt the mark yearning for her. “I want you. Always.”

“Forever.” 

As the water rushed down Dean he tried to get the images out of his mind. The blood. The screams. It just replayed over and over. Until there was the vision of her. Y/N. Her face. Her beautiful sweet face. In his mind he pushed his blade deep into her, but she didn’t flinch. Her eyes stayed in his as he pushed himself into to take her. His lips pressed hard against hers; their tongues dancing in hunger. He could feel her skin against his as the blood trickled down. He felt a hunger for her, yet an eerie calm. This was what he needed. He needed her. 

His mind was lost in the scene until he heard Sam’s voice on the other side of the door. Sam. She was right. He wouldn’t understand. Hell, he couldn’t even understand what was happening. But she did. Somehow. What wasn’t she telling him? What was happening to him? 

As he walked out he saw the tension shift in the room. Sam was on edge. He was scared… of him.

“Food?” 

“Yeah,” Sam didn’t move or take his gaze off of him as he moved to the table to grab at the bag. 

“So um, I’m going to shower now,” y/n spoke up. “Either you guys have clothes that may fit me?”

“I have shorts with a drawstring and an extra shirt,” Sam stated as he grabbed the items out of his bag to hand to y/n. “They should work.”

“Thanks,” she smiled as she turned to move past Dean to the bathroom. The smell of her caught his nose. She smelled intoxicating. Dean did his best to try and ignore it as the vision of him grabbing her in passion filled his eyes. 

“You good man?” Sam snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I’ll be good”, Dean stated as he pulled out boxers from his bags and slid them on under his towel. 

“So I figure we will go back for a while,” Sam continued. “Regroup.”

“You mean figure out why I went all Carrie back there?” 

“Dean-“

“Save it Sammy,” Dean snapped. “I’m going to sit here in quiet. Finish my burger and try to forget all of this ever happened.”

Sam didn’t argue. Dean knew he wanted to but also knew he wouldn’t win, or he was scared of what Dean would do if he pushed it more. Truth be told, Dean was too. The mark was quiet again…but for how long?

As Dean finished his burger he laid down on the bed. He wanted to sleep. Hell, he needed to. His eyes glanced toward the bathroom door. It was cracked, just enough to see inside. Y/N was in the shower; water was running down her body. The spot where he had stabbed her was closed and healed. Dean felt guilty looking, but had a hard time not doing it as he watched her muscles move as she lathered up her hair and the suds trickled down her skin. Dean glanced back at Sam. He wasn’t looking. He was deep into his laptop not paying any attention to what was happening. Dean turned his head again. To his surprise,Y/N’s eyes met his. She didn’t make a face or try to hide away. She just went right back to doing what she was doing. Dean felt his heart begin to pound as his eyes stayed glued to her. His mind began to wander towards what would happen if he were to get up, right now, and join her. Couldn’t happen; not with Sam around. He started to envision it. What it would feel like. What she would taste like. 

All of the sudden his thoughts felt real. Sam was gone and all he could see was her. Her eyes. They called him. He felt himself being pulled to her. Drawn to her. She reached out for him, his hand took hers. He pulled her arm above her head, reaching for the other one to join in return. He held her arms up as her chest pushed against his, her back arching- calling for him to take her. 

Dean leaned in and tasted her, her lips were smooth; her mouth hungry. He felt that warm sensation of bliss crawl over him as the water hit his back. Using his free hand he pulled down his boxers, freeing himself from their confines. He stared into her eyes. She wanted him. He leaned in again and kissed her neck, her response was a sequence of shudders as he traced his hand down to her mound. She was ready for him. He moved his hand to coax up her leg. In a hop up movement, her legs wrapped around him as he used his weight and the wall to steady them. He pushed himself inside, feeling the warmth of her insides. The burning moved through him as he thrust once and then once more. Her eyes didn’t come off of him. He continued to pump inside of her, stealing kisses along her lips and skin. It felt right. Like a piece that calmed him. She didn’t just need him. He needed her. They continued until Dean felt the shudder roll through his body as his release entered her. With a roll of electricity, he felt peace once more.

“Dean-“

Dean opened his eyes. He wasn’t in the shower with y/n. He was still laying in his bed; the door shut to the bathroom. 

“Hey, earth to Dean.”

Dean turned his head to Sam who was looking at him with concern. 

“Yeah.”

“I asked you a question. Where did you go man?”

“No where,” Dean replied as his eyes shifted back to the closed door. He must have dreamt it. It felt so real though. Did she cause it? He felt the burn on his arm again. Sharp. Was it him that was going crazy? He felt the crotch of his boxers. They were wet. Did he just randomly come undone like a 13-year boy again? 

“So what do we do?”

“About?”

“About Y/N, Dean,” Sam stated. “Cuffs don’t work. So do we trust her?”

“What other options do we have? She could have killed either one of us back there. She didn’t have to try and stop me.”

“So we just start believing her?”

“No, we’ll be cautious,” Dean sighed. “But until then, yeah. We make nice and believe her until she proves otherwise.”

“And if she does?”

“We figure out a way to bring her down. One way or another,” Dean sighed. “This will all end.”

_____

Playing with Dean’s mind was so easy when he was already broken. You had only manipulated it enough to see you in the shower, everything else, that was all him. There was no doubt in your mind. The mark wanted you. Cain downplayed how fun it could be. That’s when you felt the pit in your stomach as you remembered what it really wanted. Your blood. Your life. Cain said he had loved Saraha, but how much really? Could Dean possibly love you more? Enough to not be able to kill you? Only time would tell.

As you opened the door you clung onto the front of the shorts. Even with the string, they hung low on your hips. You decided to practice modesty, at least for now although you wondered how the two of them would react to you baring everything in front of both of them. Both Winchesters? Yes please.

“It’s okay not to trust me still there Sam,” you stated, breaking the tension. “I wouldn’t if I was in your shoes either. Hell, I don’t trust that neither one of you won’t try to stab me again before morning. It’s just that after the 5th time or so, you get used to it.”

“You heard that?” Dean asked. 

“Every word. I have excellent hearing Dean. Even the things you don’t say out loud.”

Dean nervously gulped for a second. He knew you knew about his recent daydream. He was embarrassed. How cute. 

“So how do we do this? Hmm?” You asked as you settled yourself down in a chair by the table, your legs curled up underneath you. The fact that you weren’t wearing underwear was apparent to both of them, but neither said anything. You loved this game.

“Well, we need rules,” Sam stated. “First, no magical tricks.”

“Could be helpful though,” you reminded him. 

“Unless we say,” Sam added. 

“The fact that you are somehow able to do all sorts of mind crap and get through everything is more than concerning. We still don’t know what all you’re capable of,” Dean said. 

“You and me both,” you chuckled. “Each day, new things come. So let’s just assume I’m awesome at everything.” 

“Whatever you say sweetheart,” Dean rolled his eyes. 

Sweetheart? The word made you smirk a little. It had been so long since you heard him say that not out of anger. 

“Rule 2,” Sam spoke up. “Stay out of our heads.” 

“Rule 3,” Dean added. “Crowley.”

“What about him?” Your nose turned up. 

“You tell us everything you know, the truth. And no more deals or whatever behind our backs.”

“Rule 4,” Sam continued. “Cain. We need to know what you know.””

“So far so good,” you agreed. “Any others?”

“No killing,” Sam stated. “Monsters, that’s one thing if we say so. Humans…”

“I promise,” you replied. “To all of it. Well, mostly. You see, there are some parts that are just safer to not know.”

“Why?” 

You looked at both of them. They both had their secrets with you from one another. Each one a little more twisted than the next. Blowing up those secrets would only ruin the ending. The monster at the end of the book. The final showdown. No, some were best kept alone… for now. 

“I’ll tell you what,” you replied. “If you both lay down all your secrets, I’ll tell you mine.”

You smirked as their eyes shifted away from you and one another. 

“Thought so,” you replied. “But I guess I can give you a little taste. What would you want to know first?”

_____

“How are you… any of this possible?” Sam asked. “The truth.”

“Magic,” she replied. “I thought we already covered this?”

“There’s no such spell that can change any demon this powerful. We’ve looked.” 

“Not one that you will ever find in any regular book if such thing even exists,” she replied. 

“So where did it come from?”

“Eve’s creatures. The Alphas,” she replied nonchalantly with a shrug.“And others I guess. I don’t know. I wasn’t there when it was created. It was like a million years ago.”

“Why?” Dean’s brows furrowed. “Why make something so powerful that it could probably kill all of them too?”

“Because of Cain,” she replied like it was common knowledge. 

Dean felt a shiver. The mark. It all came back to the mark. All of this. 

“They wanted him gone. Apparently when on the loose, he’s not a team player in the evil category. Anything that defied him, well, they didn’t live long.”

“So they created the power?”

“Yup,” she popped off her lips. “Something to do their dirty work for them. It didn’t work before though I guess.The fact that he is still roaming around kind of proves that.”

Something to do their dirty work? Dean got caught up in the thought. Was Y/N powerful enough to beat him? Beat the mark? And if she was and she hadn’t used it when he was unsuspecting, was she really telling the truth then? Was she really just trying to help?

“So how did you get it? This power?”

“Because I was looking for it, for something that could stop Dean,” her eyes shifted at him, her words confirming his thoughts. “So whatever this was could stop.”

“And the witch?” He asked. “She just happened to know how?”

“Guess so,” she shrugged. “Although, in hindsight, I probably should have asked why or how. Also, the fine print about how I’m stuck like this forever too now. A cure would have been nice to know about, eventually.”

“And the witch is dead now?“

“Rotting in hell as we speak”, she smiled with a wink.

“Okay, so how do we know that no others know the spell?”

“I guess we don’t,” she shrugged. 

“Well that’s reassuring,” Dean rolled his eyes as he thought of the possibility of more trying to kill him. How many more could there be out there or was it really just her? 

“And how does Crowley fit into all of this?” Sam asked. 

“He doesn’t really, except for the whole messing things up part,” she replied. “Having ghosts haunt Dean.”

Sam turned to Dean with his mouth agape. He didn’t know, Dean never spoke of it. He wasn’t sure if it was really a ghost or if he had gone crazy. 

“The mistake that I killed a while back,” she continued. “Yeah, well he was Crowley’s pet in this world and the afterlife. Crowley wanted you to go crazy enough that you came running back. He really isn’t good with breakups and letting go. I got rid of him though. Shouldn’t be a bother anymore.”

“Dean-“

“What else,” Dean growled, interrupting Sam. The fact that Crowley had done that to torture him guaranteed himself a painful meeting next time he saw him.  “What else do you know?” 

“I know that you all definitely gave the blade to the wrong person there. He’s trying to figure out how to use it against you. It’s the only thing that can kill you.” 

Dean felt a lump in his throat. The first blade. His salvation. Even the thought of it made the mark scream for the power it held. It was like a drug and he wanted another hit. 

“He can’t use it though. No one can, without the lovely accessory on your arm,” she pointed out. 

“Is there any other way?” Sam asked, causing Dean to give him a hard stare. Was he looking for a way to kill him? It would make sense if he went off the deep end again. He knew he would have to be stopped eventually. No way that he could do this forever. Y/N believed he could. How was she so sure? Why did she have so much faith? 

“Not that I know of,” she responded with a shrug, her eyes glancing at Dean.

Dean watched as her eyes met his, almost like she was hesitant to speak. At that moment, it dawned on him. That could be the answer he was looking for. The first blade. That could be the way to kill her. No way Sam would ever allow him to touch it again, let alone use it. Not on her at least. Crowley sure wasn’t going to just give it over either. The more he began to think about it; the more the mark began to make its presence known. He felt a ping of guilt for even considering it, even after all she had done. Did she deserve it? Yes. Was she this way because of him? Also yes. Killing her wouldn’t make anything better but to try and clean up the mess he made. To justify his own guilt.

“And there you have it; all the cliff notes,” she trailed off.

“Why do you care now? Everything you’ve done so far proves elsewise though,”Dean confronted her. He had to know why; why now was she acting different. The truth. “Screwing with me, Sam. All that crap back in Chicago.”

“I was mad,” she blurted out like it was nothing. A pathetic excuse. “Both of you royally fucked me over. And I was, well am, a demon who just died. Give me a break. It’s not like you were Mr.Cuddles as a demon.”

“And the change? Why now?” 

“Because once I started looking into things I realized how much of all this that happened was because of the mark. Because of Cain. I want Cain dead and that mark gone. I want to be free again. End of that story.”

“And you think killing him will remove the mark?” Sam asked.

“Unless there is something I’m missing,” she replied. “I mean, it does have his name attached to it. It was made for him, so is it really far fetched to think that’s the way to stop it all?”

“And what? You expect me to just walk up and kill him so easily?” Dean scrunched up his face. “You’re insane.”

“Call me what you will like,” she snarked back. “But everything points to the grand showdown unless we find another way, but I’ve looked and have come up with nothing.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “Us either.”

“So the question is… what do we do now?”

_____

You didn’t lie, technically. Rowena was in hell, being a doting mom to Crowley. Even that one you still couldn’t believe. Doubt they would. They also didn’t need to know what made you so special in the first place. Because Dean loved you. The big cosmic joke of it all. Crowley being a broken little imp that had attachment issues so bad that he sent your ex to haunt him? Complete truth. That one, you needed Dean to hear. That he wasn’t going crazy and it was Crowley’s fault. The less trust in him, the better. As for Dean and the Mark being able to kill Cain? He needed to know that. He needed to have the thought so maybe he could get rid of him for you. The reason why… irrelevant. 

After it was all done. Then the fun could begin again. You still hated him, both of them. He didn’t ask that specifically though. It was all the mark's fault and once it was gone. You’d be unstoppable. Perfect plan. Game, set, match. 

“We need to get some sleep,” Dean replied. “We can’t do anything about this now. Tomorrow, we’re back to the bunker.”

Sam nodded in agreement. They were human after all and needed sleep. If Cain showed up, you needed them both at their best. You didn’t need sleep, so you offered to sit and keep watch. Dean argued for only a second but had no real argument. Within minutes he was fast asleep, Sam on the other hand, was wide awake. 

“Go to sleep,” you whispered. 

“I need you,” he softly responded so Dean couldn’t hear with lust in his eyes. He was hungry again. 

You walked over to Dean and whispered a few words, putting him in a deeper sleep. You couldn’t risk him finding out now about Sammy’s dirty little secret. 

“I thought we said no magic?” Sam looked annoyed that you didn’t jump to him at his command and rather paid attention to Dean first. 

“And I said it can be useful,” you whispered with a grin as you walked over to him. “He won’t wake. I figured that he didn’t need to see this. He’s been through enough tonight.”

You grabbed at a knife that laid on top of Sam’s things in his backpack. With a flick you slid it down your arm, giving Sam the medicine he needed. He graciously took it all in until it healed. As he pulled back there was still a slight trace of blood on his lips. 

“Hey, you got some-“ you wiped it off the corner of his mouth. “There. Got it.”

“Do you think he suspects?”

“No, but now that there’s honesty out, we need to be careful. Until…”

“I could have stopped it,” he said with guilt. “I should have.”

“Hey, don’t do that. Those guys needed to die. Sure it wasn’t pretty, but now Dean is finally realizing what we’ve known all along. He is a ticking time bomb. With a little bit of help, maybe… maybe we do save him.”

“I hope so,” Sam sighed. 

______

Back at the bunker Dean still was fighting with himself. The visions of that night  haunted him. He was over it. Over all of this. 

Y/N stayed quiet, typically hidden away in her room pulling books of lore in there. Sam would go and check on her but Dean couldn’t. He didn’t trust what he would do. He felt pulled to her, but he fought it. The mark. It wanted her. Why? Why was she so special?

It had been a few nights with no sleep. This time because of the nightmares. Everything was foggy anymore. Night was really day and up was really down. Dean walked to the war room only to hear his brother talk about that night again with Castiel. 

“That was what?” He asked as he entered. 

Sam rose, surprised. “Dean”.

“That was a massacre. That’s what it was,” his eyes glanced between them. “There was a time when I was a hunter, not a stone-cold killer.  You can say it. You’re not wrong. I crossed the line. Guys, this thing’s gotta go.”

“That won’t be easy,” Cas replied. 

“Well, then burn it off! Cut it off.”

“It is more than just a physical thing. It will take a very powerful force to remove the effect,” Cas stated. 

“Dean, we have been through all the lore. There’s nothing.”

“This reaches back to the time of creation. It may pre-date the lore. If we had the demon tablet, maybe,” Cas nodded his head. 

“But you said it was missing,” Sam quizzed.

“It is;” Castiel confirmed with hesitation. “There may be another way.”

“Well, do it!”

___

“Metron.”

Sam snapped his gaze towards Dean as soon as the name was spoken. His murderer. 

“Really? That guy,” Deans face turned hard.

“He had written the tablets Dean. He memorized what they said. We can’t wait to find it or a prophet for that matter.”

“Do whatever you’d like, but if you want me not to kill, I can’t go anywhere near him.”

“I’ll go,” Sam spoke up. He knew all too well what it was like to face the one to cause you so much pain that he never left your thoughts. He never wanted Dean to face that. He knew he couldn’t .No, this was for Sam to do with Cas to get answers to save his brother. 

_____

Dean paused as he approached Y/N’s door before he rapped on it. She opened it within a moment, doting jeans and a Pink Floyd tshirt. 

“What’s up?”

“Sam just left,” he replied. “Cas had an idea and-“

“And you don’t like the idea?” She responded quickly almost like she knew what he was going to say already.

“Is it that obvious?” He stated as he rubbed the scruff on his face.

“Come on in,” she replied as she moved from the door. The room was filled with notes on the walls. She was attempting to figure out what made Cain, Cain.

“So what is feather boy planning?” She asked as she sat down on her bed. 

“His name is Cas,” Dean sharply replied, annoyed.  “And he wants to use the scribe of God for information.”

“The scribe of…” her brows furrowed. “You mean that meta-whatever who killed you?”

Her eyes darted black as her face shifted in anger. Dean hadn’t seen her do that since the night she killed Sean. Hell, they might not have to worry about him killing Metaron, they have to worry about her.

“Whoa, whoa,” Dean placed his hands on her shoulders to calm her. “I need you to be the calm one here. I’m already on edge with just the thought.”

“Why isn’t he dead already?” She grinded her teeth as her eyes changed back to normal. Dean got caught up for a moment looking into them. Her eyes. Her beautiful, sparkling eyes that lit up when she smiled. The pain hit him when he remembered that it was his fault that they changed.

“Because he knows stuff. Important stuff. He’s a heavenly prisoner right now. They’re going to bring him here to question him,” he tried to refocus himself.

“Why?”

“Because Cas thinks there may be something from the demon tablet. Something that says how this can go away,” Dean held out his arm. 

“And you believe that?” 

“Not for a second,” Dean sighed. “But I need to try.”

“So why are you telling me?” 

“I need-I need a favor,” Dean quietly admitted. 

“And what’s that?” 

“I need the visions gone,” he replied. “I can’t keep doing this. I know you know how to get rid of them.”

“Are you sure?” Her face turned serious. 

“Yes, please. Every time I close my eyes I see it. I need relief. I need to forget it.”

“I can only take away the memory Dean, I can’t take away the pain,” she responded. 

“It’s a start,” he breathed out deeply. “I need to not be on edge as much as I can be. Not with him here.” 

“Okay,” she nodded. “Hold still.” 

He felt her hand press gently on his forehead. He remembered walking in with Cas and Sam to see a group of men then…nothing until he saw himself drive a blade into Y/N’s chest. The group of men were all just knocked out around him. How? There was guilt as it replayed in his mind. He didn’t know why, but he hurt her. 

“What-what,” Dean mumbled.

“You saved Claire, Dean,” y/n responded. “There were bad men trying to hurt her and you got her out of there. You did good.”

“Then why do I feel like this?” Dean sat confused. “Why do I remember hurting you?”

“Because you started to go a little too far…” she paused. “But I stepped in. I got you out of there. Sam and I. We helped you.”

“I… I don’t even know what to say,” he shook his head. 

“Shh,” she put her hand on his. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Dean felt his breath catch as her skin touched his. The mark started to burn as he glanced over and caught her eyes. Her lips. He wanted them. He wanted to rip them off of her pretty little mouth with his teeth. He wanted to feel her screams against his tongue. He wanted to taste her. He needed to. 

“Did you… did you mess with my head?”

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“Just now. Why- why do I…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Dean,” she looked confused. She knew. He knew that she did. There was no way that he could ever want her. Tricks. More tricks.

“Stay out of my head,” he snarled his teeth at her before shaking her hand off of him and walking out the door. 

As he got down the hall he fell back against the wall, his head to the sky. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

___ 

What the fuck was that? Seriously though. Dean was all lovey like a broken puppy happy to make a friend and then, bam! He wanted nothing to do with you. You searched your mind as you replayed the scene. You were careful of what memories to erase, you didn’t want Dean to forget what bonded the two of you to trust him. So what was it? The touch? It felt so natural you didn’t even think about that. Something had set him off. He was getting lost in that mind of his and you had a feeling you knew why. 

____

Sam hated this plan, but it was the only thing they had that didn’t end with Dean dead. As he brought back Metratron, he was careful to stay focused. Not glancing towards Y/N’s door as he walked past. He didn’t need to be distracted. 

As he questioned Metaron, he felt his blood boil. He could smite him in a minute. Metatron was weak. Pathetic. 

“We need to know how to remove the Mark of Cain from Dean’s arm.”

“What? He’s back? Because of the Mark? So… he’s a demon,” Metatron sounded suprised at first, but then devious. He knew. He knew what would happen. 

“No.”

“Okay, what then?” He asked. Sam didn’t answer. “What, did he ”kill a human” or something?”

Sam crossed his arms in silence. Not flinching. 

“He’s gone nuclear! Total, foaming at the mouth, balls-out maniac. Ah, haha – that’s fantastic!” 

“Do you know how to remove it?” Sam snarled. 

“Maybe. But here’s the thing. You expect any help out of me, you keep that crazy brother of yours on a short leash,” Metatron warned. 

“Buddy, I don’t care what happens to you. You killed my brother,” Sam smirked as he backed up. Dean entered looking as dead in the eyes as ever. He was pissed. Good. He needed to be. Metatron needed to be scared to talk. He just hoped that this wasn’t a waste of nothing.

____

You couldn’t help yourself. You stood outside the dungeon listening in on them. This angel supposedly knew things. Important things. How much did he know? 

He was a squirmy little shit for an angel. Cowardly. How is this the guy who killed Dean? You figured this was all a wash until he mentioned the blade. The first blade. Red flags waving. No.

“This is the single worst idea I’ve ever heard. You just whacked a whole house full of people, and that’s when the Blade was nowhere around. And now you wanna be in actual contact with it?” You heard Sam say to Dean a few moments later in the library. 

“We don’t know that I have to be in contact with it. All we know is that we need it,” he responded. 

“No no, all we know is he says we need it. We don’t even know what he wants us to do with it.”

“A step at a time, allright. We play it safe, we learn whatever the spell is, how it works and we keep the Blade out of my hands,” Dean sighed as he pulled out his phone. 

Your dead heart stopped the moment Dean hit send. The blade. He was really going to get it? Shit, shit, shit. 

You walked your way to the dungeon. To meet the coward who was now messing with your plans. 

“Well, you're something different my dear,” he grinned. God was this guy creepy looking. Definitely could have picked a better vessel. 

“Shut it,” you commanded. “Why does Dean need the first blade?” 

“I think you already know that my dear,” he continued to grin.

“You know what? I don’t think you know shit,” you spat at him before moving to turn away. 

“It’s kind of funny though, isn’t it?” His words slowed you down into a halt. “That the man you love, that you lived for and died for is the only one to set you free?”

You turned your head to him. Your face steady and jaw clenched. 

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? To be free of pain? Poor girl. Heaven will never see you now with what you’ve become. You welcomed this. You did. All of this and for what? Love. I wonder what Dean thinks of that?” 

“You know nothing.”

“We shall see about that.”

____

Dean felt the burn grow the moment he heard mention of the first blade. He attempted to distract himself from all of it with the bullshit request from Cas to contact Claire. So far, so good. That was until Crowley called. The blade. He had it. The mark made its presence known again. Burning through his veins. It called. 

“So he has it, hmm?” Dean looked up to see Y/N leaning up against the doorframe with her arms crossed. 

“You’re getting annoying,” Dean grumbled. “You know that?”

“Not as much as that thing you have tied up in the dungeon,” she said as she lifted herself to balance. 

“What of him?”

“You really going to trust him? Or anything he says as a matter of fact?”

“That’s rich coming from the girl im supposed to all of the sudden trust,” Dean spat back.

“Yeah, but I never killed you, now did I?” She coaxed her brow. 

“Get to your point,” Dean scoffed. 

“I don’t believe a word of anything he says. He seems gutless, but… I don’t know. It’s like he doesn’t fear anything.”

“We shall see about that,” Dean sternly replied as he moved to exit. 

“What are you going to do?”

“Whatever I have to to get rid of this and you,” Dean replied flatly before exiting. 

_____

Dean was on edge even more so. That meant danger for anyone in his path. Good. Maybe he would kill the little shit in the dungeon. Megatwat. You hid yourself away, listening to it all unfold. Dean was unhinged. You felt the excitement as you heard the distinct sound of his fist against flesh. That was until Cas ruined it. Fucking angels. 

Dean was a mess as he stumbled to the library. His head being held up by his hands. The sight of Sam walking from the other side stopped you from entering in as well. 

“Hey. You okay?” Sam asked as he entered. 

“He said the river ends at the source,” Dean lifted his head.”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe nothing. It was the last thing he said before you guys busted in.”

“Dean. Look, man, we had to…” Sam sighed.

“Hey, no. I get it, all right. I – I was gonna kill him. And I couldn’t stop myself.”

“We’ll figure it out, all right? You know what Cas said about needing a powerful force?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, I’ve been thinking. Look. Cain still has the Mark, right?” Sam stated, making Dean nod in return.”And he’s lived with it. For years, he’s lived with it. So yeah, the Mark is strong, but – Dean, maybe there’s a part of you that wants to give in to it. And maybe you have to fight that, you know? Maybe… part of that powerful force has to be you.”

“Or maybe it’s something else,” Dean softly spoke. You had a feeling that gorgeous brain of his was catching on to what made his blood boil- you.

“What do you mean?” Sam furrowed his brows. 

At that moment Dean’s phone rang. Interrupting their pow-wow moment. 

“Yeah?” Dean answered. He was quiet for a minute until he finally asked the question. “Yeah, okay, where do you wanna meet?”

You shuddered. Who was he about to meet? You walked in slowly, making your presence known as Dean hung up the phone. 

“Hey.”

“Where were you?” Sam glared hard at you. 

“Here, why?” You scoffed like it was a dumb question. You knew why he asked it. Dean went unhinged and you didn’t stop it. You didn’t want to stop it. 

“We could have used your help,” he replied firmly. 

“With what? That pathetic excuse for an angel you had here?“ you laughed. “No thank you.”

“And why not?” Sam’s face hardened. He wasn’t even paying mind to his brother who was giving him his own questioning glares. 

“Just following the rules of the house” you smiled. “No killing, remember?”

“You could have stopped this.”

“I think Dean was doing a mighty fine job there Sam,” you snarked back. “That thing deserved all he just got and more. He’s done more damage than I ever did and what, you’re protecting him?”

“She’s right Sam,” Dean spoke up. “He did deserve it and I’m glad. Hell, I’m ecstatic that that little shit finally felt what it was like to be beaten down to nothing.”

“Dean-“

“Save it,” Dean got up from his seat, scrapping the legs of the chair on the floor as he got up. “And given the chance. I’d do it again.”

_____

Everything was falling apart. It was what Sam feared the moment Cas suggested it. It pushed Dean even further. 

Sam sat in silence as he watched Dean leave, Y/N following him without so much as a word. She was on his side. She was always on his side. Sam felt his blood boil as he clenched his fist, thinking about how she just justified Dean almost killing again. She said she was here to help teach him how to control it. She lied. She was a liar. 

And what did his brother say? Maybe it’s something else? What else could possibly be that could stop the mark from driving him down again? Whatever his brother could possibly be thinking of, Sam already didn’t like it.

_____

“Hey, wait up,” you called out as you jogged towards Dean.

“What?” Dean snapped at you. 

“Where are you going?” You asked as you finally caught up to him. 

“To go and talk to Claire,” he growled as he turned back to continue walking towards baby. 

“Not like that you aren’t,” you grabbed at his shoulder spinning him around to you. 

“Back off!” 

“No!” You spat back. “You go and see her like this and you will kill her!”

Dean’s jaw tightened as his chest heaved in and out. Murder was in his eyes. The mark needed to be fed. 

“Stab me!” You cried out. “Do something! You need to stop this.”

“Get out of my way,” he attempted to push past you. 

You pushed back. Taunting him again to stab you. He tried again to move, but you sucker punched him in his jaw knocking him back a little. Dean didn’t hesitate to hit back once he gained his balance. The scene quickly turned into a boxing ring between two unstoppable forces. Hit after hit you felt his anger grow. You kicked him back in his stomach, knocking him down to the ground. You reached inside of baby and swiftly grabbed the angel blade that Dean hid under the driver's seat. Almost as  soon as you retrieved it, you felt it plunged deep into your chest as Dean’s arms moved around you to its hilt. 

You turned to see Dean. His eyes dark as you coughed up blood. Fuck that hurt. With one rapid movement, Dean’s knees met your jaw and you were down on the ground. 

The sound of baby speeding off was your cue to get up from your spot.

“Fuck,” you cried out as you dragged the blade out of you chest. Dean was gone already. Dammit. You got up slowly and prayed that it worked and you didn’t just allow a homicidal Dean to go after  that poor girl. 

____

Dean drove with fury away from the bunker until

He felt a wave of calm hit him. Quiet. Quiet once more. Fuck he really was losing it. 

“Get your head together Dean”, he growled at his reflection in the mirror. 

When he arrived at the meeting spot, Claire was nowhere to be found. He settled himself on the bench to wait, if only to collect his thoughts. 

“No!”

Dean turned his head to see Claire racing out of the camper. Two people coming to attack him. He ducked the bat from the women swinging just in time. Using it in a choke hold against her. A man with Claire tried to attack with an axe, but Dean got him down to the ground, with the axe now in his hands. 

“No!” Screamed Claire. 

Dean slammed the axe down into the bench. His two attackers scared beyond words. Dean turned to look at Claire who now turned and ran away. She was gone as quickly as she appeared. 

____

You stayed outside sitting on an old tree stump. It was risky but you waited for Dean to return. You could have followed, but you didn’t. Every time Dean was close to you, that mark took more and more of him. You had to make sure she was safe from its harm. You had to stay away. It was at least an hour before you saw the headlights coming towards you. You stood and waited. Wondering if you were about to see another blood soaked Dean.

As he stopped the car your eyes met his before he got out. 

“Is she-“

“She’s alright,” Dean stated with a deep breath as he got out. “It was a trap.”

“A trap?” You furrowed your brows. 

“She had two people try to attack me, or not…” he trailed off. “I don’t know.”

“So what then?”

“Well, she definitely hates me, that's for sure. But she’s alive …and that’s thanks to you”, Dean glanced over to you as he settled on the hood of the car. 

“Me?”

“If you hadn't pushed me; who knows what I would have done,” he replied. “You saved me from doing something I’d never be able to forgive myself for.”

“Yeah well, we need a better system. I can’t have you moments from murder all the time;” you chuckled as you moved to sit next to him on the hood. . 

“Thank you”, he softly spoke, making your eyes meet his. “Honestly. Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for Winchester,” you smiled back. 

You sat next to him quietly on the hood as he breathed in and out the night air. It was peaceful, relaxing. You almost felt normal again; that this was normal and everything was ok. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Dean looking down at his arm, contemplating something. You felt the pull to comfort him; to kiss his sweet lips and tell him it would be alright. This feeling that you tried to fight. Sympathy. How much of it was him and how much was the mark? You felt a ping of guilt for a brief moment until he spoke, causing you to step out of your feelings and back to the task. He needed to be ready for Cain. He had to get under control. Your life depended on it. 

“How long do you think it will last?”

“What?“

“The calm.”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “It has only been about 5 days since the last time.”

“It’s getting worse,” he shook his head. “I can feel it. Sam thinks I can control it enough to be able to live something that resembles a life.”

“And what do you think?”

“I think there’s a reason why when I met Cain, there was no one else around,” he sighed. “You can’t live a normal life. Not without cutting everyone you love out so you don’t hurt them.”

“And you think Sam would be fine with that?”

“I know he wouldn’t,” Dean took in a deep breath. “He’s going to have to though. If we don’t find a way out of this. One way or another I’ll have to leave him behind.”

_____

What if we make this a regular thing? 

That was her suggestion to him. Dean couldn’t even believe that she even suggested it. Stabbing her on a regular basis, although seemingly effective so he didn’t stab anyone else sounded insane. However, the chance to see the real Y/N come out as they would then have to spend more time together was intriguing to him. Could he somehow bring her back to normal? To who she was supposed to be. 

“I mean, who else you got?” she rolled her eyes with a chuckle as Dean glanced over at her. Her laugh brought a smile to the corner of his mouth. That was Y/N. The real one. That made up his decision for him, if anything to hear that laugh.

“Shouldn’t matter,” he replied. “You’re in life or death territory now. You have to learn to fight back or you’re dead.”

“You must have gone through a lot of fucked up shit to have that type of view on the world.”

“You have no idea,” he replied. He kept his eyes on the road, driving a little slower now. You waited patiently for him to break the silence as you sat there thinking of what he said. Within 2 days you’ve already seen more violence than you had in years. You had a feeling that this was just the beginning.

“New York city is about 30 minutes away,” he finally spoke up. “We need to get new IDs and trade out the car.”

“We’re not trading the car,” you replied firmly.

He glared at you in annoyance, but didn’t really argue. Somehow he knew how important it was to you without you saying it. 

“New plates then,” he stated. “The city should give us cover for a day or two as long as we lay low.”

“I’ve never been,” you shrugged. 

“Well, we’re not taking a sightseeing tour now,” he replied gruffly. “We’re laying low.”

“Fine.” you rolled your eyes again. 

“There’s a mall at the next exit. Can I trust you to stay put while I get clothes?” 

“You want me to just stay in the car?” 

“You’re right,” he glared at you. “You’re not leaving my sight. I can’t have you bringing any more trouble to us.”

“Because I brought it,” you snarked. 

He pulled off on the exit and turned towards the mall. As soon as he found a spot he was barking at you to exit. You followed closely along, but he grabbed at your waist before entering. He was serious about not letting you out of his sight. In the position, you had no chance of even leaving his reach. Within a department store he headed to the men’s clothing. He grabbed the essential undergarments along with a few pairs of pants, t-shirt’s, and a couple of flannel shirts along with a men’s travel grooming kit. He didn’t even bother looking at anything else. He apparently had what he liked and that was it. You suggested that he grab a duffel or suitcase for a quick grab which he agreed. While he was checking out, you finally got a second away from his immediate reach and started looking at the different types of colognes and perfumes. You grabbed a cologne that smelled like cedar with a mix of jasmine and a perfume that complimented it with lavender and amber. You put them down on the counter as well to check out. He gave you an odd look, saying you didn’t need it, but you said you did and that was it. He didn’t argue anymore. 

With the bags, he headed to the men’s room. You were just going to wait outside but he didn’t let you. Instead he entered with you in tow, checking the stalls before telling you to lock the door. He took a poor man’s  bath in the sink, washing himself off after he peeled off his clothing. He became stark naked in front of you without any type of care and you had no idea where to look besides away. 

“You blush easy,” he stated with a laugh in his voice. 

“Not used to people just stripping down,” you replied.

“I have boxers on now,” you looked back at him. “But don’t be afraid to strip down any time you want.”

He gave you a wink as you continued to wait for him. He smelled the cologne you picked out and gave it a little shrug before he sprayed himself down. 

“What’s that tattoo you have?” you asked as he pulled down his undershirt to cover his chest. 

“Anti-possession mark,” he replied nonchalantly. 

“You get that from some demon thing too?”

“No,” he smiled. “But it helps keep demons from wearing you like your cop friend.”

You just kind of stood there nodding like you understood, but it was not an easy concept to grasp. Demon possessions but some tattoo to stop it? This supernatural stuff was weird. 

“We should get you one,” he stated. “You have any tattoos already?” 

“Not that you’ll see,” you responded.

“Well that’s a yes,” he smirked. “Let’s get some food and find a shop. Better to be prepared before we hit the city.”

You followed him out with an odd look from a couple as you left the men’s room. He swung his arm around you and pulled you close, like you were a happy couple shopping together. It actually felt kind of nice and the cologne you picked out was especially intoxicating on him. There was a variety of food choices in the food court as you approached it. You were starving and opted for a mixture of Starbuck coffee, Sbarros pizza, and Panda Express. He looked amazed as you put it all down without a damn care. After grabbing Cinnabon to go, you found a shop right in the mall to get the tattoo. He made the statement to get it somewhere that couldn’t easily come off. You were confused at first, but he told you to think of Monty Python and the Black Knight. You opted for your hip so you didn’t have to lay there with your shirt off in front of him for the next hour.  

“You good?” Dean asked as you were now back on the highway driving. 

“Fine,” you replied, your hip being slightly tender at the moment. Didn’t really consider the fact that you were going to be sitting in a car for a while as it healed. 

As you approached the bridge to the city, you were in wonderment at the spectacular sight of lights and tall buildings. He didn’t seem phased as he drove cautiously around the aggressive drivers. You were somewhat thankful it was him behind the wheel and not you as they cut people off without care. He found a hotel that looked like a brothel that you argued against. He rolled his eyes in annoyance as you suggested finding something cleaner. He continued to at least something that might have a star rating that also included valet. He was annoyed by that, as you thanked the valet driver and entered with him.

“Reservation?” the concierge asked at the desk.

“No,” you replied as you sat down your bag. “Me and my husband are here as a gift to ourselves. We just eloped.”

Dean shot you a look that you ignored from your side view. 

“Ah, honeymooners,” he replied. “Congratulations. We have our honeymoon suite open and a complimentary champagne breakfast in the morning.”

“That will be wonderful, won’t it be sweetie?” you gushed as you played the part. “And we won’t be bothered?”

“Of course not," he smiled. “Just let the housekeeping know when you need cleaning.”

“Two nights then,” you replied. 

“I just need a credit card for incidentals,” he stated as he typed on the computer. 

“So,” you sweetly started to speak, “My credit card was lost on the way here, we just couldn’t wait. I have cash and I trust this will be enough.”

You laid out about $500 on the desk that the concierge eyes lit up to. You added another $100 on top and suggested it was for him for his troubles. He handed you two key cards and you were on your way.

“Husband huh?” Dean whispered to you as you approached the elevator. 

“No one messes with honeymooners,” you replied. “And cash talks. Don’t get any ideas though.”

“Why, we’re married now?” he laughed as he hit the button. 

You entered the room and felt a sense of relief to drop down all the bags and flop yourself backwards onto the bed. You were safe for the moment and not on the move. You never realized how great that would feel. 

“There’s a hot tub,” Dean commented as he looked around. 

“Enjoy it,” you replied. “You didn’t just get a tattoo.”

“Sucks to be you,” he laughed as he looked around. “Where should I sleep?”

“I don’t care,” you replied. “I just want a hot shower and something stiff in me.”

“I can give you something stiff,” he stated low enough for you just to be able to hear it. 

“Are you always this direct?” you pushed yourself up on your elbows. 

“I didn’t think you heard that,” he smirked.

“Yes you did,” you rolled your eyes. “And that will not be happening. This between us is just a safety thing, not whatever it is you keep thinking of there.”

“You say that now,” his smirk continued. “I’m going to take a real shower. You want to join since you said you wanted one too?”

You glared at him hard as he laughed and went into the bathroom. He didn’t shut the door as you caught his reflection in the mirror across from it. He was stark naked again, but this time you didn’t look away as you watched his muscles flex with his movements as he got in and turned on the water. You bit down on your lip as you watched him lather himself up, paying attention to his lower half that was now becoming a grower although you originally thought he was a shower… damn. You shook your head to clear out the thoughts as you raided the minibar. One shot of whisky, one shot of gin, another of tequila and do it again. 

“You alright?” You heard Dean snicker as he came out in a towel, his chest shining with water droplets. 

“I need a bigger bottle,” you pouted as you tossed the last causality in the trash. 

“Well get your shower and get dressed,” he replied. “We will find you one.”

 In the shower, you couldn’t help but to take a minute to tend to yourself. The adrenaline from the last couple days, the sight of Dean naked, the dream, and his flirting… it was getting harder to say no. Any other person and you probably wouldn’t have taken such restraint, but he was a guy brought to your care bruised and on the run. Just because now you were in this situation did not change that fact. When you signed that paper, he became your responsibility and you knew anything more than that would just be exploiting the situation for either of you. As you reached your climax you heard a knock on the door.

“You almost done in there?”

“Yes,” you stammered. Dammit. It was gone now, again. What an asshole .

You got yourself dressed in the nicest outfit you could put together of jeans, sandals, and a low cut tank. Just because you were on the run didn’t mean you couldn’t look nice for you first time in New York City. You grabbed out a little wristlet wallet and stuck a couple bills in it. You handed Dean $200 to keep on his person and the two of you went into the city that never sleeps.

____

He took you to the east village, to the infamous CBGB. You gushed for a minute as you entered. You’d always wanted to visit here, the home of The Ramones and Blondie. He smirked as you looked around in amazement. 

“Thought you’d like it,” he leaned to you to speak over the music. “I happened to look at your music collection back at your house before we left. You got an alright taste.”

You found a little table as he ordered at the bar, bringing two drinks back after a few moments. 

“We should be able to find what we need here,” he stated as he looked around.”Just need to find the right person.”

“Tell me about yourself,” you suggested as a topic.

“Quid pro quo Clarice,” he smirked.  “I’ll tell you something if you tell me something.”

“Fine,” you shrugged as you took a drink. “Where are you from?”

“Kansas,” he replied. “Until I was about 3, then everywhere else traveling.”

“Why?”

“No, you first. Where are you from?”

“ Born and raised in New Hampshire,” you stated. “Never really been anywhere else.”

“We traveled because a demon killed my mom and my dad became obsessed with finding it. Learned how to hunt other things along the way.”

“Sorry to hear that,”

“And your family? What are they like?”

“Dead,” you responded nonchalantly. “Most of them at least I do believe. Parents died when I was like 2, raised by grandpa who died when I was like 19 and I don’t really know of anyone else. Just heard that there was family in different places.”

“So how did you become a therapist?”

“Isn’t it my turn?” you laughed. “Psychiatrist. I went to medical school and my grandfather was one so I learned through him.”

“Well damn. You’re a smartie then,” he chuckled. 

“Sure,” you shrugged. “We will go with that. Past relationships?”

“So far this is in the top 5 of my longest relationships, ” he replied. “Probably one of the healthiest too since you know about me and what I do already.”

“Bad experiences?” 

“More like no time to really experience any normal,” he shrugged. “Always on the move. So what’s your excuse?”

“For what?”

“Not being in a relationship. You said you work a lot and they cause issues. I’m going to guess there’s bad experiences with that?”

“I don’t have enough alcohol to go into that,” you laughed. “But yeah. One in particular was bad, or at least ended badly. Haven’t been in a serious one since.”

“How long ago?” 

“No, it’s my turn,” you changed the subject. “David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?”

“Oh damn,” he smirked. “That’s a tough choice. Probably David. I like the originals better usually, but Sammy is good too.”

“Fair enough,” you smiled. 

“When was the last time?”

“Last time for what?” you gave him a furrowed look. 

He just smirked at you, waiting for you to pick up on what he was asking. “Um, I don’t know? March?”

“It’s June,” he chuckled. “You need laid.”

“It’s not that important,” you shrugged. “Anyways they always become messy afterwards and clingy. No one ever just stays one and done.”

“If you’re living in the same town, yeah,” Dean continued to chuckle. “If they never see you again, well they never see you.”

“That is such a man answer,” you rolled your eyes.

“Good thing I’m a man then,” he took a sip of his drink. “So you and me…”

“Never will happen,” you cut him off while turning your gaze away from him to the crowd as you danced your finger along the ring of your glass.

“Why?”

“Because you’re my patient,” you responded.

“You definitely have a different technique than other shrinks I’ve met.”

“Yeah, the hostage thing is a new practice for me too,” you laughed. 

“So what’s wrong with me Doc?”

You glanced over at him and watched as his eyes became a little softer as he looked at waited for your response. You had your theories. Trauma, abandonment issues, father issues as well. Most likely some depression too. Laying it out there was not what he needed, nor what you wanted to provide 6 drinks in. 

“I’m still figuring that out,” you smiled. 

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever did?”

“This,” you admitted. 

“Well, even though we’re on the run, I say we enjoy it while it lasts.”

“And do what?”

“Whatever you want, no fucks given. Stop trying to analyze the world and just live in it. I bet you’d finally have fun then.”

“I have fun,” you harped back. 

“Sure you do”, he rolled his eyes as he took another sip of his beer. His eyes gaze off to the side of you towards a girl. There was a slight ping of jealousy that he might be interested in her and you would be left sitting alone. “I think I spotted our ticket.”

He left you for a few minutes as he approached the girl. You subtly watched as they talked. He was charming her the way she was giggling. Was he flirting with her? You started to feel awkward just sitting and waiting for him, but attempted to refocus yourself on the moment.. To just enjoy the music and the crowd. 

“We’re good to go,” Dean stated as he returned. “Ready?”

“For what?”

“Let’s get your picture taken,” he smiled. 

A couple blocks over and the girl was waiting outside with some hipster guy. He looked you both up and down as Dean introduced himself and you to him. 

“So you’re the photographer?” Dean stated. 

“I am,” he responded. “And you have the cash?” 

“I have a deposit,” Dean firmly replied. “Rest after the final product if youre as good as she says you are.”

“You won’t find anyone better on this side of the coast.”

You followed them in, not quite sure what the hell was happening when you noticed a line of fake IDs and passports on the table. Once you realized where you were, you inched a little closer to Dean, just in case things turned sideways. 

“For names, you trying to keep your first names?” the photographer that you now knew as Gus asked as he handed the girl, Tori, his jacket. 

“That’d be preferable,” Dean stated. “Whatever you’re able to do.” 

“I’m able to create anything. I am an artist. Tori is her own type of artist in being able to hack and create whomever you want to be in the national database. The question is, who do you want to be?”

That was a loaded question. Who did you now want to be? The only thing you could think of was Nicks, after the great white witch herself. Dean opted for 

Wash as his last name. You guessed he liked his initials as D.W. 

Tori lit up a joint and handed it off to you as Gus took Dean for his photo. You kindly declined, but she insisted it was the best. For once in a long time, you decided to take someone else’s advice and go with the flow. No fucks given. 

After the photos were done they said it’d be ready tomorrow, but suggested a party that they were having upstairs in their loft. Dean looked to you for approval and with you new buzz, you accepted without hesitation. 

As you followed them up the stairs, you went along with their giggles although you had no idea what they were privately talking about. Upon entering you realized what type of party you were just invited to; a sex party. The room was dimly lit with colorful strings of lights in no particular order with naked bodies in different positions. You glanced back at Dean who was more than intrigued but looked back at you as if he was trying to read your face. You considered your options in the moment as you turned your head back to the crowd. Gus now moved in front of you, taking off his shirt to show his muscles rippling in the light. He settled his hands on either side of your face and pulled you in for a kiss that you accepted. It had been so long since you had just a sensual touch that you started to melt right there as he moved his lips away he stuck a little pill between his lips and returned back to your mouth, allowing the pill to enter as you swallowed it. Whatever it was, you knew this was going to be an adventure you would never forget. 

Gus took your hand and led you into the crowd. There were more now standing as you worked your clothing off, lips and hands touching your body with every movement. You didn’t know who they were, but you soaked it in as your mind started to become fuzzy and you felt a high so fierce that not even god could bring you down.

You found yourself on a couch, Gus settled between your legs as you rocked back and forth to another orgasam. Your eyes caught Dean for the first time in you don’t even know how long. He was across from you with some girl sitting in his lap as he pumped into her. Your gaze could not move, even if you willed it as his eyes caught yours while he leaned her back with his hand on her throat as he thrusted in her harder. Watching him have his way with her was putting you on edge as you started to imagine you in her place, his lips, his hands, his thick cock pumping into you over and over. You cried out in ecstasy as you felt someone now enter you, pushing themselves forward to tickle your g spot just right that you felt yourself shudder in anticipation. Dean was now moved between Tori’s legs whose head was just a mere couple inches from yours as you were moved to the floor. You watched as he brought her to her climax as he moved to straddle her. As he dipped down on her, he looked to you. You were biting your lip as the man inside of you snapped his hips just right. Deans eyes stayed on you, focused as he made her cum not once, but at least 3 times from what you could tell as you rode out your own. As he finished he got up, and walked away, looking back at you once with a smile. You remember smiling back, but after that… everything around you became a blur of pleasure. 

___

The sun was harsh as you opened your eyes. You groaned into the pillow for it to disappear as you realized that you were awaking in a bed, in the hotel room you acquired and you were dressed.

“Good morning, or afternoon I should say,” you heard Dean.

“How did we get back here?” you asked as you sat up and immediately regretted life as your head throbbed.

“I brought you back when you looked like you were done,” he stated. “You definitely appeared to be having a good time.”

“I don’t remember even half of it,” you said as you rubbed your eyes.

“That’s how you know you had fun,” he handed you a couple of pills and water. You gave him a questioning look in return. “It’s just tylenol, to help with the hangover.”

“Thanks,” you muttered before taking it. You sat up a little straighter as you noticed between your legs felt raw from the night before. Fun at the time, aftermath? Not so much. “Did we…?”

“No,” Dean answered with a soft smile. “You said you didn’t want to before, I wasn’t going to take advantage of the situation.”

You responded with a slight chuckle, remembering how you got off thinking about him doing the things to you. Part of you wished he would have, the other part was thankful he respected your request. 

“I will say though,” he smirked. “You are a wildcat.” 

“What?” you laughed out of embarrassment. What did you do that you didn’t remember?

“They way you were moving, the scratches down their backs, how you rubbed your tongue all over their bodies and took not just the girls in, but the guys like a damn champ.”

“I did what?” your eyes widened.

“I’m just fucking with you,” he grinned. “You have to admit though, wasn’t it nice to let loose for once?”

“Yeah,” you sheepishly replied. “But i’m good on that type of fun for a while. My legs are sore.” 

“Have some breakfast”, he suggested as he pointed to the little couple's cart with the champagne. “Enjoy yourself. I’ll be back in a while.” 

“Where you going?” 

“Get our IDs and figure out the plate situation,” he stated with a soft smile. “I won’t be gone long, that is, unless you want to see your new friends again?”

“I’m good,” you laughed as you grabbed a piece of bacon and tore it with your teeth to eat. 

“Don’t do anything crazy without me.” 

You continued to eat and relax for a while while waiting for Dean. After some relaxation of a nice hot shower to pamper yourself, you started looking at the hotel service information which gave you an idea. 

“Sorry that took so long-“ Dean stopped his words as he looked at you. You had gone to the salon and opted for a new color that was dark red with bright red chunky highlights. “What did you do?”

“Decided to go incognito,” you shrugged as you looked at yourself in the mirror. “I like it.”

“If you do,” he shrugged as he handed you your ID.

“Hiding should be easier for you now. You can go anywhere you want.”

“Thanks,” you sighed as you looked at it and thought about what he just said. “Why did that just sound like you are leaving?”

“I’m not at this moment,” he replied. “But eventually, you should probably cut ties with me. It’ll be safer for you.”

“Yeah,” you bit your lip. “But-“

“But what?” He sounded like he was a bit excited about what you were going to say. The look in his eyes told you what he wanted you to say, the feeling in your gut told you what you should say. You didn’t listen to either. “I want you to teach me.”

“Teach you?” his brows scrunched.

“How to fight. How to survive all those things you talked about,” you pleaded. “ You at least owe me that.”

“I’m not teaching you,” he gave you a firm glare. “You’ll get yourself killed.”

“From where I’m standing, I’ll get myself killed if I don’t learn how.”

“You really want to do this?”

“I don’t think it’s a want, more a need.”

He groaned as he rubbed his hands along his stubble. He didn’t like it, that was obvious, but he couldn’t deny thay you were right. He nodded his head in agreement, suggesting first that you utilized the gym facilities to see what you could do. You followed him down there, waiting for instruction as he looked around. He didn’t give you much direction as you patiently waited with your arms crossed. 

“Punch me,” he stated as he stood in front of you. 

“What?”

“Punch me.”

You didn’t need to be told another time as you cocked back your fist and knocked him in his jaw. 

“Not in the face,” he groaned as he rubbed his jaw. 

“Sorry,” you mustered out, attempting to hide the smile. It felt kind of good. 

“Not horrible, but you lock up your wrist. You’re going to break it doing it like that.”

He showed you the proper way to punch and had you in front of a bag to practice. You did a couple reps as he watched patiently. You’re arms began to burn in pain, causing you to stop.

“What are you doing?” 

“I need a break,” you replied as you caught your breath. 

“No breaks, keep going,” he barked. 

You rolled your eyes and continued to hit the bag, now imagining his face there. He told you to add in some kicks as well. You tried to, but lost your balance when it swung back on you making you fall back on your ass.

“The bag beat you,” he smirked. 

“Screw you,” you seethed in annoyance. 

“You wanted this,” he helped you up. “Now again.”

You continued for what felt like forever, your tshirt now soaked in sweat. He finally told you to stop, to which you thanked the heavens. As you walked away from the bag he got in your way. 

“Now try to hit.”

“What are you doing?”

“A bag is one thing, now to hit a person. One moving,” he replied. “Try. If you’re successful, you can quit for the day.”

You glared at him hard as you swung your arm, he moved his head out of the way. He grabbed your foot as you tried to kick him. Every hit, he blocked. Your frustrations grew as you started to move faster and faster with your hits, he was able to grab your fist and twist you around, pinning your arms up against you with his. You felt his breath next to your ear as you caught your own.

“Dead,” he purred into your ear. “You let your emotions get you. You do that and you’re dead.”

“How about instead of screwing around, you just tell me what I should be doing?” you leaned your head back to him, your mouth inches from his. Your breath quivered as you thought about them on yours, his arms holding you tight. 

“Everyday, at least three times a day for an hour to start,” he release your arms and walked away. “If you can learn to control those emotions, then it’s the next phase.”

“Because you’re so great at controlling yours,” you accidentally said out loud with snark. 

“Excuse me?” he gave you a hard glare. 

“I’m angry. I’m pissed! You fucked up my life and you’re trying to tell me to control my feelings? Fuck you!”

“It’s not ignoring them, it’s using them. That’s how you control them,” he replied with ferocity in his voice. “Be angry. Be pissed! Just don’t be stupid.” 

Something snapped within you where you punched him hard in the gut. He keeled over in pain as you turned to walk away.

“How’s that for using it!”

____

You were back in the room after cleaning up yourself. You laid on the bed with the remote, flipping through the channels angrily when Dean walked in. 

“You feeling better?”

“No,” you blurted. “I feel mad and bad.”

“Why?”

“Because of the situation and because I hit you,” you looked over to him. “Sorry.”

“Never be sorry,” he replied. “I can take it, and so much more. I never meant for any of this.”

“I know,” you took in a deep breath and exhaled. “But normally I’m this calm and collected person. Now? I’m just all sorts of confused.”

“Well how about you stop trying to be the doctor and just try being normal. It’s okay not to be okay,” he stated as he sat down next to your legs on the bed. 

“It’s easier for me to do that. I can control the situation,” you huffed.

“Stop it,” he laughed. “You can’t control everything. Your textbooks should have told you that much.”

“They did,” you sighed. “I ignored that part.”

He chuckled as he laid his hand on your leg, giving you an assuring rub. You started to feel that feeling again as you thought about what he said. You can’t control everything.

“What’s one thing you really wanted to do in New York before we go?”

You thought about it for a minute as you shrugged. He gave you an encouraging squeeze on your leg again. 

“Get a super fancy outfit and go to one of those restaurants where the waiters wear white gloves to have a 7 course meal,” you replied. “And a ballet or broadway show. Something different.”

“Okay,” he clicked his tongue. “I would have just settled for burgers, but sure. A New York strip steak would be nice. Let’s go shopping.” 

“You’re going to wear dress clothes?” you gave him a smirk. 

“I actually look really good in a suit,” he smiled back as he tapped on your leg to move. 

“I bet you do,” you smiled as you got up. 

You hit 5th avenue and at first, you felt like you were in the movie ‘Pretty Woman’ as the attendants ignored you. Eventually as the shopping excursion progressed, so did your clothing and numerous bag quantities. They were more than obliged to assist you after showing how much money you had. Eventually you found the perfect dress, a sleek red dress that plunged down your chest with a high cut slit for the leg. You got yourself ready as Dean was busy making the plans for the evening since he only required about 15 minutes to change. 

You waited patiently with your new prada clutch for him to arrive within the lobby. A black town car rolled up, Dean exiting with a smile in an all black suit, no tie, with collar unbuttoned just a little. You walked out with a confused look as he assisted you into the car, being mindful of the dress. 

“You wanted a night in style,” he stated before he shut the door.

He took you to a place called ‘The View’. That was an understatement as you clearly could see the marvelous spectacle that was Manhattan. The food was delicious as you enjoyed your view and company. You had idle chit chat more about yourself, getting to know interests and past lives. After the most scrumptious dessert you had ever had, the two of you made it to Broadway to see ‘Wicked’. You did your best to not sing along, but during defying gravity it was a challenge. You caught his glance at you during it with a soft smile. This felt like a date. A real date. So that’s what they are supposed to be like?

As the night ended he asked you if there was anywhere else you wanted to go. It was near 11 at night and you had just one thing left on your bucket list. You directed the driver to stop at whatever late night bakery he knew of and then to the shopping district again. You retrieved two Cronuts and when you got to your second stop, you pulled Dean out of the car.

“What are we doing?” He asked while reading the store signage.

“I know it’s still night time, but breakfast can happen whenever you want,” you said as you handed him a Cronut.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” he laughed. “Okay then.”

You both ate in silence, just enjoying the moment. As you finished, Dean grabbed at your hand and twirled you around like on a dance floor.

“What was that for?”

“Now you can say you’ve also danced in the streets of Manhattan,” he kept his hand linked with yours and pulled you close, slow dancing for a moment where you laid your head on his shoulder. 

“If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up,” you stated. 

“We should get going,” Dean cleared his throat, leading you back to the town car. 

The ride back was silent as you started to contemplate your ethics. You never really had him as a client and anyone else could have signed him in. This situation that you were in, had to trump any of the normal ethical codes, right? 

 As you got back to the hotel, you noticed Dean being somewhat distant as you approached the room. When you got in, he suggested that you go ahead and change while he went down to the lobby bar. You nodded in agreement as he left. Why was he acting like this? 

After getting dressed you went down to the bar, but stopped at the sight of Dean flirting with a girl, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. That was the moment you felt the pain in your chest; heartbreak. All his endless flirting was just that, not a genuine interest in you as a person. His eyes caught yours as you watched him give her a soft kiss. You turned and left, speeding back to the room to hide away. The tears that fell as everything the past couple days brought you came flooding into your mind until your body could no longer take it