suffocator.

              𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐌𝐀𝐍  𝐈𝐍  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒      .     He  watched  them  from  the  comfort  of  his  own  table     ,     eyes  narrowed  at  the  mess  of  a  man  who  was  apparently  bothering  the  nice  lady     .      Perhaps  he  could  save  her      .      Demand  the  homeless  man  leave  her  alone       .      Then  earn  her  number     .      Maybe  even  a  date      .       But  his  hope  was  slightly  tarnished  following  the  hug      ,      the  furrow  of  his  brow  showing  off  his  confusion        .      Remus noticed  this  all  from  the  corner  of  his  eye     .      He  also  saw  the  concerned  mother     ,      keeping  her  hand  on  her  daughter’s  shoulder  for  protection       .    He  couldn’t  help  but  turn  his  gaze      ,     stealing  a  glance  of  all  the  judgmental  eyes     .      There  was  a  sadness  that  flickered  across  his  features      ,     a  shame  that  almost  sent  him  running  for  the  exit      .      He  didn’t  belong  there     .     He  was  used  to  a  far  darker     ,     grittier  arena      .

              𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓  𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍  𝐇𝐔𝐆       .       Merlin     ,     he  couldn’t  remember  the  last  time  he’d  hugged  anyone    .    The  action  itself  had  surprised  him     ,     his  body  tightening  as  he  fought  the  urge  to  jump  back  from   her  reach      .      She  noticed     .     He  could  see  that  too     .     He  could  see  all  the  looks  and  stares      .      ❛     Yeah     .     Yeah     .     I  was  um    ,      I  was  actually  going  to  ask  you  the  same  thing      .      Last  I  heard    ,      you  were  in  America  and               oi     !       ❜      His  gaze  darted  toward  a  married  couple  right  next  to  Mary’s  table     .     They’d  stopped  eating  in  favor  of  watching      ,     blatantly  listening  in  to  their  conversation  without  a  spec  of  shame      .            ❛     What    ?     Your  life  so  boring     ,     you’ve  got  to  pay  attention  to  mine      ?       ❜      He  didn’t  know  why  he  yelled   .     In  fact    ,    his  own  outburst  did  nothing  but  make  him  angrier     .     He  should’ve  worn  a  nicer  shirt     .     He  should’ve  brushed  his  hair     ,      should’ve  gotten  more  sleep  the  night  before     .     But  that  didn’t  make  them  better  than  him     !     .  .  .    Or  maybe  it  did     .

          mary  flinched  involuntarily  when  he  raised  his  voice,  mouth  an  involuntary  gape  of  shock.  she  was  right,  he  had  changed;  she  couldn’t  remember  the  remus  she  knew  ever  raising  his  voice  at  anyone.  he’d  always  been  a  portrait  of  civility,  charming  and  restrained.  how  she’d  admired  him  for  it.  now,  she  reached  out  to  grasp  his  upper  arm,  soft  but  firm,  reverting  back  to  her  native  language  of  touch  when  words  failed.  she  made  eye  contact  with  the  barista  --  i’m  sorry,  i’m  so  sorry  for  this  --  made  eye  contact  with  the  man  in  the  red  shirt,  half-risen  from  his  seat  in  ready  self-importance  --  please  leave  us  alone,  please  don’t  push  it  --  made  eye-contact  with  the  wide-eyed  couple  --  forgive  him,  you  don’t  know  him  like  i  do.  but  when  it  came  down  to  it,  how  well  did  she  know  him,  really  ?   

                    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐀  𝐋𝐎𝐓  𝐓𝐎  𝐁𝐄  𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃  𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓  𝐀  𝐌𝐀𝐍  𝐖𝐇𝐎  𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘  𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐓  𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑       .      But  maybe  it  wasn’t  what  people  thought     .     Maybe      ,     just  maybe      ,     he  was  only  angry  because  he  forgot  what  everything  else  felt  like      ;      happiness     ,     relief     ,     pure  unadulterated  amusement      .      So  it  was  only  natural  that  he  followed  Mary  after  first  seeing  her       ,      because  for  a  split  second      ,     the  quickest  of  seconds     ,      he  felt  hopeful      .     And  when  he  saw  her  a  second  time      ,     in  a  nicer  area  that  he  probably  didn’t  belong  in     ,     he  felt  it  again     .     It  was  annoying     ,      like  an  addict  being  given  a  drug  only  to  have  it  taken  away     .      Much  like  that  addict     ,     he  followed  the  fix     ,     all  too  aware  of  the  judgmental  looks  that  other  customers  were  giving  him     .     They  were  seated  at  their  tables  outside     ,     sandwiches  on  their  plates     ,     pinkies  in  the  air     ,     wondering  who  the  hell  left  the  riffraff  in       .      And  he  felt  ashamed     .      Enough  so  to  look  down  as  he  wandered  toward  her  table     .      She  didn’t  see  him     ,     or  he  didn’t  think  she  had      .       ❛      .  .  .     Hi      .     ❜     //     @macdonaldsmary

          even  while  the  world  was  crashing  down  around  her,  mary  macdonald  still  clung  to  normalcy  and  tradition.  which  was  why  she  was  now  seated  in  a  cafe  for  her  regular  sunday  morning  latte  and  croissant,  buttery  sunlight  spilling  over  meticulously  sketched  seating  plans.  even  though  her  marriage-to-be  was  quickly  falling  apart,  at  least  she  could  keep  this  client’s  in  order.  mary  sipped  her  latte  pensively,  dimly  aware  of  an  unkempt-looking  man  moving  through  the  tables  close  by.  presumably  some  homeless  man  scrounging  for  change.  she  remembered  seeing  something  on  the  news  about  the  rising  poverty  rates  in  london.  mary  frowned  slightly,  scribbling  out  a  previous  mistake  at  table  four  and  penciling  in  a  correction.  it  wasn’t  until  the  man  actually  reached  her  table  and  spoke  gruffly  that  she  glanced  up  at  him  reluctantly,  already  moving  to  reach  into  her  bag  for  her  coin  purse.  

          and  it  was  him. 

❝ drive ? ❞ marlene winced softly, aware of the disdain that seeped into her words unwillingly. well, more so carelessly rather than unwillingly. she was struggling to keep a polite facade up though her true nature fought to break free and scream at her former best friend to at least dissipate some of the tension present between them. ❝ if you’ve got to bother parking why not just apparate? hardly seems worth the hassle, but then again… guess muggles appreciate complications. ❞ the brunette shrugged slightly, sneaking a glance over at the girl only to become even more frustrated. it was the way she sat, the discomfort present in every minor gesture that made marlene’s anger simmer further, causing her brows to furrow as she called for another refill. ❝ why did you come back? if london was treating you swimmingly? ❞ her eyes were pleading for a response, for some semblance of an explanation that would settle her displeasure with the entire situation. in a perfect world, marlene would forgive mary for running away and they would carry on being as close as ever but they knew better than most, perfection was just a made up concept that could never apply to their reality. so what was left was a bitter auror mourning the loss of her friends and a bitterness at their untimely return, lashing out against the presence of someone that used to be her only constant. 

                “  it’s  nice  to  see  you ,   too.  “   alecto  tried  to  pay  no  attention  to  the  people  in  line  behind  mary;   kept  in  that  she  didn’t  really  like  the  public  spectacle  of  the  whole  interaction ,   never mind  that  she’d  been  the  one  to  involve  herself.   she  was  glad  it  was  a  larger  shop ,   for  both  her  own  sake  and  mary’s.   the  line  was  still  filling  with  patrons,  but  alecto  figured  none  were  close  enough  to  hear  them.   because  mary  seemed  as  perfectly  poised  as  she’d  been  at  school ,   what  with  her  greeting  alecto  by  name,  and  she  didn’t  need  any  stories  of  this  exchange  finding  people  alecto  would  never  tell.   people  as  annoyed  and  busy  as  the  line  seemed  to  be  tended  to  live  in  their  own  heads;   it  was  a  safe  bet  to  cushion  her  dumb  choice.   so  she  just  gave  mary  a  slight  smile ,   raised  a  brow  at  the  other  woman  as  she  allowed  alecto’s  help.   her  left  hand  reached  into  her  bag,  pulling  out  a  few  coins  that  she  figured  finished  it  out  and  handing  them  over  to  mary  before  she  leaned  against  the  counter ,   back  to  the  crowd.   “ hm.   coffee  does  tend  to  make  up  for  everything,  no?   I’d  call that  a  fair  trade ,   but  there’s  no  need  for  you  to  be  obligated.  “   she  rolled  her  eyes ,   at  herself  more  than  the  muggleborn  she  was  talking  to.   “  I’m  not  very  good  at  the  adult ,   coffee - date - and - small - talk  thing,  anyway.  “

❝ least i could do, i guess. ❞ marlene hated it, the thick layer of palpable tension that coated every strangled exchange with the girl she once regarded as her best friend. far were the days where she felt she could count on her, hell if it were anyone else, marlene would have cut all ties long ago. but this was MARY. she just couldn’t. ❝ R I G H T. long seems as accurate as any other descriptor. how was your uh… trip? coming back i mean. decent? did you floo? or do you go by train these days?❞

          HE  COULDN’T  FEEL  HIS  HEART  BEAT  ANYMORE  .  he  was  sure  that  it  had  stopped  .   everything  about  this  ━━━   the  shop  and  the  people  and  the  tea  leaves  that  now  scattered  the  floor  ━━━   was  wrong  .   this  wasn’t  how  it  was  supposed  to  go  .   mary  macdonald  ,   one  of  his  closest  friends  and  confidants  for  years  (  even  before  hogwarts  )  was  not  supposed  to  stumble  upon  him  in  a  shop  nine  years  after  he  had  died  to  find  out  it  had  all  been  a  lie  .   this  was  wrong  ,   it  was  all  so  wrong  ,   and  he  now  felt  suspended  in  the  moment  after  he  had  spoken  ,   taking  away  any  chance  of  claiming  she  had  the  wrong  guy  .  

          EVERYTHING  AROUND  THEM  NO  LONGER  MATTERED  .   the  shopkeeper  screaming  at  them  to  get  out  of  his  store  ,   the  customers  yelling  obscenities  at  them  to  get  out  of  the  way  ━━━   all  of  it  slipped  away  .   all  that  james  could  focus  on  was  the  woman  in  front  of  him  and  the  wand  she  had  pointed  at  his  chest  ,   right  where  his  heart  should’ve  been  beating  .   what  could  he  possibly  say  that  wouldn’t  make  either  of  them  sound  utterly  crazy  ?   what  could  he  possibly  to  do  explain  away  the  mess  of  the  situation  he  had  gotten  himself  into  ?   this  was  all  so  ,   so  wrong  and  james  was  now  so  ,   so  afraid  .  

          SLOWLY  MOVING  HIS  SHAKING  HAND  ,   james  reached  for  the  wand  now  pressed  against  his  skin  ,   delicately  pushing  it  down  until  it  was  facing  the  ground  .   after  nine  years  away  from  the  wizarding  world  ,   he  wasn’t  too  sure  he  had  what  it  took  to  go  up  against  anyone  with  his  magic  ,   even  a  woman  as  frightened  and  confused  as  mary  was  now  .   tongue  darting  out  to  moisten  his  bone  dry  lips  ,   james  took  a  step  back  ,   slow  and  uncertain  ,   reaching  down  for  all  that  he  had  dropped  all  the  while  maintaining  eye  contact  with  his  old  friend  .     ❛   mary  ,    ❜    he  whispered  ,   so  that  only  she  might  hear  him  as  he  knelt  down  in  front  of  her  .     ❛   i  think  we  should  talk  .     .     .   outside  .    ❜

          mary  didn’t  take  her  eyes  off  him,  even  for  a  second.  she  was  terrified  that  if  she  did,  this  miracle  of  a  mirage  might  disappear  forever.  again.  and  she’d  be  alone  once  more.  the  mirage  spoke  again,  and  she  gave  a  tight  nod.  she  didn’t  point  her  wand  at  him  again,  but  her  knuckles  were  white  around  its  handle  as  she  followed  him  out  the  shop  door.  her  would-be  purchases  were  left  on  the  counter,  long  forgotten.  as  soon  as  they  were  out  on  the  street,  her  fingers  wrapped  around  his  wrist,  digging  into  his  skin  tight  enough  to  leave  white  fingermarks  as  she  pulled  him  aside.  she  didn’t  want  him  apparating  away  on  her.  not  if  she  could  help  it.  she  could  feel  his  pulse  jumping  against  her  fingers,  quick  and  strong  and  alive.  it  made  her  want  to  cry.  but  as  much  as  she  wanted  to  shake  him,  to  hug  him,  to  yell  and  demand  an  explanation,  she  knew  she  couldn’t  --  not  here.  her  eyes  cast  around  impatiently  for  someplace  they  could  talk.  and  then  her  gaze  landed  on  the  shop  around  the  corner.  perfect.

          as  soon  as  she  pulled  him  through  the  heavy  doors,  the  sound  of  hoots,  caws  and  coos  surrounded  them.  mary  had  always  disliked  eeylops  owl  emporium.  the  cacophony  of  the  different  birds  and  the  winding  rows  of  cages  stacked  teetering  to  the  vaulted  ceiling  made  her  claustrophobic,  and  the  musty  smell  of  owl  pellets  was  nearly  unbearable.  but  for  an  unexpected  reunion  with  a   dead  friend,  it  was  perfect.  even  if  it  was  possible  to  eavesdrop  over  the  din,  the  only  people  in  here  were  hogwarts-aged  children  who  were  clearly  much  more  interested  in  the  birds.  she  didn’t  waste  any  time,  her  eyes  fixed  on  james.  there  were  already  hot  tears  starting  to  tremble  and  slide  down  her  cheeks,  and  she  let  them,  too  shell-shocked  to  pull  on  her  usual  cheerful  mask.   

          ❛   —   p-please  tell  me  i’m  not  going  crazy,  james.  please  tell  me  it’s  YOU,  and  you’re  here,  and  --  and  the  last  nine  years  have  all  been  some  awful  NIGHTMARE,  and  …   ❜   her  words  were  swallowed  by  a  sob,  and  she  finally  let  go  of  his  wrist  to  press  a  fist  against  her  mouth,  but  her  gaze  still  didn’t  budge  from  his  features.  he  had  died  almost  a  decade  ago,  but  her  memories  of  his  death  and  his  funeral  came  flooding  back  in  hyper-sharp  relief,  as  if  lit  by  some  particularly  sadistic  clap  of  lightning.  she’d  given  up  hope  that  day.  something  she’d  never  thought  possible.  but  the  grief  of  everyone  surrounding  her  had  been  so  palpable  and  thick,  she  felt  as  though  she  was  suffocating.  a  pestilence  of  sorrow.  the  tenth  plague.  how  could  hope  survive  in  a  fog  like  that  ?  how  could  hope  survive,  if  james  potter  could  not  ?  she’d  left  the  next  day,  for  good,  and  she’d  never  looked  back.  

he’d been content to say nothing, the irritation of his fellow linesmen flying over his head as evan studied a certain shelf over the cashier’s head.  until the word    muggle,   foreign and unwelcome, wholly uncommon in these times floated into his ear and his attention shifted.  the witch seemingly oblivious to a sharp intake of breath even as far back as over his shoulder.  shoving to the front, as there was no way the crowd could be any more irritated than they already were. 

evan raised a brow at the the woman’s question, instead of answering the rudeness, fingers plucked the filthy muggle money from her hand. his features loose and not so unfriendly as the glares she was receiving around them. he studied it with a curious expression, already sliding a few galleons across the table towards the disgruntled shopkeep. he met her eye, the bills crinkling in his hand,    ❛    rather delightful, isn’t she ?   ❜     his smile lifting to match her’s, evan turned to the cashier with a nod and reached to assist the witch with her assortment of suddenly disorganized belongings. ignoring any sort of protest she might make and the collective relief of everyone else in the room.   ❛  come on then, witch. we’re having lunch. your treat.   ❜   evan grinned as he shifted to leave, speaking over his shoulder with half her belongings and crumpled muggle bills in his fist. 

          it  all  happened  so  fast,  and  before  she  knew  it,  the  man  was  striding  away  with  half  her  belongings.  mary  stood  there,  open-mouthed  and  unsure,  a  distinct  feeling  of  discomfort  crawling  under  her  skin.  maybe  it  was  the  way  he  spoke  to  the  shopkeeper  as  if  she  was  nothing  more  than  an  amusing  pet,  or  the  way  he  commanded  her  to  follow  him  for  lunch.  her  treat.  or  maybe  it  was  the  fact  that  she  didn’t  know  this  man.  she  hastily  shoved  the  rest  of  her  belongings  back  into  her  bag,  fingers  brushing  briefly  against  the  reassuring  wood  of  her  wand.  childish  paranoia.  it  was  the  middle  of  the  day.  they  were  in  a  public  space.  get  a  grip,  mary.

❝technically these drinks are on the ministry,❞ the brunette lined up the shot glasses atop the bar counter, giving the person beside her a soft shrug and a sly smile. ❝ one of the many benefits of being on paid leave. a little vacation of sorts. ❞

HE HAD STUMBLED UPON THE SHOP in a moment of free time, and despite amycus not particularly being the type to spend money on such mundane things ( he didn’t exactly find much pleasure in useless objects ) he had managed to find a new quill among the shelves just when he was in dire need of one. it almost seemed like luck. but, it seemed even more that the luck was beginning to cease after that. talking and talking. fumbling and fumbling. he was in line behind mary, waiting ever so IMPATIENTLY for her to finally fix the expenses and hurry away. it seemed, now, that that wasn’t the case. glancing to the shopkeeper with a similar look of disdain, that’s when he found the necessity to voice an opinion. after all, all he wanted was a simple quill. if it took so long to purchase, why not just come back later. 

❛ i’m just providing a suggestion here, ❜ he hummed, voice anything but gentle. it was gruff and obviously irritated. but wasn’t it always, in a way? eyebrows furrowed, lips tight.  ❛ but it IS possible for YOU to just pop to the bank, exchange them yourself, and head on back here. ❜ she happened to be explaining to the shopkeeper the simplicity of it all without considering undertaking the process herself, and despite his own lack of consideration for others ( he was a bit hypocritical, he supposed ) amycus thought her, well, rude. ❛ i mean, why waste this poor gentleman’s time? ❜

                   alecto  was  just  passing  through  the  shop  while  on  her  break   —   there were  a  few  items  she’d  had  her  eyes  on ,   but  the  line  she’d  seen  upon  her  entrance  hadn’t  seemed  to  go  down  at  all;   in  fact ,   as  alecto  lingered  near  a  rack  of  merchandise  by  the  front  of  the  store ,   she  noticed  a  small  commotion  that  appeared  to  be  the  cause  for  the  line’s  growth.   she  wasn’t  actively  trying  to  eavesdrop ,   but  listening  had  always  been  one  of  alecto’s  talents.   it  wasn’t  a  shock  to  recognize  the  voice;  but  the  voice  itself  was  shocking.   she  couldn’t  remember  the  last  time  she’d  heard  anyone  mention  mary  macdonald.  which  might  have  been  saying  more  if  alecto  kept  in  touch  with  more  people ,   on  a  more  regular  basis ,   but  talk  traveled.   it  was  odd  seeing  her  out  of  the  blue. 

                  she  turned  around  as  subtly  as  she  could  manage   ( which  was  quite  subtly  when  it  seemed  no  one  in  line  was  exactly  keeping  their  eyes  on  her )   and  looked  at  mary ,   taking  in  what  the  fuss  was  about.   she  understood  the  shop  -  keeper.   alecto  wouldn’t  want  to  take  the  muggle  money  herself  in  this  political  climate   —   but  it’d  be  nothing ,   for  her  to  spare  this  woman  some  stress and  loan  her  a  few  galleons.   she  made  her  way  up  to  make  such  an  offer  and  was   …   almost  not  at  all  surprised  to  find  such  a  fierce  reaction  waiting  for  her.   “  I  was  going  to  offer  to  help  you ,   “   alecto  said ,   a  slight  shrug  set  to  her  shoulders.   “  but  if  you  want  to  help  me,  I  suppose  I  won’t  say  no.  “