𝔟𝔬𝔬 !

it took everything in evan’s power to walk away from avia in that moment. the unspoken words that had weight so heavily on him for years finally finding their way out of him despite how hard he’d suppressed ever speaking them out loud. he never shared his feelings like that before and after the way his chest felt after saying everything he had, it was unlikely that he’d ever do it again. it didn’t feel good for him to tell her that he loved her. in fact, it brought him more pain to admit that to her than anything else had. whoever had shoveled the crap ass idea that love was this amazing, feel good thing needed a serious slap in the face. 

he’d only gotten so far away before the soft click of her heels and her oh-so-sweet voice began to echo behind him, her demand for him to stop pausing him in his tracks. it was stupid for him to do so. if he was a smart man, even in the slightest, he would keep going and never look back. evan was the last thing that avia needed in her life and he’d promised himself he wouldn’t ever cause her pain again after he’d initially left, yet here he was making it worse for her all over again. 

her words cut straight through him, a mixture of emotions brewing in his head as he worked through everything she was telling him. ‘don’t leave me behind’. the plead made him wince, the sadness in her voice sending an ache to his heart that he didn’t know he could feel. avia wasn’t the type to beg like this. she was such a strong, level headed woman and for her to be brought to this state by an asshole like himself was almost sad. he’d taken this perfect strong girl and he had ruined her. 

yet the idea of her being his forever was one that he couldn’t shake ever since the words had fallen from his own lips. that truly was what he wanted, he hadn’t lied about that. he would give up the rest of his life to make her happy if she so wanted, but part of him still teetered on the thought that he’d never be good enough for her. he’d give her the big house, the big wedding, the babies – but in the end would he still be enough? when they were faced with forever together, would she still think evan was the right choice? 

“i wish i’d never left you in the first place,” he said quietly, slowly turning to meet her gaze, “i know that you needed it, but i wish i’d never done it. i lost myself when i lost you. i want nothing more than to sweep you off your feet right now and kiss you till the end of time, but you’re engaged. what kind of man would that make me?”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

with a short scoff, the bold blonde dared to take short steps towards him, unable to disguise the myriad of emotions that stirred within her. for someone as smart as she knew he was, he had quite a track record of being so silly. avia would have found it endearing if she wasn’t so outraged that he was consistently so terrible to himself. since she knew full well he had just given her a clear future worth fighting for, there was no chance she was going to back down so easily, even if he felt he was sparing them both by being ‘a better man’.   ❝ for starters, you’d be the kind of man that knows what he wants and doesn’t let some pretentious stick in the mud take the woman he loves away,     ❞ she began, humor evident in her tone and further emphasized by the soft grin that toyed at the edges of her plump lips. 

❝ the kind that sees the girl that’s insanely crazy about him, throwing herself in his arms, and knows well enough to take advantage of the opportunity because everyone knows that they belong together. in fact, nel would practically insist. it would be rude to ignore her obvious efforts to make this exact thing happen.  ❞ avia teased further, finally standing a mere foot away from him, her head tilting slightly to the left as she stared up at him. every second that ticked by only sealed their fate even more in her eyes and the ideal of settling for the life she had fooled herself into thinking was enough was laughable.    

❝ more importantly, you’d be the man i’ve always been head over heels in love with. one that i doubt really cares for the idea of me sleeping in anyone elses arms when he knows where i really belong. plus, if you can tell.. there is no ring on my finger quite yet. ❞  the woman couldn’t help but feel giddy as she lifted her right hand, waving the finger where an engagement ring should have been shining. sure, mark was a planner but avia had still managed to keep the persistent man at bay and in that moment, the reason why seemed as apparent as ever.  ❝ so since i’ve yet to sign my soul off to the devil, the ball is in your court o’donnell. you tell me, what kind of man are you? ❞

“you think i remembered the fact that you hate summer weddings for shits and giggles? or that every single moment since the minute i left you behind that i haven’t absolutely hated myself for it?” evan pulled himself from the girls arms, looking down at her with a frown replacing the content smile that had just been there. “i have regretted that day since it happened, but i can’t take it back. the only thing i could do was keep going and hope that maybe someday, i could actually become a man that is worthy of you. i was an idiot for letting you go, trust me when I say that, but you needed it and so did i. so i spent years after the fact making sure that i shaped the fuck up so i could be someone you deserved even if you never came back to me.” 

frustrated, he raked a hand through his hair and attempted to catch his breath. that had been a lot. it was all true, of course, but more than evan had ever said to her – it was more than he’d even been able to admit to himself all these years though it had always been there, lurking in the back of his mind. 

he took a step closer in her direction, lowering his tone to avoid drawing the gazes of the people surrounding the tightly packed dance floor. this was not the time or place for this, but he was going to get the truth off his chest one way or another. 

“i have been head over fucking heals in love with you since the day that i met you, but i have never been worthy of you and we both know that. so no, i don’t want you to marry him because i am selfish and i want it to be me. i should be the one giving you the winter wedding of your dreams, not him,” people had always told him that the truth will ‘set you free’, but somehow saying all these things aloud had only made him feel more exposed, more vulnerable than he ever had been – there was nothing freeing about it, “the worst part is, it needs to be him. fucking mark is probably the best thing for you and your life, no matter how boring he sounds. you deserve the beautiful wedding, the big house, the babies – all of it. i will never deserve to give you any of that, even if i want like hell to.”

“i hope he makes you happy. i’ll be looking forward to the christmas cards.” he said with finality, forcing himself to turn away from the girl even though everything within him was screaming to do the exact opposite. he needed to go, because if he didn’t then he’d do exactly the one thing he didn’t want to do. not because he didn’t want her, but the type of guy that steals someone else’s fiancée was not who he wanted to be – not when he’d worked so hard to be someone she could be proud of. ruining what she worked so hard to build for herself was not his plan and that was the last thing he’d do. 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

worthy of HER? the blonde was dumbfounded, arms hanging at her sides as she watched the man take a step backwards, the absence of his warmth sending a chilling jolt through her body. how could he think that he wasn’t worthy of her? hadn’t the reason he’d left her behind been that SHE wasn’t good enough for him? after all, there was no person out there that thought higher of him than she did and she was prepared to defend that notion tooth and nail to whoever should try and say the contrary. sure, he had flaws and hell, she was quite sure she wasn’t much of a walk in the park back in the day either. but to even suggest he had to become someone else to feel like the love she so anxiously provided was deserved.. it was silly. 

avia shook her head slowly, watching him retreat after he just admitted the feelings he too harbored for her, emotions that made her want to cry out in pain while still floating away in sweet bliss. it wasn’t a dream anymore, or a delusion she had to pull herself out of, the kind of ideas that made her chest ache whenever they reared their head. with his admission, her mind was left to imagine their future once again and the castles she’d once abandoned were slowly building once more, a construction that felt tangible but contingient on her next action, her next thought.

many moons ago, evan had left. he’d sworn up and down that he’d known what he was doing was for the better and that his future was promising. that it was the RIGHT THING TO DO. and she’d let him walk out of her life, shielding her pride and allowing him to fester in thoughts that only ended up hurting him. what kind of person would she be if she allowed that to happen again? to let the one love of her life punish them both by throwing away the dream they shared? 

without really thinking it through, avia squared her shoulders and took a few steps in his direction, the determination in her pace steeling her nerves, bracing herself for the very real possibility of rejection. he might think he was doing the right thing on their behalf by stepping out of the picture, but she’d be damned if she let another shot with him slip past her.  ❝ STOP!  ❞ she ordered once they were out of hearing range. though the party continued behind them, she felt as if the world was crumbling around them with every passing second.  ❝ you can’t say those things and expect me to just let you go, i can’t do that again. i can’t go back to that life, pretending to fit into his plans when my heart is flying off with you. you don’t get to step away and think you’re doing the right thing by leaving me again because it won’t work. it didn’t then and it won’t now. because i want you, all of you and forever and so help me god, evan o’donnell if you walk away from me right now, it’s going to break me. you’ve always been worth it to me. please don’t break me again, i can’t take getting over you twice. i LOVE you. don’t leave me behind.  ❞

he’d taken a risk in saying what he did, laying it all out there on the line like that in a show of vulnerability that evan had undoubtedly never expressed before. he had never been the grand gesture type, though he knew he wanted to be when it came to avia. in his long dating history, she’d been the only one who had been different. she was, in the simplest words put, a game changer. she’d taken everything he’d known and felt about love and relationships and twisted them into a perspective he’d never wanted to see them in. he’d loved a small handful of  women, but he’d never been in love with them – not like this. when he left, he’d used the excuse that he was doing what was best for the both of them. that he had to go find his way in the big ol’ world and become a better him. albeit selfish as hell, he’d always felt that it what they needed, what she needed. he wasn’t a good guy and he was very self-aware of that fact, so despite the way he’d felt about her he ended what they had so that she could find better. which clearly, she had. 

his own selfishness drove him to say those last words, the determination behind them real as every old emotion he buried deep within has risen back-up in an overwhelming flood the second he laid eyes on her again. it wasn’t fair for him to say them, not after what he put her through and that fact was confirmed by the blonde’s reaction, but he couldn’t help himself. 

“you deserver better than someone you have to make compromises for and you know it. i don’t know anything about this mark guy and i don’t want to, but just based off what you’ve said you are far too good for him,” he paused, taking in a deep breath, “please don’t do this to me….”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

❝  this was supposed to be us, you know...  ❞  the blonde whispered, ripping her gaze away from his tortured stare in a meek effort to pull herself together. his words rang true in her mind and the temptation to throw her life away to flee into his warm embrace was far too convincing under the circumstances. her will might have been wavering, but she still had to fight to keep her mind strong. there was little chance that actually entertaining how happy her life with him would be, would make it so. she’d gone down that path before.  ❝ getting married.. happily ever after, all that bullshit. i always wanted it to be with you.  ❞  her lip trembled, fingers shakily cupping his cheeks as she did the unthinkable and stepped closer to  him. 

how would that even work? after one day of seeing him again, after a lifetime had passed, she would just kiss him and tell the rest of her life to fuck off? He’d move to new york or she’d commute to LA? she’d kiss the simple life of a kept woman goodbye just for the off chance that he’d finally be hers? it was a catastrophe waiting to happen....

but on the subject of how it felt? how his sweet words warmed the iciest corners of her heart. how for the first time in forever, a genuine smile threatened to break past the frown she’d grown accustomed to sporting. evan o’donnell hadn’t just been her first great love. there was a part of her that knew he was most likely the only love she’d ever really known. 

❝ i’ve always loved you. and it’s been really hard to make it go away, after all these years i still haven’t been able to. ho-... how would this even work? do you even understand what you’re asking me to do? we’re not kids anymore evan, this isn’t just... a jealousy fit because you don’t want me with someone else. he loves me. can you say the same? ❞ 

“i’m warning you now, i can’t dance for shit.” he said, closing his fingers around the soft skin of her own hand and tugging her gently in the direction of the poorly crafted dance floor that was already swelling with people. evan didn’t dance. not ever. the only time he can even remember moving his body in a motion that even resembled a dance move was back in college. that only happened because he’d sucked back too many tequila shots and had been dragged into a crowed of sweaty frat boys by some chick whose name he didn’t know, who then proceeded to grind against him while he swayed back and forth like he was into it. not exactly the tango or anything. however, his utter lack of skills wasn’t going to stop him from sweeping avia up into his arms and at least attempting to dance with her – mostly to avoid anymore conversation about mark, but dancing is what normal people did at weddings, right? and if anyone in the world deserved to be given an experience like this, despite how dreadfully awful the whole thing seemed, it was avia. 

the speakers began to emit the beginnings of a slow song, ed sheeran’s ‘kiss me’ being the melody of choice, and the people around them all started drawing close to their partners to sway intimately around the room. he hadn’t exactly planned on slow dancing with her, as that seemed like something too comfortable for two people who hadn’t spoke since they broke up years ago – but everyone else had began to fall into the rhythm of the song and it would look odd if he started doing the cupid’s shuffle right now in the middle of the floor.

he snaked one arm carefully around her thin waist, his other hand connecting with hers to form the position of what he assumed was what slow dancing was supposed to be, as it was how the others in the room were standing. pulling her in against to his chest, he rested his chin gently atop her head, and began to move them side to side slowly. he was holding her too close, that was for sure, but it felt right to him like she as always meant to fit into him like this. 

though he could hold her for forever like this, a nagging thought forced him to pull back slightly so he could look into her eyes, his free hand rising to rest carefully against her cheek. 

“don’t marry him, avia…”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

there were a plethora of things avia knox should have done. she should have been tense. kept a firm but just distance between them and danced along politely, for the sake of her friend. for appearances. for her emotional wellbeing. she should have remembered the pain that brought her entire world to an abrupt halt the second he told her he was leaving. she should have remembered the fact that she created a new life where he wasn’t at the center of her universe. she should have been cold and aloof, unwavering in her disregard for his innate charm.

but hindsight was twenty twenty and she was but a mere human. a woman that had never resolved the lingering and ardent feelings she still harbored for the handsome man that now cradled her close. how was she supposed to resist melting into his embrace after depriving herself of his warmth for so long? the small patches of her skin that felt his touch were on fire, the burn reaching corners of her soul she’d thought long dead, which in turn coaxed a soft shiver down her spine. having him this close again, feeling the familiar sense of home as she settled her cheek agains his chest only brought tears to her eyes and she was thankful for their height difference, knowing there was no way he could see her. 

as he pulled away slowly, avia’s grip tightened around his fingers, her body rejecting the almost imperceptible distance between them. Not again, she thought to herself, searching within his gaze for any sign that he was going to leave. she desperately needed more time, more than she’d gotten the first time, more than she even deserved. 

the alcohol she’d so willingly poured down her throat must have dulled her senses far quicker than she had expected, her dellusions getting the best of her, willing her to imagine the words that fell from his lips. that had to be it, right? there was no other explanation. no actual reason why he was gently cupping her cheek and staring at her with those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes, vulnerability shining under the twinkling lights. 

❝ evan... don’t say that. i- i can’t take that again...  ❞ she whispered softly, unable to bite back the tears that threatened to fall. one word from him would be enough for her to throw away everything, couldn’t he see that?  ❝ please. i can’t take getting my hopes up.  ❞

“right…if you say so,” he smirked, knowing damn well avia knox was never one to rearrange her expectations on a matter.

she was a force to be reckoned with and he had a hard time buying into the idea that she would willingly settle for less on a subject as serious as her future wedding date. could be that she’d been playing coy on the matter, refusing to admit to evan that good ol’ mark*wasn’t exactly the perfect significant other — or perhaps that’s just who she was now. they had been apart for awhile, many years passing without so much as a word between them. for all he knew, this new avia had become the passive housewife type in her time away — though he highly doubted that.

“enough about this wedding bullshit,” he said with finality, slamming back the rest of his whiskey with a satisfied sigh and the tiniest of smiles before extending out a hand to the poised blonde, “dance with me.” 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

nel was peculiar sometimes, but she was SMART. genius even. that much was evident to avia the second evan offered his hand for her to take. it was an innocent gesture, a simple proposal to dance at a reception which shouldn’t be out of the question given the circumstances. it was perfectly fine to dance with an old friend at a wedding! but had avia gotten her way when confirming her attendance to her best friends wedding with her PLUS ONE, this moment would certainly had never happened. though mark wasn’t exactly possessive, he was very adamant about appearances and what could be deemed right or wrong. his girlfriend and prospective fiancé whisked away into the arms of another man, another attractive and dazzling man that could hold a stimulating conversation - and made her weak at the knees for that matter... he would have been strongly against it and avia would not have bothered to push the matter either. though her personality hadn’t exactly disappeared once she left UOA, it had fallen dormant after several years of disappointment. 

so there was a part of her that knew the innocent invitation meant so much more than just an old flame asking the other out to the dance floor, for her atleast. and even though there was a slight chance she could regret accepting in the future, the blonde still took his hand without hesitation after she too finished up her drink. it dawned on her that even though he’d offered his hand for her to take, he didn’t phrase his proposal as a question, evan just told her to dance with him. and the way he did made chills roll down her spine. finally someone taking COMMAND. 

❝ it’s about time.   ❞

the last words that fell from her beautiful lips were ones that made him chuckle, a low displeased sound that emitted from his throat involuntarily. he wasn’t laughing at her necessarily, but more so the proposition of evan actually attending his exes nuptials with fucking mark. weddings and all the misery they entailed were already the bane of the young man’s existence — there was not a chance in hell he’d ever step foot in the ceremony where avia was to be wed to her new beau. he’d rather cut off any of his own appendages and feed them to himself before he’d ever do anything of the sort.

raising his newly filled glass to pursed lips, evan studied the woman before him carefully, gathering what he could on her current state of emotions before speaking his next words. words he was sure would elicit a reaction from the blonde.

“you hate summer weddings…” he mused with a satisfied smirk. it was information he’d managed to drudge up from the true depths of his memories, the small factoid being one he’d remembered her causally mentioning a time or two when they were together. he’d never cared in the past, but now it made great fuel to this steadily growing fire. what season she wanted to get married in was definitely not something he’d usually give a shit about. it’d fall into forgotten facts much like a lot of the stuff people around him would say back then, but that particular wish of hers stuck in his brain despite it’s lack of usefulness to him. maybe he’d subconsciously filed it away in case he thought he’d need it someday for their own situation and it had worked its way to the surface in all the jumble about weddings – though this isn’t exactly the context he thought he’d ever be using it in. 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

  ❝ HATE is a very strong word, mind you...  ❞ the blonde woman quipped back halfheartedly, running her fingers through her golden locks with a soft chuckle. the cheeky smirked bastard had actually REMEMBERED.  and boy oh boy, was her heart latching onto that little tid bit of information quickly. no matter how many years passed by, all it took was one small gesture from him and suddenly her emotions were going haywire and for what? he did the bare minimum by remembering a passing fact.... but the simple truth was this: for YEARS, he’d stored a valuable piece of information regarding her wishes when the person she was SERIOUSLY dating could not retain that information for less than 12 months. pitiful.

her bright eyes zeroed in on his satisfied smirk, lips pursed in feigned discontent. he was being smug and it radiated off of him. unfortunately enough for her, he did look best when he felt satisfied about something.   ❝ i’d be just FINE with a wedding in the summer... it’s a matter of rearranging my expectations, that’s all. not everything in life goes as planned so i’ve learned to run with what i get.    ❞ she settled, shrugging off her own concerns with the life she was soon signing up for with a long sip of her strong drink. 

~avia~

the mention of her having a boyfriend set him on edge, a visceral reaction shuddering through his body as he bit back the first cruel comment that came to mind. he wanted to be mean. he wanted to verbally destroy whoever the fuck this mark was as it was instinct to him. evan didn’t know a single thing about this guy or what he meant to avia, but man he wanted to throw every insult in the book about him. mark. what a stupid fucking name. 

“boyfriend, huh? guess i should of expected that,” he said with gritted teeth, a tiny muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenched it tight, “thanks but no thanks, i can find my way up the ladder on my own. i don’t need any assistance from your boyfriend, avia.” the word rolled off his tongue like it was a dirty one, a forbidden one that tasted awful in his mouth.

he forced himself to meet her gaze, a forced smirk faltering on his lips as he attempted to feign and maintain a semi-nice tone despite the slight jealous rage that was now rolling over him. 

“so how serious are we talking with this mark? will i get an invite to the wedding?”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

‘ you don’t owe him anything ’ , the blonde repeated to herself mentally as her eyes scanned the packed room for the bartender, exactly like evan had only a few moments prior. suddenly the lighthearted albeit awkward conversation they’d been having earlier shifted into a far more serious one than she had intended on striking up at a wedding reception. it was hardly the time or the place but honestly, where else would they have it ? they weren’t exactly close by any means and they’d only met up thanks to the work of their mutual best friend - who was DEFINITELY getting an earful when she got back from her honeymoon. as much as avia wanted to act blasé towards evan and roll her eyes at the venom in his tone, every miniscule shift in his demeanor cut through her heart just as intensely as it had back when they were together. could he tell? how her eyes suddenly glistened slightly as unshed tears glossed over her bright hues. 

  ❝   RIGHT. apologies for offering my help, you’ve always been good at sorting out your plans. consider the suggestion forgotten.   ❞ there were always two choices when handling situations like these and though when she was younger she would have chosen a spiteful route - always a big fan of digging her fingers into open wounds for the mere satisfaction of rising a reaction out of the handsome man, now she seemed too tired to even consider it. instead, her tone was soft and the smile that graced her lips was genuine. even if there was pain in her heart and the ache in her chest was practically strangling her, there was no doubt a part of her she often ignored MISSED him. which was why spoiling the one conversation she’d had with him in years wasn’t something she was particularly keen on doing. 

at the mention of a wedding, her delicate smile fell slightly and there was a visible discomfort reigning over her subtle movements like the way she tapped at the sides of her glass and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. it was a subject she couldn’t even properly address with mark, much less the god damn love of her LIFE. maybe in some corners of her heart she still thought the concept of marriage was tied to evan, which would make sense that every time mark brought it up she cringed. lately it had become a recurring suggestion: ‘we should look at venues’, ‘what do you think about this ring’, ‘the plaza in the summer is perfect for the reception’ bla bla BLA. boring as he might be, he certainly was persistent... persistent enough to convince the blonde that MAYBE it was the right thing to do. and that kind of brainwashing was probably what lead to the following statement to float past her plump lips.    ❝  if you can be in the city next june ? summer is supposed to be great for nuptials.  ❞ she shrugged, raising her drink to her mouth. the real kicker? her current boyfriend didn’t even understand avia had always dreamed of a fall wedding in aspen. 

“if you ever catch me crying at my own wedding, be sure to take me out to the pasture and shoot me…” he joked in a low tone, his gaze wandering away in a desperate search for wherever the bartender had wandered off to. his crystal glass was now empty and while evan was no longer the heavy drinker he’d been in college, the swell of emotions running through him simply from being in avia’s presence again were ones he was having the urge to drown immediately.

 he’d spent years attempting to forget what he’d felt for the girl once upon a time – but those stubborn memories and feelings had always found their way to the forefront of his thoughts. it’d be after a long night out with men from the office, some aggravating valley girl asleep next to him in his bed, that he’d think of avia. he’d remember the way she always made him feel safe, so content for the first time in his life. the only moments he didn’t hate the world were those when the blonde was curled up at his side, making him actually care for something other than himself. he’d start to regret leaving her behind, wishing he’d not been so stupid to let what they had die out in pursuit of what he thought was something better…so he tried to forget – he tried to bury any remembrance of their past to soothe his own soul knowing he’d never be able to get back what he’d lost.

yet, here she was. the one thing evan o’donnell had ever actually missed. it felt strange to even admit that his own mind, that he’d missed her, but god had he. though he’d never tell her this, her even just standing near him almost felt like a small part of him that’d been missing had finally fallen back into place, and he felt whole again. 

avia had said many things, but the last part of her sentence is what stopped his train of thought dead in its tracks. it was selfish of him to focus on it, given she’d opened up about her own post college – post evan –experiences, but he couldn’t think about anything else. 

“who the fuck is mark?”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

she’d expected a reaction. hello, why else would she had brougth it up ? the temptation of irking him ever so slightly was too much to handle as the ugly green monster of jealousy reared it’s head once more. she should have been ashamed of the compulsion to tease him now that they were adults but hell, he HURT her. didn’t she have the right to do the same on a very miniscule scale? of course she never would have imagined that he would react like this, the name of her current boyfriend falling from his lips like venom. suddenly the small sense of pride that she’d felt when she brought it up had vanished and in it’s place, a nervousness began to bubble. 

❝   oh mark is my well... seems a bit highschool to call him my boyfriend. someone i’m seeing fairly seriously.   ❞ the blonde waved off, hoping to transition away from the importance of the dull investment banker she’d somehow entangled herself with. truth be told, mark was nothing more than a placeholder. she knew it, nel knew it.. anyone who really know avia well at all could tell. if it weren’t for the lavish gifts and his insistency on seeing her at least twice a week, she’d likely have forgotten she’d even agreed to go steady with him. and then there was the matter of their future, a looming subject she’d managed to evade with witty tactics.... like SEX. 

now looking at the man that got away, the one that got away... it all felt wrong. much like when she was still pining over evan o’donnell, images of their possible future skirted through her mind and with the thoughts came the devastating realisation that it was all unattainable.   ❝   more importantly, i’m sure he would have someone’s number that might be an interesting opportunity.  ❞

@hoecuspocvs​ LOCATION: COFFEE SHOP  TIME: PRESENT DAY.

The lug of the day was hanging on his shoulders, what felt like a life time of struggle was now walking every day along side him. Each step another trudge demanding him to pay for what he’d done as a younger man, and yet, even though he’d managed to escape that life — he’d fallen back into it with such ease, he was questioning everything about himself in that moment. How could Austin Harrington, a man who’d had the worst start, manage to claw his way out only to find that he didn’t have the will power to keep himself on the straight and narrow. 

A grumble errupted from his lips as the greying sky began to shower his own feelings onto him, clothes soaking within minutes as he tried to huddle into the thin material. Looking down at his watch with furrowed brows, he questioned if he had enough time to run back to his apartment. But as he decided against it, eyes of sharpened blue caught onto the sign that hung just on the corner of sixth and lexington. 

Without a second though, feet were carrying him in the direction, he was sure in that moment the only thing that could bring him back to reality would be a steaming hot cup of coffee. Stepping inside was like being enveloped into an overly warm hug as he began to instantly shred his jacket away, throwing it over the nearest chair and dropping into the opposing seat straight away with a thud as he let out a sigh to match. 

He hadn’t missed being around here, that was for sure. It seemed everywhere he went these days, places reminded him of people he’d rather forget. But he had a feeling with this weather he’d be in luck of avoiding all remisinces of his recent past. Raising his hand for a coffee he chimed loudly across the room; it was a normality in this place.

‘‘Coffee — black, please?’‘ He called out 

ODETTE !

the funny thing about fate is, no matter how much you try and defy it’s existence, it has a way of slapping you in the face to make itself known. odette ainsworth was no stranger to the mysterious way the universe went on about controlling the outcome of her life, but she was adverse to believing in it as of late. she’d taken to a subtle bitterness after a long string of disappointments, her heart too fragile to even consider that things would fall into place eventually. destiny was a well crafted concept left for the novels that littered her bedroom floor, a foolhardy notion to ease the soul when it was exhausted existing. oh how the years had taken their toll on the once doe-eyed romantic.

luckily, despite the heavy pit in the depths of her stomach, dottie didn’t have to linger on the sadness that clung to the edges of her mood on that particular day - there wasn’t enough time in the day to doddle on about how she was feeling. not when she had so much to tend to. as it turned out, the young woman was now a nurse, occupying her every thought with the patients she took care of. their charts, their ailments, their lives hanging in the balance were what clouded her thoughts consistently and that morning was no different. as she stepped into the coffee shop she frequented a bright smile spread across her lips, eyes darting to meet every familiar face with a new greeting. just as she was about to turn and politely ask for her usual order to go, a familiar voice rang through the small shop, sending a subtle chill down her spine. whether it was a positive or downright negative chill was still very much up in the air. 

slowly the young blonde turned to find the face she’d tearfully bid adieu a far few years ago, the once steady beat of her heart against her chest now hammering violently. it couldn’t be him, not after all this time... she meekly told herself, tugging at the hem of her scrubs. and yet.  “make that two...” odette sputtered out stupidly, enraptured by the handsome man that protagonized the majority of her dreams. 

“did you see zander cry when nel started walking down the aisle? what a bitch right?” evan scoffed with a slight shake of his head. the bartender slid a crystal glass in his direction, the man thankful for the abrupt distraction that guzzling down his whiskey would provide. why was this so damn difficult for him? it was avia for christ sake. a woman he knew the ins and outs of better than any other female on the planet, yet all he could do was resort to his common ways of using petty insults to lighten the mood. 

a genuine laugh involuntarily bubbled up from his throat when she asked about his firm, the sound a rare one that few heard, but he couldn’t help himself. if only she knew the true shit storm he’d endured since graduation. the promise of doing big things was set on the back burner of his life while he plowed through the grunt work of what being a new lawyer entailed, but he couldn’t tell her that. certainly not after the show he’d made when leaving, telling her he had to dip because he needed to be the best version of himself. he hadn’t done that, not even close, and the admission of it would make him look incredibly weak when avia herself seemed to only get better with time. 

“los angeles currently,” his eyes dropped to the glass before him, fingers tracing the edges absentmindedly as he tried to make-up the best glorified story of where he’d been in his head before he spilled it all to avia, “stayed in oakland for a few years, but nearly got myself stabbed to death one too many times so i left. currently in-between firms though. LA is full of too many tooty fruity ass vegan bitches that call up a lawyer anytime someone looks in their direction wrong. can’t find a place that takes the serious hard cases anymore, you know?”

“what about you?,” he let himself look in her direction finally, eyes drinking in the absolute goddess of a woman before him. fuck – he’d forgot how beautiful she was, “what has miss. knox accomplished these past few years? surely you’re the ceo of something by now. please tell me that someone from our let down of graduating class accomplished something other than marriage or popping out demon spawns.”

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

admittedly, tears were never her forté. emotions as a whole had often confused avia, probably because she wasn’t taught to properly deal with them in her lifetime and although she had the wisdom of her passionate best friend to navigate her through some of the ins and outs of the human emotional spectrum. there was a lot that did slip through the cracks. for example, how was she supposed to know that it wasn’t absolutely normal to repress and push down every negative feeling? in fact, was it not the most logical assumption to arrive at? the math was simple: no bueno feelings + not acknowledging their existence = no problem at all! sure sure, the implications of drowning out key life moments were ‘detrimental to your mental state’ or whatever people babbled on about but hey! that’s what ~ denial ~ was for. so sure, given any other setting avia would have swiftly agreed with evan, hence why she was already knodding along with a soft chuckle floating past her lips. but really, it was moving. to think the mere sight of someone could render you so weak you can’t even control the primitive impulse of crying. she couldn’t even remember the last time something coaxed a single droplet to fall from her blue eyes.  ❝  i do have to admire the dramatics of it all, i’m pretty sure that moment sent the entire chapel in search of some tissue. talk about the perfect movie moment nel deserved. bitch boy knows how to give his wife what she wants. smart man.  ❞

although she was struggling to maintain a composed yet confused expression steady upon her features, avia couldn’t completely mask the sickly petty smirk that threatened to break past her resolve. listen... she wasn’t a cruel person by any means. but having the small satisfaction of knowing the man that broke your heart didn’t get the life you spent countless hours torturing your brain into imagining was a small victory that the young woman desperately needed. it brought her no joy to hear of the handsome man’s near death encounters with death though and her apparent concern made as much clear.  ❝ i’m sorry , did you just say you nearly got STABBED ? i mean, if you’re  m i l d l y  as infuriating as i remember you being, you probably deserved it to a certain degree but still. glad you moved onto calmer pastures to conquer.  LA though... i would have pegged you for a new york man, you always seemed like the sort that would do well in the concrete jungle. ❞

she took his line of questioning as an opportunity to look away, a soft laugh bubbling past her lips as her gaze fell to her half empty drink. only a few sentences in and she was already in need of a top up. the robust triumph that once swelled in her chest deflated once the spotlight was on her and the dull life she’d built for herself. sure, it wasn’t terrible. just not what many would have expected from her.  ❝  sadly i’ll have to set you up for disappointment, o’donnell.   ❞ she teased, her brows climbing slightly as she clammered for a way to make her life seem enticing at all.   ❝  no demon spawns yet, atleast. i ventured out to the east coast for some time, did my fair share of internships for a while. thankfully i’ve found a pretty exciting job opportunity on this side of the country once more so maybe you’ll see my name pop up in a magazine or too, if you look deep into the fine print.   ❞

❝ actually... if you’re between firms and settling in LA, i could speak to mark and see he could pass along your resumé to the firm that represents the bank he works for. heaven knows how many times he’s rattled on about how great they are at getting his clients out of a bind so surely you’ll be a great fit.   ❞

evan wasn’t quite sure what exactly he expected from coming to his wedding, but the one thing he was sure of was that he did it for nel. he didn’t really know the groom that well, they’d spoken only a handful of times when they were in school together, but he’d forced himself in a suit he hated for nel and nel alone. in the back of his mind somewhere, a tiny inkling had warned him avia would probably be in attendance — though he hadn’t guessed he’d be the one escorting her down aisle as his partner in the wedding party. 

how stupid could he be? of course avia would be a bridesmaid. it wouldn’t be nel’s wedding if she wasn’t — but something told him that avia had no say in the sudden pairing that drew the two together, arm in arm, walking swiftly down the padded carpet towards where zander waited patiently for his cunning bride. ( a bride that evan was definitely going to kill later. ) 

it hadn’t been too awful, albeit awkward as hell given it’d been the first time they’d seen each other since their break-up a few years back. they managed to do their job respectfully, playing their part in the ceremony then separating to their different sides of the chapel with no issues - and very little words exchanged. he almost felt bad that he hadn’t said much to her though and the slight guilt of it had him wondering the reception floor, eyes dutifully scanning the room for the blonde that had to be lurking around somewhere. 

when his eyes finally found her posted at the bar, he took a deep breath, steeled himself for what would come next, and slowly approached the bar himself. play it cool, dude. 

“whiskey neat,” he said curtly to the bartender, leaning casually up against the wood top as he let a heavy sigh fall from between his lips, “some wedding, huh? who would have thought those two would make it this far?” he had no better conversation starter for this moment, as he truly didn’t think this day would come…at least not as soon as it had and he was drastically underprepared to be in her presence again. 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋   𝓐𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔁.

evan o’donnell was one HOT mother fucker. once upon a time, back when avia was young, naive and far more blatant with her intentions, avia didn’t hesitate making a move on him at once. she’d clocked evan from across the grounds at a small fair their university was hosting for it’s students and from the second her bright eyes met his gaze, OOF. she was a goner. everything about the sculpted adonis was inviting and what was even more enticing was his mind. his words were brazen, carefully but swiftly crafted to leave a lasting scar should you cross him. but when you actually engaged in conversed with him,  the lash merely left behind an intoxicating sting. she had become addicted to him. 

avia wished such afflictions could be left in the past. sadly, no such luck. they were still VERY much alive and triggered surprisingly easily. there was no reason to worry when they were walking down the aisle with their arms linked snugly. silence was a much needed buffer between avia and her long dormant desires towards evan. the handsome mans sultry voice pierced through the steel walls she’d put up so easily it almost irked her, not that she’d willingly let him see as much.  ❝  knowing how much nel wanted this, i’m surprised it didn’t end up happening sooner. love in all it’s splendor and what not.  ❞ she brushed off with a light and bubbly tone, capable of fooling anyone into believing she was aloof and unbothered by the presence of her ex. the soft smile perched atop her luscious lips curled upwards at the edges with a subtle tinge of her once signature flirtatious nature. 

❝ so where’d you come in from? take a vacation from the succesful firm that employs you? come on then, tell us all about your thriving future, i want to hear all about it. ❞ she grinned, taking a long slow sip of her drink as she gave him a lengthy once over unabashedly. there was no reason to be shy around him right? all fuck’s thrown out now.