m

love passes thru me at all times like an electric current

anger shame & grief, also, but love most of all

i am aware of the problems. however. i would rather be comfy in my bed. good night.

starting to think I may actually have some issues and even perhaps problems

it is what it is *throws up blood*

Looks like we can’t isolate, ignore, ibuprofen our way out of this one boys

Escape screen time, rearrange furniture, open all the windows even if it’s cold, drop the baggage, drop the stuff piled up in the closet, drop the clothes I haven’t worn since 2019, go outside every day, breathe fresh air, stay out until it gets dark, feel the sun on my face

i spend my days waiting. waiting for the water to boil and my tea to be ready. for spring to come back. for more daylight. the oil in the pan to heat up. a “hey i miss you” or “can you help me out for a second?” or “you want to hang out?” text. for my phone to finish charging. for good news. flowers on the table. the next hug. “hey, you got the job!”. waiting for the sun. to set. to rise. to see both. for summer to be around the corner. a good song. a falling star. a text back. i spend my time waiting to be remembered. i spend my time repeating that tomorrow will be better. tomorrow will be better. i spend my days waiting and waiting and waiting. i spend my days waiting unbearably.

turns out the way you choose to live out each day dictates what your life will look like overall. no i know it's terrible

i would like. to learn how to make a good pie crust. to give someone else the window seat for once. to try aerial yoga. to hug my sister more. to learn what my body needs, and give it that. to cup a not-quite-tadpole in my palms and see the first kick of their fledgling legs, to hold in my hands that great gap of becoming. to see myself become a bigger, brighter, kinder thing. to become the kind of person who feels like tilting your head back and closing your eyes, letting sunbeams dance across your face. i would like. to keep us both warm

i would also like. a pet crow