5 T R 4 Y

cooking with garlic? jerk off your sink

@funnier-when-objectum

you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000

😍fuck

i hate it when the ball is in my court get that shit out of here

dropped an embroidery needle on my floor in the dark and couldn't recover it so hopefully a bug is about to use it as a sword and go on some adventures and shit

🐌🪡 im so ready for the snides of snarch

... and why is that?

*snabs you with my sneedle*

my mom told me this story tonight about my grandfather. she said when he was a little boy he was afraid robbers would break into his house in the middle of the night and try to abduct him out of his bed. he thought that they would be able to feel that he was the shape of a little boy under the covers and know to grab him. so he would try to fall asleep in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. so that they would feel for him and be like "oh it's just the letter R, not a kidnappable child"