mi :з

first of all, i don't think she'd adopt. it's a nice idea, but if she believes she has no maternal instinct (literally proven wrong again and again in the show but it's what she thinks), would she really go through the long long process of adopting a child, one that potentially has experienced awful things, if she doesn't feel she has the ability to be a mother? no way. i can't imagine her ever intentionally getting a child in any way (planned pregnancy, adoption, however else), unless she already has a child and has decided she can cope

however i'm talking specifically about her Becoming a mother, rather than having a child, so i don't think adoption would be how she chooses to have her first child

anyway. if she were to (accidentally) get pregnant, despite everything i have ever written, i think she'd freak out and she wouldn't want anything to do with it. she does not think she has the skills to be a mom (again, in spite of what the show has shown us), and she wouldn't be willing to put a baby through that. i also think that her mom's parenting skills (lack of) have influenced her in some way. if she never learnt how to be a good mom from her mom, how is she going to be a good mom to her own child?

maybe she'd take some time to make a decision, but even if it was only a week, that would be a week of her panicking about how to raise a child, and ultimately i think she'd end up at planned parenthood (which is absolutely her decision. if you're pro life please leave <3)

However! a cryptic pregnancy? that would change everything. we've seen how for sarah, the concept of Baby is a lot scarier than an actual baby (talking about looking after hypothetical babies with noah vs actually interacting with babies and children), so i think that if she suddenly had a living, breathing baby that she could hold and see and interact with, while i can't deny that it would still be scary for her, she'd be over the hurdle of dealing with the concept of Baby

if she found out early on that she was pregnant, she'd be dealing with the concept of Baby, instead of an actual baby, especially during the very early stages when the baby is more of a blob than anything. this is when it would be hardest for her to cope, i think, and also is the best time for an abortion, so she'd take that out

i absolutely don't doubt that having a cryptic pregnancy is terrifying and overwhelming, but i also think that once sarah was able to do something for the baby, whether that's hold it or feed it or bathe it, she'd see that she actually is capable of doing this

she likes science and boxes and proof. the concept of Baby, and in turn of her being a mother, is very up in the air. there's no proof (in her mind) that she'd be any good at it, but if she was suddenly in the position where she had to care for a baby (even if only temporarily, while she decided whether to give it up for adoption or not), i think that would be enough proof for her

anyway. i'm rambling and i haven't been sleeping well so I'm not even sure if this makes sense but I'm hoping that it does <3