Let me be a memory, even one you forget.
That one setting in your mind, that repeats
Every so often.
It's not lofty like your cloudy dreams
but it makes you smile
while you wonder, is it more than it seems.
Color Me Curious

if i look back, i am lost
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@m-d-holloway
Let me be a memory, even one you forget.
That one setting in your mind, that repeats
Every so often.
It's not lofty like your cloudy dreams
but it makes you smile
while you wonder, is it more than it seems.

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Let the word collecting begin.
I was accepted into grad school recently for Design and I haven’t been writing much lately. However, I have been thinking about my past academic career. In my undergraduate degree I thought I was going to go into ministry. It didn’t work out for me but the things I learned in class have stuck with me. The type of thinking I learned I just can’t let go. It shaped me and changed me.
I started thinking about salvation because in this uncertain time the concept speaks to me. I don’t think salvation is something that waits for us after we die.
Salvation sits next to people on a park bench in a rain storm and lends the umbrella.
Salvation is the voice that says we are good enough when the voice in your head says “no, you’re not”.
Salvation is the tears you release on the days when you feel most depressed.
Salvation is the joy you feel after typing the next line on the screen because you shared a little more of yourself with the world.
Salvation is crying hot tears while hearing someone say the words “me too”.
Salvation is an extension on a late bill.
Salvation is when a professor says “you’re making progress” when you don’t think you are.
Salvation is a new rescue dog who loves you when you feel unloved.
I hope you found salvation today and don’t wait for it until you die. Share if you did in the comments.
What I am Writing #1
Writer's Log Star Date: June 22, 2017 This is a journal entry to track my writing progress, keeping me accountable, and talk about the lessons learned as a writer. I am writing: a podcast What can I say about it: It involves a seminary student who has demons in his house and after he discovers them, people are being murdered in his neighborhood. Inspirations: I went to college to study Ministry/Theology. The MC is diagnosed with Mental Illness early on in the story. I wanted to include elements from my own experience in the story. Also I love supernatural fiction especially involving religious motifs. My background is the push that makes me want to write this story. Favorite lines: "I still remember going up to her cabin on the lake. She had fair skin and brown hair with green eyes. I remember standing on the dock and we were about to jump in for a swim. The church leaders would frown upon what they called “mixed bathing.. She seemed to glow even surrounded by all of the grey clouds. She smiled at me and jumped into the lake with a cannonball, she even took the time to hold her nose." This scene popped in my head one day and it was one that I couldn't help but write. I'm not sure how it fits into the story, if at all but it is part of my favorite scene this week. If you are interested in writing please follow me for updates and I hope you will listen to my podcast when it is finished.
There once stood a Cross upon its stand at a church, one day the congregation looked at the Cross but wanted to make changes to it. "We should dip it in gold so it will look nice, besides we're a wealthy church and can afford it. Besides Jesus would like gold and he did say that 'the kingdom of heaven was like a treasure in a field' " A Business person said. "We should wrap an American flag around it because Jesus would support our country and whatever we do. After all, he said 'give unto Caesar what is Caesar's' ", a true patriot said. "Instead of just a plain base, why don't we have guns surrounding it because I think Jesus would have a lot of guns after all he Jesus did say 'I did not come to make peace' ", the weapons collector said. After they made all of these changes, they looked at their work, proud of all they had done and went home. Then Jesus, standing outside of the church, Wept.

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42 character development questions!
PHYSICAL PRESENCE AND GESTURE. 1. How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy? 2. How much physical space do they use, active and at rest? 3. How do they position themselves in a group? Do they like to be the center of attention, or do they hang back at the edges of a crowd? 4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does? 5. How do they dress? What styles, colors, accessories, and other possessions do they favor? Why? 6. What are they like in motion–in different environments, and in different activities? What causes the differences between these? 7. How do they physically engage with other people, inanimate objects, and their environment? What causes the differences between these? 8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell? 9. How do they manifest energy, exhaustion, tension, or other strong emotions? 10. What energizes and drains them most? 11. How are they vocally expressive? What kind of voice, accent, tones, inflections, volume, phrases and slang, and manner of speaking do they use? 12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands? DISPOSITION AND TEMPERAMENT. 13. How do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? How does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? Why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? How do these tend to be expressed? 14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed? 15. What kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? Calculating and practical? Full of doubts and fears? Does it find any sort of outlet in their lives? 16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like? 17. Are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? How have these shaped who they’ve become as a person? 18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why? CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS. 19. How do they behave within a group? What role(s) do they take? Does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? Why? 20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships? 21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why? 22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ? 23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult? 24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference? 25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it? 26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does? ACTIVITIES AND PREFERENCES. 27. What do they strongly like and dislike, in any category? Why? 28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why? 29. What kind of activities, interests, and hobbies do they have? What significance and impact do these have in their lives, both positive and negative? 30. What is their preferred level of activity and stimulation? How do they cope if they get either too little or too much? 31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why? 32. Do they have any “props” that are a significant part of their life, identity, activities, or self-presentation somehow? What are they, how are they used, and why are they so significant? How would these props’ absence impact them, how would they compensate, and why? THINKING AND LEARNING. 33. How do they learn about the world–what is their preferred learning style? Hands-on learning with trial and error? Research, reading, and note-taking? Observation or rote memorization? Inductive or deductive reasoning? Seeking patterns and organization? Taking things apart and putting them back together? Creative processing via discussing, writing about, or dramatizing things? 34. How do they understand the world–what kind of worldview and thought processes do they have? Why? 35. How and why do they internalize knowledge? What effect has that had on them? 36. How much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? What is their opinion on this? 37. Have they had any special education or training that colors their means of learning about or understanding the world? Conversely, do they lack some kind of education considered essential in their world? What kind of impact has this addition or lack had on them? 38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why? 39. What sort of questions or thoughts recur in their lives, either specifically or as a theme? Why are these never answered, or answered permanently to their satisfaction? 40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is? FREE FOR ALL. 41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why? 42. I have a question of my own!
Fans of Pokémon will know Professor Oak would break out into poems, Haikus really, about Pokémon at certain times in the show. I perform some real-life Pokémon Haikus in this week's video.
and our throats were bare for god.
Trisha Low, from The Compleat Purge (via lifeinpoetry)
Over Easter I celebrated the anniversary of my first mental illness diagnosis and my journey towards mental health. Warning: Discussion about Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidal Thoughts.
Good Friday Reflection 2017
This year in Good Friday as I am dealing with the fact many of my fellow Christians praised the fact a bomb was dropped that destroyed everything within a mile radius will talk about "the life Jesus shed his blood to give us" on Sunday. Memes will flood with hallow platitudes in celebration. I no longer feel like I can even call myself Christian. The Deus Ex Machina of what is called Christianity is not the one I remember. It is hard to see beauty that I thought was there. All I see is the mechanical structure replacing the organism that once lived, breathed, and grew.

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I wrote another haiku for National Poetry Month. I said many times I have hemiplegia from when I was born and I hate when a seatbelt locks and I can't reach over to unbuckle it with my dominant hand and when my left arm can't reach it. This poem is about the experience, hope you enjoy it.
I wrote this nerd haiku while watching Voltron Legendary Defender and I remembered April is National Poetry Month
I made a poem vlog about all of the shows and struggles of binge watching online. See if any of your favorites are mentioned. If you want to add to the list of shows, please write your favorite in a comment.
ICYMI: this week's poem vlog is all about the many shows and struggles of streaming TV.
I made a poem vlog about all of the shows and struggles of binge watching online. See if any of your favorites are mentioned. If you want to add to the list of shows, please write your favorite in a comment.
Grief, A Few Days Ahead
Status/Tumblr short essay The month of February will probably have a twinge of pain associated with it. Earlier this month on the third, it was the night I found I lost my grandfather and now nearly three weeks later, we have buried my grandma. We are never tricked into believing our loved ones will be with us forever but we are tricked into believing they will be with us tomorrow. The painful…
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Grief, A Few Days Ahead
The month of February will probably have a twinge of pain associated with it. Earlier this month on the third, it was the night I found I lost my grandfather and now nearly three weeks later, we have buried my grandma. We are never tricked into believing our loved ones will be with us forever but we are tricked into believing they will be with us tomorrow. The painful truth of aging is that loved ones aren't as we remember, they need us to go to the store because it's hard to get out of the house, they are nice some days and forget who you are on others. Some days they know who people are but their names can't escape the tongue. The toughest days are the ones they forget your name. The drives to see them become longer and the visits grow shorter. When they decide to talk just a few minutes longer, or decide today is a good day for a stroll outside, or when they stay awake to watch a TV show, Those are good days. These days are like a drop of rain on a highway in June, relief is given albeit short lived but it is enough to keep going back. If caretaker were written as a job ad, no one would want to take it and it would be the last one on the list but it is the only one available. The commutes go late into the night, plans need to be made weeks in advance. I am afraid of getting a condition like Alzheimer's or Dementia because I have made thinking and creativity a part of my life. I realized in all of this my talents, mental and emotional capacity, or even Independence don't make me who I am, being a person makes me who I am. The same is true for my grandparents and anyone else who lives with these conditions. These experiences with them helped me realize there is a life beyond illness, not just after death. If you have any diseases like these know that you are not a burden to those who care for you, you are loved. If you are a caregiver, take care of yourself, do whatever you can, and keep going back.
I used to think living a long time was about lasting through years, now I think it is about lasting through all of the later. It is about the time we have and the time we think we have, neither is certain.
It is about life being like air and no matter how tight the jar, it will eventually all escape out. No matter how hard the lid is pressed, it will still escape.
Maybe that is why so many cultures see life personified as small, flying creatures like birds or butterflies. They are agile enough to dodge dangers most of the time but not strong enough to be invulnerable.
Even as crafty as people are at dodging, a funeral is unavoidable, even if you only attend your own. Funerals are sad attempts at masquerades. Everyone is caught wearing the same face and no one pretends to have a good time but they are the party that Everytime there is the hope a loved one’s guest of honor invitation is lost in the mail somewhere, ideally a foreign country where it will take what seems like forever to reach it’s sender. However, it eventually comes, and the cocktail of emotions of sadness, stress, regret, relief and other spirits swirls in the belly of every attendant in the sanctuary. It is not the fact joy will never return, regardless of how tight the feeling in your chest is, joy will come back around. In this moment, grief has chosen to hang over you. May peace be with you.