welcome to Confusion 101

idk what you should expect from here, probably just ramblings about life and music I like. gonna try to keep all the fandom stuff on my main, might rb some stuff over here

current blog vibe: future funk

my spotify (my playlists are very unorganized)

to mutuals: if you tag me in something please allow up to 4 business days to respond

(/nsrs)

We went back to check on V today.

He seems to be in the same condition as the last time we saw him. He wasn’t doing anything, just mindlessly walking around the base. I didn’t try to go back in, who knows how he would have reacted. I don’t know how much longer we can stay out here, though. We only grabbed enough stuff for a few days.

V said that if anything did happen, it should fix itself in a few days. I hope it does, that bomb is almost due. I suppose all we can do right now is wait. I’ll keep checking up on him a few times a day to see if he gets any better.

Cleo was pretty scared when we first had to leave, but she’s over it now. I can’t blame her, I was too. It was weird seeing V like that. It wasn’t even V really, it was more like a normal infected that looked like V.

I’m not really sure how I should sign this or whatever, but it’s not V writing this. It’s Jo.

I don’t know what happened. I went to check on him since he hadn’t come out of his room at all, but he was just laying on the floor in a puddle of that black stuff. I tried talking to him, but he didn’t respond. I picked up this journal thing to see if he had written anything about it, but the moment I grabbed it from off the table, V got up and started running at me. Something was wrong with him, I could tell. He just looked wrong.

I didn’t know what to do. I ran out of the room and blocked the door. I told Cleo, but then he broke out. I grabbed some of my things and my bat and told Cleo we needed to leave. We’re staying in a building not far from the base. Somehow V didn’t see us leave, but I don’t think we can go back.

Reading back through this, there’s not much that he hadn’t already told us about his infection. I did see what V seems to think of us, though. I don’t know why he thinks we’re some kids who need to be cared for. Me and Cleo can do fine on our own. I mean, we had to survive alone somehow. But now that I think about it, he is the one who took us in. He’s done a lot for us, and it’s probably easy to think that he’s the one who needs to look after us.

I just wish he wouldn’t take things upon himself so often. It’s frustrating to think that he doesn’t always trust in us, but it’s also sad that he thinks he needs to carry such a burden. He kept saying he felt bad for not doing anything, but that was when doing things would have only hurt himself more. Hell, he left for 5 days on his own because he didn’t want us to get hurt out in the city. If we were there, he would probably be fine right now.

Everything is blurry.

It’s this damn thing inside me, I’m sure of it. I would say I’m surprised it took effect so fast, but it’s been well over a week since I’ve been infected again. It’s whatever.

I told Cleo and Jo to just leave me be today. I tried spending some time out in the main area, but even the noise of them talking just pissed me off. I grabbed some water and went back to my room, hoping to relax to some extent. To no surprise at all, relaxing isn’t something one can do when they’re doubly infected. I’ll just have to pray I can stick this one out.

I don’t know what else happened today, so this page is gonna stay blank.

Looks like this thing is not messing around.

I woke up this morning with a lovely headache, something I forgot had even existed. Or maybe I’m just in a constant state of migraine, but this one is especially bad. It’s hard to tell at this point. Cleo and Jo said I looked awful today, which I guess makes sense. I really couldn’t think straight at all today. It felt more like I was watching a movie of the day than really experiencing it.

I’m not sure Cleo and Jo did much today. I can’t blame them; there isn’t much to do anymore. I would say we go out and get a few more things, but I really can’t go anywhere in my state. I doubt Cleo and Jo would want to take a trip all the way out to the edge of the city, although there’s nothing to get otherwise. We’ve basically stripped this area clean of anything useful.

Welp, still no productive things to do.

I have to rest – again – from my emergency surgery. I don’t want to keep sitting around. As concerning as the raging infection inside my body is, it hasn’t done anything yet; I can’t do much but wait until it exits my body naturally. Cleo and Jo were all worried again, but I thankfully managed to convince them that this situation wasn’t as dangerous. Well, it could be but the chances are low. I’m not worried, but I suppose that doesn’t mean they should be.

I just want something to do. At this point, I’m more worried if we’re going to make it out of here in good shape. We’re making a decent pace to leave here in time, but things keep going wrong. We can leave whenever we want, but being prepared is the main concern.

Cleo mentioned her sister again. Her whole endeavor to find her had slipped my mind, but I’m not sure she’s going to have enough time to do any substantial searching. If she’s still alive, she’s probably safe. Anyone who’s made it this long can’t be struggling that bad. If she’s not, then I’d rather not think of what had happened or how Cleo will react.

I think something we all have to accept eventually is that nothing is going back to normal after this. Probably not in our lifetimes, anyway. Sure, we can find a community to live in with normal people and pursue our lives as we please, but it’s not ever going to be the same again. Cleo and Jo both have their own goals, but I’m not sure what I want to do. I think I still have family somewhere. Maybe I could go find them, but I have no leads. I’d probably spend the rest of my life searching. That is, if they haven't forgotten about me yet or presumed me dead.

things are getting interesting

Well, our peace didn’t last long.

To everyone’s horror, I woke up this morning with something leaking from my mouth. Honestly, I would have preferred it if it was red, but I was soon informed that whatever was dripping from my mouth was pitch black. Not sure how I didn’t notice, but that’s not important. After wiping my face and confirming that something was indeed wrong, I immediately started running through any potential causes in my head. I didn’t have to run very far; I quickly came to the conclusion that something more was going on with my injury. A shame too, today was supposed to be the day that I was finally let free from couch time.

After further investigation, I discovered that this new problem originated from somewhere around my stomach. That further investigation being me coughing and a bit more of that black liquid coming out. That’s also about where I was hit by the infected, so it made the most sense to me. My skin wasn’t showing any strange symptoms; all coloration was normal. That likely meant whatever it was had already seeped inside.

I wanted to cut myself up and take a quick look inside, but by the time I realized how long it would have taken it was already pretty late. Cleo and Jo were also a bit hesitant about it. I’ll probably try something tomorrow, but they at least want to supervise if anything goes wrong. That’s fine by me, but it’s not my fault if they get queasy.

@pidgecv all your arguments are now irrelevant. get fluffed with the triple whammy you never saw it coming

halfway 💥

apologies for my epic lateness, i was a tad preoccupied with the paul vs tyson fight at a friends house last night

It seems like all is going well now that I’m back home.

Well, not that I fixed all the problems we’ve been having. It’s just less stressful than out there, so comparatively it’s a lot nicer. Cleo and Jo were not pleased to hear that we’re likely gonna have to take more trips out to the outer edge of the city if we want to get any substantial amount of materials. Hopefully, next time we can go as a group, now that I know having them at my side would be infinitely better.

I’m still trying to recover from my injury. I took a proper look at it today, since I didn’t have much else to do. Cleo and Jo don’t want me moving stuff for another 3 days, which is when I told them that there would be a lesser chance of my stitches ripping. Somehow, all of my bones are still intact, but that means I don’t have to wait a month so I’m not complaining. Other than that, I’m okay.

One thing I was disappointed about on my outing was nothing to get around with. I saw one car, but with how broken down it was I’d be surprised if anyone had ever driven that thing. I was quite preoccupied with other things though, so I guess I shouldn’t blame myself too much. I think everyone here would rather have me back alive than to maybe have gotten a semi-functional car.

I’m already so tired of this whole endeavor, and we’re not even halfway to the end. We do have a lot of what we need, so maybe we could take a break in a few days. Maybe do something fun. That movie marathon that Cleo had us do was cool, as stupid as horror movie characters are. Or maybe Jo takes us out somewhere to show us something.