sona's notebook

Other times, he's slightly worried you'll overwork yourself. In times like these, he simply likes to lightly tug your headphone away from your ear, placing a small kiss on your cheek as he hugs you, "Hey, wanna catch a break?"

And you can't ever really bring yourself to say no once you're in his embrace, looking up at him with stars in your eyes as you nod, maybe being a manga artist could wait for a few minutes.

__

Sunoo pouts and sighs for the hundredth time today as he peers at you, working on your newest fashion line. Yes, he is slightly bothered by the lack of attention you're giving him but, he does understand that you have to work.

But whoever said letting you work would entail him completely leaving you alone? Sunoo is already grinning as you he pulls out a cake, sitting across you on the dining table as he feeds you a piece. What a silly guy.

Sunoo's actions of love are never overbearing nor are they too modest to the point no one notices that you're even dating each other. He often likes showering you with compliments, loving you regardless of your insecurities. He will always reassure you no matter what.

Sunoo often admires you for your hard work but, he slightly worries when you push yourself too hard. Sometimes, he just likes to make a silly situation to get you laughing because, what's life if not a little bit of silliness.

Often times than not, you're left laughing in his arms, wondering how he was always so energetic, smiling at him as you shake your head, "You're actually an idiot." But you love him regardless, he knows it too.

__

Niki is currently very absorbed in his tenth round of smash bro's with the other members, laughing at them as he aggressively presses down on the buttons on the poor old tattered controller.

He's laughing until he realises he's been hearing the basketball bouncing off the ground for a good 3 hours that he's been playing, his eyes darting to the clock as he excuses himself, looking at you with a small smile as he watches you throw hoops again.

Niki is bold and shy in his loving all at once. He's pinching your cheeks, pressing soft kisses to get a reaction out of you, teasing you in front of his members but, on other occasions, he's blushing hard as he intertwines his fingers with yours, heart beating right out of his chest.

Niki often worries about you when you push yourself too hard. He knows you can take care of yourself but there will always be a part of him worrying. Although his brain is usually clouded with worries, he always thinks of ways to make you laugh your stress away.

Worried about a match? He'll come dressed up as your team's mascot. Worried about your ankle sprain? He'll treat you like a princess and carry you around everywhere. Some people ask him why he does so and he's always left speechless, why else other than the plain fact that he loves you? He wonders why they even bother asking such a dumb question.

He wandered to these fields for his lonesome mind to sing to some melody of a song you didn't know, caressing the petals of the varied and wilting flowers. You accompanied him with a sketchbook in hand, your hands at work, your ears to his humming and occasional tunes with no comments or interruptions. You had not a thread attached with his absolute, practical life, and that's what he grew to enjoy as he sang you sweet songs and admired the minimalist beauty of flowers for hours together before he vanished back the trail he hiked up.

A decade long later, he stood the same punctual, intellectual, stellar citizen as his facial features  matured and took a dark yet captivating bloom while he sobered from a teen to a young adult. Now the heir of his grandfather's company, he revelled in the success of his grandfather's business. To say he grew would be an understatement, rarely ever flashing you that lovable boyish grin, never to sing his silly little tunes in front of you again.

You weren't one to pry, years into your first ever relationship with your first love and beyond afraid to lose your loose yet stitched in place frail, threaded red heart the two of you share. The photobook stared upon you, urging you to reminisce about your uneventful past filled with mostly jay. The current times didn't get any exciting either, you painted and attended exhibitions, the usual smile carried on your peach tinted lips at the guests and those interested in buying your pieces.

Contrary to this, jay barely made it home, cooped up in his office all day everyday, allowing himself to come home merely upon completing his work. You didn't mind really, the two of you went out, spoke to each other often, and were happy. This while around, he had been distant for a week or two, his longest record of shutting you out till date. You figured he was exhausted mentally and gave him the space though you wished to circle in his arms and breath wistfully.

You veered your attention to the pages and stopped on one of jay, sat beneath the tree near your old, broken, rundown house, looking into the farther distance, admiring the view, and so were you at the time, etching each feature of his delicately put together face, ingraining it in your mind, taking out your then new but now ancient camera to capture the spectacle.

You grin at the photo stuck, your orbs drifting to the messy lyrics he'd written in english to match the mood of the moment, this particular one that of your favourite song till date, one that he used to sing you to sleep.

"what are you looking so fondly at," uttered jay whose presence you failed to recognise in the room, his exasperated expression making you almost coo at him. You patted on the bedding beside as he followed, crossing your painting that you'd left to dry for hours ere.

"our photo book," you replied gaily, surprised to see him speaking to you after weeks, instinctively reaching for his cheek and staring into his eyes to find the very night sky in them, to find them gleaming right at you, the type stars would beam before they went out. A mesmerising yet sad beauty.

His gaze flickered from your soulful eyes and he glued his sights to the photo and hummed in agreement, "i guess i've always looked this good," he finished the tire in his vocals evident with a slight snicker. You shifted closer to him on the bedding which you wrinkled in the process, "you always have," you completed, pulling him closer by the hand that cupped his cheek.

You drawled yourself up to his level, running your thumb back and forth on his soft skin while your other hand ran through his soft hair, watching as he watched you with this solemn look you couldn't put a finger on. You smiled wider and hovered your lips over his as you ultimately gave in to his alluring presence and pressed your soft lips to his in a desperate yet sweet manner.

He hummed from bewilderment and slinged an arm around your waist, inching the distance closer than possible, tilting his head further and into you as he danced with your lips. You pulled away and gasped, blinking as bliss hit you, wondering if it could get any better than this? You drew away and slotted your lips on his again, covering his frantic yet slow lips, kissing him passionately, emptying out your heartfelt sentiments in the shared motion. 

You climbed off and undid his tie and the first button of his dress shirt and told him to wash up, getting to your feet, fetching him comfortable clothes and a glass of water to drink. He changed into them after washing up and sat back down on the mattress, back pressed to the headboard, the glass coming in contact with his lips that stained yours not long ago.

He glugged the cool water down his throat and set the now empty glass on the bedside table, your hand ruffling his hair as he yearned for your lips to confirm his doubt, tugging down and setting his lips against yours to feel the emotion again as you relaxed into his warm touch after a long day. 

He separated the connection as a string of saliva drew apart and suspended, a sigh of what you thought was content from jay as he flopped to the soft matting underneath him. A pit settled in his stomach and he felt guilt. He chose to ignore the feeling and set his eyes to a close.

You joined him, clinging onto him, kicking on the blanket to yourself and snuggling into his shoulder with a grin. Jay forcefully shut his eyes with a wince he hoped you'd miss it and placed his hand on your waist. Jay pretended to sleep as you hiked up on your elbow, leaning to press a peck to his forehead and mutter, "i love you."

Truth be told, jay sighed out of worry than content.

Jan Look back, reminisce the times

ii. blossom

You gotten used to the sight of jays absence when you awoke from your prolonged slumber, even the days you rose as early as 8, he’d be out the door, bidding you goodbye as he tucked in the loop of tie and tighten it around the collar, patting you on the head before bolting out the door and zooming off in his vehicle.

He’s been distant but never avoiding, and that's what you felt like he was doing this time; avoiding. As painful as it was to accept the fact that he had been avoiding you for the past week was hurtful. Yes, he was out and at work, he hadn’t stepped foot in the house since a week, nor would he receive your calls, excusing himself through text messages shorter than 5 words.

Time you made him show up yourself. 

You spent almost the entire day prepping your setting, going as far as decorating and cooking something you saw online which ended up pretty decent. Now, all you needed was to lure jay like a wasp to light. You picked up your cell, dialling his number, your throat feeling rather scruffy as you coughed on the ringing line to soothe the uncomfortable sensation.

“did i work too hard for this, i feel my throat closing up,” you mumble, waiting for the line to connect, the mere automated voice blaring through your ear canal causing you to hang up and opt to text him. “come home, its an emergency,”

Not the best, but surely it’d do the trick, and in an hour's time, jay showed up, panting as he bolted the door open, “where's the fire!” he shouted, standing in the common room, across your resting figure on the couch. You yelped and got to your feet, rushing over and placing both hands over your heart, “here.”

His expression morphed from his initial shock to confusion and to anger. He should've seen it coming as it was February the 14th, Valentine's day. Discarding the tie to his fist, he stared you down with menacing eyes, making you gulp down the present discomfort in your throat, your fearful yet expectant orbs gazing into his raged one.

“i’m really trying to control myself,” “good, we haven’t even started,”

With his tongue poking the side of his cheek from annoyance, you led him to the backyard where a table was set from your preparation and he seemed surprised at the notion, and his mouth slitted open as you hauled the piping hot dish towards the meagre wobbling metal table that withheld the dishes well, allowing you to take a seat opposite of jay.

The look in his eyes was penetrating, feeling your throat close in more as you coughed uncontrollably prompting him to hand you a glass of water, glued to his seat as he observed you heave up and down before the hectic coughing subsided and you felt the air reach your nostril and travel without a hitch to your lungs.

“sorry, i, uh, made us dinner,” you conveyed, forcing a wide smile while overlooking your fit of spontaneous fits of coughing, “i can see that,” he responded sternly, beginning to serve the food onto both plates, his eyes not letting up the cold act for a millisecond, like he almost meant it.

You picked at your food, staring at him eat wordlessly, the irritation in your throat causing you to gag and wince every now and then before you mustered to pierce through the tension filled atmosphere, “did i do something wrong?” The resounding clang of the utensil to the plate made you straighten your back, “no, i’m just upset over the fact you had to lie to get me here,” he paused, drifting off into a daze, “i haven’t come home in a while, i know,”

He shifted away from your constraint, locking eyes with his meal and eating the plate clean, “you’ve gotten better at cooking,” he commented, shutting his eyelids and leaning back on the cold metal of the chair, waiting for you finish your respective meal, making you swallow down the larger chunks in haste. You stood to your feet, the ordeal leaving a metallic taste in your mouth. The chair scraped back, you collected the dishes and placed them in the sink, the unsettling pit in your stomach only digging deeper with the irking sensation in the back of your throat growing ratched.

You went to bed with a heavy heart, his back facing yours as he wordlessly drifted to slumber, leaving you to your consuming thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, he really was exhausted. You shouldn't have been so disapproving of him for his mental absence.

Either way, your plan was an absolute failure.

The sun rose inevitably and jay arose to his right, feet planted on the rugged flooring, remaining sat on the bedding, heaving a loud sigh. He peered over his back to sneak a peek at your asleep state. The way your eyes were clamped shut and your brows furrowed with a strong pout spoke enough of your nightmare and jay exhaled into his palms away from you.

He'd hate to break your heart but he'd hate to lead you on even more. He couldn't bring himself to feel the same anymore, his emotionality drained and his sentiments aside, he felt guilt to have wronged you. He felt like a shitty person every morning to face your innocent stature suffocating him in wallow. So, every morning, he left before you awoke to stop the aching in his wilting heart.

The dip in the mattress rises as he does, stepping disheartedly to the bathroom to start his mundane routine. The shower head shoots water as his hair dampens, his sole salty tears mixing with the overhead resource, tears drowning in silence. You stir awake with your throat suffocatingly sore to the point where swallowing water was excruciatingly painful.

The small clock on the bed side table ticked with faint clicks, the hour handle clocked at 7 with the longer needle on 40 as the splinter-like needle spun periodically. You coughed, finding it hard to breathe, the itching sensation increasing as you felt something will up your throat, your hand bracing your mouth in a clasp. 

Mustering out the strange discomfort inducing object, you coughed out a petite, white petal, accompanied with a sized spot of blood painting its own canvas— your palm, per se. Observing the viscous liquid the upside length of your hand, you begin to feel nauseous, ripping the blanket off you and grasping your neck from pain.

You separated the petal from the splash or crimson, clutching it in your free hand as jay made his way over to you, draped in a bathrobe, ushering your tained palm inspect. He grimaced at the sight of blood staining your palm, his thumb instinctively finding your cheek rubbing it of what he attempted to seem affectionate. 

Tears pricking your orbs, you urged forward and wrapped your arms around him merely to be held away from his hold with a jerk, making you gape clueless. "it'll stain," he reminded, though he'd pushed you for other reasons he couldn't have the guts to come clean too.

Wiping your eyes dry, you stepped away from him and washed away the substance while jay suited up for work. You left the premise and returned to where jay buttoned his shirt hastily. You strode up to him and finally found yourself in his hesitant hold, peering up to him with glossy eyes. 

He sighed into your face, his arms tightening around you as you hiked to his eye level in your tiptoes to press a peck to his lips. You approached forward and pecked his lips, to confirm your growing doubt. You readjusted to kiss him, parting your mouth only for him to pull you back once again with another excuse. 

"you haven't brushed your teeth yet," he delivered with a soft tone, running his hand down your bed hair. It stung. Not just your throat, your heart, years ago into your relationship you'd made out plenty of times with a nasty breath and none of you seemed to mind. He really was making… excuses. 

The flowers, the blood—him avoiding you, your fleeting touch— most importantly, he began to ignore your feelings for him. 

Jay was falling out of love with you.

iii. grow thorns

Desperate. That's what you felt coursing through your veins as you curled into a ball on the carpeted floor in the empty residence, jay long gone on a business trip to wherever. Upon your gruesome piecing together, you felt despair and spent most of your time wallowing in streams of tears.

It was March and you laid sick in bed, occasionally leaving to fulfil your regular duties as a human while completely neglecting physical activity and socialising, not like you were good at either but this case was extreme. The same boy you felt deeply connected to, the boy who made you understand what love felt like, the boy who showed you true love—which your parents always failed to accommodate— was also the boy who'd crumble your fragile beating soul to rubble.

Your first petals you coughed were once pea size petals that gradually turned into full fledged, grown petals, heaving up your trachea, branches growing in your lungs making it all the much harder for you to breathe. In arounv a week's time, was your anniversary with jay. It'd be foolish to think he'd just take you back like that after the answer of unrequited love stood from your lungs. 

Perhaps if he broke your heart a second time, you would be convinced and mercilessly succumb to the inevitable.

You kept the petals you threw to a side, setting up a fresh canvas and painting a blank later for white onto it. Unsure of what to paint, you stood contemplating what you were even doing in the first place but the thought of gifting it to him seemed motivating and so you began.

Strokes of wet paint slapped onto the once pearly white canvas, skilledly sketching with your brush the outline of your objects, filling in the remnants of white into the backdrop of the portrait. It wasn't over till it was, eventually over. The faint lines of your boyfriend became clear and so had your mind. You knew what your next change of plan would be.

Jay returned around two weeks later and by then your health had declined and the loneliness merely increased. Hesitant to speak to you, you took the hint and mainted your distance as well, only interacting when needed as he used the spare bedroom to rest. Indeed,.t hurt to think that he found it hard to even sleep next to you but you weren't going to take it till he uttered the words himself.

Then came your anniversary. The two of you had been great friends for four years and then dated for four and you'd like to say that you both were still going strong, though your current situation said all but that. You requested jay to help in making dinner for the while none of you spoke a word of the day's occasion.

You were at work chopping the vegetables as jay readied the base, sprinkling some spices and checking the flavouring every now and then all without saying a word to you. Your eyes travelled from the steaming stew to where he placed the spoon between his lips, a furrow creasing on his face, tongue clicking.

"salt," he mumbled, eyes drifting from around where he situated, then shifting to around you. The salt was placed beside the chopping board, and that meant it was across you, an arm's distance. Without much thought, he stepped closer to you and reached for the salt, his arm brushing past your waist, causing him to tense, his orbs darting to yours.

You solemnly watched his eyes grow from hesitate to panic to worry. Worry, however, caught you off guard? His hand remained on the salt bottle, arm still at your waist. "you've gotten thin," he mustered, peering down  at you. Your lips parted and cursed yourself for the water gathering in your tear glands.

You shifted to face him and your fists collided with the material of his shirt, clutching it in your grasp while you looked to your feet to collect your thoughts. Jay watched with no thoughts, bewildered at your shaken state. Just in time, your throat began to cave in.

You showed him your back, heaving up and down, the petals trailing up your throat and hitting your palm. You smacked your chest uncomfortably to stop the tractions to not let him suspect anything was out of order.

"you okay?" he queried, feeling the thumps of his feet getting closer to you, panicking as you collected blood and petals into your hand, the fear of him peeking it at your new high. He reached to your position and you scurried off in a haste towards the washroom. Passing by your jar of petals, you dropped them into the pot in a hurry as jay caught up to you.

Drowning the crimson in the sink you ran water on your hands, cutting the water supply and placing your wetted hands on the cold counter, panting. The heavy footsteps echoed and then soon were planted behind you. You gazed at his fallen front in the mirror. Why? Why did he look disheartened? Did he feel something for you after all?

He panned you around, caging you to the marbled counter, sealing in his arms with your chest by his, solely daring to search for any love in his eyes. Yanking the sleeve of your sweatshirt laid a spot of crimson from the viscous liquid. You mentally winced and set your sights away from him.

His finger glided to your chin and brought you towards his front, his palm resting on your cheek, "you're not okay, are you darling," he conveyed as your heart grumbled at the endeared name, a stray tear threatening to stain your cheek. "i've been unwell,"

The silence dawned on the two of you as he buried his hand in your hair, tugging down on it to tilt your head up, and his finger parting your nimble lips, the salty taste lingering in his mouth as he pressed down, and gave you a kiss. Under any circumstance than this, you'd relish the feeling but you felt sick with your throat itching.

Nonetheless, you played into his act of affection, gripping him further as his neck dipped to reach further in your cavern. Taking in what'd be the last time you'd ever meet his lips with such fever you attempted to feel the texture of his moist lips diving in and out. the pop sound loud and clear as you pulled him off of you. He settled his hand by your ear, his thumb giving you a false sense of security as he rested his forehead against yours.

"shall we get married?"

The falter in his facials was apparent and you felt your heart fall to your stomach. "marriage? what are you talking about, we're only 21," he missed, trying to play it cool.

"you know I love you right?" you did love him, you weren't lying but he didn't and you wouldn't let go of him till he said those harsh words himself.

His lack of reply set you off and you changed your blank face to that of despair, " you don't love me?" 

"i…"

You shoved him away, crinkling your eyes in downward crescents as tears peaked from your eyes, playing at his heart strings. You felt the similar aggression of anger pile in him as he rushed his breathing, brows furrowing deep and the same mouth you kissed parted to utter icy words..

"do you know how it feels to date the one you've known and cared for since you were child?! not once have I ever hurt you nor done anything to hurt and i never will but I can’t sleep at night looking at your unaware face that i settled to for work. It’d break my heart to break your’s but i can’t let up with this without feeling guilty for leading you on when i cannot bring myself to feel those sentiments of love— i just don’t love you like before! "

Though you knew it was coming, the actuality hurt so much more. The lines of him declining your love for him played repeatedly. Jay left the room and the house, slamming the front door to possibly never return again. You sobbed even harder than before, falling to the floor urging the feeling to succumb to die as you coughed up amounts of blood  and petals onto the floor in shambles.

iv. wither

April came as fast as March left with Jay slamming the door, never to return under any circumstance. You strongly believed he began living at his office unless one friend allowed him to stay over for an extended period of time. You, however, hadn't had any luck with getting better, accepting you would die soon.

Mustering any strength you conjured to get out of bed, meeting the carpeted floor where you'd spend hours staring at the ceiling with teary eyes. You were going to go down like this, despite your dreams and aspirations, this was how'd you succumb to death.

The sole motivation to sit by your canvas, that slowly came to picture, was the haunted expression in his front you could imagine ever so vividly. You meagre around the house to get your jar of thrown up petals, stained scarlet, quite a nice piece of decor to the vicinity though it'd be too bad that you'd be gone to not see it as one.

Frailly reaching for one petal, then another, you stuck them in carefully, the internal shaking refusing to seize as your breath turned shallow, leaving you gasping for air, overexerting yourself in finishing the piece. 

On the once pearly white canvas sat a portrait of jay through the lens of your antique camera where you stood a trail of your petals and blood mixed onto the canvas, increasing as they led to your situation behind the camera just like your dying self behind the canvas.

Finishing the painting, you felt the hot breath hit your tired out hands and brittle paint dipped fingers— the same fingers Jay would kiss to you sleep, ticking you into bed if you ran a fever— were also the ones that gripped to the head rest, giving to the growing tiredness that overcame you, turning to lie flat on your back.

The keys jingled in the near distance, jay slipping in through the door, watching as nothing had really moved around in the house. He contemplated on notifying you of his abrupt appearance, opting to slowly creep up the stairs. Unknown to you, you had started coughing again, the strength in your arms to cover your mouth non-existent.

Resulting in the blood coating you and the mattress in a painful fit of red as you sobbed heartbroken to yourself wondering where it went wrong, did he require more space, had you been more mindful would he still be at your side.

Jay stilled on hearing your heart wrenching sobs, the previous hesitance gone as he ran up the stairs and to your situation on the bed stained bed. Having forgotten about your coughing fit of blood through the apparent stress from the separation. 

His sight fell to the canvas in front of him greeting as you cough seized, your eyelids lugging over your glassed over orbs, jay getting to knees as he saw you covered in blood, his hand finding your paint ridden hand. You gave a weak chuckle, "if we ever meet again, I hope it works out then," you say, the diamonds leaving the comfort of your eyes and onto your crimson imposed self. 

Jay heaved from panic, "why didn't you tell me?!" He hurried exclaimed, his hand running down your arm to keep your burning vessel even warmer. Unbeknownst to him he'd been crying and you watched with low eyes close to shutting, your palm lifting up to his tear stricken cheek, "just know," you paused, shutting your eyes completely feeling the life get sucked out of your body. 

"i loved you."

Your amiss of presence noted, haerin called you over, breaking your abrupt daze, asking for clarity on a specific hand movement. You helped her with an explanation, along with hands demonstrating to the best of knowledge.

“wow, you’re good at this,” haerin uttered, copying your hand figures. Your hands fiddled with hers, placing both adjacent like the hands of a clock. Your lack of reply from disbelief rings a few bells and she goes on to reassure, “no, really, i mean it,”

You shake your head, gaze meeting the wooden boards on the floor, “i lack the confidence, though,” “i’m sure you’ll break through it, and thanks for the help.”

You nod with a smile, catching minji slipping on her shoes, tightening the knot on the bunny loop of her sneaker. “minji, ‘you leaving?” “yeah, and you’re coming with me,”

“shocker,” you say sarcastically, tilting your head to the side, striding to her and lending her your palm to get to her soles. You sigh, taking an interest in the way the leaves fell to the ground with the onset of autumn, withering to their overdue dismissal.

“well, share your thoughts,” “is this a routine thing now? almost every other day i’m here complaining over minor inconveniences in my closed life and yet i still approach such complications,” you drawl, absent of glee in your front, the autumn breeze setting in. 

“one correction, it's literally every day that you go on and on about ANY minor inconveniences in your life. it’s been like this since a few weeks,”

“i wonder why,” you say cheekily, rolling your eyes.

“do you want to listen or not,” you irk, stomping lightly. Minji laughs at your outburst, coos at your pout and nods. “it’s about earlier today,” you pause, clicking your tongue as minji stares you down with a ‘iknowallaboutthis’ look.

“uh, a minor inconvenience named nishimura riki,” you complete in a huff, with minji adorning a facade of shock while she shook her head both sides, “i had no idea!” You smack her on the shoulder, widening your eyes in disbelief, a comfortable blanket of silence washing you two away for a brief moment.

“ouch, i’m only a minor inconvenience in your life? I could do much better, seriously,”

There he was, the sore thumb between the two teenage girls, towering over. You jolted to minji, crashing into her as a snicker escaped her lips and echoed whilst she got farther, sprinting away from you and niki.

“hope this isn’t too inconvenient for you!” she exclaims, waving from the stairs and vanishing in its depth. You still, craning your head to niki, slanting it to the side a little. “you planning on being a major inconvenience?”

“yeah, and much more,” he replies, winking, followed byp a wide smile that suited him, resembling that smiling duck meme, the cute one.

You tch, stepping forward, waiting for him to trail behind but to no movement from the boy. You whip back to him, facing him from a mere distance, “want an answer or not,” you query unenthusiastically, causing niki to jog up to you grinning from ear to ear.

Turns out, niki, the silly boy you were asked out by was a fun guy. And that made it all the much harder for your decision. So often that it got minji raising brows at you across the mirrored room, shooting daggers with her eyes to you as niki munched on strawberries that weren’t microwaved.

You waved off microwaved strawberries far from him, accustoming him to normal room temperature ones. It was rather weird of him but revealed he was particular with his choices. You excuse yourself and trudge your way to minji, taking a seat beside her while niki keeps at his (non-microwaved) strawberries and phone in hand.

“seems like someones been having fun without me,”

You shake your head at her, “it’s not like that,” you mumble, looking up at minji with an expectant expression. 

“really? then what’s your answer; what’s going on in your head,” “listen, he’s not that bad,”

“then do you want to go out with him?”

You pick at your lip, nibbling it down, unsure of what you wanted to do yourself. Minji hums, waiting for your answer, “you don't know, do you,”

Silence overtakes your conversation as you hesitate to answer. “i just wish you’d keep me in your circle of thoughts, let me know what you're thinking, and if I could help. i don’t want to chase after you, yn” she pauses, a palm swiping her face.

“either way, i respect your decision, don’t let anyone else influence your opinion,” minji concludes, sighing of disappointment and resorts to leave in a fit of pent up frustration.

You attempt to halt her to hear you out, but the truth is you have no idea what to say to her. You’ve been keeping to yourself while she was trying to understand you and help you out.

From the end of the room, hype boy plays and niki jumps to his feet, utterly surprised. He fumbles his way to you in a sprint, collapsing to the wood tiles, his phone screen flashing before your eyes.

"look at the number of likes and views, everyone's commenting that they hope we get in,"

You marvel at the count, turning to niki, "aren't the results out?" He redirects to a link, the hyperlink in bold marked RESULTS apparent. Wasting no time, he opened the page and scrolled. And there it was, your name along with niki's.

You copy his surprise upon comprehending the display, a heavy gasp, guilt-ridden, parts from your mouth. “we got in… what about the others?” you quiz, staring at the screen. “yeah, we got in, isn't that a good thing?” niki responds, dropping his hand to his crossed legs, gazing at your conflicted orbs.

“it reads that me and you got in. nothing about the others is mentioned here.”

“niki, i auditioned with minji’s team, not us as a duo.”

You bury your head in your hands, pushing the strands of hair out of your face with a pained front. Minji returns to the door, out of breath, “hyein checked the results, we didn’t make it,” she announces, face darkened and down.

You whip your head side to side, opposing both answers in your thoughts. Niki furrows his brows, his expression fallen. Minji gapes at you and niki both, her steps closing you in, and hands to niki’s phone. “minji,” you drawl, lost.

“congrats.” she mutters, monotonously, tone flat and eyes devoid of any colour. Hanni enters the room, her arm linking around minji’s and drags her away, leaving you in a contemplating mess where you would shove the blame to yourself.

“do i have to do it right then and there?” the younger boy drawled, sending his two friends beside them into a fit of yes’s, their eyes not leaving sight of the door of the cafeteria for a second. 

A distance away from the doors stood you, fumbling with your sweater. You filmed the previous routine in a more secluded area, not exactly nervous since onlookers were absent. But the next location was the cafeteria, sending chills through your spine.

You walk through the hallways to the cafeteria with anything but confidence. When your friend, minji, said it’d be a small gig alongside academics, you should’ve restrained from her desperate pleas to get you to join their dance club.

This is definitely not what you thought you were signing yourself up for. Dance was something that came naturally to you, the expression of emotions though either soft or rigid beats or none at all, using your body appealed to you, mastering it and turning the art into your forte. Beside your impeccable talent, the massive obstacle was that you were too shy to dance around anyone other than those close.

Your aura changed when it came to the expression, executing the sentiments with each soft yet rigid movement with apt emphasis. A prodigy praised many, but your timid attitude needed to go.

With that minji tiresomely tried to break the hardened shell and to no avail. So her next best solution happened to be this; helping you gain confidence in your skills and meeting the member requirements for her next routine. “i’m a genius!” she had exclaimed enthusiastically, much varied from her current tense stature and furrowed brows.

Danielle, who was also a part of the team had forgotten to learn the choreo with no one else to fill the spot. The others were assigned different songs and no one covered dani’s part, the current situation arose and you were seen to dance alone, by yourself.

"danielle, you were supposed to learn the choreography of hype boy with yn–"

“I thought we were filming attention today and hype boy tomorrow,” the rebuttal ended with confusion and a sigh of frustration from minji.

You were more than expected to carry out the routine alone but the faint of eyes scared the living shit out of you. Shrinking in your shell, you raise your palm to minji aware, “i’ll do it,” you say, with absolutely no grounds of your voice, your words heard as a light whisper.

Minji heard your mumble and her frustration turned into worry, “you don't have to push yourself, we can film tomorrow,” she stated, sympathising with you and your courage. You’d be lying if you said her offer wasn’t tempting.

“the deadlines in a week for the competition, moreover we have to practise the routine for cookie,” You stood contemplating out the doors of the cafeteria, recalling your connotations to minji before you agreed to join the club.

“the last thing i want is attention, minji”

You didn’t want minji’s endeavour to end sourly, and that led you to step up and face your sheepish fears. There came your predicament, and you'd never wanted more than to just crawl in a hole and hide.

Minji gave you a small push to the door with a soft and proud smile. You went through the doorway before the rest, hyein trailing behind and taking the lead ahead of you, adjusting the camera and setting it to the right angle while you merely managed yourself from fainting. The number of eyes surrounding you seemed to multiply tenfold when the music began.

All while the curious trio peered at you from a distance, rowdy and loud, shouts, “it’s her,” from their table. One jet haired boy face planting, dropping his head to the table with a thump. They began chanting his name, while the supposed main character lifted his head, flushed with a shade of red painted over his cheeks and ears. 

“they seem busy, can’t i ask her out later,” he winces, creasing his forehead. Sunoo shook his head frivolously, urging niki out of his seat. And off he went sprinting over to the spot, avoiding the camera, observing you warming up. 

He smiled at you with a nod, whispering a few words of notice to minji while he responded enthusiastically making it appear to be something of the positive sort since minji fervently nodded with a thumbs up. 

The music boomed overhead, the adrenaline coursing through your veins, like a jolt of electricity almost. You played with your hair, fixing it and peering at minji with desperate orbs, solely for her to grin at you, shouting words of encouragement.

You started with the pre chorus, meeting the minimum required length for the short video feature and competition. You sprawled your arms to the front, forming them in a circle and over your head on both sides, skipping to the right twice on your toes. 

You began feeling rather stiff from the amount of people judging you. It would've been much better to have someone beside you also doing the routine, sharing the burden of the mass of onlookers. 

Minji's smile caught the corner of your eye while you barely fared to look at the camera. You prepared yourself for the chorus that followed and entered the boy with a lunge, dancing to former danielle’s part alongside you. You swiped the invisible dirt off your shoulder and he copied along. 

He seemed to know the choreo beforehand, his movements outshining your own. The two garnered more attention from passerbyers. He shuffled to the left and hit all the point moves danielle would've covered had she remembered to learn the dance. At the end of the chorus, the crowd was going feral, yells singing to the song while the others cheered.

The verse continued and niki motioned to the camera with a half held hand heart, waiting for you to complete it. You shy away, minji exclaiming from beside you out of the frame, ushering you to complete it. You shook your head with a laugh, completing his silly heart with silly sentiments.

“and cut!” shouted hyein, a huge smile plastered on her front, the rest cheering for you both. You turn to niki with a grin out of both thankfulness and timidness, “thank you,” he waved the gesture off. 

The crowd began to disperse, sunoo and jungwon looking at their friend through the throngs of people with a death glare. Niki’s heart was pounding as you turned away to look at your friends.

“can i ask you a question?” he piped up, his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth out of nerves. The calm atmosphere returned except for niki’s anxiousness. It quieted down, and you hummed with interest, meeting his gaze, “yes,”

“will you go out with me?”