Luxcraz

what am I gonna do? play de getarr?

see i only [unintelligible] MESH NIGHT 

a quirk of sexting while british is switching from arse to ass. i would never fuck someone in the arse. its impolite.

they send me to space war even though i’m so freaking small i’m literally just a grunt. they only gave me a pasma pistol. i’m gonna fucking die

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry

oh shit let me guess. let me guess. you're anthony fantano being sucked into a jet engine. yeah. yeah, just like the last four fucking rounds. yeah i don't really wanna play charades with you anymore

She took my fucking mind palace, I'm thinking out of my mind car now.

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is