how do i explain to people that shane is a jock he is not sitting down and reciting a billion marine facts and reading encyclopedias
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how do i explain to people that shane is a jock he is not sitting down and reciting a billion marine facts and reading encyclopedias

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You really start to understand that the βangry black womanβ and βmean lesbianβ stereotype only exists to shame us for the fact we get reasonably upset about people wanting to horrifically abuse us indiscriminately. Letβs get meaner !
reblogs were off
I do believe Ilya would never cheat on Shane but my whump loving ass can't help but imagine Shane getting injured badly enough to cause amnesia wherein he loses memory of the last 15-20 ish years so everything about their relationship is gone, but he's been told by everyone this is His Husband and he barely even Knows this guy.
But one day during the early stages of recovery, but after he's discharged, he's checking something on Ilya's phone for him when he just happens to come across their messages and the only detail that stands out in his mind is the name "Jane" and how this Must be a girl clearly based on that minor detail, and when he catches sight of the first dirty text he flies into internal histerics as he immediately concludes his husband is cheating on him. A bit more snooping and he learns these texts go back over a decade.
And of course, he's still Shane and he must spend the rest of the day ruminating on this until he's made up an entire storyline in his head and locked onto it Autistically.
So then he finally confronts Ilya while they're just watching hockey on the couch like "I can't believe you've been cheating on me this whole time."
And Ilya is like. SO shaken, completely dumbfounded. Because he reached a point where he couldn't make himself sleep with anyone else before they ever made things exclusive. So what the fuck could Shane possibly be referring to right here in this moment? And he's just looking at Shane in a mix of shock and defensiveness like "What the fuck are you talking about?"
And Shane's like "Don't even deny it, I've seen All the texts!" (he has seen exactly 3 texts worth mentioning and a handful of really confusing texts that MUST be damning, and also he knows its been a Long Ass Time - but its enough)
And Ilya's like the last fucking person I texted was Shane, soooo... "What fucking texts, Shane?"
"Don't act stupid!"
"No, fucking show me!" And then he just hands his phone to Shane, no bars held, just places it there in his lap expectantly.
And internally, Shane is like WOW you're really going to make me go through this again just to prove what I already know? But externally, he's just a ball of rage and smush face and secretly Ilya is like if you were not saying the most obsurd bullshit I have ever fucking heard in my life, I would be kissing you stupid but he doesn't say THAT either so they just seethe at each other for a second until Shane pulls up the (completely unhidden and visible to the naked eye) texts.
And Ilya takes one fucking look at them and flops over on the couch kind of halfway laughing, halfway groaning because fucking goddamnit its just his stupid fucking amnesia and this is so fucked but now he has to explain their entire relationship start to finish to this man because otherwise Shane's going to actually spiral and make ten million assumptions about everything and then he'll be fucking SAD and Ilya can't handle sad clueless Shane eyes right now it will literally break him.
And then Shane is like "Oh wow, nice okay like, you don't even care?!?!?! so?!?!?!"
and Ilya is just like no fuck you shut up I care SO MUCH. "Give me your stupid fucking phone."
And Shane is like "What?! No! Explain yourself!"
And Ilya's like "I literally am just let me see your phone" and much like that time after their second hookup, Shane looks at him like he's fucking insane but hands him the phone anyway and Ilya pulls up the texts and just sets the two phones neatly in Shane's lap, side by side.
And thats it. The texts are exactly the same.
"What?" Because hey, that doesn't make any fucking sense. "Why is your name Lily in my phone? And... why am I jane?"
And Ilya just sighs and bears down mentally and emotionally to dive into the longest story of his life. But actually its kind of nice you know, to relive those moments again. Even if just for a brief moment like this.
I do believe Ilya would never cheat on Shane but my whump loving ass can't help but imagine Shane getting injured badly enough to cause amnesia wherein he loses memory of the last 15-20 ish years so everything about their relationship is gone, but he's been told by everyone this is His Husband and he barely even Knows this guy.
But one day during the early stages of recovery, but after he's discharged, he's checking something on Ilya's phone for him when he just happens to come across their messages and the only detail that stands out in his mind is the name "Jane" and how this Must be a girl clearly based on that minor detail, and when he catches sight of the first dirty text he flies into internal histerics as he immediately concludes his husband is cheating on him. A bit more snooping and he learns these texts go back over a decade.
And of course, he's still Shane and he must spend the rest of the day ruminating on this until he's made up an entire storyline in his head and locked onto it Autistically.
So then he finally confronts Ilya while they're just watching hockey on the couch like "I can't believe you've been cheating on me this whole time."
And Ilya is like. SO shaken, completely dumbfounded. Because he reached a point where he couldn't make himself sleep with anyone else before they ever made things exclusive. So what the fuck could Shane possibly be referring to right here in this moment? And he's just looking at Shane in a mix of shock and defensiveness like "What the fuck are you talking about?"
And Shane's like "Don't even deny it, I've seen All the texts!" (he has seen exactly 3 texts worth mentioning and a handful of really confusing texts that MUST be damning, and also he knows its been a Long Ass Time - but its enough)
And Ilya's like the last fucking person I texted was Shane, soooo... "What fucking texts, Shane?"
"Don't act stupid!"
"No, fucking show me!" And then he just hands his phone to Shane, no bars held, just places it there in his lap expectantly.
And internally, Shane is like WOW you're really going to make me go through this again just to prove what I already know? But externally, he's just a ball of rage and smush face and secretly Ilya is like if you were not saying the most obsurd bullshit I have ever fucking heard in my life, I would be kissing you stupid but he doesn't say THAT either so they just seethe at each other for a second until Shane pulls up the (completely unhidden and visible to the naked eye) texts.
And Ilya takes one fucking look at them and flops over on the couch kind of halfway laughing, halfway groaning because fucking goddamnit its just his stupid fucking amnesia and this is so fucked but now he has to explain their entire relationship start to finish to this man because otherwise Shane's going to actually spiral and make ten million assumptions about everything and then he'll be fucking SAD and Ilya can't handle sad clueless Shane eyes right now it will literally break him.
And then Shane is like "Oh wow, nice okay like, you don't even care?!?!?! so?!?!?!"
and Ilya is just like no fuck you shut up I care SO MUCH. "Give me your stupid fucking phone."
And Shane is like "What?! No! Explain yourself!"
And Ilya's like "I literally am just let me see your phone" and much like that time after their second hookup, Shane looks at him like he's fucking insane but hands him the phone anyway and Ilya pulls up the texts and just sets the two phones neatly in Shane's lap, side by side.
And thats it. The texts are exactly the same.
"What?" Because hey, that doesn't make any fucking sense. "Why is your name Lily in my phone? And... why am I jane?"
And Ilya just sighs and bears down mentally and emotionally to dive into the longest story of his life. But actually its kind of nice you know, to relive those moments again. Even if just for a brief moment like this.

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Ok but like when they are husbands their favourite part of their day is getting to go to bed together. And yes now they are lucky they get practice and training and games together- they get so much together but after all those years of so long- so much apart from each other, they are so greedy for time together. And Ilya loves it because they have a routine, he has a night time routine. Teenage would sooner think he was dead at this age than he has a husband and a night time routine. Shane almost always heads upstairs before him, because he likes the do the dishes and kitchen after dinner and in turn Ilya prefers to lock up and sort out Anya for the night. If itβs after a day off or training day they will peel up off the couch- or if itβs after a home game or travel day itβs dinner and then right upstairs.
Shane will go up first, with a kiss for Ilya- to his shoulder or cheek or ear or forehead- wherever he can land one- and then Ilya will go about making sure all the doors and windows are locked and shut, pack away anyas toys and fold the blankets from the couch. Heβll fill up his and Shaneβs water bottles, and then Anya will follow him up the stairs once heβs turned off the lights. Shane will be in the shower and Ilya will turn down their bed, get rid of all the extra pillows and fold back the covers, settle Anya in her dog bed with many goodnight kisses and then put their waterbottles on the beside tables.
Sometimes heβll meet Shane in the shower, share the end of Shaneβs shower with him, help him rinse out his hair or kiss his shoulders, steal a cuddle and more kisses under the water. Sometimes Shane will be done by the time Ilya gets in to the bathroom and heβll just squeeze his hip in passing as he goes to strip and shower. Ilya puts his clothes in the hamper, showers while he watches Shane do his skincare at their double sinks. By the time heβs out of the shower Shane is gone, the smell of his minty toothpaste left behind and itβs so stupid but Ilya misses him, a little, while he brushes his own teeth and scrubs on some moisturiser, the same one Shane uses because he likes that the smell reminds him of him.
Once heβs done he walks into the bedroom and Shane is always laying on Ilyaβs side of the bed, (reading or scrolling or sometimes on the phone to his parents) βwarming it upβ for ilya because he always complains about how cold Ilyaβs hands and feet are- and Ilya says it not his fault Shane seems to always run hot and that of course Ilya will feel cold in comparison. It makes Ilyaβs heart squeezed, seeing Shane laying in his spot for him. Ever time. And then Ilya will tug on boxers and crawl into bed, make a production of shuffling Shane out of his side of the bed, and heβll link their feet together under the sheets, because he knows shane doesnβt like his reading interrupted and Ilya will scroll until Shane has read his two chapters and then Shane will neatly fold his glasses and book and place it on the bedside table and Ilya will plug his phone in and then roll into Shane for cuddles now that his reading is done and they talk like that, pressed close together in bed, between soft kisses and squeezes and nuzzles to be closer and they will fall asleep like that, so much love between them and Ilya canβt wait to do it all again the next night.
Okay we all know hollanov steals each others clothes...
but my personal headcanon is that whevenver shane wears something of ilya's he gets infinitely more compliments than ilya does when wearing the same clothing item, and this INFURIATES ilya.
like they'll stop at a local coffee shop ilya frequents, and shane has thrown on one of ilya's button-ups, and the barista is like "i like your shirt btw" and shane is just like "oh, thanks!", then as soon as they're out of earshot ilya is like "i have worn that shirt a million times when coming here and they've never said ANYTHING >:("
or shane takes a pic with a fan at an airport wearing one of ilya's slutty tank tops, and the pic circulates twitter with everyone being like "anyone else really like this style of shirt on hollander?" "tank top hollanderπ₯΅" "holy biceps π"
and ilya is like "tank tops have been MY THING forever >:(("
it even happens with the centaurs, like one day shane pulls up to practice in ilya's rick owens sweatpants cause he was too lazy to find his own and one of the rookies is like "yo hollander are those rick ownens? thats sick asf" and ilya is glaring daggers. then he shows up to the next practice in the same sweatpants and no one says anything and he just silently seethes.
"hollander i have worn those pants for YEARS, i was wearing rick before it was cool!! i was handwashing your CUM out of those pants before they even knew the name rick owens, but the ONE TIME you wear they act like it is brand new >:((("
shane fully knows how much this frustrates ilya and he absolutely plays into it, like he'll fully take the compliments and never mention that the clothes are actually ilya's. everytime he gets a compliment, he just shoots ilya a shit eating grin.
all while ilya is like "he's STEALING my drip!!!!"
"stealing heart is not enough hollander, you must take my SWAG too?!?!?!
the most evil person that you will ever meet: "im an empath"
MEXICO WIN!!! FUCK AI!!!
just found out you can do more than one thing each day. i was just doing the one

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dude it's just politics, it doesn't matter. all it does is shape every single aspect of the society you live in from the second you are born until forever
[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere
how to become good at everything no practice no effort no motivation no passion no talent fast free
it's fine i don't even need to be part of social groups or friend groups anyway (giant hole appears in my chest spontaneously) ? what's that
this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

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Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
I need someone to animate this centaurs tiktok idea that came to me in a dream
Beware: i dont know anything abt hockey
[Coach, yelling from off the ice] Ilya! Stay with your man! (Referring to staying with the player from the other team he has to defend/keep the puck away from)
[Ilya] *is holding shane's hand* i AM staying with my man!