not another fanfic writer...

It was a foggy morning, one where you could step outside and feel the air, heavy on your shoulders. The leaves rustled in the soft breeze, leaves turning orange at the mere thought of autumn. Cassiopeia Jones was sprawled out on the couch of the living room, chest rising and falling with a steady rhythm. 

Cassie lived with her mother in a small, one bedroom apartment right on the border of Hawkins. Her mother had insisted on her taking the bedroom, but Cassie told her that she wasn't letting that happen. Her mother would get ill often, but she’d chalk it up to stress, or fatigue from work. Cassie never asked, and her mother never elaborated.

It was peaceful that morning, until the phone rang. Cassie sat up with a start, the shrill noise waking her from whatever mundane dream she was having. The ringing was not, however, enough to get her out of bed. Her mom’s yelling was. 

“Cassie! Answer the damn phone!” She called, jerking Cassie out of the dozing state she was in. 

“Going,” she grunted, swinging her legs off the couch and standing up, squinting at the bright sunlight that shone through the blinds. “Hello?”

“Anne, is that you?” Aunt Joyce’s voice spoke through the phone. 

“Huh? No- no this is Cassie,” she said, glancing in the direction of her mother’s door. Her mom would hardly entertain the idea of getting out of bed just to talk to her sister. “Mom’s asleep right now, did you need something?”

“Uh– No Jonathan he’s not– sorry, give me a moment,” Joyce spoke away from the receiver for a moment. “Sorry dear, is Will with you?” 

“Will? No, uh– why?” Cassie asked, her brow furrowing. She twirled the line with her index finger and thumb, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, um– nothing just, I thought he might have stopped by your place before school, he loves the bagels you guys have so I thought he might have stopped by. Nevermind, have a good day at school sweetie.” And then the phone hung up with a click. Cassie stared at the receiver for a good long moment, then put the phone back on the hook. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the honking of a car horn outside the apartment. Cassie stepped out onto the porch, immediately shriveling back at the cold air. James, Cassie boyfriend, was in his red convertible, honking like it was an instrument. Cassie waved her hands in the air to tell him to stop, but James only stopped when Cassie reached the car.

“Do you know what hour it is right now? You’re going to get a noise complaint.” Cassie said, the smile on her face betraying how annoyed she was that it was 6 am and she was awoken to not one but two loud noises.

“Sorry Cassie, but you’re such a heavy sleeper, figured I’d help your alarm clock out,” James gave Cassie a wink.

Cassie rolled her eyes but even her smile seemed forced. James furrowed his brows and leaned forward to cup Cassie's face. 

“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong babe?” asked James.]

“It’s Aunt Joyce,” said Cassie. 

“Will wasn’t home when she woke up.” James stayed quiet for a second. They both knew Will wasn’t one to stay out all night. He was only 12 years old, it’s not like he had a secret lover to sneak off to.

“He probably went to school early and didn’t want to wake Joyce.” He said, finally. “Maybe he wanted to meet with that one teacher he likes, the science one. Mr…. what’s-his-name. You know, mustache guy?”

“Yeah… Yeah probably,” Cassie said, though she didn’t look convinced. 

“C’mon, go get ready, I’ll drive you to school,” Cassie nodded but didn’t move. James sighed. 

“Look, I’m sure he’s okay. Just go get dressed and we’ll ask Jonathan when we get to school okay?” Cassie nodded again and stepped away from the car. “And bring me a bagel too, please!”

★☆★

By the time Cassie and James pulled up to Hawkins High, the bell was ringing for the second time, students were filing into classrooms, and Cassie was so stressed about making it to her physics class that she had nearly forgotten about her missing little cousin. After all, a third late resulted in a one hour detention. 

“Okay, see you in a bit,” Cassie said as she gave James a hasty kiss and gathered her backpack from the car. She half walked, half ran to classroom 204, and sat before the third and final bell rang. And although Cassie wanted to be in her class on time, when that third ring filled her ears, she wanted nothing more than to be dismissed already. 

As the class went on, Cassie found herself tapping her pencil’s eraser against her notebook and staring out the window for the twentieth time that hour. She looked at the clock. 8:53. 7 more minutes. She tapped her pencil more and rested her head on her hand with a sigh.

After an eternity, the bell rang once more and Cassie quickly sprang out of her seat. She rounded the corner of the doorway and nearly smacked into Tommy Hagan.

“Hey, watch it!” he sneered. Cassie blinked, mumbled a soft “sorry”, then watched as he, Steve Harrington and Carol Perkins strolled over to Nancy Wheeler’s locker. The three juniors were all pretty popular and Cassie was… not. She wasn’t unpopular, but she didn't have many friends. Or really any. She was friendly with Nancy and Barbara Holland, Nancy’s best friend, but she wouldn’t consider them friends. Cassie couldn’t imagine why Steve, Carol and Tommy were going to meet up with Nancy, but frankly, she didn’t care.

 And though their backs were turned to her, she could hear Steve saying something along the lines of “calm down, she didn’t mean it.” Tommy H looked back at Cassie and narrowed his eyes before Steve smacked the upside of his head. 

Cassie continued to watch the three stroll down the hallway, and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt James’s soft hands on her elbow. She yelped and James gasped in return.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you–” James started.

“You’r fine,” Cassie said.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just… got distracted, why?”

“You just seem… distant, that’s all.” Cassie forced a smile.

“You haven’t seen Jonathan today, have you?” She tried to change the conversation. She knew it wasn’t a complete 180 in topic, but she might as well find out as much as she could about the events this morning rather than stay in confusion. 

“No, actually, I haven’t,” James’s face fell, only slightly. “You haven’t seen him either.” He said it more as a statement than a question. Cassie didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. James pulled her into a hug and rested his hand on her hair. “I’m sure Will’s okay. He’s a competent kid, you know? He can handle himself.”

“Not if he’s been kidnapped, “Cassie mumbled into his chest.

“Jesus, what put that idea in your head?” asked James.

“Just a thought.”

“And a dark one at that. How about we call your aunt at lunch and see if there’s any updates, okay?” Cassie took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Okay.”

“Why must you always have a headstart?” Wylan whined.

“It’s in my nature,” said Y/n. “I can’t help it.” Wylan hummed. They fell into a comfortable silence, the only sounds were the early morning birds and their breaths.

They walked silently for the most part, save for Wylan’s heavy breathing.

“You really run this far every morning?” Wylan asked Y/n.

“I run further, but I figured I’d go easy on you,” Y/n glanced at Wylan, a sneaky grin on his face. 

“This is easy?” Wylan squeaked. Y/n laughed.

“Yes, my love, I run three more blocks than this.”

“Saints,” Wylan muttered under his breath. 

They traced their steps back to the mansion and Wylan immediately flopped on the sofa. 

“I can’t believe you do that every morning,” Wylan said, still breathing heavily. 

Y/n just smiled. 

The next day, it rained. Actually, it had started raining in the early dawn, so Y/n woke with a sigh. Their routine had been interrupted and they wouldn’t be able to run that morning. So, instead of getting upset like they would have when they were back in the Barrel, they took it as a blessing in disguise and snuggled closer to Wylan. 

Now when Wylan woke, he woke with a start. Not because of a nightmare, no, those were left in the Barrel when his father had gone to prison. But because there was a weight on his arm that was never there. Not usually. 

His hand instinctively went to touch Y/n’s forehead. If they were in bed and not out, surely they were sick. They hadn’t skipped a morning run in… ever. But their head was actually quite cool, which left Wylan more confused. It didn’t really click for him that the rain would stop Y/n.

Y/n stirred at the feeling of Wylan’s hand on his head.

“Morning,” they said, their voice groggy and rough. Wylan gave him a small smile.

“Morning sleepyhead. Overslept?” he brushed a strand of hair out of Y/n’s face.

“It was raining.” 

“Ah.” Y/n looked up at Wylan, only to be met with loving eyes already on them. “What’s on your list for today then?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet,” Y/n said. “Though, maybe I could join you in the workshop?” Wylan's mouth quirked. 

“I have a better idea.”

***

They said leg to leg on the tiny piano bench. The piano was sorely out of tune, so it had taken a while for Wylan to get it back to where it actually sounded pleasant to the ears. Wylan flipped through the books of sheet music, furiously scanning pages for the right piece of music. 

“What are you looking for?” Y/n asked when Wylan let out another sigh.

“Clair de lune, but I can’t re–” Wylan stopped himself before he got too frustrated. Y/n stepped next to him to help him find the right book. They didn’t need him to finish the sentence. They understood.

“Here,” they said, dusting off a thin folder with sheet music on it, titled “Clair de lune.”

“Thank you,” Wylan said quietly. To be completely honest, he had been starting to feel ashamed that it was taking him so long to find the right folder, despite the fact he couldn’t read the titles of each of the pieces. 

“Now teach me how to read the notes,” Y/n said, quickly moving to a new topic.

“Right,” Wylan said. “So this is middle c, it’s the c closest to the center of the piano. And that note below the staff on the page is middle c.” Y/n looked at him blankly. Wylan sighed. This might take longer than he thought. 

“The lines on the page, it’s called a staff. The circles are notes. That note is a c. The notes range from a to g. So this note is an a,” Wylan played a note on the piano. “And then b, c, d,” He played each note on the piano as he spoke, keeping his eyes trained on the keys. But Y/n’s eyes stayed looking at Wylan. Admiring.

Wylan’s voice faltered and a red heat traveled up the back of his neck when he felt their gaze on him. 

“And this is an e flat–what?”

“Nothing, I’m listening.” Y/n smiled as Wylan looked up at them.

“What did I just say?” Y/n stayed quiet for a moment.

“Okay maybe I wasn’t listening.”

“How am I supposed to teach you if you–”

Y/n leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Wylan was quick to melt into the kiss, his hands falling to Y/n’s waist as their hands found Wylan’s jaw. 

Y/n was the first to break away. “I’d rather just listen to you play.”

Wylan swallowed hard and nodded.

“Okay?” Y/n asked.

“Okay,” Wylan said, a blush creeping onto his face. His hands fell to the keys once more, and he started to play a lovely, calming melody. Y/n’s head fell to Wylan’s shoulder and Wylan faltered for a moment, and a short one at that. But he continued to play until the song was over. 

They stayed like that for a while. Y/n’s head on his shoulder and Wylan’s hands resting on the last chord of the song. The steady pitter patter of the rain on the windowsill made for the most peaceful moment either of them had had in a long time. 

“I love you,” Y/n said. Wylan inhaled sharply. It was the first time Y/n had uttered those words to him. Probably the first time they’d said them… ever. Y/n suddenly lifted their head off Wylan’s shoulder, but Wylan rested his hand on Y/n’s before they could go far. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me, I should–”

“I love you, Y/n,” Wylan said back. 

Y/n blinked. “You do?”

“Yes,” Wylan giggled. 

“Really?” 

“What do you think, I’ve been kissing you for the fun of the game? I’m in love with you, idiot,” Wylan said. 

“And I’m in love with you.” Y/n said. 

Wylan spoke softly, “I know.”

Orion left silently in the night when the Slat was asleep. Inej had offered to go after him but Kaz stopped her.

​

“Give him time.” Kaz said. “He’ll come back.”

​

Wylan wasn’t so sure. Ten more days passed. Then another five. It had been nearly three weeks until Wylan saw Orion again. It wasn’t even intentional.

​

Wylan was out at the market, wandering through the stalls and peeking into small shops that were in the area permanently. He wandered closer to the stalls that stood by the tannery, and picked up a vial that was full of sodium phosphate. At least, that’s what he thought it was full of. The letters on the label swirled, and so he put the vial down and tried not to think about the headache that was starting to gnaw at his brain.

​

A few people brushed past Wylan, muttering something along the lines of “sorry” and “pardon me.” When the last person passed with an “excuse me,” Wylan’s head shot up. He gasped, making the person turn around.

​

“Orion?” Wylan said, staring at the boy. Orion’s face turned pale, and he cleared his throat.

​

“Wylan.” He said, his voice cracking. “I didn’t– uh– I didn’t realize you were…” He trailed off. He’s okay. And he’s managing without me. Good, Orion thought. Wylan nodded.

​

“Didn’t realize I was what?” Wylan said, a bit too defensive. Orion opened his mouth, then closed it.

​

“Doesn’t matter. How are you?” Orion offered. Wylan shook his head.

​

“We’re supposed to pretend everything is okay? More so, are we supposed to go back to being strangers?” Wylan said harshly. Orion frowned.

​

“Isn’t that what’s easiest?” He said, genuinely confused. “I hurt you, you shouldn’t want to see me again. You’re supposed to…”

​

“Supposed to what, Orion? Tell me, what am I supposed to feel?” Wylan said. He was drawing attention to bystanders nearby, but he didn’t care.

​

“Wylan… that’s not what I–”

​

“How are you to tell me how I feel when you don’t even know what to say?” Wylan said, a lump forming in his throat. Orion stayed silent. His mouth formed a straight line. “How are you to know what’s best for me? You never once considered my feelings, you’ve only considered how you thought I felt. But you know what, maybe you’re right. Maybe I do hate you. But not because you stabbed me, Orion, or called me names and insulted me. Maybe it’s because you keep leaving when I need you most.” Wylan said, his voice cracking at the end. Orion’s mouth stayed slightly agape. He blinked. “Why do you keep leaving?” Wylan croaked.

​

“I… Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? I wrong you so you leave me? You’re not supposed to stay. You’re not supposed to forgive me.”

​

“I don’t forgive you, Orion. But…” Wylan let out a small breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I do still love you.” He said quietly. Orion’s face went pale. He staggered back a little bit, as if someone had just punched him in the gut.

​

“Let’s talk about this… not here.” Orion said, taking a step towards Wylan and taking his hand. Wylan felt like a jolt of electricity just coursed through his body. He forgot the tender touch of Orion’s hand. How gentle it once was, and how hesitant it was now.  Orion pulled Wylan to a small alleyway and let go of Wylan’s hand. He turned and looked down, then looked at Wylan.

​

“Why?”

​

“Why what?”

​

“Why do you still love me? That’s not–” Wylan cut Orion off.

​

“Not how it’s supposed to work. I know. I’m not black and white, Orion. To be completely honest, I don’t know why I’m still in love with you, but I am. But I’m not leaving because you did something that hurt me. People like you who are–”

​

“Broken?” Orion interjected.

​

“Hurting,” Wylan glared at Orion, but there wasn’t real anger behind it. “You all think that you do one wrong thing and it’s another red mark in your ledger. Another… thing you have to have to hide from. But that’s not how it works in a relationship.”

​

“We’re not even–” Orion tried to speak.

​

“I wasn’t done.” Wylan said, holding up his hand. Orion shut his mouth. “In a relationship–” Orion pursed his lips. Wylan continued. “Platonic or not, people do fight. People do get hurt. It’s inevitable. But what they shouldn’t do is run away. You have to work through it. That’s how relationships work. It’s going to be messy, and complicated. It’s going to take time, but I want to–” Wylan choked on his words. He debated finishing the sentence. “I want to be with you. Okay?” He said so softly, he wasn’t sure if Orion had even heard him. But Orion was practically leaning forward because he was listening so intently. He swallowed hard.

​

“I want to be with you too, Wylan…”

​

“So why would you leave?”

​

“Because… I’m scared. This whole situation is so fucked. I nearly killed you–”

​

“But you didn’t–”

​

“If I had miscalculated you would have died! I could’ve hit your spleen or a major artery or–”

​

“But you didn’t, Orion–”

​

“I’m afraid of what could happen if I let my feelings get in the way. What if I go soft, miscalculate. What if, if I fall in love with you, I can’t think straight. I’m scared Wylan–”

​

“Orion…” Wylan took a step forward.

​

“I’m scared of who I could become if I love you–”

​

“Orion…” Wylan started to close the distance between the two.

​

“And what if I–” Wylan cupped Orion’s face with his hands. Orion stopped talking for a second, and that’s when Wylan kissed him.

​

Orion closed his eyes, practically melted into the kiss. He tasted salty tears as they fell, though whose they were, he didn’t know. His hand raised to Wylan’s neck, as Wylan’s fell to Orion’s hips. Wylan was the first to pull away, and Orion tried to chase his lips with his own.

​

“Was that so bad?” Wylan asked, laughing a little. Orion looked at Wylan, eyes wide and lips swollen.

​

“This is dangerous.” Orion said, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that.

​

“This is love. It’s messy, but it’s still there. It doesn’t just… go away.” Wylan said, searching Orion’s eyes. “I don’t forgive you–” Orion looked away, but Wylan took his chin and softly turned his head back to look at him. “But I’d like to try again. See what happens.”

​

“I’d like that.” Orion said after a while.

“But only… if you promise to try.” Orion tilted his head in confusion. “Try to learn how to love. I can even teach you. But you can’t run away again. Okay?” Orion nodded.

​

“I can do that.” He said. And so Wylan wrapped his arms around Orion and buried his face in the crook of Orion's neck.

​

“We can do this.” He said. And for the first time in a long time, Orion felt hopeful.

It had been a long enough period of time to where Kaz had started wondering where his brother had gone. The crows were still on edge, but most of them had forgiven Orion for what he had done. Even Jesper was starting to warm up to the idea that Orion was in fact, not a traitor. But Wylan… wasn’t sure.

​

He trusted Orion, or at least had trusted him at some point. But his words, his actions, nothing could ever erase how Wylan had felt. He could still see the look in Orion’s eyes when he went to sleep. Could still feel the sting of the knife entering his stomach when he leaned over. Everything reminded him of Orion. Hell, even the toast he ate for breakfast reminded him of Orion.

​

He liked it plain. Jam was too sweet, butter was too salty, both were too expensive, Orion usually said, scrunching his nose at the strawberry jelly atop Wylan’s slice of bread. Wylan huffed humorlessly as he stared at his bread that morning.

​

“You gonna eat that or…” Jesper said from behind Wylan. The Durast had surprised Wylan, but he made no effort in showing it.

​

“How long has he been gone again?” Wylan said quietly. Jesper was silent for a moment.

​

“Ten days. Do you miss him?” Jesper asked cautiously.

​

“No. I don’t think I do.”

​

“Then why do you keep asking?”

​

“Because I’m angry at him.” Jesper stayed silent.

​

“What if he comes back, what will you do?” Jesper asked. Wylan opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but no words came out.

​

“I don’t think he’s coming back.” Inej said, making both the boys gasp. She had that effect on people.

​

“What makes you say that?” Jesper said, eyeing Wylan to see his reaction.

​

“He’s found a place in West Stave. He seems to be doing fine. Running odd jobs for Haskell, but he’s… surviving.” Inej said, glancing towards Wylan.

​

“How… has he said anything?” Inej shook her head.

​

“He hasn’t said anything directly to anyone.” Inej said. Wylan took a shuddering breath. “I’ve just been watching to make sure he’s okay, like Kaz told me to. But Wylan,” he looked up. “He cries at night. I think for you.”

​

Wylan looked down quickly. Orion never cried. Wylan wasn’t sure Orion could even cry. But Inej didn’t lie, so suddenly Wylan didn’t feel hungry anymore.

​

___

​

Wylan picked up the book he’d been trying to read. It was a children’s book, but Orion was helping him get through it. They’d only made it to page five before everything had happened. He read the first five pages like normal, but when he made it to page six, he felt like he could throw up. It felt so overwhelming, the words, the feelings.

​

Saints, why did he have to be in love with Orion? Why did he have to miss him so much? He tried to focus on the words. The big… fuck, what was the next word. It was long, that was for sure. He tried to trace the letters on the page like he did when Orion would read to him. It didn’t help. He groaned in frustration but kept trying. Cat… that was the first part of the word. It felt daunting, too scary to do on his own. He didn’t want to do it on his own. He didn’t want to do anything on his own. Despite all the hatred he felt, he missed Orion. His partner in crime.

​

He felt tears well up in his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, and let out a strangled cry as he threw the book on the ground. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes and just sobbed.

​

“That’s a library book. You shouldn’t throw it.” Wylan didn’t even process the person’s voice before he looked up. Even through his blurry vision, he still froze. What was he doing here?

​

“Orion…” He said quietly. Orion was leaning against the doorframe stiffly. His hands were curled into fists and his lips were taut in a straight line.

“Wylan.” He nodded at the boy. Wylan did his best to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they just kept falling.

​

“What… I thought you were gone for good.”

​

“I thought so too.”

​

“What made you, you know…” He said, sniffing.

​

“Come back? Kaz decided to pay me a visit.”

​

“And?”

​

“And he called me a coward. Among other things.” Wylan laughed, which made the corners of Orion’s mouth twitch. “But he also told me how you’ve been doing.” He pushed himself off the doorframe.

​

“You’ve not been eating, staying in your room half the time. He told me you haven’t been in your lab since I… since it happened.”

​

“Since what happened?” Wylan tilted his head up. Orion went silent. “Say it. Say what you did to me.”

​

“Since I stabbed you.” Orion choked on one of the words. Wylan took a deep breath and shook his head.

​

“I don’t forgive you.”

​

“I know.”

​

“I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

​

“I know.”

​

“You stabbed me, Orion.”

​

“I…” Orion trailed off. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. He looked at Wylan, and then looked down. “I knew this was a bad idea. I should go.”

​

“Orion, you don’t have the right to be selfish and run away again.” Wylan said before Orion could take another step out the door. He turned around and Wylan was standing. Worse, he was walking towards Orion. His heart was beating like crazy, slamming against his sternum.

​

“You don’t get to be a coward. You don’t get to make the selfish choice again.” Wylan continued towards Orion. Orion shrank back into himself, but kept looking at Wylan.

“You can’t just stab me and run and expect me to be okay. You didn’t even check on me. You just left–”

​

“I didn’t check on you because it made it hurt less–” Orion tried, but Wylan kept going.

​

“You should be hurting. After what you did to me…” Wylan choked on a sob. Orion suddenly realized how close Wylan was now.

​

“I don’t know how to forgive you. But I deserve an explanation.”

​

“I didn’t want them to kill you.” Orion said, tears welling in his own eyes.

​

“So you hurt me instead.”

​

“You deserved to live and hate me, rather than be dead and still love me.”

​

“You don’t get to make that choice for me.”

​

“I know.” Orion said simply, which made Wylan more mad. But he knew Orion was right. “I did what I thought you’d do.” That’s what got Wylan. They both wept silently.

​

“Why are you here?” Wylan asked, finally.

​

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

​

“I’m not.”

​

“I can see that.” Wylan pursed his lips.

​

“Are you going to stay?” Orion took a breath.

​

“Probably not.”

​

“Coward.” That made Orion smile a bit.

​

“Yeah.” That made Wylan smile next.

​

“While you’re here, can you at least make yourself useful?” Wylan asked. Orion furrowed his brow.

​

“How?”

​

“Help me finish this stupid book.” Wylan said, nodding to the library book on the floor.

​

“Anything.” Orion said. He stepped towards Wylan, but Wylan was already stepping back to grab the book. He said on the bed, and Orion stood stiffly in the middle of the room. Wylan rolled his eyes.

​

“You can sit, you know.”

​

“I didn’t know if–”

​

“I promise I won’t bite.” So Orion sat next to Wylan and began to read. He kept his eyes strictly trained on the pages, but Wylan couldn’t tear his eyes from Orion. He noticed the sweat on his forehead, the shakiness of his hands, the quivering of his voice.

​

When Orion finished the book, he shut it, but didn’t dare look back up at Wylan.

​

“Do you want me to leave now?” He asked.

​

“I don’t know.” It’s better than a yes, I guess, Orion thought.

​

“Okay.” He said. And so he didn’t quite leave, but he didn’t quite stay. He moved to the kitchen of the Slat and stayed there for hours. But as Wylan worked around him and snuck glances at him, something had shifted. Wylan didn’t hate Orion anymore. He didn’t know how he felt, but he wasn’t angry. But mostly, he was grateful that Orion had stayed.

The heist had gone well. Jesper and Wylan were assigned to rig the safe, and get out. Nina and Maverick were to stay on the lookout, and take care of potential problems, silently. Inej and Orion were to take out the guards at the gate, and any other ones that might get in the way. Orion thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to look, all he saw was a bird. A crow. Funny, Orion thought. He’d been on edge because of something Kaz had requested a few days ago.

​

“Mingle with the Dime Lions. They don’t know you’re a part of the Dregs, so keep it that way. Get to know their tells, their slip ups. Report back, and most importantly, don’t get caught.” Kaz had told him. Every time Orion questioned whether or not this was worth this trouble, he just thought, I’m doing this for Jordie. That’s what kept him going. Because at the end of the day, all the Rietveld siblings wanted was for the man who got their brother killed to be taken down. Locked in a prison to rot, or even better– six feet under.

​

Once the safe door was separated from its hinges, Kaz entered the vault and quickly took the ledger. From Orion and Inej’s spot on the roof, everything looked fine. Until it wasn’t. A rather big looking “stadwatch” was attempting to creep up behind Mav and Nina. Orion’s heart dropped when he saw the face of the stadwatch. He recognized him, and not only did he recognize him, but he saw the look in his eyes. Vladimir Abdulov. A Dime Lion, and the most dangerous of the gang.

​

Before thinking, he shouted. “Mav, Nina!” He jumped from his perch and felt a jolt of pain in his shins. He ignored it. The two heartrenders turned suddenly and started to slow Abdulov’s heart. But he was faster, and landed a punch to Nina’s stomach. By the time Nina hit the floor, a knife had flown past Maverick’s head and landed in the Dime Lion’s shoulder. He looked up and made direct eye contact with Orion.

​

Fuck. Orion thought. He’d been caught. How would Pekka react? Would he be angry? Amused? Would he try to punish Orion somehow? Orion looked to Kaz. Kaz’s face was indifferent, but he gave a slight nod.

​

Double fuck, Orion thought. He couldn’t dig himself into a deeper hole.

​

“Vladimir.” He said, strolling up to the man on the ground.

​

“Traitor,” The Dime Lion spat.

​

“Pekka sent me,” Orion said plainly. Vladimir’s eyebrows shot up. Out of the corner of his eye, Orion saw Wylan’s jaw drop, and Jesper’s hands fell to the guns on his hips. Maverick narrowed his eyes, as did Inej.

​

“Did he now? Because you weren’t there when he sent the rest of us.” So we’re surrounded.

​

“Special orders.” Orion lied.

​

“Then you wouldn’t be bothered if you told Rollins what you just told me.”

​

“No.” Vladimir smiled. He raised his hand and signaled the gang’s sign. About five more Dime Lions emerged from the shadows and surrounded the crows.

​

“Give the orders then,” Vladimir said. Orion’s heart thudded in his chest. He saw Kaz tilt his head out of his peripherals. Orion turned to look at the other Dime Lions– the hunger in their eyes was very fitting, Orion thought.

​

“Go on then!” He shouted. The five gang members sprang into action and lept towards the crows. He heard a gunshot, and a thud. Then Wylan’s yell. He ignored it. In fact, he didn’t even turn towards the sound. He simply extended a hand to Vladimir to help him up. Vladimir stood and clapped Orion on the back. “I know who you are.” He said.

​

Orion’s blood ran cold. How would he prove to Pekka that he was loyal? Vladimir led Orion away from the fight, one arm wrapped around his shoulders. “You’re gonna pay for this,” Vladimir grunted as he ripped the knife from his shoulder and shoved it into Orion’s hands.

​

“Ori-” He heard Wylan call. His heart twisted and his breath caught when he realized Wylan got cut off, but still, he didn’t look back.

​

—-

​

It was a long walk from the merchant’s house to the Dime Lion’s version of the Slat. It was a lot bigger, and a lot nicer than the Slat, but still, it felt colder. More empty. Orion’s feet ached as he walked through the door, but his heart ached more. He prayed to the Saints, to Ghezen, hell, even to Djel, that the rest of the crows had made it out and were okay. He honestly didn’t care what happened to him, as long as his friends were safe.

​

When he opened the door to Pekka’s office, Pekka didn’t turn around. Orion cleared his throat.

​

“Want to tell me why you were working for Kaz Brekker, Volkov?” Pekka said, still turned around, though he had raised his head.

​

“You told me to get to know him. Tell you what I learn and report back. Thought I’d do you one more and get to know all of them.” Orion said, his heart thudding in his chest.

​

“And?”

​

“And I know that Kaz doesn’t care about his crew. Except for Maverick, who’s too focused on helping others to care about himself. Inej shifts her weight onto her left foot when she lunges. Jesper is a…” He trailed off. He had to make this believable.

​

“A what? Spit it out boy,” Pekka turned around. He was intrigued. Orion couldn’t mess this up.

“Jesper is a durast. That’s why he never misses a shot. Nina has an agenda– she wants to break her lover out of Hellgate. He hates her though, so she’s upset. That makes her dangerous. And Van Eck’s son is also working for Kaz.”

​

“Is he now?” Pekka said. “Tell me more about that.” Orion narrowed his eyes. Why did Pekka care more about Wylan than Kaz?

​

“He goes under his mother’s name, Hendriks, but he’s Van Eck’s son. He’s a demolitionist. And he’s stupid.” Orion added. His stomach just kept twisting the more he spoke.

​

“And why is that?”

​

“Becau… Because he’s fallen in love with me.” Pekka smiled.

​

“And do you love him back?”

​

“No.”

​

“You’re sure?”

​

“Why would I lie to you, Rollins?”

​

“Because the idiot followed you here.” Orion’s heart dropped, but his face didn’t betray him. He still looked indifferent.

​

“Did you talk to him?” Orion asked.

​

“Is Orion Volkov asking? Or is Rion asking?” Pekka glared him down. Orion’s gaze faltered.

​

“Like I said, he’s fallen in love with me. It makes them all trust me more.” Orion said.

​

“Then you don’t want to talk to him? See how he’s doing?”

​

“I frankly don’t care.” Orion snorted. Pekka smiled.

​

“Angeloff,” He called to the door. A bigger member of the gang opened the door. Orion had to swallow the bile that rose up in his throat when he saw the curly haired boy who was shoved into the room before him. He did his best to look unimpressed.

​

“Are you hoping to get a rise out of me? I told you I don’t–”

​

“Orion…” Wylan croaked.

​

“Care.” Orion finished and shot Wylan a look. Wylan’s teary eyes made Orion almost break down.

​

“Orion please…” Wylan whimpered. Orion rolled his eyes.

​

“Shut up!” Orion snapped. “For saints sake, you talk too much for your own good.” Wylan curled back into himself, and for a moment, Orion saw how scared he was. His eyes were brimming with tears, and he had a few bruises forming, most noticeably on his cheekbone.

​

“Go on, tell the little– what does Kaz call them? Crows? Tell the little crow what you really think about him. Convince him, but most importantly, convince me.” Pekka said, a smug smile plastered on his face.

​

“You really think you made me fall in love with you? Saints, you’re insufferable.” Orion spat, specifically avoiding eye contact with Wylan. “You and your little sob stories about how ‘Daddy tried to kill me’. No one cares, Van Eck.” Wylan shrunk back at the name.

​

“No one is going to love you, much less me. You’re broken and you can’t be fixed. Fuck, you can’t even read the letters your father sends you. I didn’t read them to you because I wanted you to trust that I liked you back. I wanted you to think that I actually cared. I don’t.” Wylan took a shuddering breath.

​

“I couldn’t care less if you dropped dead in front of me–” Pekka held up his hand.

​

“That’s enough Volkov.” I stopped and finally met Wylan’s eyes. Hurt glimmered in his eyes, and his bottom lip was quivering. But he knew better than to speak again.

​

“You’re good at lying, Volkov.” Pekka said.

​

“I’m not–” Orion tried.

​

“But you’re not good enough.” Orion’s eyes widened. Pekka reached into a drawer and pulled out a knife. One of Orion’s knives. How did he even get that?

​

“Prove that you could care less,” Pekka turned the knife around and held it out for Orion to take. Orion’s breath hitched. He wanted Pekka to believe that he was on the Dime Lion’s side, but he didn’t want to kill Wylan over it. But if he didn’t hurt Wylan, would Pekka kill him instead?

​

Orion looked Wylan in his eyes, as if to silently say, “trust me.” And with Wylan’s hands held behind his back by Angeloff, Orion drove the knife into Wylan’s side. Wylan’s mouth opened in a silent scream, and his eyes squeezed shut. Orion twisted the knife, and was so close to Wylan that he could have whispered, “I’m sorry.” But he didn’t.

​

He watched as Wylan’s face drained of color. Wylan looked at Orion, and was terrified at the stone cold face he was met with. Orion pulled the knife out of Wylan’s side. He looked at Pekka.

“Leave him outside, the collectors can take him to Reaper’s Barge tonight.” Pekka said, nodding. Angeloff basically dragged Wylan out of the room.

​

“You’ve convinced me, boy.” He said, but Orion barely heard him. “Your little excursion tonight scared me a bit, but you’ve proven yourself. Take the day off tomorrow. You’ve earned it.”

​

Orion nodded, trying to ignore the pounding in his chest. The moment Pekka dismissed him, he quickly ran through the building and out the back door. He looked around, and for a moment, he felt like he was going to die. He couldn’t breathe, he was sweating profusely. He debated dropping to the ground and sobbing. But Wylan needed him, and Orion needed to find him to help him.

​

He ran up and down alleyways and finally found the corner that Wylan was slumped over in. He darted to the boy, who was pale, but still breathing. Orion ripped the bottom part of his shirt off and crumpled it into a ball. He lifted Wylan’s shirt slightly and examined the wound. It was exactly where Orion had intended to stab him. It missed all his organs, thank the saints. He shouldn’t have any internal bleeding either. Wylan groaned as Orion put pressure on the wound with the scrap of fabric.

​

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry my love,” Orion said through sobs.            

​

“Why…” Wylan croaked out.

​

“I had to. C’mon, I need to get you to a medik.” Orion tried to pull Wylan up. He was heavier than he looked, but then again, Orion was stronger than he looked. He draped Wylan’s arm over his shoulders and lugged him back to the Slat.

​

It felt like it took years, but he finally reached the door to the worn building he called home. Would he be welcomed there anymore? Probably not, but Wylan needed medical attention, and Inej knew how to stitch a wound and Nina knew how to keep a heartbeat steady. After he knew Wylan was okay, he could leave. If the crows didn’t want him anymore, that is.

​

“Inej! Nina!” Orion called through the slat. He didn’t know what hour of the night it was. He didn’t care. Wylan needed help more than the others needed sleep. Four pairs of footsteps rushed down the stairs. Nina, Inej, Mav and Jesper rushed to the two boys. Maverick, Nina and Inej took Wylan from his arms and rushed him to the table in the sorry excuse for a kitchen.

​

Orion watched as the heartrenders and Inej worked, but he could feel Jesper’s gaze boring into him. Jesper took a step forward towards Orion. He didn’t move.

​

“Why the fuck would you double cross us?” Jesper said, his tone scarily serious.

​

“I was just doing what Kaz told me to,” Orion said, not tearing his eyes from Wylan.

​

“And what were Kaz’s instructions? Get your boyfriend stabbed in the stomach?” Jesper spat.

​

“Don’t get caught,” Orion repeated what Kaz had told him.

​

“Wylan could die!”

​

“He won’t.”

​

“And what makes you so sure?” Orion was quiet for a moment.

​

“Because I never miss.” Jesper took a step back.

​

“Wait wait. You stabbed him?” Orion nodded. Jesper laughed in disbelief.

​

“Orion did as he was told.” Kaz said suddenly behind the two boys. Both turned around. “You can’t be angry when he was doing what I told him to.”

​

“You told him to stab Wylan?” Jesper said.

​

“I told him to get Pekka to trust him.” Kaz looked at Orion. “And you did.”

​

Jesper scoffed. He held his hands up in disbelief. “Well, if it’s a job then I suppose it’s okay. Kaz, do you know how insane you sound right now?”

​

“Jesper, a word.” Kaz said, pulling Jesper aside and leaving Orion alone again. Inej had just about finished stitching Wylan up. She looked up and met Orion’s gaze. She nodded. Orion let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was going to be okay.

​

____

​

Wylan had been asleep for most of the night. And Orion stayed with him the whole time. He held Wylan’s hand through the whole night, and was slightly dozing off when Wylan stirred.

​

“Wylan?” Orion croaked.

​

“Rion.” Wylan said, before he opened his eyes. He turned his head so he could look at Orion, and then the memories came flooding back. “Why?”

​

Orion’s heart broke. “I didn’t know if they were going to kill you…”

​

“So you decided to try first?” His gaze hardened. Orion had never felt this small before.

​

“I did it so you wouldn’t die. It needed to be believable.”

​

“You still stabbed me.”

​

“I didn’t want to–”

​

“And all the things you said? Were those real too?”

​

“No.” Orion said. “I care about you more than you know–”

​

“How can I believe you?” Orion stayed silent for a moment.

​

“You can’t. I don’t blame you if you never trust me again.” This time Wylan stayed quiet.

​

“Maybe you should go.” He said. Orion felt like his whole world was falling apart. He wanted to bed Wylan to forgive him, but Wylan deserved better. So he nodded and stood. Before he left the Slat, he turned.

​

“I love you more than you know,” he said. Wylan didn’t respond. And so Orion walked out of the Slat, heartbroken and tired, and disappeared into the night.

So when the doorbell rang that one day in September, Y/n didn’t bat an eye. Probably just some salesman, they’d go away eventually, they thought. But after about five minutes of consistent knocking and doorbell ringing, y/n decided to muster up the strength to open the door. It took another minute or two for them to get out of bed, but when they looked through the peephole and saw their sister, their face immediately crumpled. 

Kate had called y/n nearly everyday since they had moved out, and when y/n stopped answering the phone, Kate took it upon herself to pay her sibling a visit. Y/n couldn’t stop the shame from washing over them, they should have picked up the damn phone. Now, seeing Kate at their door, anxiously biting her lip and knocking over and over again, y/n couldn’t help but feel guilty for worrying their family. 

Y/n unlatched the deadbolt and lock, and opened the door ajar, as to not show the mess of the apartment. 

“Oh my god thank god, I thought I was going to have to call the police!” Kate said, shoving the apartment door open and wrapping her arms around y/n. She placed her hands on their cheeks. “You’re alive.”

Y/n didn’t say anything, but tears pricked their eyes. Kate looked at y/n, then around the apartment, then back to y/n. 

“It’s bad again isn’t it?” She said softly. Y/n nodded, afraid that if they spoke they’d never stop crying. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re okay,” She smiled at y/n. It was a soft smile.  Comforting. She brought y/n back into a hug and cradled them in her arms. “You’re gonna be okay.”

_____

Kate set up camp in Y/n’s living room, despite their objections. She set up a little bed on y/n’s couch and brought back groceries and cleaning supplies. 

“Do what you can, I won’t push more than what you are capable of doing,” She said. Y/n started to clean as much as they could, but they wore out fast, so Kate finished the job. It wasn’t long before Kate was in the kitchen, cooking their grandma’s favorite spaghetti and meatball recipe. Y/n gave Kate a small smile. But the guilt still weighed down on them like a boulder. 

“You know you don’t have to do this for me,” Y/n said while they sat to eat. Kate shrugged.

“Mom wasn’t going to do it. And I was worried about you. I worry about you all the time. Ever since we were kids, I always wanted to protect you from stuff like this, but I know I can’t take your pain away. So I just try to do what I can to lessen the burden.” Kate explained with her mouth full towards the end. 

“I just-” Y/n tried to say, but Kate quickly interrupted them.

“Don’t feel bad. I do it because I love you. Not because I feel bad for you or anything. You’ve always been there for me, so.” Kate explained. “And I promise I’m going to keep being here for you because you deserve to have someone in your corner.” Y/n smiled. 

“You mean that?” They asked. Kate nodded while slurping up a noodle.

Having been caught off guard, Mike ended up on the ground, beaten and bruised, as he watched his younger brother be coaxed into the station-wagon, and driven away, never to be seen again.

As if the dream wasn’t enough, he had woken up feeling incredibly sore. Bruises littered his arms and torso, but nothing too serious. Mike was too tired to stop and question why he even had bruises in the first place. It was only a dream after all... right?

It was only 4:58 when Mike got to his house- a mere hour before he should have even left work in the first place. He fumbled with his keys, trying to find the right one to open the house. When had he acquired so many keys?

All the lights were off, except for the light above the stove, which provided just enough light for Mike to find his way to the sofa. He sat, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, when he heard a soft snore. He looked to his right to find y/n curled up under a fleece blanket. He smiled softly. How did he get such a handsome boyfriend? And one that happened to babysit as well?

Mike scooted closer to y/n, pulling him close to his body and laying down against the pillow behind him, so that he was holding y/n. After a while he let sleep overtake him.

When y/n woke up, he was definitely surprised to see Mike home early, much less on the couch with him rather than in his own bed. Y/n crawled over Mike quietly, tiptoeing to the kitchen and turning the stove light off, as the natural light began to fill the kitchen.

He pulled out the egg carton from the fridge, as well as a pack of bacon. If Mike was home early, y/n might as well surprise him with breakfast.

“Is that eggs and bacon I smell?” Abby loudly ran into the kitchen.

“Shhh, we don’t wanna wake your brother, do we?”

“Oh right,” She whispered. “Is that eggs and bacon I smell?” She said much quieter that time.

“Yeah, thought I’d surprise Mike,” Y/n said, laughing a little to himself.

“And why is that?” Y/n jumped a little when he heard Mike’s voice. He turned to see Mike still in his security outfit with messy hair and a crooked smile on his face.

“Well you certainly surprised me when I woke up,” Y/n said. Mike blushed.

“That wasn’t- I didn’t-”

“It’s okay Mike. I liked waking up like that.” Y/n said with a soft smile.

“Waking up like what?” Abby asked, looking between the two boys.

“In your brother’s arms,” Y/n said, making Mike blush again. Abby simply stuck her tongue out and faked throwing up.

“When I grow up, I’m never gonna be in love. It’s gross,” Abby said.

“You might change your mind hun,” Y/n said.

“No,” Abby stated, matter of factly, pulling a piece of paper out of who know where and began coloring with the crayons that were already spread out on the table from last nights drawing session.

Mike wandered closer to y/n, wrapping his arms around y/n and hugging him from behind. When y/n placed his hands over Mike’s, Mike hissed.

“Mike-” Y/n looked at Mike’s knuckles that were raw from the “dream” fight. “Are you okay love? What happened?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Mike murmured. Y/n got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about it but he kept it in his mind that he should ask again later.

“I liked waking up like that,” Y/n said.

“Yeah?” Mike asked, placing a kiss on y/n’s jaw.

“Yeah.”

“No can do, I gotta make sure everyone stays in line, that’s why you put me in charge of the builders, remember?” Gally called back, yelping soon after when one of the newer gladers dropped a piece of wood on his head. “You shank! Look what you’ve done! Dropping klunk all over the place, you should be sent to the slammer!”

“Gally, is that really any way to talk to the new guy?” Y/n jogged up to Gally from the med-jack hut where she was just supervising Clint and Jeff. Y/n was somewhat of a floater when it came to jobs. When they were testing what jobs she was good at, she was nearly good at every single one. Well, except for the slicers. Poor Winston nearly scared the girl half to death when he first came out with a machete.

“I uh- Well he dripped- I mean dropped that shucking piece of wood on me an-” Gally stammered.

“Gally, c’mon give the guy a break, he’s only been here a week,” Y/n said with a soft smile.

“Look, I’m just trying to do my job, gotta make sure everything gets done, right?” Gally said, seeming to regain his composure.

“And it will get done, you can just be a little nicer about it through,” Y/n said, placing a hand on Gally’s arm and running her fingers down his bicep.

Gally blushed. Y/n was playing him like a fiddle and she knew damn well what she was doing.

“I’ll see you at supper?” Y/n said.

“You know you’re the only one that calls it that, right? It’s dinner,” Gally snorted.

“Oh shut it, you know you love me,” Y/n said before turning over her shoulder and walking away, not before giving Gally one last smile. Gally stood there for a moment, not sure what to do with himself.

“Oi, Gally, what were you saying about making sure things get done?” Newt called, snickering to Alby.

“Oh slim it,” Gally growled. “No- you can’t hammer that in, there’s not a screw to hold it together!” He turned his attention to the Greenie.

___

“Hey big guy, not interested in tackling anyone to the ground tonight?” Y/n’s voice came from above Gally.

“No, not tonight, gonna try to go to sleep early,” Gally said, getting up and trying his best to avoid y/n. But before he could leave, y/n grabbed his wrist.

“Wait- did today really bother you?” She asked, furrowing her brow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gally broke away from her grip and tried to escape again, but she was too quick for him. She grabbed his arm again.

“You know what I’m talking about. I didn’t think it would bother you, I thought you would actually like it, y’know considering I was flirting with you.” Gally’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

“Oh my god,” Y/n laughed. “Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Kinda hard to pay attention to that when things need to get done,” Gally cleared his throat, trying his hardest to hide the smile that was forming on his face.

“Oh don’t act like you weren’t blushing the whole time you- oh my god you’re even blushing right now!” She laughed.

“Shh, no I’m not,” Gally smiled back at her, the blush returning to his cheeks.

“You are! Gally’s blushing! Gally’s blu-” Y/n called when she was cut off.

Gally’s lips crashed into hers as his hand moved to her cheeks. Y/n closed her eyes and sunk into the kiss, bringing her arms around his neck. When Gally pulled away first, y/n smiled.

“What was that for?” She breathed.

They were with some of their best friends. Scarlett was like a mother to y/n, Lizzie and Florence were like sisters. They had become a family, the four of them. And since they were so close and spent so much time together, y/n barely even thought about self harming.

Of course the urge would come back once and awhile. But that wasn’t the problem. It was the scars. Y/n’s scars weren’t the freshest, but they were definitely still there. Their makeup artist who had been with them since the beginning knew how to cover them up, so no one else on set really knew about y/n’s scars. And it wasn’t like y/n’s costume was extremely revealing anyways.

Y/n sat in their trailer, finishing up their hair and zipping up the last bits of their costume.

“You almost ready babes?” Scarlett knocked on the door of the trailer.

“Yeah! I’ll be out in moment!” Y/n called.

“Good! We got you coffee,” Y/n could practically hear Florence wink.

“Thank you!”

When y/n had finished getting ready, they opened the door to their trailer and was greeted with three smiling faces and four cups of coffee. And a croissant, of course, Florence’s favourite.

“Director wants us in the studio by 8, if we run we can make it.” Lizzie said.

“Jesus Christ, why did no one tell me? Its 7:57!” Y/n’s face went pale.

“Run!” Florence yelled, taking off into a sprint, completely forgetting to give y/n their coffee.

Y/n looked down at their phone. 10:37 pm. They had been on set for nearly 15 hours, and all y/n wanted was to go back to their hotel room and sleep. Y/n barely noticed the lack of makeup on their forearm when they and the girls were walking back to their trailers.

“I didn’t know they added scars to your character. When did they do that?” Lizzie asked out of the blue, nodding towards y/n’s arm.

Y/n cocked their head for a moment, confused as to what Lizzie was talking about.

“Wait yeah, those are badass!” Scarlett added on.

The four reached the trailer section of the set. And it hit y/n. They were talking about their self harm scars.

“I-” Y/n started, too shocked to be able to form a sentence. Florence’s face was the first to drop. She smacked her hand over her mouth and whispered a muffled, “Lizzie.”

Lizzie realized within a split second, as did Scarlett. Scarlett was the first to speak.

“Oh baby, c’mere.” She said, holding her arms out for a hug. Y/n stood for a moment, then collapsed into Scarlett’s arms. Florence and Lizzie enveloped y/n in a big hug and the four were silent for a minute.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. If I had known I never would have said anything” Lizzie said when they broke apart.

Y/n stayed silent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Florence said, taking y/n’s hand in hers.

Y/n was still silent. Then they took a deep breath.

“I don’t know. I just, I struggle sometimes. I’ve never been like, officially diagnosed or anything, but,” Y/n looked at their faces. Each one of them was focused entirely on them. “I just feel like there’s no way out sometimes. So I...” Y/n trailed off, gesturing to their arm as a conclusion to their sentence.

“Oh hun, I’m so sorry you have to go through that. That’s awful.” Lizzie said.

“It’s okay.” Y/n said, tears threatening to fall from their eyes.

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t have to go through that. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, let alone a beautiful soul like yours,” Scarlett said. She took y/n’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “We’re here for you love, no matter what.”

Florence had stayed silent the whole time. It was confusing to y/n, Florence usually was the most supportive out of the three girls.

“Hey guys, can I just talk to y/n alone real quick. We’ll meet up with you after.” Florence asked.

“Yeah of course, we’ll see you back at the hotel?” Scarlett said.

Florence nodded, watching the two girls leave and then turning her attention to y/n.

“I understand how you feel.” Florence said.

“Thank you,” y/n said, not really realizing what Florence was really saying.

“No I mean, I really understand.” Florence stayed silent and looked at y/n. Y/n searched Florence’s eyes. And it clicked.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Y/n said.

“Why? It’s been ages and I’m not ashamed. They’re my battle scars. I know it sounds cliche, but I went through a lot a couple years ago, and I like to think of them as a sign that it gets better. How long has it been?” Florence explained.

“Two weeks,” Y/n said.

“Two weeks is amazing y/n!” Florence watched as y/n smiled sheepishly. “Look, I’m not going to tell you to come to me whenever you feel like doing this, or tell you to bring me what you use or whatever you’ve heard before. Just take it one day at a time. Okay?”

“Okay.” Y/n said.

“C’mon, I wanna show you something,” Steve murmured into y/n’s ear as she was dozing off in his arms on the couch. Eddie and Nancy were sleeping on the floor and Robin was curled up in an Mr. Wheeler’s armchair. All the kids were asleep in the basement, and Steve would get up periodically to check on them, waking y/n up in the process.

After the events of Vecna were over, no one really wanted to sleep alone. Sure, they weren’t really alone, but being with the group that protected each other just made everyone feel safer.

“What is it? Just show me now,” Y/n muttered, using an immense amount of effort just to keep her eyes open.

“No, let’s go upstairs,” Steve said. He took y/n’s hand and pulled her up off the couch. Feeling more awake, y/n followed Steve up the stairs and into a guest bedroom.

“What is it, Steve?” Y/n asked again. He led her to the bed, still not answering her. She sat, looking up at him with half closed eyes.

“I, um, god this was stupid.” He said, pacing back and forth in front of her.

“No, hun, what is it? I promise it’s not stupid,” y/n said, cocking her head slightly. She didn’t know why Steve was acting so weird and cryptic. She watched as he bit his lip so hard he nearly drew blood. “Steve stop!” Y/n was definitely more awake now. She took his face in her hands and made him look her in the eyes. “What is it love? You’re scaring me.”

“It’s nothing, I shouldn’t have woken you. I’m just gonna go-” Y/n grabbed Steve’s hand, accidentally grazing his torso in the process. He flinched so hard he nearly jumped out of his skin. Y/n never would have touched his stomach on purpose. She knew it was a sensitive spot for him; since the demobats left their mark, he didn’t let y/n touch him there, especially when he wasn’t prepared for it.

At first, y/n didn’t know. Hell, even Steve didn’t realize it at first. That was until it happened. This was when his scars were still fresh. Y/n was on top of Steve, kissing every bit of skin that was accessible to her when she reached down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Her fingers had barely touched the scars, but it threw Steve into a full fledged panic attack. From then on, she knew his scars were off limits.

“Steve?” Y/n said after a moment. He was turned away from her, so she had no idea what he was feeling. “Stevie?” Y/n repeated. She noticed the lack of movement in his chest, and the silence surrounding him.

Shit. Was he having another panic attack?

“I’m okay.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than y/n. “I’m okay.” He turned back to her. Tears threatened to fall from his pretty brown eyes.

“Oh hun,” Y/n said, resisting every part of her that wanted to hug him.

“I just, I thought that this time, if I prepared myself it would be okay. I mean like, I want you to be able to touch me and it feel good. Like it used to be.” His words made y/n’s heart break. She wouldn’t admit it, but she missed that too. To be intimate with him again. To be able to hug him. To be able to go for piggyback rides. To swim with him without him feeling scared of taking his shirt off. She missed how it was. But it didn’t make her love him any less.

“What if we tried again?” Y/n asked, looking up at him. He scrunched his brows. “Can I touch you?” She watched as he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded.

Also having to prepare herself, she breathed in through her nose, and out through her mouth. Then she slowly and delicately ran her fingertips over his stomach. His shirt was still a barrier to the scars, but she still felt him tense up. When she had reached his back, she pulled him in for a hug.

It took him a moment, but he soon wrapped his arms around her too. He rested his chin on the top of y/n’s head, and sank into the hug.

“Not so bad?” Y/n asked. Steve stayed silent. “Hey, talk to me big guy. We’re in this together.”

Steve cleared his throat. “Not so bad.” They pulled away from each other. Y/n cupped Steve’s cheek. “You want to keep going?” Steve nodded.

Y/n dropped her hands back to his waist and fluttered her fingers across where she assumed the scars were. “Can I take this off?” Steve’s breath hitched at the thought of her seeing him, all of him. But he trusted her.

With a nod, y/n began to lift his shirt. He helped her take it off, and she gasped when she saw him. It was more than she thought it would be, she was certain of that. Jagged lines littered his chest, and a particularly large scar was found on the side of his stomach.

“You think it’s gross, don’t you? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” Steve started to say, but cut himself off with y/n’s next move.

She kissed them. She kissed every scar she could find, even the ones that weren’t the demobat’s work. Steve’s heart swelled with love, maybe showing her wasn’t a bad idea. When she was finished kissing his scars, she moved to his lips.

Their lips moved together in sync as Steve’s hand’s fell to her hips. He guided her back to the bed and sat, while she stood in between his legs. She broke from the kiss to speak.

“I don’t think it’s fair that you have your shirt off and I don’t,” She smiled. Steve hummed and rose his hands to the bottom of her shirt. He helped her take it off. “Now, I wanna make you feel good tonight. Is that okay, love?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed out. The last few times they were intimate, Steve was in charge. Y/n had never been in that role before, but she was enjoying it. She truly wanted now to be all about him. He deserved it.

She knelt down between his legs and pulled his sweats down along with his boxers. She pumped him a few times before taking him in her mouth. Steve let out a sigh, letting one of his hands gently rest on her head. He didn’t push, just let it stay there. Y/n bobbed her head up and down, faster and faster, relishing the moans that were falling from Steve’s mouth. They weren’t loud, they were more like whimpers.

“Please more, please please please,” he breathed. “You feel so good.”

She went faster and faster until she felt him twitch in her mouth. He shot his load into the back of her throat and she scrunched up her face, but swallowed. She rose to her feet and looked down at Steve, who was still panting. He had a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead, god he looked so pretty.

“Did that feel good?” She asked.

“So good, I missed that,” He said, through heavy breaths.

“Next time, it’s my turn.” She laughed. He nodded, though she wasn’t even sure he was listening.

“Can I hold you?” He asked quietly.

“Of course, baby,” Y/n said, her heart swelling. It had been so long since he had asked that. He adjusted himself against the headboard, putting his pants back on. He held his arms open and allowed y/n to straddle him. She tucked her face into the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around his chest.

“I love you.” She said.

“I love you too.”

Y/n liked these nights because it was the one night a month she was allowed to stay up as long as she wanted. She never could stay up all night, though she always tried.

After she had turned on her favourite show and settled into bed, she heard a strange noise coming from the room over. It made her grimace, it was an animalistic sound. Something must have slipped into the house while her father was going to sleep! She had to protect him.

Against her better judgement, she unlocked her door, and peeked her head out into the hallway. The growls were louder, borderline shrieks. She knew her father was in trouble now, there was no way he could be making those sounds!

As she got closer and closer to the door, her heart rate quickened. What was she supposed to do, she thought. She didn’t know a bit of magic, and she was far too small to fight off an animal. Maybe, she thought, if she could find out what was attacking her father, she could call for help.

She opened the door, her heart beating faster than ever. She saw a tangle of matted fur and claws, but most of all, sharp, yellow teeth. She shrieked, trying to run backwards and falling over in the process. The animal snarled and ripped the door open, pouncing on the little girl and shredding her skin with its claws.

Y/n screamed for help, begging for her father, wherever he was, to come help her. She screamed and screamed and screamed-

“Y/N!! Wake up!” A groggy voice woke y/n, making her nearly jump out of bed.

“Help! Help...” Y/n continued, still half in her dream. She kicked and punched, and Fred had to wrap his arms around her so that she would stop trying to pummel him.

“It’s me! It’s Freddie! You’re alright love, you’re okay,” Fred said, panic surging throughout him, making his stomach churn. Since y/n had moved in with him when she graduated, she had a few nightmares like this. She never told Fred what they were about, but it scared the shit out of Fred every time.

“Fred...I didn’t...mean,” Y/n said in between pants.

“It’s okay love, it’s okay,” Fred said, stroking her hair and letting her bury her head in the crook of his neck.

After she had taken a few deep breaths, and her heart rate had turned back to normal, Fred took her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

“This is the third time this week, my love. You don’t have to, but if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. Unlike Georgie”

“Not tonight,” Y/n shook her head. If she was completely honest, she didn’t know why she didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t like she was trying to keep secrets from him. It just felt like it would be a lot, and she didn’t want to overwhelm him.