Mostly crying about Star Wars

I remember negotiating with each dev what they were going to do with the sigil. I was in a strange, almost irreplicable position -- the reputation of Frog Fractions and the buzz of the sequel's kickstarter meant just about everyone jumped at the chance to be a small, secret part of it.

but our boy sheev? when his plans don't go perfectly he's just like oh well and starts zapping fuckers to death bc he's also the most powerful old prune in the galaxy and he could just kill everyone around him if he gets bored

like luke throwing away his lightsaber and declaring himself a jedi was great but you know that luke kinda thought that was it, the crotchety old emperor doesn't have vader to fight for him anymore courtesy of luke cutting off vader's hand for possibly the fortieth time in anakin's life, so it's smooth sailing until lando destroys the death star and blasts them all to kingdom come, but then palps is like aw shucks no new apprentice can't blame a guy for trying and just starts deep frying luke for shits and giggles and our poor twink is like THIS ISN'T ONE OF THE THINGS I THOUGHT THE FORCE COULD DO ABORT ABORT ABORT

oh dear lord in heaven. it's time to do an Attachment Discourse Post.

there are two equal and opposite arguments about attachment; that the jedi believed that strong relationships constituted attachment, or that the jedi believed obsessive fear of loss constituted attachment. there is evidence in the text for both interpretations, which is why any argument that tries to earnestly approach this as if there is a definitive answer is usually offering a terrible argument, because people think literary analysis is about being right on the internet, instead of making points that can be fairly debated. the evidence in the text for either position contradicts itself and each other point, which means [gasp] brain cells have to be used. further complicating The Attachment Discourse is the concept of word of god, which plenty of people take as ironclad truth and therefore assume everyone else should do the same.

that brings me to my disclaimer: i do not feel at all similarly. if george lucas couldn't adequately explain what star wars is about in actual star wars, damn, level up the game, man. grind a little. if anyone hurls a george lucas quote in my direction i'm going to ask them what's the timestamp on that ROTS scene.

my personal take is that, based on what we see, the jedi themselves are deeply uncertain of what they're talking about with relation to attachment. but to summarize my position:

anakin in TPM, though he's heartbroken about it, leaves his mother behind to seek a better life. this is what is referred to as, "letting go of what you fear to lose." that is the literal definition of the thing he does, and yet he's still criticized in the scene with the council for being afraid after the fact; if the jedi council truly believed attachment, and all the inevitable associated worries of attachment, were completely fine as long as they didn't interfere with rational decisionmaking, why was it such an enormous deal when they were testing anakin? his fear didn't stop him from leaving tatooine, and his attachment didn't lead him to make any unhealthy decisions. so why are they making such a point about it, especially when the level of attachment anakin is exhibiting is fairly normal - even kind of incredibly normal - for his age and circumstances?

if relationships, love and affection, were seen as completely normal, why does all the supplementary material specify that anakin wasn't allowed to contact shmi, and that shmi wasn't allowed to contact him? why is it specified in AOTC that anakin hasn't seen or spoken to his mother in the last ten years, and if relationships of any level of emotional investment are allowed, then why is obi-wan's response to anakin's worry for his mother in AOTC that dreams pass in time? why doesn't he suggest trying to contact her?

if i'm supposed to accept that the jedi believe in affection, love, and relationships, then why is there this enormously glaring instance of them not doing that?

in TCW, when ahsoka suggests that she has visions of padme's death, yoda immediately advises her to try and save padme's life. in ROTS, when anakin has similar visions, yoda says the exact opposite. yoda is giving anakin advice he needs to hear - there's no arguing that by the time of ROTS, anakin is fixated on the death of the people he cares about - but the discrepancy is frankly enormous from the perspective of yoda. we have no reason to believe yoda has any foresight into what anakin will become here shortly, and in fact, yoda indicates the dark side is clouding his vision. so why is the answer different? these two scenarios are near exact clones of the other, except that anakin is much more emotionally invested in padme than ahsoka is. so if the jedi didn't care about love, why does yoda's answer on whether padme gets to live or not change almost entirely because of who is asking him for advice? (this is a little fucked up aside from the Attachment Discourse, because maybe padme shouldn't have to die so anakin can resolve his emotional baggage about loss, yoda!)

if i'm supposed to accept that the jedi believe in affection, love, and relationships, then why is there this enormously glaring instance of them not doing that? remember: yoda doesn't know anakin and padme are formally married, so he's changing his answer based on the lie padme and anakin have been feeding him for years. while we, the audience, know full well what's happening to anakin, yoda doesn't, and shouldn't. even deprived of the context that makes anakin's relationship to padme subject to criticism, he still changes his answer. (i am only just now realizing that yoda is more than a little batshit for this scene. dude, what.)

so we have these repeated instances where the advice yoda and the jedi council offer aligns with the idea that the jedi believe attachment is an unhealthy level of fixation, but the context they're offering that advice in discredits the advice itself, essentially making the Attachment Discourse pinwheel either way. but let's cut to the OT.

if i am to believe that the jedi valued personal relationships and love, and allowed them, why does yoda criticize luke for leaving behind his training when he leaves to rescue han and leia in ESB, instead of... helping luke accomplish that goal? if yoda was comfortable with luke's love for his friends, why does he force luke to choose between his training as a jedi and saving the lives of his friends? what was keeping yoda from leaving dagobah when nothing kept obi-wan from leaving tatooine with luke?

if the jedi believed so wholly in the power of relationships, why does yoda say, "unexpected, this is," when luke says that vader revealed to him the truth of his parentage?

if the jedi believed in powerful, interpersonal connection, why does obi-wan say, "then the emperor has already won," when luke declares he can't kill his own father?

but complicating all of these observations are the displays of powerful emotion among the jedi characters; obi-wan loves anakin, and anakin loved obi-wan, and no one seems to have had a problem with that. ghost obi-wan and ghost yoda seem pleased that luke did the impossible in ROTJ and bodily shoved his father back into the light. the jedi grieve their own, the jedi feel strongly for strangers, and on a very surface level their advice aligns well - fear of loss is the thing that ends up damning anakin......

....... except that it isn't. anakin's irreconciliable guilt over his mother's death is what drives him to swear over her actual grave that he will never let such a thing happen again.

"there's a high bar for your performance, lieutenant. Unfair perhaps, but senseless to ignore and potentially the foundation of a uniquely superior career. You're supposed to be more competent and tucked away. That's why you're here. That's why we're bringing in officers like you. Let's remind everyone of that and not get lost in the dust"

With the new context of Dedra parents being criminals and her living in a kinderblock, it makes this conversation so much more impactful.

First, Dedra had this tiny reaction when he brought her background up, it clearly still stings her. And second,

Richard Siken, War of the Foxes