thea: the entire marina and the diamonds discography

sara: places it is okay to put your tongue, places it is not okay to put your tongue, guilt, guilt, GUILT, places it is sometimes okay to put your tongue

diggle: siri how do you stop being friends with white people

ray: family recipes, kendra, kendra, Reasons Kendra Left You You Useless Monster, kendra’s boobs

Sara wasted about zero seconds knocking back another drink. Apparently she was going to need it. “Anyone ever tell you you have a terrible bedside manner?” She drawled, turning on her stool to look at him again. He was just confirming every fear she had on the subject, and then some. And it hurt, every tiny fear burrowing deeper into her like thorns, hooking and tearing. 

 “So other than there being no free lunch in the resurrection game…what do I do about it?” She shook her head, clarifying, “I don’t give a shit what comes after me, okay? But I have a family, I have…people. I won’t bring anything else to their doorsteps, I won’t.”

“Not always,” he mused teasingly, playing his notorious reputation to his advantage. Keeping a close eye on the amount of drink she was running through - no doubt seeking anaesthesia deal with the weight of the truth he was presenting to her - John soon hailed the barkeep for a carafe of water. Taking a spare glass in hand, he mulled over what answer to give. Once full, he’d set the glass down on a mat before her, replacing the empty ones as he spoke.

“You? Nothing. What you have now isn’t life by any definition of the term, but rather it’s something borrowed. But, there are ways we can fix this scattered picture. Make you right again, as it were.” And to accomplish that, he would have to rely on a substantial amount of magic, perhaps even involving others to use as fodder and shields, interchangeably, should anything go wrong.

Like every other time he has attempted to cast a spell.

Part of her wished she hadn’t come, so she didn’t have to listen to someone else confirm every dread she’d harboured in her heart. That she wasn’t right, wasn’t human anymore, dangerous and couldn’t be fixed. 

She drank her water in silence, feeling the weight of the glass in her hand as he spoke his warning. “You don’t know how nasty I can be”, she said, not a boast, or a threat. Sara knows how dangerous she could be, how much more she likely was now. But even as she thought that, a palpable shiver ran down her spine, and she actually felt her pulse jump. 

It was like, that sense of being watched, alone on an empty street, but so much stronger. And it was the kind of feeling you normally couldn’t get in a room full of people. She turned slowly on her stool, looking right at the back door. 

Sara chewed her lip, not sure how to respond to such a open and honest question. It didn’t take a genius to see how vulnerable he feeling, and it was a fine line to be sympathetic but not patronizing. She settled onto the stool next to him, gesturing at the bartender for a drink. 

“I…punch something. Someone.” She rolled her shoulder in a tiny shrug, “Also drinking-”, she paused, wondering if she was being a little too open, “-sex. I’m probably not the right person to ask. “

He listened and he smiled, a short, sad smile.

“That hardly seems an appropriate reaction to grief,” he mumbled softly. Even though it probably didn’t sound like it, he was still thankful for her company. “I prefer… this…” He made a vague gesture toward his drink, frowned.

Why you?

Sara could have laughed. Why her indeed. Why had she been shipwrecked, why had she lived to be rescued by the League? Why had she chosen the path she had? Why had she had to die.

You could blame fate or luck but a lot of it just felt like choices.

“I’ve considered it”, she answered softly, deciding for the moment to not divulge the hunger and the itch that dwelled under her skin now and begged for blood. “I guess I just needed someone else to say it.”

She knocked back the rest of her drink and gestured for a refill, “No, not before- I mean-”, she paused, chewing over her next words, “I’ve seen some weird shit. But not like this.”

John was quick to realise the futility of his own questions; it was no better than yelling at the dark. And whilst he had made more than a few poor choices in his time, he would not let others learn by example from him, as long as he could help it.

No one should have to fall into the same trap that I did.

Thinking for a moment, he rubs the heel of his hand against a stubbled jawline, knowing what her current status meant, that it usually got far worse before it took a turn for the better. But should he reveal this knowledge? Lay it down on the sticky countertop to be examined and memorised, especially when he knew she more to say.

No. The time wasn’t right. But that didn’t prevent him from offering the truth.