I constantly question my life choices

it's more an instinct than a rational decision - after all, rafayel doesn't do anything bad. it's just... after countless bad experiences and relationships that drained you, it's hard to believe in true love once it shows up.

you know rafayel's intentions are pure. you can feel that his heartbeat resembles the sound of your name. you are aware of it all... and yet, you still hesitate each time he gets a little bit too close.

you're just scared; and you know it. words of your past lovers calling you too much and too broken, asking you what's wrong with you once the doubt clouded your mind and fear started to claw under your skin.

you just needed reassurance, some tender attention. you just craved a little bit of love. is that so wrong? does that turn you into a monster?

perhaps, you are one. perhaps, this is why you keep on hurting rafayel now.

guilt gnaws at you, making your head spin with worries. it hurts. you're so terrified of feeling this pain again that you can't open up. you can't come to rafayel and confess that your heart is too heavy for anyone to handle, and you will only end up hurting him more and more–

a warm pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind. the faint scent of sea breeze and vanilla fills your senses, causing your heartbeat to slow down ever so slightly.

rafayel is here. he sees you in your worst crying form... and doesn't leave.

quite the opposite, he treats you like you're a fragile little treasure in the palm of his hands. you suck in a breath as he turns you around to look at you properly, his eyes - focused yet ever so gentle - scan your features, searching for any trace of pain hiding within. his thumb runs over your cheek. your eyes flutter shut.

"it's okay." rafayel whispers softly, tenderly. "i'm here, yeah? nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. i will protect you, just stay right here."

slowly, you take a deep breath. your fingers instinctively curl on the material on his shirt, more an instinct than a rational thought.

"but i am–"

"i will want you no matter what you become. in every shape or form, you are the one i love."

something about rafayel's words - maybe it's the hint of desperation in his voice, maybe it's the way he looks at you as if losing you is his greatest fear - makes you freeze.

a second passes, then another.