Too much to ask?
Summary: The world sees nine members. You only see eightâŚand yourself. After years of feeling invisible, one confrontation forces everyone to face the truth theyâve been avoiding.
Warnings: nothing really, this is also barley proofread so forgive me for any spelling mistakes
Genre: angst
(Btw, âThe argument that ended usâ fic is coming tomorrow)
You were never one to try and be the center of attention but you had to admit, it hurt when the members would act like youâre a stranger. In 2017, you came to JYP entertainment hoping for a fresh new start and a new familyâŚletâs just say that didnât happen.
JYP said he wanted to âTry something newâ by placing you in stray kids instead of a girl group, you were certain he was setting you up to fail, the amount of hate you thought you would getâŚa girl whoâs only been training for barely a year in a boy band? When JYP announced the survival show, you were beyond nervous.
How were you even supposed to keep up? Would the boys even like you? Lo and behold the day you were dreading came, you stepped into the practice room where the other guys were stretching. JYP introduced you then quickly left the room, it seemed like he didnât even wanna be there either. Needless to say, the guys didnât exactly welcome you with open arms..the arms were very much closed. Fast forward to the present year, and
basically nothingâs changed.
Bangchan talks to you out of pity, he denies it but you can tell. he doesnât make it obvious like some of the others but he keeps his walls up around you, even the fans notice heâs more talkative with the others. When he sees people talking about it online he tries to get the other members to interact with you but it doesnât work, you can tell he doesnât really care about you being left out, he honestly feels like itâs not a big deal. He has bigger things to worry about apparently.
Lee know doesnât even talk to you, some people say heâs just quiet but youâve seen how he is with the rest of the group, he more lively. The only time he acknowledges you is to scold you when you mess up. But when you ask him if he could walk you through the choreography, he makes up an excuse âIâm tiredâ âfigure it out yourselfâ âyou should know it by nowâ.
Eventually you just stopped asking.
Changbin isnât mean to you, but he doesnât act like he cares about you, either. He doesnât go out of his way to include you in anything, but he doesnât go out of his way to exclude you, either. Youâre justâŚthere. Sometimes you wonder if he even notices when youâre around. You donât think he dislikes you. You just donât think he thinks about you at all.
Hyunjin doesnât..completely hate you, he would ask you for your opinion on stuff even though he wouldnât really take it seriously, and he would acknowledge you sometimes. Some people would say thatâs the bare minimum but to you that makes you feel special. You thought you guys could be friends but you soon realized that heâs not your friend. He just wants to be acquaintances rather than actual friends who hang out. It seems like he just doesnât want you to consider him rude.
Han is the only one who you would consider a friend. He doesnât defend you when the members are mean to you but you guys do hang out sometimes. When you guys hang out, you feel like you canât really talk to him about deep stuff. Itâs very surface level, sometimes you feel like he just hangs out with you to pass the time. But thatâs not true, you guys are really friends..right?
Felix and you are very different. Heâs an extrovert, youâre an introvert. Heâs popular, youâre not. So you guys donât really understand each other. He tries to tell you about how busy it is with all the ambassador ships and brand deals, you think all that sounds like a dream. When you talk to him about the other members not liking you, he tells you that you have to just talk more, put yourself out there, and be a little patient with the others. They come around soon enough. Youâve been âpatientâ for 7 years and look where thatâs led you. People just gravitate towards Felix so he wouldnât get it anyway.
Seungmin is always cracking âjokesâ about you. But they never feel like jokes to you. Everyone else laughs, so you force yourself to laugh too, even when it stings. If you say something about it, heâll probably tell you youâre too sensitive. Maybe you are. Or maybe itâs only a joke because youâre the one itâs happening to.
I.N is polite to you, but thatâs about it. Heâs never rude, and heâll answer if you talk to him, but the conversation never lasts very long. Sometimes you think he only talks to you because itâd be awkward if he didnât. You canât blame him, though. If everyone else seems to keep their distance from you, why wouldnât he?
On the bright side, you donât get as much hate as you thought you would..but you donât get much attention either, from the fans and the members.
You canât really blame them though, you donât try to bring attention to yourself anyway. Even in interviews you keep your head down at all times and only talk when spoken to, not that people take heed when you do.
Recently youâve been messing up more than usual, your voice been cracking, youâre messing up the moves, and the members have noticed. They always keep it real when it comes to you, no sugarcoating.
Even if it might hurt you. Lee know says you should be thankful for it but once they give you the constructive criticism, if you can even call it that. They donât give you tips on how to fix it, youâve realized it just feels like youâre their punching bag.
The day to record everyoneâs lines has come upon you. On the walk to the recording studio, your nerves were through the roof. You felt like just going back to your room and hiding, but then again you feel like that everyday. Once you reach the door, you put your hand on the handle and take a deep breath to compose yourself.
Once you walk in the laughter emulating the room completely stopped. You sighed as you walked up to the booth. You could tell Bangchan wasnât in a good mood, heâs always stressed on recording days which made you nervous. âJust..try your best yea?â Bangchan commented. You nodded and the music started playing, it was going okay till the high note, your palms were sweaty, you were fidgeting with your rings until it happenedâŚyour voice cracked.
Bangchan immediately stopped the song and you could hear Lee know snickering in the back. You avoided eye contact with Bangchan as he started speaking âLetâs try that againâ he added, rubbing his temples. Again the music started, this time your voice immediately cracked and you didnât even get to the high note yet, one part of your brain was saying it was just nerves the half was trying to convince you that you couldnât sing anymore.
Bangchan rolled his eyes and Changbin sighed âHow about you go get a drink of water?â He suggested. You nodded and quickly dashed out of the recording booth. You lean against the wall behind the couch, you were drinking some water and tried to practice in your head until you heard it, Lee know making fun of you and Han laughing.
At first, you thought they were talking about something else but then Lee know said your name. Donât they know Iâm standing right here? You thought. You could feel tears forming in your eyes and you were gonna quickly go to the bathroom and cry but then you thought about itâŚif you were to just go cry in the bathroom they would still be making fun of you, if you were to go cry in the bathroom han would act like he wasnât making fun of you. If you were to go cry in the bathroom, nothing would change.
âIâm standing right here you know?â You stated, your voice trembling. âIâm not talking about youâ Lee know denied, turning to face you. âYou are!..I heard you, just say it to my faceâ you insisted. âHey! Y/n stop talking to him like that, heâs older than youâ Chan demanded. âSo itâs okay for him to make fun of me but I canât defend myself!..all of you guys treat me like Iâm not apart of the group and Iâm tired of it!â you yelled back.
âThatâs not true y/n calm downâ I.N said. âYea we werenât talking about youâ Han lied âwhy canât you just admit it! Admit that you guys donât even want me here, everyone can tell!â You shouted, before walking out of the recording studio. You quickly sped to your dorm, crying and trying to avoid anyone in the hallway. Your dorm wasnât anything special, JYP had said he didnât want you to share a dorm with them because of scandals or whatever. Not sharing a dorm always made it easier for them to leave you out of movie nights but you were grateful for your dorm. As soon as you got inside, you collapsed on your bed and started sobbing. You were mad at everyone, especially Han, he was supposed to have your back! All you wanted was to feel wantedâŚwas that too much to ask?
