Luh Shorttii's Blog

“Heartless. I guess I am heartless, but only because you destroyed mine.”

I am worth too much to be your silver medal.

“The most difficult part of healing is loving yourself more than you deserve.”

It shouldn’t surprise us…to find that prayer is not finally about getting things from God, but getting God.

If someone would ask me how it works, what my magical formula is, how I managed these last two years without his laughter, his hugs and talks, I wouldn’t know what to respond. You just do it, you know. Somehow. Living day by day. Moving on. It’s not getting easier, you just get used to it. And on some days you miss him more than on others. Not a specific day, just a normal one where you seek for his attendance. Days you don’t feel complete. But you never stop missing him. Not for a second. Honestly, I don’t know how I could be able to live without him, if I wouldn’t have the pictures, old videos and faded T-shirts, where his smell still lingers. And suddenly, you just need them only on a few days, not like back then, where you couldn’t imagine to put them away even for a minute. Where you wore his shirts at night and kissed his picture before going to bed, because it was all that was left of him. Now they are safe packed away in a trunk, where you take them out when the hole inside you gets too big and throws you back into that time when everything started. And everytime someone tells you how brave you are, and how they admire you, you realize that you have to be the worldbest actor ever. Because it’s not brave and admirable to be able to live without him, it’s just unavoidable.

Heaven has taken my hero…

Never beg for love. Never beg someone to love you back or be with you when you want to. Never beg for someone’s time, commitment, affection and attention. Never beg someone to stay with you when you need him the most. Because in the first place, if he loves you that much, he won’t leave you and let go of your hand. He will never let you beg for his presence and love because he will give it to you with open arms. Don’t beg, it’s demeaning and degrading. Remember, if you have to beg, he’s not worth it. No one is worth begging for.